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He reached over. Turned off the tap. “Yeah, it’s quite a mess. I think I’m still in shock. I just found out today that Rae is pregnant.”
“How is that possible? I thought you worked together?”
“We used to work together. Until I promoted Rae to Pittsburgh.”
Jenn draped the washcloth over the edge of the sink. “That’s a long way from Seattle.”
“That was the idea.”
“Oh, Aidan. That’s so like you.”
“What do you mean?”
“A girl starts to get close, breaks through your defenses…and you banish her to Siberia.”
“It was a promotion.” God, Jenn was as bad as Rae. “What’s so bad about Pittsburgh, anyway?”
“This isn’t about Pittsburgh. It’s about you running away from emotional commitments. You always do, you know.”
“That’s not fair.” But this time, his protest lacked heat. It was true that he preferred to keep his relationships with women tidy. Uncomplicated, mutually beneficial and carefully limited in terms of time.
Nothing about his single night with Rae had fit into any of those categories.
Jenn eyed him with the understanding of someone who’d known him a long time. “So how do you feel about the baby?”
“I don’t know. Like I told you, I’m still in shock. Anyway, it doesn’t matter how I feel.”
“Oh, Aidan. Why would you say that?”
“Given that the baby is being put up for adoption, sperm donor seems more descriptive of my role.”
“You sound a little bitter about that. Do you want Rae to keep the baby?”
“God, no.” Of course, he didn’t. The route Rae had chosen was best for all of them in the long run. It was just that he needed time to come to grips with the idea.
“That’s something else I can’t understand,” Jennifer said. “Rae sounded so matter-of-fact when she said she was giving up the baby for adoption. As if the baby were no more important to her than an out-of-date piece of furniture.”
She had sounded a little callous, but Aidan felt compelled to defend her. “Rae’s pretty serious about her career. A family was never part of her plan.”
Jennifer eyed a picture of Erica that was displayed on the fridge. “Yes, well, plans change. Life happens and people adjust. Maybe you and Rae should at least consider…”
“Oh, no. We’re not considering anything.”
“But—”
“Please, Jenn. It’s bad enough that Harrison and Justine have tricked us into staying at the same house. Don’t you turn on me, too.”
As he’d expected, Jenn was too softhearted to press her point of view any further. “Of course, I’ll support whatever decision you make. You’re one of my oldest friends, Aidan. I can’t tell you how great it is to see you again.”
He gave her a hug. “It’s good to be here.”
Surprisingly, it was. Not everything on this island had been soured by Simone, and that was a good thing to remind himself of now and then.
“How are things with you?” he asked, pulling back from the friendly embrace.
“I’ve been getting more serious about the lavender. I’m not just making sachets now, but linen water, bath oils and I’m developing a new hand cream, too.”
“You were always the crafty one in the group. Say, how are Nessa and Gabe doing? Harrison told me their divorce was just finalized. He’s pretty worried about his little sister.”
“Nessa is doing well. Her MS has been in remission for quite a while now.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” He still couldn’t believe Nessa had had the misfortune to contract such a serious disease.
“Yes. And the day care she opened last September keeps her busy and happy, though I’m glad she closes for the summer and takes a nice, long break. Of course, right now Autumn’s staying with her.”
Aidan remembered Harrison telling him that Autumn didn’t want to leave the island during the summer, and that she’d convinced her father to let her stay with her aunt for a couple of weeks. Aidan was pretty sure Harrison and Justine were making the most of the opportunity for a second honeymoon. They’d been married less than a year, after all.
“I’m glad Nessa’s doing so well. What about Gabe?”
“He’s struggling,” Jenn admitted. “Gabe took the divorce really hard. Which is surprising, considering how he treated Nessa when she was his wife.”
“No kidding.” Even after Simone’s marriage to Harrison, and his own marriage to Nessa, Gabe had never stopped carrying a torch for the singer. And she’d taken full advantage of his feelings for her. Whenever Harrison was working late or on a business trip, she’d gone crying to Gabe. Apparently, Gabe had thought nothing of ignoring his wife so he could cater to Simone’s emotional needs.
“I’d like to see Nessa before I leave.”
Jennifer looked puzzled. “I’m sure that won’t be a problem. You’re here for three weeks, right?”
“That was the idea. Before I found out who I’d be boarding with.” He glanced out the window again. Rae was holding back her thick hair with both hands, resting her elbows on the picnic table. Whatever Jennifer’s aunt was saying, it seemed to have the younger woman fascinated. “What do you think they’re talking about?”
Jennifer followed his gaze. Shrugged. “Babies, probably.”
He felt a nervous twitch of his stomach. Babies, indeed. And he’d thought he was stressed out in Seattle.
“YOU WORRIED ABOUT having this baby?”
Annie’s watery eyes were almost the same color as the lavender blossoms in the garden behind her. Rae still couldn’t get over how pretty this place was. The house, the gardens, even the picnic table, which had been set with real china and not the cheap outdoor plastic stuff Rae used when she had a barbecue.
Which had been once, come to think of it.
“I’m scared shitless, Annie.” She cupped her hands over her enormous belly. “You’d think we humans would have evolved past this point by now. I mean, there’s got to be an easier way.”
Annie seemed amused by that. “Such as?”
“Test tubes and incubators, maybe? I don’t know— I’m not a doctor. I just think our current system is a little archaic.” She gazed skyward. “No offense, God. I’m sure you did the best you could at the time.”
“Rae!”
Had she shocked Jennifer’s aunt? No, Annie looked more amused than scandalized. Rae leaned forward over the picnic table. “There’ve been a lot of scientific advancements since Adam and Eve. You know what I mean?”
Annie was laughing now. “Forty-five years of midwifery and I’ve never met a first-time mother quite like you.”
Rae could believe that. Most women like her would be smart enough to make sure they didn’t get pregnant in the first place. She’d never been the kind of girl who dreamed about her wedding day or thought about names for the children she would have one day.
She read Business Week and Forbes, not Wedding Bells or Today’s Parent.
And she was scared as hell of delivering this baby.
“Well, stop worrying,” Annie said. “You may not think you want children, but you have a body built for popping them out.”
“You can tell?” Rae looked down. She could remember what her figure used to look like, but right now, as far as she was concerned, she resembled nothing more than a blob.
“I’ve delivered hundreds of babies. Of course, I can tell.”
“Hundreds of babies? Tell me, Annie. Did you ever lose a mother?”
Annie was so animated that she hadn’t seemed at all old to Rae until that moment. As the spark left her eyes, she folded her weathered, wrinkled hands on the picnic table.
“Once. I lost a mother once.”
Rae felt her stomach tighten ominously. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but like a teenage girl drawn to a horror movie, she had to know. “What happened?”
“I worked in a rural area, you have to understand. We referred all the high-risk cases to Prince Rupert, sometimes even to Vancouver. But there was this one woman. Lila was her name. She was as high-risk as they come. A smoker, a drinker and diabetic, too. As if that wasn’t enough, when she was thirty-eight weeks along, her baby shifted into breech position and wouldn’t budge.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“It wasn’t. We told Lila’s husband to take her to the city. We arranged an appointment with a specialist. But they wouldn’t go.”
“Did the baby survive?”
Annie shook her head. “We lost them both. Full moon that night. I’ll never forget how the father cried.”
“That must have been terrible.”
“The worst night of my life. And I’ve seen a lot of hard things.”
Rae could only imagine. As a midwife, Annie had dealt with life at its most elemental level. So different from the business world that Rae had chosen. What would Annie make of that world? The modern office buildings and posh conference rooms? The wheeling and dealing over morning lattes and evening cocktails?
“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you about Lila, when you’re already worried about your own delivery. But you’ll be seeing Dr. Marshall, right?”
Rae nodded. “Justine set up weekly appointments on my behalf before I arrived.”
“Dr. Marshall’s a little young, but she knows what she’s doing.”
Despite her nerves, Rae had to smile. A little young? She’d had her first appointment with the doctor last week, and the physician was in her late forties, possibly even fifty.
“You’re going to be fine, Rae.” Annie patted her hand.
Rae wanted to believe her. She seemed like a straight shooter, this Annie, and Rae liked her. But all Rae’s instincts warned her that she wasn’t going to be fine.
Something was going to go wrong. She didn’t know what. She just knew it. Which was strange, because she wasn’t usually the type to indulge in premonitions.
She noticed Annie eyeing her speculatively. “I suppose you think I’m a freak because I don’t want to keep this baby?”
“Well…if a woman isn’t cut out to be a mother, it’s better that she has the courage to admit it up front. I’ve delivered plenty of babies to families that weren’t fit to raise them. Alcoholic mothers. Abusive fathers.” Annie’s eyes became still more glazed, as she thought back to the past. “Just about broke my heart to pass those little bundles to those parents. In fact, one time I didn’t. Got into a little trouble with the law over that.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“Never mind, hon. It all worked out in the end. I finally persuaded the powers that be that the child’s needs had to come first.”
“Well, I’m not an alcoholic and I’d like to think I’m not abusive, either.” Though her personal assistant at work might disagree with that second point. “But there are other ways of being an unfit mother.”
“Sure there are.”
“A child knows when she isn’t wanted. That kind of emotional abuse is just as bad as getting used as a punching bag, don’t you think?”
Now Annie’s eyes were suddenly sharp. And focused on her.
Rae realized she needed to cover her tracks. “I mean, that’s what I think. But you’re the expert. I’d like to know your opinion.”
“Being loved is the most important thing. You’re absolutely right about that.”
“Exactly. And some women just don’t have the maternal makeup to deal with a crying baby or a snotty-nosed toddler.” Or a chubby, school-age child who turned into a gangly, awkward adolescent.
“Some women don’t.” Annie’s tone was completely nonjudgmental.
“Did you have children, Annie?”
“No. Funny, isn’t it? I was too busy helping other women delivering babies to have any of my own. Never met the right man to have them with. Most wanted me to give up my career and I would never do that.”
“Me, either.”
Annie reached across the table to pat her hand. “My career provided me with a very full and satisfying life. Are you sure that yours will be enough for you?”
“Of course it will. Before I found out I was pregnant, I was very happy.” Okay, “happy” might be a bit of an exaggeration.
Once, before she’d met Aidan, she’d been close to happy. Satisfied, actually. Her mother’s death had released her from a lifetime of guilt and melancholy, and her career had been taking off. As for men, she’d dated occasionally, but she’d felt no emotional connection to any of them.
She assumed the flaw was hers. She had something missing in her, emotionally. Given her childhood, that wasn’t surprising.
But then she’d met Aidan, and for the first time in her life she’d experienced it all: emotional ups and downs, the thrill of seeing him walk into the room and dizzy joy when he actually smiled at her. Suddenly, all the romantic songs she heard on the radio made sense to her. She had rented a DVD of The Way We Were and actually cried.
“It’s your life, Rae. Just make sure that you focus on the things that are important to you.” Annie’s attention shifted back to the farmhouse. “Aidan is waving at us. I think it’s time for you to go.”
Rae looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, there was Aidan, walking with Jennifer by his side. They looked so relaxed and easy together.
What would it be like to have a friend like that? A friend you’d known forever, someone you could really talk to?
As a child, she hadn’t been good at making friends. The closest she’d come was the next-door neighbor. Effie had been gray-haired and plump. She had a large extended family in Greece, but she’d lived alone since her children had grown up and her husband had died. She’d seemed to enjoy Rae’s visits.
