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“You know you’re not allowed to leave school without permission,” Nick said, picking up the phone and punching in numbers. “Why didn’t you tell your teacher you wanted to go home? Why didn’t you call me?”
In some small corner of her mind, Erin heard him ask for the principal. She stood frozen in place, telling herself the sight of the wheelchair hadn’t upset her, hadn’t made her remember.
Images from the night of the shooting burst forth in her mind’s eye. She fought the flashback, but it pressed down on her, a solid weight of fear that stole her concentration and threatened her control. Danny lying on the floor in a pool of blood. The churning in her gut. The smell of gunpowder.
The folded uniform she’d been clutching slipped from her hands and fell to the floor in a heap. Nick looked up, his eyes narrowing. Terrified he would misinterpret her reaction, Erin quickly scooped up the fallen uniform, then backed into the relative safety of the hall. Her chest felt as if it was being squeezed by a giant vise, but she forced air into her lungs. She was going to be okay, she assured herself. It had been a while since she’d had a flashback, but they still came on occasion. Whenever a sound or smell or sight reminded her of the night she’d been shot, it all came rushing back….
Ordering herself to calm down, she smoothed the front of her uniform and watched Nick kneel to tie his daughter’s shoe. The little girl wore a pink sweatshirt and matching pants, with polka-dot sneakers. It was a happy outfit, made for climbing trees and playing hopscotch. But Erin could plainly see by the look in this child’s eyes that she wasn’t happy. She certainly wasn’t going to get up out of that wheelchair and play hopscotch anytime soon.
“Get your books and markers together, kiddo,” he said. “I’m taking you home.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“It’s either school or home,” he said firmly. “I’ll let you choose.”
“Please, Daddy, I want to go with you.”
Erin didn’t miss the pain that knifed across Nick’s features. Jaw clenched, he looked down at the floor, then slowly straightened, as if the effort cost him more energy than he had to spare. “Put your books and markers in your book bag, honeybunch. I’ll take you home.”
Huffing in displeasure, the little girl wheeled closer to the desk and started throwing markers one by one into her book bag.
Erin hadn’t even known Nick Ryan had a family. He didn’t wear a ring; she’d assumed he was unmarried. That his child was handicapped struck a chord within her. Pain broke open in her chest—a slow ache that burgeoned until it enveloped her entire body. And her heart silently wept when she remembered another wheelchair, and a man she’d sentenced to the kind of hell she could only imagine in her worst nightmares.
“McNeal.”
She started at the sound of Nick’s voice, and forced her gaze to his.
Standing at the end of the hall, he shot her a look cold enough to freeze acid. “In my office.”
Pressing her hand against her stomach, she walked past him and into his office. Oh, Lord, she hadn’t intended to react to the wheelchair. She couldn’t imagine what he must think of her.
Nick entered behind her and closed the door. When he turned to her, his eyes were the color of a force five tornado that was headed straight in her direction.
“If the wheelchair bothers you I suggest you go back to Chicago and forget you ever set foot in Logan Falls,” he snapped.
“It doesn’t—”
“You look like you just saw a ghost. I can’t have you falling apart every time you see my daughter, for crying out loud.”
Erin stared at him, heart pounding wildly, while the words built in her chest like a sickness. “I’m sorry. I was…distracted—”
“You were about to come apart at the seams,” he interrupted.
“I was…thinking—”
“Thinking?”
“I was thinking about…Danny,” she said, knowing it would be professional suicide to tell him about the flashbacks or the nightmares.
“What does he have to do with this?”
When she trusted her voice not to betray her, she raised her chin and met Nick’s gaze. “He’s in a wheelchair. I’m the one who put him there.”
Because he had an eight-year-old daughter, Nick didn’t usually curse, but today he made an exception. Of all the explanations Erin could have offered, the bit about her ex-partner knocked him speechless as effectively as a set of brass knuckles.
He was accustomed to negative reactions to his daughter’s wheelchair. Some people stared. Others ignored her. Some people just smiled too much because they were uncomfortable with the prospect of a child who couldn’t walk. No matter how innocent, those reactions invariably upset Stephanie—and set his own temper ablaze. He would never forget the day she’d come home from school crying so hard she couldn’t speak. His heart had broken into a thousand pieces when she’d told him the kids had made fun of her. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d wished it was him in that wheelchair instead of her.
He wasn’t sure why, but he’d expected Erin to be different. She was a decorated cop. She’d seen a lot over the years. He’d hoped she’d be somehow above it. Then she’d hit him with that bit about her partner, and he’d realized her reaction didn’t have anything to do with a lack of character, but with her own private hell.
Damn, he didn’t want to have to deal with this.
“It was wrong of me not to tell you I’m still…dealing with what happened to Danny,” she said.
“Frank didn’t bother,” he said dryly. “Why should you?”
“Frank doesn’t hold me responsible. It’s not an issue for him.”
“He didn’t clean up your file, did he?”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“Internal Affairs cleared you?”
She looked at him as if she were about to walk the plank—and he was the one holding the gun at her back. “Yes.”
Nick didn’t like the way this was playing out. It was clear this woman had been exonerated by the department. The problem was she hadn’t yet exonerated herself.
“The police department isn’t the place for personal baggage,” he said. “Even in Logan Falls.”
“I’m working through it.”
Even from three feet away he could see she was shaking. What in the world had happened to this woman? What had Frank gotten him into? Whatever the case, Nick wasn’t happy about the situation. He sure didn’t like the way he was reacting to her. At the moment, he wished he’d never heard of her. Wished he’d never hired her, for God’s sake.
But another part of him knew that wasn’t completely true. She might be an attractive woman who was affecting him in all the wrong ways. She might have let her partner down in a crisis. But she was still a cop. A cop who’d been cut down in the line of duty and needed a chance to get back on her feet.
Frowning, Nick crossed to his desk, but he didn’t sit. His temper was still lit, but he knew it would be wrong of him to take it out on Erin. He didn’t know all the details of what she’d gone through. Frank had told him the shooting wasn’t directly her fault—she’d followed procedure for the most part. But her momentary hesitation had cost her—and her partner—dearly. The ensuing Internal Affairs investigation irrevocably damaged her career. She’d lost her confidence. In the end, she’d resigned voluntarily, to keep herself from getting fired.
“I hope this doesn’t affect your decision about hiring me,” she said.
He turned and looked at her, taking in the rigid shoulders. The high chin. The gaze that was level and a little too intense. His chest tightened uncomfortably when he realized it was taking most of her nerve just to maintain eye contact. Whatever happened in that warehouse had taken a heavy toll on her. She blamed herself, he realized. Nick knew firsthand how easy it was to accept blame when the real culprit wasn’t able to.
“This isn’t going to work out if you can’t handle being around the wheelchair,” he said.
“I can handle it.”
“You sure about that?”
“It just…caught me off guard. I didn’t mean to upset her.”
“I don’t think she noticed. But she’s sensitive about her handicap. I don’t want it to happen again.”
“It won’t.” Guilt shimmered in the depths of Erin’s eyes. “I overreacted. I’m sorry.”
Once again, Nick couldn’t take his eyes off her. She gazed steadily at him, her green eyes dark against her pale complexion. Relief flashed through him when he realized she wasn’t a crier. Female tears were the one thing he’d never handled well. Thank God he didn’t have to deal with that heaped on top of those bottomless, troubled eyes and soft mouth.
“We don’t have time to discuss this right now,” he said. “But you owe me a more detailed explanation.”
A breath shuddered out of her. “I know.”
He glanced toward the door, beyond which Stephanie waited. He’d always been protective of his daughter. Especially since the car accident three years ago that had taken her mother from her and injured her spine. As of late, it seemed his protective instinct had grown into something even Nick couldn’t control.
“I need to take her home,” he said. “You can ride along. Then we’ll start our shift, and we can talk.”
“Look, Nick, I’m a good cop—”
“This has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good cop. The question is whether or not you’re ready to return to the field.”
“I’m ready,” she snapped.
He contemplated her, trying not to notice the way the sunlight brought out the red in her hair and made it shine like Oriental silk. Damn her for complicating things by being a woman. Damn him for noticing.
“I hope you’re right,” he said, and headed toward the door.
Erin watched Nick scoop his daughter out of the wheelchair and settle her onto the back seat of the Suburban, where he strapped her in place. He didn’t speak, didn’t even look at Erin as he folded the wheelchair and stowed it in the rear. Crossing in front of the truck, he slid behind the wheel and started the engine.
Erin got in beside him, hating that she’d reacted to the wheelchair so intensely. She’d thought the flashbacks were over. But the moment she saw Stephanie’s wheelchair, the night of the shooting had rushed back like a deluge of rancid floodwater. The man on the catwalk. The blue steel of a gun. The split-second hesitation that would haunt her the rest of her life.
Shoving the memory aside, she leaned back in her seat and gazed out the window, determined not to let the incident shake her. So she’d overreacted. If Erin had learned anything in the last several months, it was that she couldn’t change what was already done. Another mistake heaped on top of a dozen others wasn’t going to make a difference now.
Two slow, deep breaths and her nerves began to calm. For the first time since she’d climbed into the truck, she noticed the scenery outside her window as they drove toward Nick’s house. She’d never lived in a small town before, but had fallen in love with Logan Falls the moment she’d arrived. Surrounded by endless fields of corn and wheat, neat white farmhouses and pastures dotted with cattle, Logan Falls was a typical Midwestern town. Cobblestone streets and brick storefronts distinguished the downtown area. A silver-roofed bell tower graced the top of the courthouse. Across the street, a fountain punctuated the center of the business traffic loop. Beyond, a redbrick school surrounded by maples and stately oak trees separated the downtown area from a well-kept residential neighborhood.
They rode in silence to a more rural area, the only sound coming from the occasional crackle of Nick’s police radio. In the back seat, Stephanie stared out the window, her face pulled into a sullen mask Erin couldn’t begin to read.
“It looks like Mrs. Thornsberry’s home.”
Nick’s voice jerked Erin from her reverie. She looked over at him just as he turned the Suburban down a gravel drive lined on both sides by a white rail fence. Ahead, a white frame house with black shutters and a wraparound porch beckoned. Erin wasn’t sure where she’d expected Nick Ryan to live, but it wasn’t here. The home spread out before her looked like a happy place where children played and adults barbecued in the backyard. But on closer inspection, she noticed the signs that no children had played in this yard for quite some time. A swing set sat like an abandoned ship in a sea of lush grass. A basketball hoop mounted above the garage door was rusty, its netting torn and swinging in the breeze.
Erin smiled when she noticed the spotted horse grazing next to the rail fence. “Whose horse?” she asked, hoping to land on a subject that would brighten Stephanie’s mood.
“That’s Bandito,” the little girl replied. “He’s an Appaloosa.”
“He’s beautiful,” Erin said. “Do you ride?”
“I used to be in 4-H and show in western pleasure and trail.” Stephanie sighed. “But I don’t anymore.”
“How come?”
A sound of disgust emanated from the back seat. “As if you haven’t noticed, my legs aren’t exactly strong enough to stay in the stirrups.”
Turning in her seat, Erin smiled at her. “Have you ever heard of therapeutic horseback riding?”
The little girl studied her with soft, intelligent eyes that held a lot more interest than she was letting on with her responses. “No.”
“That’s where kids with disabilities ride horses, work out their muscles and, basically, have a lot of fun.”
“My dad says we’re going to retire Bandito.”
Erin risked a look at Nick. “Have you checked with her doc—”
“Steph is concentrating most of her time on physical therapy,” Nick said firmly, then looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at her. “Aren’t you, honeybunch?”
“Yeah, but I still miss Bandito,” she said.
Deciding it might be a good idea to steer the conversation away from the riding aspect of horse ownership, Erin tried another approach. “Well, since you don’t ride anymore, Steph, maybe you could just show him to me one of these days.”
“Bandito doesn’t like strangers,” the little girl said.
Nick shot his daughter another look in the rearview mirror as he parked the truck. “That’s enough, Steph. Deputy McNeal is trying to be friendly.”
“Well, she keeps asking dumb questions.”
He shut down the engine and opened his door, terminating a conversation Erin wished she’d never started. She got out of the truck, and watched as Nick unloaded the wheelchair. He opened the rear passenger door, scooped the little girl into his arms and set her in the chair.
“I don’t mind waiting out here,” Erin said quickly, when he started for the house.
Nick paused and frowned at her. “You may as well come in. Mrs. Thornsberry will want to meet you.”
“Mrs. Thornsberry?”
“Stephanie’s nanny.”
“Oh.” Feeling awkward, Erin fell into step beside him as he wheeled his daughter toward the front door. Being a cop in Logan Falls was definitely going to be different than being a cop in Chicago.
The farmhouse was set on several acres. A big maple tree shaded the side yard. Beyond, a small barn with Dutch doors and an adjacent circular pen stood as if in testimony that Bandito had once led a very busy life. The fact that Stephanie no longer rode her horse bothered Erin. Childhood was precious and she didn’t want to see this little girl miss out on any of it.
The front door swung open. “Nick? Stephanie? For goodness sakes, what are you doing home this time of day?” A short, round woman with graying hair and bifocals greeted them with a maternal smile. “Do we have a guest?”
“This is Deputy McNeal.” Nick looked at Erin. “This is Mrs. Thornsberry.”
Relief trembled through Erin that Stephanie and Nick had a strong woman in their lives. Mrs. Thornsberry wasn’t a day under seventy, but Erin could tell the instant they made eye contact that the woman was anything but frail. Mrs. Thornsberry might be only five feet tall, but behind that gentle facade and favorite-aunt voice lay the compassion and wisdom of a grandmother, and the iron will of a five-star general.
“I’m pleased to meet you,” Erin said sincerely.
Mrs. Thornsberry’s gaze was unwavering. “Welcome to Logan Falls.” Her eyes settled on Stephanie, and she frowned. “Why aren’t you in school, young lady?”
The little girl concentrated on her sneakers.
Nick squeezed his daughter’s shoulder. “She showed up at the station. Said she wanted to ride with me today.”
