Three Things I’d Tell My Younger Self (E-Story)

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1. Dear Bissell aged 17

Your mom tells you to play the game but you don’t understand why you should. So you are angry and disruptive and asked to leave school. You will still get your grades but why make life so difficult for yourself? Later, little one, you will discover that playing the game means challenging from within.

2. Dear Bissell aged 29

Oh you poor broken-hearted thing, putting all that love in the wrong place. You can’t change people. This is a lesson you will have to learn over and over again.

3. Dear Bissell aged 35

A tough year for you. But you will dig deep and you will be very proud of yourself. Being with someone at the end of their life will change yours. You will learn that you are strong and kind and much loved, and that your family are the best people in the world.

DR SUE BLACK, author of SAVING BLETCHLEY PARK (#u36f9a7e1-f29e-5eee-b637-04d084b786bd)

Dear Sue

I’m writing this as a 56-year-old woman with four fab children, and almost three lovely grandchildren (number three is due in a few weeks’ time). I’ve had an ‘interesting’ life, many ups and downs. My mum died when I was 12. That was really awful. My dad remarried and then I couldn’t wait to leave home, I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t be myself. I left home at 16. I had five O levels (old-fashioned GCSEs) and tried to stay on to do my A levels but it was too hard – I was working evenings and weekends to pay rent. I left school after two terms of A levels and got a job working for the local council. I hated it. It was a lot of filing, putting cardboard files in alphabetical order. I used to joke that I could have done that job before I went to school when I was four, because I could read then and knew my alphabet.

When I was 17 I got a job working in London with refugees from Vietnam. I loved it! I used to look after little kids all day and hang out with the teenagers in the evening. It was such fun. I learnt basic Vietnamese. When that place closed I moved to another centre for refugees. I took people to the doctor and dentist when they arrived in the UK. I spent my 18th birthday there.

I decided I needed a career. Nursing was the only thing I could think of – both my parents were nurses. I started the course, and hated it. Somehow I stuck it out for a year, I think mainly because I didn’t know what else to do. Eventually I left. I got a job working for a record company, in the accounts department. I loved and still love maths.

At 20 I got married and then had three children in just over two years. I had my daughter Emma and then twin boys, Samuel and Oliver. They were gorgeous and still are.

After that my marriage broke down. We lived in a women’s refuge for six months, then started life again in another part of London. It was hard but we did it. We lived on benefits for a while, then I started studying. I went to college, then uni. I did a degree, then a PhD. Then I became a lecturer, a senior lecturer, then a head of department.

I’m now an Honorary Professor of Computer Science at UCL in London. I give talks all around the world. Last year I spoke to an audience of 16,000 people at a conference for women in tech in Florida. I also teach mums tech skills with an awesome team of people. I’m writing my second book and enjoying my life. I am living the dream.

I have things I never imagined I would have: four wonderful children, two grandchildren, a house, lots of friends, respect from so many people.

I changed my world by focusing on what I wanted from life. I’ve had many challenges in my life – we all have lots of challenges in life. I wish I had been told that this was normal when I was younger.

I wanted to share my life story with you, to let you know that things will be OK when you get older. I’ve had loads of challenges since I was your age, so many things have gone wrong, but I’ve managed to turn the bad times into good. I also wanted to share three pieces of advice which I wish someone had given me when I was younger:

1. Keep going through the bad times. Shit happens. Bad things happen to people all the time. Don’t let difficult times stop you from getting where you want to go.

2. Surround yourself with supporters. Life is tough enough without listening to the haters. Build a network of supportive, good friends and support them back.

3. Don’t worry so much. Keep going and things will work out. Don’t spend lots of time worrying about ‘what ifs’. A bit of worrying is good to get you focused, but don’t let it get the better of you. Life is for enjoying, being happy. Work towards being happy and you will make everyone around you happy too.

You’ve got a great life ahead of you – some difficult times, but also lots of really amazing times. Times when you will be so happy, you want to shout and scream at how wonderful life is.

OK, time to go. Close your eyes. Can you feel it? I’m giving you a big hug and will now be holding your hand every step of the way. Have a great life.

Lots of love

Sue xxx

FERN BRITTON, author of COMING HOME (#ulink_44ee2866-b780-5ea4-a1e6-633da51a8ecc)

1. Don’t be afraid of change or failure. Take a leap of faith. Ditch the things that are negative in life and embrace the next challenge. It will all work out.

2. Try to take all serious competition out of your life. This might sound counter-intuitive, but imagine two drivers next to each other at the lights. As soon as they go red the foot goes down, common sense leaves the brain and the speed camera flashes, losing both of you your licences. Compete only with yourself. Make yourself the better you.

3. Count your blessings. There will always be people better off or worse off than you. Recognise all the goodness in your life. These things are health, love, and life.

WENDY BURN, PRESIDENT OF THE ROYAL COLLEGE OF PSYCHIATRISTS (#ulink_53a4b659-182f-5d3f-ad77-f815ed810192)

1. As one door closes another one opens. You may think you have missed an opportunity, but another will come along, and sometimes it will be better than the one you missed.

2. When you are at rock bottom the only way is up.

3. There is always more than one pathway to happiness. Never think there is only one career, one partner or one life that will make you happy.

JOANNA CANNON, author of THREE THINGS ABOUT ELSIE (#ulink_da416d0e-ac88-5f5e-83ff-a0573d9f358e)

1. You actually do like popcorn, but (like many other things in life) you made up your mind before you’d even tried it. It’s worth giving something a go before you decide you don’t like it, can’t do it, or it isn’t for you. Because sometimes, you might find that it is. If nothing else, think of all the popcorn you’ll miss out on …

2. Concentrate on the things you can change. Very often, the only thing under your control is your reaction to something. Don’t stub your toe against a table and get angry with the table. There are an awful lot of tables out there (trust me), and you’re going to waste so much energy if you don’t master this one.

3. Being the odd one out is not a bad thing. It might feel a bit rubbish now, being the kid at the edge of the playground, not knowing how to join in. I know you spend a lot of time hidden away in your library books and wandering around in your own imagination, but this is all going to work out just fine. You’ll see.

JANICE CANNON, JOANNA CANNON’S MUM (#ulink_34611204-1cbd-5e30-aace-ff358a3d9970)

1. Don’t follow the crowd. Play your own game. Just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. It might feel safer to copy other people, but the safest option in life is to always be yourself.

2. Always take a chance, and the chances you’re offered. Many things in life are a risk, but if you hold on to your nerve and your self-belief, you will never regret giving something a try.

3. The most important goal in life is to be happy, and happiness can be found in the unlikeliest of places. Never forget to look up – you might be surprised at what you see.

TRACY CHEVALIER, author of GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING (#ulink_0e80f37e-00dd-5f00-88be-a38dbeac517a)

1. In adult life, no one ever asks you what grades you got. No one cares, they just want to know that you graduated. So stop worrying about getting a B– rather than a B+.

2. A career path is rarely straight and planned out. You get to what you want to do through accidents, through exploring cul-de-sacs, through surprise encounters. Most people radically change careers two or three times in their lives. Go with the flow and experiment.

3. Don’t judge a person by their surface. You would be amazed at what is going on underneath. Many years after finishing school, I met one of the ‘popular’ girls from my year and discovered what a misery her life had been as a teenager. I would never have guessed at the time; if I had known, I might have been less judgemental, and less intimidated.

JULIE COHEN, author of TOGETHER (#ulink_73491e8c-b043-574d-8f64-af114fdc7a90)

Dear teenage Julie,

I see you there, 80s girl, with your pink hair and your man’s suit jacket with the rolled-up sleeves and your FRANKIE SAY RELAX T-shirt. You are pretty awesome, you know. I wish I still had your hips and your skin and your singing voice. But I’ve learned a few things since I was you. Here are three of them.

1. You don’t have to be perfect

Right now you’re top of your class in your little Maine high school. You have the best grades, you’re the lead in all your school plays, you have great friends, you’re popular (at least with the weird kids). But in a couple of years, you’re going to go to a huge, exclusive university, and you’re not going to be the smartest kid in the room any more. You’ll get scared of trying new things. You won’t try out for any plays or any singing groups. You’ll shy away from joining clubs, or doing any art. You’ll be afraid of failing, or of not being the best.