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Small creases of concentration formed between Scott’s eyes as he moved the instrument across Jake’s outwardly perfect chest. She’d always admired Scott’s strong, capable hands. The same ones that were caring for her child had skimmed across her body with equal skill and confidence. She shivered. Those memories should’ve been long buried, covered over with bitter disappointment.
She’d been around enough doctors to recognize one secure in his abilities. Scott seemed to have stepped into the role of pediatric surgeon with no effort. He certainly knew what to do to keep Jake from being scared, at least she’d give him that much. Maybe she could put her hope in him professionally, if not emotionally. She wanted to trust him. Desperately wanted to.
Jake’s eyelids drooped but he continued to clutch the toy.
Scott removed the earpieces, looping the stethoscope around his neck.
“Scott, thanks for giving Jake the bear. He looked so afraid before. I still can’t believe he needs a heart transplant,” she said in little more than a whisper that held all the agony she felt. “He doesn’t look that sick.”
She prayed his next words would contradict the truth she saw on his face.
“I realize that by looking at him it’s hard to believe, but it is the truth.”
Hannah’s knees shook. With swift agility, Scott circled the bed, his fingers wrapping her waist, steadying her.
She jerked away. The warmth of his touch radiated through her.
As if conscious of the nurse nearby, he dropped his hand to his side.
“I’m fine.” For a second she’d wanted to lean against him, to take the support he offered.
Hannah peered at him. Had hurt filled his eyes before they’d turned businesslike again? The unexpected look had come and gone with the flicker of his lids. Had she really seen it? Could she trust herself to interpret his looks correctly?
“You need to understand a heart transplant isn’t a fix. It’s exchanging one set of problems for another. Jake will always be on meds and have to come to the hospital for regular check-ups.”
“I understand that. I’ll take care of him.”
Scott placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.”
He dropped his hand. “Hannah, I know this is rough. But we were friends at one time. Please let me help.”
“Look, Scott, the only help I need from you is to get Jake a heart.”
“Hannah, we’re going to get Jake through this.”
“I hope so. My son’s life depends on you.” She couldn’t afford for him to be wrong, the stakes were much too high.
“Hannah, with a heart transplant Jake can live.”
Like before? Would he still squeal when she blew on his belly? Would he giggle when she blew bubbles and they burst above his head? Her sweet, loving child was dying in front of her eyes.
Scott was saying all the right things, but could she believe him? “It’s not your kid, so you really don’t have any idea how hard this is, do you?”
The muscle in his jaw jumped, before he said, “No, I guess I don’t. But I do know I’m a skilled surgeon and this is an excellent hospital with outstanding staff. We can help Jake and we will.”
“I’m counting on that.”
In his office, using the time between surgeries, Scott waded through the stack of papers cluttering his desk. He leaned back in his chair. Hannah’s face with those expressive green eyes slipped into his mind for the hundredth—or was it the thousandth?—time in the last few hours. She’d looked just as shocked to see him as he’d been to see her. It had required all his concentration to stay focused on what they had been discussing.
He couldn’t have been more astonished to find a red-eyed Hannah looking at him expectantly as he’d entered the conference room. Andrea normally arrived ahead of him but she’d had to answer a page. He’d stepped into the room, and back through time.
Hannah’s hushed whisper of his name had made him want to hug her. But she’d made it clear she’d never allow him. Guilt washed over him. Of course she didn’t want his comfort. He’d hurt her, and for that he was sorry, but he’d believed it was for the best.
He’d wanted her desperately that night eight years ago, and she’d come to him so sweet and willingly, trust filling her eyes. If he could have stopped, he would have, but, heaven help him, he hadn’t been able to. He’d handled things poorly the next morning. She had been too young, in her second year of nursing school. He had been an intern with a career plan that wouldn’t allow him to be distracted. He’d refused to lead her on, have her make plans around him. He hadn’t been ready to commit then, and he wouldn’t commit now.
Andrea had entered before he’d let his emotions get out of control. Regret had washed over him, for not only what he had to tell Hannah but for what life would be like with a sick child and for their lost friendship.
Based on her reaction today, he’d killed whatever had been between them. She’d not been cool to him, she’d been dead-of-winter-in-Alaska cold toward him. Compared to the way she used to treat everyone when they’d worked together, almost hostile.
Not the type of woman that made men do a double-take, Hannah still had an innate appeal about her. He’d known it back then and, even while telling her the devastating news of her son, that connection between them was still there.
Speaking to any parent about their deathly ill child was difficult. Sending a child home with smiling parents after a life-giving transplant made it all worthwhile. Scott’s intention was to put such a smile of happiness on Hannah’s face.
Scott shook his head as if to dislodge Hannah from his mind. He let his chair drop forward, and picked up an envelope off the stack of mail on his desk. The familiar sunshine emblem of the Medical Hospital for Children in Dallas, Texas, stood out in the return spot. A surge of anticipation filled him as he opened it. Was this the news he’d been hoping for?
A quick tap came at the door and Andrea entered.
The statuesque, older nurse had worked with way too many young surgeons to be overly impressed by him when he’d arrived at Children’s General. Still, she’d had pity on him and had taken him under her wing, helping him when he’d needed to navigate the ins and outs of hospital politics. They had become fast friends.
“Is that the news you’ve been looking for?” Andrea indicated the letter.
He’d been talking to the administrator at MHC for months about starting a heart-transplant program there. He opened the flap and pulled out the letter. “Not quite. They’re still looking at other candidates. They’ll let me know of their decision soon.”
“You’re still top man on their list, aren’t you?” Andrea asked.
“Yeah, but they want to review a few more of my cases.” He’d geared his entire career toward this opportunity. To set up his own program, train a team, and make the program in Dallas the best in the country.
“Don’t worry, boss. I’m sure they’re impressed with your skills.”
With years of experience as an OR nurse, Andrea didn’t look like she had a soft touch, but she had a talent for making parents feel comfortable. That was a gift he valued. Appreciative of the skills she brought to her job, Scott intended to persuade her to become a part of his new team in Dallas if he was offered the position.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I’ve got the latest blood work on the Quinn kid. You wanted it ASAP.”
Scott took the lab sheet and studied it. “We shouldn’t have a problem listing him right away.”
“None that I can think of.” With a purse of her lips and a glint of questioning in her eye, Andrea said, “I know I came into the meeting late, but I’ve never known you to call a parent by their first name. So I’m assuming you two know each other.”
“Yes, we met while I was in med school, just before I left for my surgical training.” Meeting her look, he refused to give any more information.
Andrea raised her brows. “Oh. Interesting spot you’re in, Doc. She didn’t sound particularly happy to see you again. History coming back to bite you?”
Few others would’ve gotten away with such an insubordinate question.
At his huff, she grinned and slipped back out the door.
Scott might have found some absurd humor in the situation if it wasn’t such a serious one, and if he hadn’t been so afraid that Andrea was right.
Hannah was the one nurse that had mattered, too much. The one that had gotten under his skin, making him wish for more. He’d pushed her away because she’d deserved better than he’d been able to give. He still couldn’t believe Hannah had re-entered his life and, of all things, as the mother of one of his patients. Life took funny bends and turns and this had to be one of the most bizarre he’d ever experienced.
But it didn’t matter what their relationship had been or was now. What mattered was that her son got his second chance at life.
Hannah made her way to the snack machine area on the bottom floor during the afternoon shift change. She was sitting in a booth, dunking her bag in the steaming water, when Scott walked up.
Her breath caught. He was still the most handsome man she’d ever known. His strong jaw line and generous mouth gave him a youthful appearance that contrasted sharply with the experienced surgeon he surely was. There was nothing old or distinguished about him, not even a gray hair to indicate his age.
He still wore the Kelly-green scrubs covered by a pristine white lab coat, which meant he’d been in surgery. She couldn’t see the writing on the left side of his coat, but she knew what was printed above the pocket.
Embroidered in navy was “Scott T. McIntyre, MD” and under that was “Department of Thoracic Surgery.” Reading those words over and over during their meeting had been her attempt to disconnect from the surreal turn her life had taken. She’d almost reached across the small table and traced the letters with a finger. He’d gotten what he’d wanted. She couldn’t help but be proud for him.
Scott stepped to the coffee-dispensing machine and dug into his pocket. Pulling his hand out, he looked at his open palm, muttered something under his breath and spilled the coins back into his pants.
“Here.” She offered him some quarters in her outstretched hand.
Blinking in surprise, he turned. “Hey. I didn’t see you sitting there.”
“I know. You were miles away.”
With a wry smile, he accepted the change. His fingertips tickled the soft skin of her palm as he took the money.
A zip of electricity ran up her arm. It was a familiar, pleasant feeling, one that her body remembered. But her mind said not to. She put her hand under the table, rubbing it against her jeans-clad leg in an effort to ease the sensation.
Scott purchased his coffee then glanced at her, as if unsure what to do next. She couldn’t remember seeing him anything but confident. He appeared as off-kilter as she.
He hesitated. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“You know, Scott, I’m not really up to rehashing the past right now.”
“I really think we should talk.”
Hannah took a second to respond. Could she take any more emotional upheaval especially when she’d just started believing she could breathe again after their last meeting?
Her “Okay” came out sounding unwelcoming.
One of his long legs brushed her knee as he slid into the booth. That electric charge sparked again. She drew her legs deeper into the space beneath the table.
“I’ve just seen the psychologist. Is Jake listed?” Hannah asked into the tense silence hovering between them.
“I put him on a few minutes ago.” Scott’s tone implied it was no big deal, an everyday occurrence, which it might be for him. For her, it was a major event.
She breathed a sigh of relief.
Scott sipped his coffee, before setting the paper cup on the table. He looked at her. “I have to ask: where is Mr. Quinn?”
“That’s not really your business, is it?”
“Yes, and no. If he’s going to be coming into the hospital and making parental demands and disrupting Jake’s care, yes, it is. For the other, I’m just curious.”
“There’s no worries where he’s concerned.” Her look bored into his. “He left us.”
Scott’s flinch was barely discernible. “When?”
“Just after Jake was born.”
“You’ve no family?”
“None nearby. My sister is living in California now. I told her to hold off coming. I don’t know how long we’ll have to wait on a heart.”
His sympathetic regard made her look away. “There’s no one that can be here with you?”
“No. When you’re a single parent with a small child, relatively new to town and you have to work, it leaves little time to make friends.”
“I understand. Doctors’ hours are much the same way.”
“As I remember it, you didn’t have any trouble making time for a social life.” She softened the dig with a wry curl of her lips.
He chuckled. That low, rough sound vibrated around them and through her. She took a sip of her tea.
Scott drained his cup before looking at her again. “Uh, Hannah, about us …” “There is no us.”
“You know what I mean. You have to admit this situation is unusual at best.”
She placed her cup on the table. “Scott, the only thing I’m interested in is Jake getting a new heart. Whatever we had or didn’t have was over and done with years ago. You’re Jake’s heart surgeon. That’s our only relationship.” She probably sounded bitter, but she didn’t have the energy to deal with her emotions where he was concerned. Particularly not today. She needed time to think, to sort through her feelings. Scott twisted his coffee cup around, making a tapping noise on the table.
“Hannah, I shouldn’t have left like I did. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I was wrong not to tell you I was leaving town.”
She put up her hands. “Let’s just concentrate on Jake. I don’t have the energy to rehash the past.”
He gave a resigned nod, but she didn’t think the subject permanently closed.
“Then would you at least tell me why you’re not nursing?”
“I took a leave of absence when Jake started getting sicker. I didn’t think he needed to be in a day-care situation, and I couldn’t find private care close enough to home to make it work.”
“That’s understandable. I thought you had quit altogether. I remember how much you enjoyed it. What a good nurse you were … are.”
“Yeah, I still love it. I’ll get back to it when Jake’s better.”
He’d made no attempt to be a part of her life in the last eight years, and now he was interested in her personal life? Picking up a napkin on the table, she wadded it into a ball.
Hoping to avoid further questions, she asked, “How about you? Where did you go … uh … for your surgery residency?” She’d almost said “after you left me alone in bed. Without saying a word.”
He pulled his legs out from under the table, extended them across the floor, and crossed one ankle over the other.
“Texas, then to Boston for a while. I took a position here a couple of years ago.”
