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I pulled out the oldest excuse in the book. ‘I need some air.’ I turned to Louise and Jennifer. ‘I need to talk to the Tiger alone, if you don’t mind.’
‘Whoa, listen to the boss lady,’ Louise said. ‘Top-secret, superhero god stuff, eh?’
I slithered out of the hall, the Tiger following me. When we were some distance from the crowd I stopped. ‘They just gave me three cheers for killing Rhonda,’ I said, my voice hissing with frustration. ‘Bitches.’
‘That they are,’ the Tiger said, glancing back at the hall. ‘Not many women aren’t. Particularly when things get tough.’
I glared at him. ‘That goes for me too, I suppose.’
He put his hands on his hips and smiled slightly. ‘You more than any of them.’
I turned away. ‘Make it quite clear to them that I had nothing to do with Rhonda.’
‘I have. They need someone to hero-worship, and you’re it. Some of them have started learning the arts from the Masters here. You’ve even inspired some of them to talk back to me.’
‘I think Rhonda would have had something to do with that as well,’ I said, turning back to look at him. ‘Now I see why she said you had to be dragged tail-first into the twenty-first century.’
‘I love the twenty-first century; health care is at an amazing level. Used to be if my wives went down to the Earthly for a trip, they’d come back with all sorts of nasty shit and die in no time. Now, just about everything’s curable.’
‘Doesn’t it bother you — you living so long, and them ageing and dying?’
He concentrated on me. ‘You worried about Ah Wu ditching you because you’re getting old?’
‘Actually, no. But it must be hard to lose so many that you love.’
‘Meh. They live a good, long, healthy and luxurious life here, and they die and I move on.’
‘Damn, you’re a callous bastard. Don’t you mourn them?’
‘I prefer practical. I lose a few a year — I’m not spending all my time mourning them, that’d be a waste. They live a good life. That’s worth celebrating.’
The sweet scent of fresh, young blood wafted over the lawn and I raised my head. ‘What’s that?’
The Tiger sniffed the air. ‘Just some birds.’
A woman walked past with a couple of small children, both about five years old. She wore a traditional long silk tunic with matching leggings, and the children wore pantsuits in black cotton with toggles and loops, their hair shaved except for a topknot each. When the woman saw the Tiger she dropped to one knee, bowed gracefully, then rose and continued.
The scent was coming from them; the children in particular exuded the wonderfully sweet, rich scent of fresh blood. It drew me closer. The woman saw me approaching, grabbed the children’s hands and ran. I didn’t think; I just pursued them. One of those children would keep me satisfied for weeks, and the feeling of swallowing it whole would be precious indeed. If I grabbed it and squeezed hard enough, it might even take bird form and be even more delicious to eat.
One of the children tripped and sprawled on the grass. The mother saw how close I was and changed to phoenix form. She spread her wings protectively over her children and burst into flames.
Something grabbed me by the throat from behind and hurled me to the ground, holding me there. ‘Go,’ a voice said, a throaty rumble, and the phoenix changed back to human form and hurried her chicks away.
The pressure holding me down didn’t give way. ‘Now listen to me,’ the voice said, and I recognised it as the Tiger. My senses began to return and I shrank with horror at what I’d nearly done.
‘You can let me up,’ I said.
‘Not quite yet, she’s still too close,’ the Tiger said. ‘Listen up. You’d better fucking start eating when you’re on the Celestial Plane or I’ll make a complaint to the Jade Emperor. That was a mighty close call there; she’s one of my oldest and most respected wives.’
I didn’t reply, still stiff with shock.
‘Did you fucking hear me!’ the Tiger rasped.
‘I hear you, I’m just …’ My voice trailed off. ‘I can’t believe I just did that.’
‘Start eating on the Celestial Plane,’ the Tiger repeated with force.
‘Can you help me?’ I said, my voice small.
‘The people in the Northern Heavens are the ones to ask,’ the Tiger said. ‘Go talk to them. They’ve had experience with Ah Wu’s Serpent. My staff just bring me big, bleeding chunks of African wildlife.’
He released my head and I raised it, then turned to him. ‘I am so sorry, Lord Bai Hu, please accept this small serpent’s apology.’
‘Apology accepted,’ he said gruffly. ‘Go home to the Earthly and have something to eat. Then, when you have time, come back and talk to your Retainers here about food in the Heavens. If this happens again I’ll make your life complete hell.’
Simone transported Leo and me back to our Hong Kong apartment later that evening. She was flushed and excited from spending time with the family.
‘I’d better head to bed,’ she said. ‘I have a test first thing tomorrow.’ She hesitated. ‘Are you okay to take human form, Emma?’
I changed and shook myself out. ‘No problem at all.’
‘You could at least conjure some clothes with no holes in them,’ she said, and slipped out of the living room before I could think of a suitable retort.
I went into the kitchen. Monica opened the door between the kitchen and her room; she was already in her pyjamas. ‘Can I get you anything, ma’am?’
‘It’s okay, go back to bed,’ I said. ‘I’ll make some noodles for myself.’
She came into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. ‘I’ll do that for you, ma’am.’
I went to her, opened the door and pushed her back into her room. ‘No, you won’t. It’s late, and I can look after myself. I know where everything is. Go back to bed.’
She grimaced. ‘At least leave the dishes for me to clean up, ma’am.’
‘Whatever you say,’ I said, not meaning it.
She went back into her room and closed the door, and I proceeded to raid the fridge for some ho fan, baby bok choy and vegetable stock to make myself some soup noodles. I checked the use-by date on the cans of cat food in the bottom of the cupboard; they were still good. Maybe this time they would get eaten before they needed to be replaced.
Leo wheeled himself into the kitchen and I waved the cooking chopsticks at him. ‘Want some?’
‘Nah, I ate in the West while you were at the party,’ he said.
He went over to the drip coffee machine set up on a low benchtop on the other side of the kitchen and poured himself some strong black coffee. He inhaled deeply as he brought the mug to his mouth. ‘Need to get one of these sent up to the Northern Heavens — they don’t have a single decent coffee machine there. The only coffee I could get was some sort of awful coffee-coconut mix that they make on Hainan Island.’
‘Oh, I tried that, it was foul,’ I said. ‘When do you think you’ll be able to carry yourself up there?’
He took another sip of coffee and made the wheelchair spin around by itself so he was facing me. He grinned with pride. ‘Getting there, won’t be long.’
‘You moved the chair too fast — you’ve spilt coffee in your lap,’ I said, and turned back to the noodles.
‘Dammit!’ Leo said, and whizzed out the door towards his bedroom.
CHAPTER 8
The next morning Yi Hao followed me into the office and placed my large desk diary on my desk. She was wearing a smart navy business suit with a white shirt and matching navy pumps. ‘Not many appointments today, ma’am. Things have settled down here very well recently.’
I dropped my tote bag into my desk drawer, sat down and grimaced when I saw my overflowing in-tray. Then I grinned up at her. ‘Looking professional, Yi Hao. You’d pass for a local businesswoman.’
She fidgeted with pride. ‘Some of the younger students have been helping me.’
I leaned on the desk. ‘Do you want to go further than just being my secretary? You can go study if you like.’
She appeared horrified. ‘Ma’am, please do not wish such a thing on me! It is a dream come true for me to be acting in this capacity for you. Now…’ She looked down at the diary, professional again. ‘You should tell me when you give humans my phone number, ma’am. A man called Chang called me and I had no idea what he was talking about. He is being held on the first floor until you decide what to do with him.’
‘Chang?’ I said, confused. ‘I have no idea. What does he look like?’
‘Big!’ Yi Hao exclaimed. She spread her arms. ‘He looks like a … a … big man!’
I searched my memory. ‘No idea. Okay, I’ll go down after we’ve been through the diary. When’s my first appointment?’
‘In half an hour you have a meeting with General Ma.’
‘Good. Did you give us at least an hour?’
‘Yes, ma’am. After that, no more appointments.’ She gestured with her head towards the in-tray. ‘You’ll need some time to deal with this.’
I sagged over the desk. ‘You all hate me.’
She touched my arm. ‘You know we don’t, ma’am. Now go check on this human that you seem to have collected.’
I went down to the first floor, the armoury, the most secure area inside the Academy building. Master Liu, dressed in jeans and a scruffy Batman T-shirt, was waiting there for me with a massive Chinese man, nearly as tall as Leo and heavily muscled. He was sitting morosely in the holding room but jumped to his feet when he saw me. ‘Lady, help me!’
‘This was Demon Prince Six’s driver and general assassin-about-town,’ I said to Liu.
Chang grimaced. ‘Tell your janitor here that I am not a criminal. I was under an oath, but now I am free.’
Liu’s mouth flopped open with delight. ‘Janitor?’
Chang glared at him with derision. ‘I want to speak to you alone, ma’am, without this lackey around.’
‘What word did that come out as in English?’ Liu said.
‘Lackey,’ I said.
‘It was far more obscene and derogatory in Chinese,’ Liu said.
I turned to Chang. ‘Remember when I told you that Liu Cheng Rong hadn’t died six hundred years ago; he’d attained Immortality?’
Chang made the most lightning-fast double-take I had ever seen. He glanced from myself to Liu, then swiftly fell to his knees in front of Liu and touched his head to the floor. ‘This humble, worthless piece of dung profoundly apologises for this insult and prays that you will allow him to assist you with his skills as a Shaolin master.’
Liu’s face went thoughtful as he looked down at Chang. ‘Hmm.’
‘I was a disciple of Shaolin before I lost my way, Master. Please, help me to retake the oaths and return to the Path,’ Chang said, still with his forehead on the floor.
Liu rubbed his bearded chin. ‘Interesting. How long have you been outside the temple?’
‘Six years,’ Chang said with misery. ‘I made some terrible mistakes and I want to atone for them.’ He glanced up at Liu. ‘Master, please help me.’
Liu gestured to him. ‘Get up. Tell me what you have done.’
Chang rose, a swift and elegant movement. ‘I have killed,’ he said, almost a moan of despair. ‘I have broken my vows. I wish to retake them and follow the Path once again.’
Liu rubbed his chin again, studying Chang. ‘What was your reason for straying?’
‘Wealth,’ Chang said. ‘I saw the wealth of the West and wanted it for my own. I have since learned that wealth is an illusion and cannot bring true joy. For the last three years I have lived in misery, serving one who was truly monstrous and evil.’
‘If you believe in the concept of evil then you still have a long way to go,’ Liu said.
Chang’s face crumpled and he dropped his head. ‘The temple gave me only empty words and hollow rules. I have yet to see the full truth inside them.’ He looked back up to Liu, full of hope. ‘Help me to see the True Way.’
‘Very well,’ Liu said. ‘But it will not be easy.’
‘Tell me what I need to do, Master.’
Liu concentrated for a moment, and Lok appeared out of the armoury. ‘What?’ he said. ‘I don’t have all day. I have three junior weapons classes this afternoon and half those dipshits don’t return their weapons when they’re done with them.’
Liu gestured towards Chang. ‘I got you a new assistant-cum-janitor. Give him all the worst jobs.’
‘About time,’ Lok said, and raised his snout towards Chang. ‘You look like a nice strong one, you can do the heavy lifting for me. Not having opposable thumbs is a pain in my doggy ass.’
‘I am fully trained in the arts of Shaolin!’ Chang protested. ‘I was in the temple for twenty-three years! I’m better than any human I’ve fought, I was teaching juniors at Shaolin, and you want me to work as a cleaner? Assisting a dirty demon dog?’
‘Forget it,’ Liu said, and turned away. ‘Never mind, Lok.’
‘What an asswipe,’ Lok said, heading back to the armoury. ‘Dirty demon dog indeed. I had a bath last week. Nearly killed me.’
‘I’d be wasted as a janitor,’ Chang said. ‘I can help out with the martial arts training here. Use me! Help me to find the Way!’
‘You are so far from the Way that you do not even see the Path when it is placed before you,’ Liu said.
Chang turned to me. ‘Lady, don’t waste my talents.’
‘Come with me, I’ll see you out,’ I said.
I went to the lifts and pressed the button to go down to the lobby. What a waste — so intelligent and talented, and so damn proud he couldn’t see the redemption being offered him.
‘I need an assistant,’ Lok said, pausing. ‘You should make him stay.’ Then he gave a full-on dog bark of surprise.
I saw the glow reflected off the lift doors and turned to see what was causing it. It was Kwan Yin in Celestial Form, seated on a lotus blossom, a radiant field of shen energy pulsing around her. Chang fell to his knees and prostrated himself, while Liu and I quickly dropped to one knee. Lok bowed his shaggy head.
