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“It means that you’ve been home for months, you’re not working, you’re not attempting to find work, and you’re living down in Cape Cod, away from everyone.” Renee looked down at the floor nervously. She hated confrontation. “It’s like… you’re not even trying to adjust. Like you don’t want to be here.”
“Well, truthfully, I don’t.” I sighed. “I miss LA. A lot. And I miss…”
“David?”
And there it was, the elephant in the room. Even though Renee and I had made up and moved on, we’d never talked about it. Sure, we’d briefly talked about it, but we’d never really talked about it.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I miss him. Every day.”
Her face softened. “Why don’t you ever mention him?” she asked. “You know I don’t care. Not any more.”
“But I care,” I said. “And by talking about it, it makes it… real.”
Renee placed her right hand on her temple. She looked like half of her felt sorry for me and the other half wanted to kill me. “I don’t know why you do this.”
“Do what?”
“This.” She gestured toward me. “You never tell me how you feel. You keep everything in. You’ve always done it.” She shook her head in frustration. “I don’t even know what really happened with you guys. I mean, I know you obviously fell for him pretty hard or else you wouldn’t have…” She looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Will you please just talk to me?”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I want to know what happened then, and I want to know what’s happening now. I want to know everything.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, my best friend was staring at me, silently begging me to let her in.
“Okay,” I agreed. “Everything.”
Los Angeles, CA
April 2009
I was the saddest girl to ever hold a martini. A walking Sex and the City episode. Minus the sex.
I wished Renee was here. If she wasn’t home for a funeral, I would’ve called her for a long-distance cheer-up, but it wasn’t the most appropriate time. So instead, I resorted to sitting barefoot on the living-room floor, still wearing Renee’s gold dress, crying into a martini glass.
Pathetic, really.
I’m not sure what set it off, because I shouldn’t have been this upset. It wasn’t like I’d invested much time or energy into my relationship with Vincent. I think this was just the last straw. The end result of the bad-date build-up. I finally thought I’d found someone who was different, and he turned out to be worse than all of them.
At first, it was quite comical. I chuckled to myself in the cab, wondering how long he’d wait at the table, how stupid he’d feel when our waitress realized he’d been ditched. I skipped into my kitchen, made myself a dirty martini, then sat down on my living-room floor and drank.
And somewhere around the second martini, the humor faded.
First, I thought about my parents, and the dreaded question that presented itself every time they called. “So, are you seeing anyone special?” It was the first thing they always asked. Well, technically the third, aside from the traditional “How are you?” and “How’s LA?” But the first two were just a buffer to get to the third question, the one they really wanted to ask.
Even worse was their discouraged “oh” after I told them no. I could hear the disappointment echoing from 3,000 miles away. And forget about family parties. My mom would attempt to cover up my patheticness by telling my nosy relatives that I was “kissing a lot of frogs” when they asked about my dating life.
You can only kiss so many frogs before your parents start to think you’re a lesbian.
After thinking about it some more, I started to feel bad. It wasn’t my parents’ fault. I was an only child. I was their only hope for grandchildren.
And then I cried.
I cried because I felt like a huge disappointment. I cried because I was jealous of everyone else’s happy relationships. I cried because I was afraid of being alone forever.
The sound at the door made me spill the remains of my drink onto the floor. Shit. I knew Vincent had my address, but I didn’t actually think he’d show up here. I was quiet for a minute, hoping he’d go away, but then I watched in horror as the knob turned and the door swung open.
I could have sworn I had locked it behind me when I came in. No, I definitely had. But then how…
“Justine?”
I looked up and locked eyes with David. David in all his six-foot-tall gorgeousness, standing above me with a look of bewilderment on his face. I knew what I looked like. The drunken cry-fest had invoked a black mascara trail under my eyes and a ring of perma-snot under my nose. Not my sexiest moment.
I opened my mouth to explain, fully expecting David to ask what the hell was wrong with me. But instead, to my surprise, he burst out laughing. And it wasn’t just a chuckle. The guy was in absolute hysterics.
“Is this what you girls do when guys aren’t around?” he asked, trying to catch his breath. “You get dressed up, make martinis and cry? Is there a Lifetime movie marathon on?” He leaned forward and clutched his stomach.
“It’s not funny,” I said, fighting back a smile. When I thought about what I probably looked like to someone else, it actually was pretty funny. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“I left some stuff here. Renee said I could use the spare key and stop by. She said you wouldn’t be here because you were out on a…” A look of recognition came over him as his grin faded. He walked over and sat down next to me on the rug. “I’m guessing the date didn’t go well?”
“He’s married.”
“Ouch. Now I feel bad for laughing.” He took my chin in his hand and turned my face toward him. “Although you do look kind of funny having a depressing cocktail party on your floor.”
We both burst out laughing.
“I take it Renee didn’t tell you I was coming by?” he asked.
I pointed to my phone. I had turned it off so I wouldn’t be tempted to answer Vincent’s phone calls, wondering where I’d gone. I wanted to make him wait. Make him feel as stupid as I did.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing to talk about, really. He took me out to dinner, kissed me, then proceeded to tell me he was married like it was the most natural thing in the world.”
“Hmm, let me guess. Makes a lot of money… drives a flashy car…”
I nodded.
“Typical. So what did you do?”
“Ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne, a 32-ounce steak, then told him I was going to the bathroom and snuck out the back.” I grinned proudly.
“Nicely done.” David looked like he was impressed. “Well, on that note, I say we go make a few more of these.” He took the martini glass from my grasp.
I followed David into the kitchen, happy he’d come to my rescue. This was exactly what Renee would’ve done. She would’ve turned the unfortunate situation into a party.
“There’s only one problem,” I admitted, as David passed me a glass.
“What’s that?”
“He’s my boss. Does that mean I have to quit?”
“Absolutely not.” His tone was so matter-of-fact, like he’d majored in corporate adultery. “Here’s what you do. You walk into work on Monday like nothing ever happened. If he tries to bring it up, you casually tell him that you think you should keep your relationship strictly professional.” He paused, taking a sip of the martini. His face puckered from the taste, and he took a straight shot from the vodka bottle instead. “The guy isn’t going to say shit. If he’s your boss, he could lose his job for pulling something like that.”
Hmm. He had a point.
“But seriously, though, why the tears?” He cocked his head to the side. “I know I shouldn’t be saying this, since you’re Renee’s best friend and all, but Justine, you’re gorgeous. You could have anyone you want. Was this guy really that great?”
I thought back to all the days I had spent with Vincent, joking around in his office, flirting at happy hours. We shared the same sense of humor, I admired his intelligence, and I was crazy attracted to him. He was definitely part of the reason I was upset, but it was more than that.
I was sick of the Vincents of the world. Sick of disappointing my parents. Sick of envying my best friend for having a great guy and wondering if my turn would ever come.
In short, I was lonely.
“I did like him,” I said. “I’ve dated a lot since I moved here, and I really thought that this time it was going to work out.”
“LA’s a different scene, that’s for sure. But, like anywhere, you have to take the good with the bad. On the downside, there are a lot of douches on the dating market. On the upside, it’s 75 degrees year-round.” His eyes lit up. “Speaking of, I have an idea. You have a pool here, right?”
I nodded. The pool was our apartment’s greatest selling point. It was heated, secluded, and open 24 hours.
“I say we go for a swim and exchange worst-date-ever stories.” He tossed me a knowing look. “If anything will cheer you up, it’s the David Whitman dating rolodex.”
I looked down at my outfit hesitantly. After the night I’d had, even the thought of selecting a bikini seemed exhausting. But David’s damn puppy eyes and taunting dimples were impossible to resist.
“Fine,” I surrendered. “But you’d better have some damn good stories.”
The pool was exactly what I needed. The warm water on my skin made my experience with Vincent seem like it was nonexistent. I felt like a kid again.
When I was in the third grade, my father lost his job and we had to live with his parents for a year until he and my mother got back on their feet. While my parents were devastated, I was elated because my grandparents had a giant built-in pool in their backyard.
I always remember that summer being the best of my childhood. My friends from school would come over and we’d swim all day. Sometimes we’d play games (“The Little Mermaid” had made its debut the year prior), and other times we’d just hang out on the blow-up rafts. But I’ll never forget the feeling of happiness that came from the water.
That was exactly how I felt right now, swimming around in my pink-and-white-striped bikini. I’d chosen a girl-next-door type of suit, as I didn’t want to bust out the thong bikini and give David the wrong idea. David seemed to sense my ease once we started splashing around. He kept looking at me with a proud-dad smile, like he was happy he’d made the suggestion.
The great thing about our pool was its seclusion. It wasn’t connected to our apartment building at all. You had to walk through the parking area to get to it, and even then it was fenced in, so you couldn’t see in from the outside. Luckily, our apartment management was very low-key and didn’t close it at a certain time. The glowing blue pool lights stayed on all night, unlike a lot of other buildings that closed the swim area at ten.
“Okay,” David said, resting his arm on the ledge. “Worst date ever. Go.”
I had to pick just one? This could take a while…
“I met a guy at the W hotel last year, who introduced himself as D.X.X.” I used hand quotations as I said the acronym. “I refused to call him this idiotic term, but he insisted it was his name.”
David was already laughing. “Don’t you love how no one in Hollywood uses their real name? It’s like, if they tell people their name is John Smith, they’re destined for career failure.”
“Yeah, well, he was cute, and I was drunk, so I agreed to go out with him.” I sighed, partly wishing I hadn’t agreed to divulge this horribly embarrassing story to a gorgeous guy. “I met him at Katana, that sushi place on Sunset, the next night and he tells me that if I want to have a few drinks, I can stay at his place since he lives right next door. He promised to be a perfect gentleman.”
“Famous last words,” David joked.
“Well he was, at first. We both fell asleep shortly after we got to his house. But then I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard a weird noise and I look over, and the guy is kneeling above me on the bed, jerking himself off.”
“While you were sleeping?” David threw his head back and laughed loudly. “That’s got to be illegal somehow.”
I lowered my head, mortified.
He waved his hands in front of him like he was surrendering. “Okay, I’m starting to understand the martini pity-party.” He swam closer to me. “I went home with a girl once, after our first date. We were taking our clothes off, having a good time, and then she tells me that I don’t have to use a condom. Because she’s already pregnant.”
I was feeling better already.
“I went out with an actor once,” I said. “And I asked him what he did when he wasn’t shooting. He started running his hands over his body and said ‘well, not to be cheesy, but my job is to maintain this’.”
“Stop it.”
“That wasn’t even the bad part. The bad part was that my gorgeous classmate showed up at the same restaurant we were at, and he immediately dropped the douche act and invited her to join us. He ignored me for the rest of the dinner and stared at her fake boobs the entire time.”
“So how was the second date?”
“Funny.”
David grinned. “I went out with an actress once, too. The date was awesome, actually, until her fiancé showed up at the restaurant and punched me in the jaw.”
“You’re lying.”
He pointed to a small scar on his chin. “I don’t date actresses any more.”
Okay, I was really starting to feel better. If a hot catch like David had just as bad of a track record as I did, then maybe there wasn’t something wrong with me.
David paddled in a circle around me, then lifted me up and tossed me underwater. After I came back up and wiped my face, he pulled me towards him.
“Well, Justine, I have good news and bad news,” he announced, looking into my eyes ever-so-seriously. “The bad news is that I officially made the worst martini ever, therefore I’m not in the best shape to drive home.” His lips twitched devilishly. “The good news is that I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”
Chapter 7 (#ulink_eba77053-7875-5c6d-ba09-1d9021306a6c)
Renee had decided to start house-hunting. I think it was partially because she couldn’t stand living in a cramped condo filled with boxes, and partially because she needed a new project to work on. Renee couldn’t sit still. She loved writing, and when she wasn’t working on a freelance assignment, she was managing Dylan’s band. And when she wasn’t managing Dylan’s band, she was searching for somewhere else to direct her energy.
Today, she’d decided to focus her energy on houses. Dylan was at rehearsal and wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make it in time, so she’d elected me to be her co-conspirator for the afternoon.
I agreed to meet her at a new real-estate company in the city. Apparently they were headquartered in New York but had recently opened a Boston location. A friend of Renee’s had referred them, so she’d made an appointment to go in and meet with one of the agents. I couldn’t think of a less fun way to spend the afternoon, but Dylan had promised to meet us after his rehearsal, so I hoped I’d be off the hook soon enough.
The Keller office was bright and beautiful. Everything seemed to be made of glass or granite: a vibrant, open space. The receptionist looked up from her computer as I walked in.
“Welcome to Keller Realty,” she greeted. “Do you have an appointment with us today?”
I pointed to Renee, who was already seated in the lobby, filling out paperwork. “I’m with her,” I said. Renee smiled and waved me over.
I strolled across the office and sat down next to Renee, still admiring the surroundings.
“Nice office, huh?” Renee asked, following my gaze.
