Chameleon

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As any female in a predominantly male profession knows, you have to be better than the men just to be equal with them.

Thursday morning. Stephanie watched the sun come up from the terrace. It was chilly for a while. Later, Masson appeared, a cup of coffee in his hand, stubble on his jaw.

‘So, you’re going, then?’

‘You saw the bag?’

‘I saw what you’re leaving behind.’

‘Meaning?’

‘The clothes you’ve left in the cupboard – well, I wouldn’t take them either.’

‘They wouldn’t fit you.’

‘You’d be surprised what I can get into.’

‘The image in my mind is not a pretty one.’

He grinned, then said, ‘Look, are you sure you know what you’re doing?’

‘To be honest, not really. But I know what will happen if I don’t go and that’s something I can’t face. The last year and a bit has been really good for me but before that, well …’

‘What?’

She sighed deeply. ‘For a long time, it was a bad time.’

‘You’re not the only one,’ he said, in a tone that was sympathetic rather than confrontational.

‘I know.’

‘What did you do?’

‘You don’t want to know.’

‘Stephanie …’

‘Just like I don’t want to know about your convictions for auto-theft.’

For a moment, he was stunned. Then he shook his head. ‘You knew?’

‘Not until the other day. But that’s the world I was in. I knew things I never wanted to know. Saw things I wish I could forget. For months, then years, I drifted from one bad hotel to another, from one country to the next, and the things I did … they were …’

She faltered and he put his hands on her shoulders. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Looking at Masson, she felt helpless. ‘Laurent, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure.’

‘I should have said something.’

‘No. I don’t think so. We’ve had a good time, just the way it’s been.’

She couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes. ‘True.’

‘I always knew it wouldn’t be forever with you. That was part of the attraction.’

‘Thanks very much.’

‘You know what I mean.’

She nodded. ‘I am planning on coming back, though. If I can …’

He took her right hand in his. ‘Let’s not talk about it. Let’s sit here and drink coffee in the sun. We can pretend you’re going away and that you’ll be back for the weekend. I’ll cook something special for you. We’ll make love, drink too much wine. And we’ll do the same thing the day after, the week after … and before you know it, summer will be gone and it’ll be autumn.’