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‘And I am not into the game-playing either,’ he bit out savagely, all pretence at coolness gone. ‘Have you forgotten Lorenzo, Grace—have you? Because I can assure you the child has not forgotten you! Since my mother’s death it is your name that is constantly on his lips, your love that he is crying for as he refuses all comfort and solace. He was devastated when you left a year ago—’
‘Don’t you dare blame that on me,’ she spat angrily. ‘You know why I left; you made it impossible for me to stay.’
‘You did what you wanted to do.’ He had immediately regained control of himself, his voice icy and his face cold and blank. ‘You did not think it fitting to discuss your departure with me first; you simply walked away, did you not?’
‘You could have followed me,’ she said tightly, and it wasn’t until she said the words, voicing them aloud for the first time, that she realised she had never expected that he would do anything else but come after her, not in her heart of hearts. But he hadn’t. And the days had turned into weeks and the weeks into months and she had slowly died inside, the bitterness of his betrayal on top of everything else she had endured turning her love to ashes.
‘To do what?’ he asked flatly. ‘To begin once again the endless quarrels, the pain, the suffering? I thought you had suffered enough, that you wanted peace.’
‘I did; I do.’ He had cared so little that he had just let her go. The knowledge beat against her brain, making her voice die and her body go limp. And even now the telegram, the request that she attend Liliana’s funeral, had not been sent to her because he wanted to see her, because there was any faint spark of the love they had once shared left in that cold, cold heart. Lorenzo was upset and Donato had thought the boy would be comforted by her presence. It was as simple as that. Oh, she hated him—she did; she loathed, detested, hated him...
The rest of the journey—along winding roads which passed small villages spangled and pretty in the afternoon sun—was completed without further conversation, the atmosphere in the car thick and heavy and taut with a thousand words best left unsaid.
Grace felt ill with the raw emotion that had taken hold of her and was shocked beyond measure to find that Donato could still affect her so violently. She had hoped, wanted, needed to find herself immune to him, to have the assurance that that stage of her life—the Donato stage—was over and done with, that the post-mortems were finally completed. Indifference...that was what she had prayed for; she had wanted to be dispassionate and distant, unmoved by hatred and resentment and bitterness, at long last able to put the past to rest.
But now the instigator of all her pain was getting in the way... But no, that wasn’t quite fair, she corrected herself silently. They had been happy once, before—
Her mind slammed to a halt, recognising its own frailty. She couldn’t think of it now; she would break down in front of him and that would be the final humiliation. One minute, one hour, one day at a time; that was what she had told herself all those many, many months ago, and when she managed to keep to that she got through—just.
Nevertheless, as the powerful car ate up the miles and they entered the narrow streets of Sorrento she knew where her first visit had to be; she was being pulled there by something stronger than herself. The scent of lemon groves hung heavy in the air as they climbed into the hills towards Casa Pontina, and when they passed through the large wrought-iron gates into the Vittoria estate she found she was on the edge of her seat.
‘Can...can we go to the walled garden?’ Her voice was the merest whisper but he heard it, his head shooting round and his piercing black eyes fastening on her face.
‘I do not think this would be a good idea,’ he said quietly. ‘You are tired from the journey and Lorenzo is waiting—’
‘I don’t care.’ She glanced at him once before staring fixedly ahead again, but such was the look on her face that he said no more to her, leaning forward and sliding the glass partition aside before giving an order in swift Italian to Antonio.
The Vittoria gardens were huge, bursting with tropical trees and shrubs, cascade upon cascade of sweet-smelling flowers, smooth green lawns, hidden bowers and a fine orchard where orange, apricot, olive, almond, fig and banana trees all lived in harmony, but it was to the tiny, shadow-blotched walled garden that Antonio drove, its ancient walls mellow and sun-soaked and protected by a huge evergreen oak that provided welcome shade in the height of summer.
‘Grace?’ Donato caught her arm as she went to move past him after leaving the car, turning her to face him. ‘Would this not be better tomorrow?’ he asked softly, his eyes intent on hers.
‘Lorenzo won’t mind waiting a few minutes more—’
‘I was not thinking of Lorenzo.’ His voice had been too harsh and he took a deep breath before he spoke again. ‘I was thinking of you,’ he said flatly.
But she didn’t hear him, her eyes, mind and soul fixed on the high wooden gate at the top of the long slope that led from the drive, remembering how it had been that day in June, nearly two years ago, when she had been demented with grief.
Donato took her hand as they walked up the stone path and she let her fingers rest in his—she really couldn’t find the strength to fight him at that moment—and then he was opening the gate and she stepped into the sheltered confines of the walled garden, her stomach jumping into her throat.
‘It looks just the same,’ she said softly, and Donato nodded at her side.
‘Of course, nothing will be changed here.’
The ancient walls were brilliant in places with trailing purple, red and white bougainvillea, lemon-scented verbenas perfuming the air along with pink begonia and a whole host of other flowers. A small patch of lawn in the middle of the garden had a tinkling fountain at its centre, and several seats were dotted round the small enclosure alongside sweet-smelling shrubs and bushes specially chosen for their fragrance.
It was tranquil, peaceful, a sheltered oasis amidst the bustle of life that surrounded the Vittoria empire, and once Grace had been used to spending lazy hours in the ancient retreat—lazy and exquisitely happy hours.
They walked to the end of the garden now, where a little foot-high wall enclosed a slightly raised small rectangle of ground that was ablaze with tiny flowers, a headstone cut in the shape of a teddy bear bearing the inscription, ‘Precious memories of Paolo Donato Vittoria, aged six months, baby son of Donato and Grace. You have taken our hearts with you.’
CHAPTER TWO
‘GRACE! Grace!’ Lorenzo’s welcome was as ecstatic as his face as he caught sight of her, but in the next moment, as she gathered the thin ten-year-old child into her arms, he burst into a storm of weeping, stringy arms tight round her neck.
‘Hush, now, hush,’ she soothed softly, sitting down on one of the massive stone steps that led up to the studded front door and holding Lorenzo close against her, until the sobs racking the small frame lessened. ‘It’s all right, darling.’ What stupid things we say in moments like these, she thought silently as she nuzzled her chin into the small black head beneath hers. Lorenzo had just lost his beloved mother to whom he had been exceptionally close; of course it wasn’t all right. Nothing was all right in his small world.
‘I did not know if you would come.’ Lorenzo raised dark, tear-smudged eyes to her gentle gaze. ‘You have been away so long.’
‘I told you Grace would come, did I not?’ Donato asked over their heads, his voice soft. ‘And now here she is, just as I promised, but she does not want to be drowned before she has set foot inside the house,’ he added warningly. ‘Benito is waiting to see her too, you know, and he has a few more words in his vocabulary to show her, not all of them good,’ he finished darkly.
Lorenzo gave a weak smile and now his voice held a touch of its normal sparkle as he whispered, ‘One of the new gardeners taught him some bad words.’
‘Did he?’ Grace smiled, hugging him close once more before rising. ‘And knowing Benito I’m sure he repeats them with great relish?’ Benito was Lorenzo’s parrot, a huge bird whose big, compact body, strong, rounded wings and short, stout hooked bill were as formidable as his nature. He either loved or hated, there was no halfway house with Benito, and he could use his lethal bill and clawed feet to painful effect on occasion. However, the irascible bird adored his small master, who could do anything with him, and had never suffered so much as a small peck.
Lorenzo took her hand and they moved towards the open front door, and although the small, warm fingers clutching hers were wonderfully comforting, Grace was vitally aware of that tall, dark figure just behind her as they stepped across the threshold of Casa Pontina.
The light, cool hall, with its beautifully polished wooden floor and white walls hung with exquisitely framed paintings, was quiet and still, the air scented with a large bowl of freshly cut flowers, and for a moment Grace couldn’t believe that Liliana’s tall, gracious figure wouldn’t sweep out of the imposing drawing room to greet her, her lined but still beautiful face wreathed in smiles of welcome.
Liliana had lived for her family, loving all three of her children with an intensity that was very Italian, and Grace knew for a fact that Bianca’s being adopted had made her even more precious to her mother; that was the way Liliana was. Once Grace had married Donato she had become a second daughter in her mother-in-law’s eyes.
Lorenzo pulled her along the hall before she had time to reflect further, past the formal drawing room, ornate dining room and Donato’s massive study, and down the two steps that led to the back of the house where the breakfast room, kitchens and two large family rooms were situated. It was through one of the latter, specially designated to Lorenzo and filled with his toys and computer equipment, that they walked, and out onto a small covered patio that overlooked green lawns and trees, and in the far distance the vivid blue of an olympic-size swimming pool.
Benito was sitting on his perch, grumbling to himself as he watched one of the gardeners weeding a patch of salvias some fifty yards away, but at the sound of Grace’s voice he showed his pleasure by dancing clumsily and screaming a welcome in his harsh voice, ruffling his brightly coloured plumage and lowering his short neck for her to tickle his head, his bright, beady eyes half closed in delight.
‘He remembers me.’ Grace was almost reduced to tears by the bird’s faithfulness. ‘I thought he would have forgotten me by now,’ she said thickly, fighting back the weakening emotion as she stroked the beautiful silky feathers.
‘You are not easily forgotten.’ Donato’s voice was low and pitched only for her ears but the hypocrisy hit her as though he had shouted the words, and when she spun round to glare at him hot colour stained her cheeks scarlet. He had been silent for twelve months, not a phone call, a letter, not even a brief postcard, and now he dared to say she was not easily forgotten?
‘How is Maria these days?’ she asked tightly, as though the question was a natural follow-on to his comment—which to her it was. Maria Fasola: young, beautiful, family friend...and Donato’s mistress. ‘Well, I hope?’ she added grimly before he could speak.
‘As far as I know.’ He looked at her expressionlessly, his eyes veiled and dark. ‘Is there any reason why she shouldn’t be?’
‘None at all.’ Her voice was cold and she was about to say more when she noticed Lorenzo’s puzzled gaze as he glanced towards them, obviously unsure of what exactly was being said. ‘And I need not ask if Benito is well, need I?’ she asked the small boy, forcing a playful note into her voice. ‘He looks enormous, Lorenzo; I’m sure he has grown several inches since I saw him last.’
‘It is because he is fluffing out his feathers, Grace.’ The young voice was very earnest; Benito was his pride and joy and could do no wrong. ‘He is not fat.’
‘Grace! Grace!’ The irrepressible bird screeched her name noisily. ‘Donato and Grace!’
‘All right—That is enough!’ Donato waved a finger at the parrot who stared back at him cheekily, head on one side as he considered how far he dared go.
‘Enough! Enough!’ he mimicked wickedly. ‘Naughty Benito! Bad bird! Scusi, scusi.’
Grace saw Donato close his eyes for one infinitesimal moment and turned away to hide a smile. The autocratic head of the Vittoria empire might control his family and those about him with a rod of iron, his power and influence absolute and unquestioned, but in a battle of wills with Benito the parrot won every time. He was a definite thorn in Donato’s flesh and she couldn’t help admiring the bird’s intrepid spirit.
‘Come, you must refresh yourself and then Anna will serve lunch.’ Donato took her arm as he spoke, but before she allowed him to lead her back into the house she promised Lorenzo she would be back shortly as the small boy raised an anxious face to hers.
‘Grace?’ he called after her, his thin voice high. ‘You are not leaving again? You are staying at Casa Pontina now?’
She felt Donato stiffen at her side and turned slowly, not knowing how to reply, but then the little white face in front of her caught at her heartstrings and her well-laid plan of escape after three days blurred and softened. She knew how it felt when everything that was normal was whipped out from under your feet, and Lorenzo was a sensitive child, very loving and given to deep emotion. Although he was as close to Donato as the difference in their ages allowed, he needed the warmth and understanding of a motherly heart at this time, she thought rapidly.
Admittedly there were the female servants—Cecilia, the elderly cook, and Anna and Gina, the two young maids—and also the capable tutor Donato employed for his brother’s education, who came to the villa for several hours each day Monday to Friday, but Lorenzo was not close to them and, being a Vittoria, had been taught to maintain a stiff upper lip at all times.
The small boy’s love and devotion at the time of Paolo’s death had been an enormous comfort to her, and now she could do something for him when he needed her most, she reasoned painfully. All she wanted to do was to leave Casa Pontina and the memories of this past life and return to England as fast as she could, but she couldn’t abandon Lorenzo now.
In a few weeks, less even, the harsh shock of his mother’s death would begin to fade and the mercurial resilience of all children would come into play. This was the important time, the crucial time that might shape his personality for good or ill; she could spare him a few weeks of her life, surely? But could she stand being so close to Donato? She took a deep breath and smiled at the little face watching her so closely. She had no choice, as Donato had known all along.
‘I have a home in England now, Lorenzo, but I am going to stay with you until you are feeling better and don’t need me any more. Is that all right?’ she asked softly, knowing she had done the only thing possible when the small face relaxed and the look of panic and dumb confusion left the big dark eyes.
‘S?.’ He nodded slowly before suddenly running to her, flinging his arms round her middle and hugging her tight, only to leave the room in a mad scamper, head downwards, to hide his tears of relief.
‘So...’ Donato stood with her, looking after the small figure as it disappeared. ‘This is not what you envisaged.’
‘No, no, it isn’t.’ His cool, controlled voice grated on her nerve-endings like barbed wire and she raised shadowed eyes to his. He had known what he was doing when he had sent that telegram, she thought bitterly, known her love and respect for his mother would force her to make the journey to Italy in spite of their failed marriage, and that once here she wouldn’t turn her back on Lorenzo’s plight.
He hadn’t bothered about her for months, had continued quite happily with his life here and all it held—an image of Maria’s lithe, sleek figure flashed into her mind and she dismissed it abruptly—and then when he needed to use her, and ‘use’ was the right word, she told herself with acid resentment, had had no compunction about turning her life upside down for a second time.
She saw that the dark gaze had seen into her mind and now Donato shrugged slowly, his voice low. ‘I cannot help the love he has for you, Grace; it has always been so.’
And you? You once loved me too, she thought with a pain that shocked her. Before it all went wrong, before the death of our child drove me nearly insane and you into the arms of another woman.
Oh, she shouldn’t have come. She turned from him, tears pricking at the back of her eyes with burning ferocity. She should have forgotten Liliana, Lorenzo, all of them, should have stayed in England where the nights were cool and the days humdrum and nothing disturbed her peace of mind.
‘Grace, I know this is hard for you—’
‘Don’t touch me!’ As he reached out to her she sprang back with a suddenness that surprised them both, her voice shrill and defensive. ‘Don’t you dare touch me, Donato. I’ve said I’ll stay for a few weeks until Lorenzo is feeling better but that doesn’t give you the right to maul me about.’
‘Maul you?’ He was utterly outraged, his big, muscular body taut and rigid and his handsome face black with fury. ‘I have never mauled a woman in my life,’ he said grimly.
‘Of course not,’ she agreed with icy sarcasm. ‘They just fall at your feet all by themselves.’ Like Maria. She didn’t want to feel such anger; she’d thought she had come through the fire of desolation and betrayal and had finally put it behind her, but since the first moment she had seen him again her vulnerability where this man was concerned had hit her as strongly as ever and it frightened her—frightened her more than she could say. ‘It amazes you, does it, that any woman could resist your fatal charm?’ It was a cheap jibe but she couldn’t help it; any defence was better than none.
His eyes continued to hold hers for one more long moment and then she saw him take a deep pull of air as he shook his head slowly. ‘You used to conduct yourself with refinement and charm,’ he said tightly. ‘What has happened to you that you have become so uncivilised?’
She heard the words as though in a vacuum, the sheer audacity of them failing to register for a few seconds, but when they did her hand shot out to connect with the hard, tanned skin of his face in a resounding slap that actually echoed in the room. ‘You can ask me that?’ she hissed furiously, her hand drawing back to strike again, but this time his fingers shot out to entrap her wrist in a steel hold that was bruising.
‘Yes, I can ask you that,’ he rasped, his eyes dangerous and the imprint of her hand beginning to stain the brown skin red. ‘I have every right to ask you to explain yourself; I am your husband.’
‘Not any more—’
‘The courts would disagree with you,’ he said harshly. ‘You are my wife, Grace, legally and before God. There has been no divorce; the marriage contract still stands.’
‘Not in my eyes.’ She was panting hard, her slim fairness overshadowed by his dark maleness as he held her fast. ‘You might be my husband by contract but that is all, and without love our marriage certificate becomes just a piece of paper.’
‘That is a very convenient line of thought but one that is totally without foundation,’ he said icily, ‘as you well know. Legally—’
‘I don’t care about “legally”, Donato,’ she ground out slowly, punctuating each word with a significant pause. ‘Do you understand that? I don’t care—about our marriage, you, all of this.’
‘No?’ Now he drew her closer, his hold on her intimidating rather than restraining. ‘But I think this is not altogether the truth, mia piccola,’ he said with a dangerous softness, ‘and I also think you are trying to convince yourself rather than me.’
‘Let go of me!’ He had both her wrists in his hand now, holding them against the hard-muscled wall of his chest as he fitted her against him, his other hand in the small of her back. She had always been tiny against the hard male breadth and height of him and she knew it was useless to struggle; nevertheless that was exactly what she did do as his dark head lowered to take her lips.
He growled softly, the sound impatient as she postponed the inevitable, and then his mouth covered hers, plundering the sweetness within as he urged her even closer against the hard frame of his body. She fought—for long seconds she fought, even more so when the realisation that his familiar touch and smell were evoking feelings she could well have done without dawned on her consciousness, but eventually she became still, knowing that she couldn’t win. She would never win against Donato.
When she had left the Vittoria mansion twelve months ago the same knowledge had had her pale-faced and shaking as Liliana had clung to her, the older woman’s normally proud and composed face awash with tears as she had begged her daughter-in-law to wait before asking Donato for the divorce Grace had said was inevitable.
‘Why? Why now, Grace?’ Liliana had wept, holding the younger woman close to her as they had waited for the taxi Grace had ordered. ‘He loves you—I know this, I know it. Please, for my sake, do not be hasty. Give yourself some time apart but do not be hasty.’
But as much as she loved Liliana Grace couldn’t tell her what she had learnt only that morning—of Donato’s affair with Maria; she had felt too raw, too humiliated at the time. Later she had regretted it, knowing that Donato would have covered his tracks well and that his mother would have been forced to think that she had ended the marriage on a whim, but by then she had made a new life in England and had believed there was always the chance, some time in the future, to put the record straight with Liliana. But ‘some time’ had never come.
She remembered Liliana’s last words to her before the taxi had taken her away. ‘This is all a mistake, my dear, and one day you will see it. You have suffered, I know how you have suffered, but Paolo was part of both of you; let your grieving pull you closer together. I shall say to Donato you want time to heal; that is all.’
But it hadn’t been her anguish over the death of her child that had driven her from her home and there had been a mistake all right—a great colossal giant of a mistake—and Donato had made it—with Maria. She had crept away that morning a year ago like a small, beaten animal seeking solace in a hole, unable to face another confrontation with Donato and leaving a letter to explain that she had discovered his affair with Maria.
But that had been then. Now she was a year older and a year wiser and more importantly she had survived a year without him; she had become autonomous—something she had thought impossible only months before.
The knowledge brought her senses fully alert, jerking her away from the edge of pleasure his lovemaking had taken her to, and now he let her move from him, his eyes narrowed as she faced him like a small, spitting tabby cat preparing to do battle with a vastly superior wild black panther.
‘If you try that again, or anything like it, I’m leaving here regardless of Lorenzo or anyone else. Is that clear?’ she spat with all the fury in her heart. ‘I came back for Liliana’s funeral, and only that, and if your ego can’t cope with that truth then I’ll get on the next plane home.’
“Oh, I think my ego can survive—just,’ he drawled grimly, ‘in spite of being pierced through.’
For a strange moment she thought there was an inflexion in his voice that spoke of pain, misery even, but the hard, handsome face was as implacable as always when her eyes searched the sculptured features. Nevertheless the brief second of uncertainty was enough to drain her rage and leave her pale and shaking as she fought for control, her red-gold curls throwing her pallor into even more stark relief.
How could people end up like this? How could they, she asked herself tensely, when they had shared the intimacies of marriage, the birth of a child? Oh, Paolo, Paolo.
‘I loved him too; you know.’ It was as though she had spoken her thoughts out loud and she started violently as Donato’s deep voice cut into her pain, but she could read nothing from his dark face. What was he thinking—really thinking? she asked herself wildly as she stared into the beautiful dark eyes that were like liquid onyx.
Once she had been able to tell, even teasing him on occasion that he could fool everyone else but her with his cold ice-man image, but now? Now she didn’t know—didn’t want to know, she qualified fiercely. If she didn’t let him get near her again he couldn’t hurt her again. Simple. What wasn’t so simple was the seductive need his touch had induced, the sweet, potent ache between her legs and the ripening of her breasts from their contact against his hard chest. But that was physical, just an instinctive response of her body to his as it had recognised the feel and taste of him, and as such it could be controlled. It could.
‘I know you loved Paolo, Donato.’ She didn’t try to prevaricate but it was only as she spoke her son’s name that she realised she had come a long way from the first devastating weeks of grief. Then the sound of his name had been like a sword piercing her through; now it produced a sad, tender yearning but without the raw, blinding pain. ‘We both did; we always will.’
‘Then for his sake could we not try to make the next few weeks as easy as possible?’ Donato asked quietly. ‘You have seen how things are with Lorenzo, you acknowledge he needs you here?’ She nodded silently. Yes, she could see the heartbroken little boy needed unconditional love and companionship in the immediate future. ‘Bianca has offered to take him into her home for the time being but he does not want that and I agree it would not be good for him. He needs to be in his own home, with things familiar. Benito for one,’ he added wryly.
She nodded again, guessing rightly that Bianca had refused to take the parrot; the two had always loathed each other but Benito’s dislike took the form of a verbal assault whenever Bianca was present, and although it was impossible it always seemed that Benito had planned exactly what he was going to say for maximum effect, proving himself a worthy adversary against Bianca’s caustic tongue. Perversely, the parrot adored Romano, Bianca’s husband, screeching with delight whenever he saw him and nuzzling his hand when Romano stroked him.
‘I shall need to let the surgery know as soon as possible,’ she said stiffly. ‘They may need to find a replacement.’
‘Oh, I’m sure they will keep the position open for you.’ His tone was smooth, but with that edge running underneath which she had recognised before. She ignored it; her nerves were shot to pieces as it was and she really couldn’t take much more. ‘Would you like to telephone now?’ he asked with suspect helpfulness.
‘I... Yes, I suppose I could.’ She stared at him warily. ‘Or after lunch; there’s no rush.’
‘There is also no time like the present; is that not what you English say?’ He smiled, but it didn’t reach the ebony eyes. ‘Use the phone in my study; you will not be interrupted there.’
He took her arm as he spoke, moving her out of the room and into the lower hall before she could reply, and although she wanted to speak the touch of his fingers was burning her through her thin cotton blouse and the delicious smell of him was sending all lucid thought from her head.
Why, oh, why did he have to affect her like this? she asked herself angrily as she trotted along at his side into the main part of the house. She didn’t want it—in the circumstances nothing could be more humiliating—so why did her senses go into overdrive at no more than a lift of those sardonic black eyebrows? It was over, finished. Her brain knew that, so why wasn’t it sending the message to her hormones? she thought testily.
‘Here we are.’ He opened the door to his study, standing aside for her to enter first with his normal courtesy and then following her into the room, shutting the door carefully behind him.
‘Would you like me to get the number for you?’ he asked silkily, walking across the beautifully furnished room to his large, gleaming walnut desk and picking up the phone before she could demur, his face impassive.
