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‘What?’ she asked faintly, not believing she could have heard correctly.
His lips quirked with mild amusement, though his eyes said he was deadly serious. ‘I said marry me. I’m asking you to be my wife, Sam.’
The confirmation sent savage fingers to tear at her heart. She was stunned into silence, choked by the knowledge that this was the moment she had longed for. All she wanted was to say yes and spend the rest of her life with him, but with a sinking heart she knew that she had just been given the perfect moment to tear their relationship to shreds.
Knowing hesitation would be fatal, she started to laugh. ‘You’re joking, right?’ Shaking her head, she placed a hand over her heart. ‘Boy, you had me going there for a minute.’ Whilst Ransom sat there in total shock, she pressed home her advantage. ‘I’m not interested in marriage and all that commitment stuff right now.’ Reaching for a bread stick, she nibbled on it, though it almost choked her.
Ransom finally recovered enough to react. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ he charged, with what she considered justifiable outrage.
‘I’m glad we’re getting this out into the open now. The truth is I don’t want to be tied down,’ Sam continued in the same vein, whilst her heart began to beat faster and faster.
‘Cut it out. This isn’t the time to fool around,’ Ransom ordered sharply. ‘I love you, Sam, and I know you love me.’ She could see the instant he had said it that doubt crept in. ‘Or are you telling me it was all a lie?’
‘Well, of course I love you, Ransom. You’re a very handsome man, and the sex is fantastic, but…’ She pretended to notice the look on his face for the first time. Her hand went to her throat. ‘Oh, my God, you were serious!’
Ransom went very still. All that she could see moving was the pulse at the base of his throat. ‘What’s going on, Sam?’
It tore her apart to see the pain replace happiness in his eyes. ‘Nothing, I swear. We just seem to have got our lines crossed. I’m so sorry, Ransom, but surely you knew I was only after a good time?’
A nerve ticked in his jaw. ‘A good time?’ he repeated tersely.
She swallowed hard, but managed to smile encouragingly at him. ‘You know the sort of thing. Dinner, the theatre. Mind-blowing sex.’
That produced a shake of his head. ‘Pull the other leg, sweetheart. I never got that message from you, ever.’
Of course he hadn’t. She loved him, damn it. But it was over, so she sent him an old-fashioned look. ‘Well, I could hardly come across that shallow if I wanted the good times to last, could I? I’m sorry if you read it wrong, but the truth is, if it’s marriage you want, you had better look for another woman.’
She pushed herself up on legs that trembled badly and went to where she had left her jacket, holding it over her arm before her like a shield. Her heart ached at the coldness that had settled over his face. ‘I think it would be best if I left now.’ She hesitated, wanting to plead with him not to hate her, but it was that hatred that would help him get over her, so in the end all she said was a husky, ‘Bye, darling. Maybe I’ll see you around some day,’ and let herself out of the flat.
There were simply not enough words in any language to describe how she felt then. What meagre defences she had been able to erect crumbled to nothing. Pain surged in like a tidal wave, and for long minutes she was unable to move. Only the fear that Ransom might find her there gave her the strength to stumble downstairs and out to her car. She fought tears all the way home, and it was nothing less than a miracle that she didn’t have an accident. Once indoors she succumbed to her overwhelming misery and cried long into the night.
Somewhere around dawn she finally fell into an uneasy sleep.
A state she was dragged from by the sound of someone pressing their finger on the bell of her bedsit and keeping it there. In no mood for inconsiderate delivery men, she stomped to the door to deliver a heartfelt warning, and was dumbfounded to find Ransom on her doorstep. Having told herself she would not see him again after last night, she was too surprised to prevent him brushing past her and striding into her tiny living room.
One glance at his rigid back warned her he was here to demand further explanation. She hadn’t allowed for that, and the bottom fell out of her stomach. Following him into the room, she finger-combed her hair and braced herself for what was to come. He turned to meet her, and looking at his face nearly undid her. He looked grey and haggard, the patent result of a sleepless night. She wanted to reach out to comfort him, but that would only defeat her object. All she could do was keep to her plan, so she folded her arms and sighed testily.
‘Honestly, Ransom, couldn’t this have waited?’ To her own ears she sounded bored, and she was amazed at her acting ability.
‘No,’ he growled fiercely. ‘I want an explanation for what happened last night!’
Of course he did, but she was prevented from giving him the true one. She had to bluff it out as best she could. ‘You asked me to marry you, I said no.’
An answer that had his teeth grinding angrily. ‘There’s more to it than that. I’m not such a bad judge of people. I know we want the same things. To be a family, have children, grow old together,’ he charged.
Sam could feel the powerful emotions seething inside him, and wondered if she would ever be able to forgive herself for what she was putting him through. She only knew she couldn’t think of another way of doing this.
‘Oh, come on, Ransom, you don’t believe everything you hear, do you? OK, I might have said it, but not seriously. A person says a lot of things when they want to keep a man happy. I was onto a good thing, so what if I told you a few white lies? The truth is I don’t want a husband or family. You’ve picked the wrong woman for that,’ she told him, pretending to stifle a yawn. Then, as a master stroke, she closed the gap between them and started playing with the button of his leather jacket. ‘However, I’d be happy for things to stay as they are, if you want.’
He brushed her hand away with a look of utter disgust. ‘No, thanks, not even as a gift. You played me for a fool, Sam, but not any more. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I want nothing more to do with you.’
Fighting back tears, she managed to produce a fatalistic sigh. ‘You win some, you lose some. Take care of yourself, Ransom. It’s a jungle out there.’
He stared at her for a moment or two longer, a nerve ticking away in his jaw, then he pointed a warning finger at her. ‘You’d better not try this on anyone else, darling. They might not be as forbearing as I am. I only want to kill you, they might try to do it.’
With that he slammed out of her bedsit and her life. She was left staring at the door, tears finally streaming down her cheeks.
‘I love you,’ she whispered achingly as her heart shattered into a thousand irretrievable pieces. Her only solace was in knowing she had done the right thing. He might hate her now, but he would get over it. As for herself, she knew she never would.
In the next few days Sam cried over Ransom until at last she was all cried out, and then she papered over the cracks and faced up to the future without him. Her family closed ranks behind her. Those who didn’t know the truth, and were surprised by her decision to marry Leno Grimaldi, followed their parents’ line and said nothing.
When she dined with Leno that Saturday evening, she discovered that he had plans for a big wedding. She would have preferred something less elaborate, but fell in with his wishes because he genuinely thought he was giving her something she would enjoy. She did try to protest when he took her to an expensive jeweller’s and picked out an engagement ring for her. The large diamond was far too ostentatious, but Leno declared he wanted nothing but the best for her, so she gave in. When it came to the matching wedding bands, she simply went along without fuss, not having the heart to argue any more.
The surprise engagement party, celebrated at a top London hotel, was an evening she battled through with a plastic smile tacked to her lips. She hadn’t realised just how important a man Leno was until that night, when the press were there to take countless photos of the soon to be happy couple for the avid readers of their magazines and society pages.
Whatever Leno wanted happened like magic. As soon as a wedding date was set, he arranged for a top designer to make her dress. Sam stumbled through the arrangements, trying to fit shopping trips around her job, but finally she had to give that up. Gifts rained in from right and left, until she wanted to scream that it wasn’t real. Yet it was very real, and Sam made a conscious decision not to think ahead to after the wedding, when she and Leno would finally be alone together as husband and wife.
A week away from the wedding, Sam escaped from the final fitting of her wedding dress and knew she just had to get a few moments of peace or she would go crazy. She and Ransom had loved walking in Kensington Gardens, and suddenly she just had to go there. To be somewhere where she had been happy. Seconds later she was hailing a passing taxi.
As soon as she started walking along the pathways Sam felt as if she could breathe again. Peace settled around her, and after a while she spied an empty seat and sat down. Everything was so normal here, she thought. Unlike her life, which was like a runaway train. Closing her eyes, she allowed the peace and tranquillity to soothe her battered soul.
She was unaware that someone had sat down at the other end of the seat until they spoke.
‘So, it wasn’t actually marriage you were against, it was the lack of wealth of the man doing the asking,’ Ransom declared cuttingly, and Sam’s heart lurched as her eyes shot open and she stared at him in shock.
‘Where did you come from?’ she gasped out, wondering if she had somehow magicked him up.
His smile was chilly. ‘I was passing by when I saw you get out of the taxi, so I followed you. I wanted to congratulate you on your forthcoming marriage.’
Somehow she had believed that he would never know about it. She should have known better. ‘How did you find out?’
‘A colleague of mine saw one of the newspaper articles and recognised your name. He thought I might be interested,’ Ransom explained with a mocking laugh. ‘You made quite a fetching couple. Shame he’s old enough to be your father, but what the hell? He’s loaded, so it’s a perfect match!’
Sam swallowed hard, unable to voice the lie and say that she cared for Leno. She did, however, raise her chin and stare him out. ‘I can marry who I like, and for whatever reason I like.’
Ransom laughed coldly. ‘And he has several million reasons for you to like him.’
‘I’m not marrying him for his money,’ she put in swiftly, though in a roundabout way she was. She just hadn’t known quite how wealthy Leno was.
‘Pardon me if I don’t believe you. I think I was lucky not being rich enough for your taste. I wonder how long it would have taken me to realise it wasn’t me you loved, but my money?’ Ransom shot back with withering scorn. ‘Perhaps I ought to put him straight on a few things.’
The suggestion had her heart leaping into her throat. The last thing she wanted was for Leno to meet Ransom. ‘That won’t be necessary,’ she countered in a strangled voice. ‘Leno and I have an understanding.’
Ransom’s beautiful eyes were full of dislike as he looked at her. ‘I get it. He has his trophy wife and you get to spend his money. How did I ever think I could love you? You two deserve each other!’
Every word he uttered struck home with devastating accuracy and drew blood. If he hadn’t hated her enough before, he certainly did now. She had no defence except not to let him see how he had hurt her.
‘Have you finished?’ she asked him with deceptive calm.
Ransom looked her up and down as if he had never seen her before. ‘My God, you’re a cool customer. Nothing reaches you, does it? It’s OK, darling, I’m done. I wish you joy of your fortune. May it keep you warm at night.’
With those parting words Ransom got up and walked away. Sam knew he never looked back, because she kept her eyes on him till he was out of sight. This time she didn’t cry, for the hurt went too deep. She stared unseeingly at the beauty around her and laid the first stones of the wall of ice that would eventually surround her heart and keep it safe. After all, it held her most precious possession: her love for him.
When she finally began to retrace her steps, she did so with her feelings securely encased in ice and a determination to never look back. Whatever happened from this moment, nothing would touch her, neither hurt nor joy, for those were things of the past and that was gone for ever.
CHAPTER THREE
SAM watched the charming Norfolk scenery pass by outside the car and gave a sigh of satisfaction. Not to put too fine a point on it, she was happy, and that was something she had never thought she would be again. Of course she wasn’t ecstatically happy, but she knew she would never feel anything close to that again. Nevertheless, she was content.
When her husband Leno had suddenly died of a heart attack six months ago, she had found herself at a crossroads. She hadn’t been back to England in over six years. What had begun as a honeymoon trip had ended as a permanent removal. Sam had fully expected to remain in Italy, where the people, and Leno’s family in particular, had been kind to her.
She had done all she could to be a good wife, and, because Leno had been a good man, their marriage had not been a total disaster. He had showered her with gifts to mark his deep affection for her, introducing her to a lifestyle she had never dreamed of. His only sadness had been the lack of children. Sam had done nothing to prevent it, it was just not meant to be. Which was a shame, because Leno would have showered them with love too.
He had been good to her, and she had mourned him. Because of the situation regarding their marriage, she had not expected to inherit the bulk of his fortune, but so it had turned out to be. He had no children, and his nearest relatives were cared for, leaving her what remained. It was then that Sam had decided to come home. She knew she had more money than she could ever spend, and that she could have more than enough to live on and still put the rest to good use.
Which was the reason she was a passenger in this powerful convertible car today.
Alex Hunt, the man behind the wheel, knew all the twists and turns of the road they were travelling along very well, for he was taking her to visit his parents. This was Sam’s fifth visit, and she looked forward to it, for she got on well with David and Ellen Hunt. The Grimaldi Foundation, which Sam had set up in her husband’s name, was helping to fund the building of a new hospice. It was the foundation’s first project, and Sam was keeping a finger on the pulse, hence the regular visits.
Alex steered the car around a sharp bend, and Sam watched him manoeuvre the vehicle with ease, her lips curving into a wry smile. She hadn’t known him long, but they had quickly become friends. Despite turning thirty a couple of months ago, he had a boyish enthusiasm for fast cars.
He must have felt her eyes on him, for he glanced round at her with a grin. ‘What are you smiling at?’ he asked lazily, whilst returning his attention to a particularly tricky section of road.
Sam laughed. ‘Actually, I was thinking you love your car more than a woman.’
His response was to make a Gallic sound in his throat. ‘Mais, non! You know I love you like crazy, Sam.’
It was only a joke, but for a moment her head was filled with the sound of another voice telling her he loved her, and her heart tightened painfully. Then she ruthlessly quashed the memory, for it had no place in the here and now.
She laughed teasingly. ‘Boy, would you run a mile if I took you seriously!’
‘You’ve got that right!’ he agreed immediately, returning his attention to the road as yet another tricky corner came along.
Hoping this good feeling would last, she once more gazed out of the side window. Idly her thumb toyed with her wedding and engagement rings. She still wore them. Not because they meant something to her, but because it kept unwanted interest at bay. She was not in the market for emotional complications.
Studying her reflection, Sam barely recognised the twenty-eight-year-old woman who had loved only one man in her life, and who had married another. Her hair was fashionably cut, she wore expensive clothes and jewellery, and could hold her own amongst the glitterati of the world. If Ransom were to see her now, would he recognise her?
The thought came out of nowhere, and had invisible fingers tightening around her heart. She had learned the hard way the answer to the question of what became of the broken-hearted. They picked up the pieces and carried on. But they were never the same. Something was irretrievably lost. In her case it was her heart, the greater part of which had gone with him. Having given it, she would never take it back. There would never be another to fill that empty space inside her. She had known she would always love him—and always hate herself for what she had done.
‘Not too long now,’ Alex said, interrupting her thoughts.
Sam glanced forward. Up ahead of her she could see the turn-off that would take them to the place Alex had grown up in. The house was a rambling affair, with extensions added on in piecemeal fashion as past families had needed room to expand. Consequently the inside was a rabbit warren of stairs and passages, but all adding to its charm. It had countless gables, and several levels of terracing to the rear. Sam adored it.
Beside her Alex flicked the indicator and turned the car onto the road that snaked across the heathland towards the distant coast. There were several more turn-offs before they finally passed through the gates of the small estate. The Hunts were old money. David Hunt had retired to the family home in Norfolk after a long career in banking. Alex was following in his father’s footsteps.
‘Looks like Karl’s down for the weekend,’ Alex observed as he caught sight of his older brother standing on the top of the entrance steps. Karl waved, then turned as if someone unseen had spoken to him. ‘Things generally liven up when Karl’s around.’ Sam had met him on a previous visit, and had found him pleasant company.
Alex brought the car to a halt and they climbed out. The sun was almost blinding, and Sam quickly found her sunglasses and slipped them on.
‘Now this was definitely worth coming home for. Beautiful blondes with curves in all the right places have long been a penchant of mine,’ Karl Hunt teased as he strolled down the steps.
‘Not to mention brunettes and redheads,’ an amused masculine voice drawled from the shadows of the porticoed entrance.
On hearing it, Sam felt shock go through her from head to toe, and looked round quickly. For an aeon she could swear the earth stopped revolving before lurching on again. She would know that voice anywhere. It was imprinted indelibly on heart and mind. Incredibly, what she had just heard was the voice of Ransom Shaw, yet how could it be? How could it possibly be?
Unaware of her shock, Alex was already starting to laugh as he turned towards the man who now sauntered into view, hands tucked negligently into the pockets of his jeans. He stood at the top of the steps looking at them with a broad grin on his face. Sam could scarcely believe her eyes. Dear God, it was Ransom.
The ground moved under her feet for a second, then stilled. She felt her mouth go dry and then her heart started up a frantic beat. Riveted, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. Only then did she truly know just how much she had missed him. Seeing him made a light go on inside her, brightening up her world. He was just as she remembered, only more so. His lean yet powerful body was clad in well-worn jeans that hugged his long legs, and a blue chambray shirt with sleeves rolled up above strong forearms, which seemed to strain across his muscled chest.
Sam remembered only too well what it felt like to be held against that perfect body by those two strong arms, and experienced a long-buried curling sensation deep inside herself. Her heart ached with a sudden fierce longing as memories flooded back. The light of love in his eyes. The husky sound of his voice as he told her he loved her. The…
Karl stepped in front of her smiling warmly, blocking out her view. ‘Nice to meet you again, Mrs Grimaldi,’ he greeted her, offering his hand.
The interruption was like a douche of cold water to Sam. Reality stepped in swift as a sword, cutting off the stream of thoughts. Ransom might still be her one true love, but she had no doubts that it wasn’t the same for him. He would hate her now. How could he not, when she had hurt him so badly? Her choice had been bleak, but she had been compelled to take it, for the alternative had been unthinkable.
Sam hastily gathered the remnants of her composure about herself. At the very least she had to look and act calm, even if she wasn’t. Her defences had been allowed to go unrepaired with the passing years, so that now they had been breached with remarkable ease. It was painful suddenly seeing him like this, but it never would have been easy. She knew full well what she would see in his eyes when he recognised her, and she must brace herself for it.
Drawing on the élan she had learned as the wife of a wealthy man, Sam whipped off her sunglasses and summoned up a smile for the man before her. ‘Call me Sam, please, Karl. How are you?’ she responded whilst a bemused Alex moved, walking forward with hand outstretched.
‘Well, I’ll be damned. Ransom? Great scot, where did you spring from? I haven’t seen you in years.’
From her position just a little behind Alex, Sam watched Ransom jog down the steps and take Alex’s hand. She had had no idea they knew each other. How on earth could it be?
Sensing her surprise, Karl explained. ‘Ransom and I were at university together. Both studying law, and with a love of sailing. He spent a few weeks here one summer, when his parents were abroad. After university, we used to meet occasionally, but then we lost touch. You know how it is. When I bumped into him the other day, I invited him here. Just like old times,’ he added happily.
‘You must have had a lot of catching up to do,’ she responded calmly, knowing it would not be the same for Ransom and herself. She doubted very much if he would want to speak to her.
Karl had more to relate. ‘You can say that again. Turns out he has a boat moored just up the coast. He remembered the good times he’d had here and thought he’d try out this neck of the woods again.’
Sam knew it was one of those situations you could never anticipate in a million years. Had she come another weekend, she would never have run into Ransom and discovered he had had a brief acquaintance with Alex’s family years ago. Events had conspired to bring them both here now, and it felt as if someone up above was playing a particularly cruel joke.
‘I drove up yesterday,’ she heard Ransom answer Alex’s question.
‘Wait a second, didn’t I read somewhere that you were out in the South Atlantic wrestling with that American beauty?’ Alex declared teasingly, unwittingly sending Sam’s stomach plummeting.
She experienced an unexpectedly sharp dart of jealousy at the thought of Ransom with another woman. Silly, really, for the man was not a monk. There would have been others in the last few years. She simply hadn’t expected to be reminded of the fact. To imagine him with other women was not the same as knowing it. That was the price of still loving him. She had all of the feelings, with none of the rights.
‘She was a beauty, all right. Responded to the lightest of touches. We had a month together, then I had to take her home,’ Ransom added with a broad grin, making Alex laugh again.
‘Those are the breaks,’ Alex commiserated.
The reply made her feel like a fool. It was a short jump to realise he was referring to a boat, not a woman. How could she have forgotten? She had known of Ransom’s love of sailing. It appeared his dream of owning his own boat one day had come true. However, she wasn’t exactly relieved to feel relief, for it would be better not to feel anything. It would only cause unnecessary pain.
Mentally she grimaced. In an ideal world, maybe, but this was something else. She had been catapulted into a situation she wasn’t expecting. Right now she was floundering in a sea of memories, with no life preserver in sight. All she could do was keep herself afloat the best way she could until she was able to make the necessary repairs to her defences.
Not easy with the past so abruptly shunted into the present. Studying the two men as they stood chatting, she could see there was a vibrancy to Ransom that was missing in Alex, for all his youthful buoyancy. Or perhaps it was just that her vision was being coloured by her emotions.
With their greetings over, Ransom had his first opportunity to take a closer look at Alex’s companion, and she braced herself for the blow. What started out as a lazy male inspection soon turned into something altogether different when he recognised her. Blue eyes met grey, and became inextricably locked. Her composure held, but Sam’s nerves jolted violently at the power his gaze had to move her still, and at the same time she saw shock fill those dashing grey depths.
