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“Did you tell her I kumm every morning to milk the cows and clean the stalls?”
“No. I—I couldn’t seem to find the proper time to bring up the subject.”
Thomas’s eyes locked with hers. “You thought if she knew I worked this farm every day that she would run away again, didn’t you?”
Mary looked away, but not before he saw a flash of guilt in her eyes. Her voice dropped an octave. “Of course not.”
Before either of them could say anything more, Elizabeth spoke. “Please. Stop.” She wrapped her hands around her mug, then squared her shoulders and looked directly at him. He saw the determination in her posture, the strength in her resolve. This was a different Elizabeth than the girl who had left years ago. This was a strong, independent woman staring back at him and Thomas found the changes intriguing.
“Denki, Thomas. I am grateful you were here to help me. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t arrived when you did.”
“Did he hurt you?” Mary asked. “Oh, my, look. Your throat is red. It will probably be badly bruised.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “No. I’m okay. He frightened me. But I am fine now.”
Mary gently touched her arm but asked no further questions, giving her daughter the time she needed to compose herself and tell the story in her own way.
“Gut.” Thomas remained standing in the doorway. “I am glad you were not hurt.” He lifted his flat-brimmed winter hat, ran a hand through his blond hair and put the hat back in place. As much as he wanted an explanation, he knew it wasn’t his place to demand one. His heart slammed against his chest. His lungs threatened to rob him of breath. He hadn’t seen Elizabeth in years and here she was right in front of him. To think that just a minute or two longer and she might have died at the hands of a stranger in her very own barn was more than he could handle at the moment. He’d get the details later. For now, he needed distance so he could breathe. “I will leave the two of you to speak in private.”
Before either of them could respond, he nodded at both women. “Excuse me. I have work waiting for me in the barn.” He strode as fast as he could from the room.
He worked for over two hours, refusing to let his mind whisper one single thought. He milked the cows and prepared the containers for the local man to collect and take to market. He cleaned the stalls and pitched fresh hay with such speed and force a sweat broke out on his forehead despite the freezing temperatures of morning.
And although he fought hard to keep Elizabeth out of his thoughts, she crept in softly and slowly, like the sun was doing now with the dawn. He doused the lanterns and, pausing for a moment in the broad opening to the barn, stared at the white clapboard house.
Who was that man? And why had he tried to harm Elizabeth?
He knew it was not his business. He had no right to question her, to demand answers. Their time together had passed long ago. But he couldn’t seem to let it go.
He went to the tack room and washed his hands in the sink, then splashed water across his face and along the back of his neck.
Obviously, Elizabeth needed help. She must have come home looking for that help and trouble had followed her.
Thomas hung the wet towel on a rod, finger-combed his hair and put his hat back on. He sighed heavily.
She had to be terrified, even though she fought hard to make an outward show that she was in control and able to handle things on her own.
What had happened to her over the years? Where had she been?
It was none of his business.
She had made her choice years ago and it had not been a life with him. He had gone on and made a different life for himself. A happy life. One that had no room for her. He thought about his kinner and a smile caught the corners of his mouth. They were his joy. He couldn’t help wanting to introduce them to Elizabeth. Foolish, he knew. But once she had been a friend...and so much more.
Thomas sighed again.
But if someone was terrorizing Elizabeth or trying to do worse, than he would have no choice. He wasn’t the kind of man to walk away when someone needed help. And he would never walk away from Elizabeth when she needed him. He would be a friend to her. He would find a way to help.
Even when the shattered pieces of his heart silently wished he had never laid eyes on her again.
* * *
Elizabeth stood at the kitchen sink washing dishes when her mother came up behind her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth reached up and patted her hand. “For what? You did nothing wrong.”
Mary turned Elizabeth to face her. “I’m sorry you had that frightening encounter with the stranger in the barn. I am also sorry I did not tell you sooner about Thomas. I am sure the shock of seeing him again was difficult for you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Mamm? Was Thomas right? Did you think I would run away again?” Elizabeth studied her mother’s face. She’d known she would see Thomas sooner or later. She had tried to prepare herself for it before she returned to Sunny Creek. But she supposed no amount of preparation would have been good enough. The shock of seeing him again—leaning over her in the barn, standing in the kitchen doorway, his blond hair catching the glint of the lamp’s glow—had made her heart seize despite all the self-talk and preparation that had gone before. There were no words good enough to dampen her feelings or assuage the guilt for betraying him.
“Never mind. It’s all right, Mamm.” She put an arm around Mary’s waist. “Let’s sit. We’ll have a cup of coffee and talk this out.”
“Go to the barn and ask Thomas to kumm in.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. That was the last thing she wanted or needed right now.
“Now that you have had time to compose yourself, you will sit and tell both of us the story of this man.”
“I will tell you, Mamm, but I don’t think we have to involve Thomas.”
“Thomas is already involved. He deserves an explanation.” Her mother smiled at her. “Besides, he is a smart man. He will be able to tell us what to do.”
Elizabeth bristled. She’d lived independently and successfully for years. She didn’t need a man, especially not Thomas, to tell her what to do.
But she was back in Amish territory and things were done differently here. Women listened to their men. Men listened to the bishop and the elders. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? To be home again? To feel safe?
For the first time, she wondered if coming home had been the right thing to do. She had come home to be with family and friends, where she had always felt safe. But had that decision been selfish? Was she inviting danger into the lives of the people she loved? Why hadn’t she considered that possibility before she’d come back? Now it was too late. If anything happened to anyone in the community, it would be her fault.
Elizabeth looked at her mother. She should leave. Today.
But where would she go? This was her home. These people were her family. And she knew she needed their wisdom, their guidance and their love. She would tell them the truth, all of it. Then she would gauge their reactions and consider Thomas’s counsel. But if she felt her presence would put her loved ones in danger she would not hesitate to leave.
“You’re right, Mamm. I will call Thomas in for breakfast. He must be finished his chores by now.”
“Gut.” Mary moved to the stove and lifted a cast-iron skillet. “I cook for him every morning and he always brings a healthy appetite.” Mary began fixing the meal.
“Thomas has a beard, which means he also has a wife. Doesn’t his wife fix him breakfast?” She said it as nonchalantly as she could, but one glance at the smile on her mother’s face and she knew she wasn’t fooling anyone.
Her mother continued with her cooking and replied as nonchalantly. “He waited a year for you to return. Kept coming by the farm every week to see if we had heard from you. Finally, your daed took him aside and had a man-to-man talk with him. I don’t know the details. I never asked. But I assumed he told him to stop waiting for you because shortly afterward Thomas married.”
A kaleidoscope of emotions exploded inside Elizabeth’s heart. What had she expected? For him to love her forever even after she’d left him? Of course he would marry. She had been gone for seven years. But when she’d seen him again those years had vanished and all she saw was the man she’d once loved.
She couldn’t allow those feelings to resurface. They would only cause pain. He was a married man with a family now. Besides, the reason she’d left, the secret she couldn’t share with him, still existed. She’d left for his good. She’d wanted him to be happy, to marry and start a family. But she’d never realized how deeply it would hurt both of them.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. She brushed them away before her mother could see her distress.
“Did he marry someone I know?” she asked, unconsciously holding her breath, not able to picture Thomas with one of her former friends.
“He married Margaret Sue Miller. You never met her. Her family moved to Sunny Creek from Ohio a few months after you left.”
Elizabeth folded her hands in her lap and pondered the information.
“I think you would have liked her,” her mother said. “She was such a happy, loving woman of Gott. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone.”
Elizabeth’s head snapped up. “Was?”
“Ja. Poor Thomas. He lost Margaret two years ago. She died from complications during childbirth.”
This new information rocked Elizabeth to her soul.
Oh, Thomas. How horrible that must have been for you.
“And the child?” Elizabeth asked.
“They had a beautiful little girl. Named her Rachel. She has a sweet disposition like her mother. She’s a bundle of smiles. Not like that brother of hers. He is all boy. Skinned knees. Energy that doesn’t quit. A dirt magnet, that one.” Mary laughed. “I don’t know how Thomas does it raising them on his own. His parents help when he is working the farm. But they leave to spend six months in Florida every winter. They left a few weeks ago. Margaret’s parents help in their absence. And I step in now and then. But still the responsibility for their upbringing rests on his shoulders.”
Mary carried her mug to the sink more, Elizabeth suspected, to steal a moment to collect her thoughts than to clean.
“Thomas brings the kinner here a couple times a month,” Mary said. “He pays me to watch them while he goes into town for supplies. I think sometimes it is more to help me than to help him. He knows I love children. I am alone, and I can certainly use the little extra cash it brings. But the rest of the time he is both mother and father to those children.”
“Two children?”
“Ja. Benjamin and Rachel.”
“How old is Benjamin?”
“He just turned five.”
A bittersweet smile twisted Elizabeth’s lips. She was happy for Thomas. She had known years ago that he would make a good daed someday.
“Now, go. Get Thomas. He must be hungry by now.” Mary crossed to the stove. “Tell him I have a hot breakfast waiting for him.”
Elizabeth’s heart fluttered. She could hardly wait to see Thomas again and yet knew she had to keep a distance between them. It wasn’t just her heart that was in danger of being lost, but her life, too. She could not put Thomas at risk by being around him, especially when he had two little ones to raise. She wished she hadn’t come back. She’d put her mother at risk, too, and she didn’t know what to do about it. What had she been thinking? The Amish were not selfish people. They always put the community’s needs before their own. Had living in the Englisch world changed her? Was she not Amish anymore?
She needed to rethink her situation. She couldn’t bring evil here...unless it was too late and she already had.
I will be back. Keep your mouth shut if you want to live.
A chill raced over her bones as she remembered the stranger’s words.
Maybe she should go to the sheriff and tell him what she knew.
But the Amish frowned on involving outsiders in their business. They handled things together as a community whenever possible. Besides, the murder had happened in Philadelphia. What could the local sheriff do here?
How could she convince this man that she didn’t know his name and wouldn’t be able to identify him so she wasn’t a threat? And what did he think she had? Did Hannah really tell him she’d given something to her that this man was willing to kill for? If she could talk to him, convince him she was no danger to him, maybe he would believe her and go back to Philadelphia.
The memory of his dark eyes and threatening sneer seized her breath.
Or maybe she wouldn’t talk to him.
Dear Lord, how have things gone so terribly wrong? Please guide me to make good decisions. Don’t let my foolishness hurt others.
Stepping outside, Elizabeth paused at the top of the porch steps and took a good look around the farm now that daylight had arrived. It was beautiful here. Peaceful. Quiet. It seemed like millions of miles away from bottleneck traffic, talking on cell phones and witnessing her best friend’s murder.
But was it far enough?
She placed her fingers gently against the tender flesh of her neck. She could almost feel her attacker’s grip on her throat. She knew with certainty he would return. And now, because of her selfishness, she had led an evil man straight to the doorsteps of the people she loved most.
Please help me, Lord. Please give me wisdom and guide me. I don’t know what I should do now.
She stood in silence and waited.
What? Did she expect some booming voice from heaven to start telling her what to do?
What was wrong with her? She knew better. Gott answers all prayers. He speaks quietly in the inner recesses of one’s soul. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, sometimes wait. But He answers.
She needed to learn patience and to relearn trust. Maybe He’d be slow to answer because it had been so long since He’d heard from her. For seven years she had not gone to Him for guidance, or little else for that matter. Maybe He no longer recognized her voice.
I’m sorry, Lord. Forgive me.
Placing her fears in Gott’s hands, she stepped into the yard and headed for the barn.
* * *
Thomas had milked the cows, put the tall metal containers of milk outside the barn for pickup for market, moved the horses into the pasture, cleaned the manure from the stalls, laid fresh straw and finished sweeping the wooden floor. There was nothing left for him to do, but he couldn’t make his feet carry him to the house. Elizabeth was in the house.
A flood of emotions—anger, guilt and something else he wouldn’t acknowledge—tormented him.
It was not the Amish way to hold on to anger. He’d thought he’d forgiven her. But when he saw her again, anger simmered in his blood as fresh and strong as it had the day she’d betrayed him and left.
Guilt gnawed at his insides. How could he allow himself to have any feelings of any kind for Elizabeth? Wasn’t that a betrayal of his dear Margaret? He’d have to keep his distance. He wouldn’t let himself betray the memory of a wife who had loved him with all her heart...like he had once loved Elizabeth.
“Thomas?”
He froze. The soft tones of her voice caressed his nerve endings like hot caramel coating an apple in autumn. His emotions tumbled and fought each other for center place. Anger won.
“Ja?” He turned to face her. He grasped the pitchfork tightly and, barely noticing the whitening of his knuckles, tried to hide the anger flooding through his body. He knew he had failed when she glanced into his eyes and he saw guilt and sorrow looking back.
“Mamm wanted me to ask if you are almost finished with your chores.”
He nodded. “They’re done.”
“Gut. She has a hot breakfast waiting.”
“Denki.” He knew the word of thanks hadn’t hidden the iciness in his tone but he couldn’t help it. He needed time to process his feelings. Time to ask the Lord to help him forgive. Time to figure out a way to be in her presence without his heart shattering into painful shards.
She nodded and turned to leave.
“Elizabeth,” he said quickly.
