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“Why didn’t you call? Nathan and I would have met you at the hospital.”
“I knew you were finishing up a job in the next town over,” he explained. “Figured I’d wait until we had some answers.”
“No wonder you’re not yourself,” his brother replied. “Is he gonna be okay?”
“He’s got a long road ahead of him until he’s fully recovered, but the good Lord’s seen fit to give Jack more time here on this earth.”
“Praise God for that,” his brother muttered. “Does Hope know yet?”
Logan nodded. “I called to let her know what had happened as soon as the ambulance pulled away with Jack. She caught the first flight out of San Diego and managed to get to the hospital a little after four.”
Carter’s assessing gaze studied him. “So you’ve seen her, then?”
“I was there when she arrived.”
“That also explains this mood that you’re in,” his brother acknowledged.
“It’s not what you think.”
“That she refused to enter the hospital until you left?” his brother surmised, not bothering to hide his irritation where Hope was concerned. “Because that’s what I expect happened.”
Nathan and Carter were none too happy with Hope for the way she had handled the post-breakup with their younger brother. With the exception of the tearful embrace she had given him at his parents’ and Isabel’s funerals, her intentional avoidance of Logan and the scant number of times she could drag herself back to Braxton to visit Jack had his brothers harboring more than a little resentment toward her.
Then again, Logan harbored his own fair share of that same emotion where Hope Dillan was concerned.
“It didn’t happen like that,” he heard himself saying in Hope’s defense. Though why he felt the need to stick up for her was beyond him.
“So you left before she got there?”
He probably should have. Then he wouldn’t be struggling over thoughts of the past and feeling things he’d spent years suppressing. But Hope had looked so lost when he’d looked up to see her standing in that hospital corridor. All he’d wanted to do at that moment was comfort her. Thankfully, he hadn’t followed through with what instinct had been pushing him to do. It would have undoubtedly ended up with her pushing him away—again. And he’d had more than his fill of Hope rejecting him.
“Neither of us ran,” Logan muttered as he stood fingering the brim of his hat. “We were both there for Jack. It had nothing to do with us.” That was how it had to be, because there was no “us” when it came to him and Hope.
Carter nodded. “I’ll be sure to say an extra prayer tonight asking for the Lord to help ease your way while Hope’s home.” He reached out to clap a hand over Logan’s shoulder, giving it a supportive squeeze. “Come on in to the kitchen with me and we’ll have us a cup of coffee.”
“I really should be going. It’s been a long day.”
“Audra made pecan pie...”
Logan hesitated a long moment before a smile quirked his lips. “Pecan pie, huh?”
“Complete with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and caramel syrup,” his brother tempted even further, knowing Logan had the biggest sweet tooth of any of the Cooper boys.
Maybe he would stay. Just for a bit. And by the time he finished with his coffee and dessert he’d have his emotions, as far as Hope Dillan was concerned, corralled once more. Because there was no way he was gonna risk putting his heart on the line ever again. Not for Hope. Not for any woman.
* * *
Hope was startled awake by the familiar tune of “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” She sat upright in the chair next to her dad’s hospital bed. A quick glance assured the phone’s ringtone hadn’t awakened him as it had her. Hurriedly, she snatched the phone out of her purse, bringing it to her ear as she got to her feet and hurried from the cubicle. “Hello?” she answered in a hushed tone.
“Wasn’t sure you’d answer,” a voice far huskier than it had once been said at the other end of the line.
“Logan?” she said somewhat groggily.
A groan sounded. “I woke you.”
“I was only catnapping.”
“You probably needed it,” he replied. “Getting news like you got today tends to take a toll on a person. I’m sorry I woke you. Go back to bed.”
“Don’t apologize,” she said. “My back and neck thank you for waking me. But I’m not home. I’m still at the hospital. I guess I drifted off in the chair by Daddy’s hospital bed in a rather uncomfortable position.”
“How is Jack?”
“He’s doing well,” she replied, keeping her voice low as she stepped out of ICU and made her way to the family waiting area just around the corner. There she would be able to talk without waking her daddy, or disturbing the other patients. “If all goes well tonight, they’ll be moving him to a private room tomorrow.”
“Thank the Lord for that,” Logan breathed, his relief, as well as the faith he steadfastly clung to, evident in his voice. A faith she herself no longer looked to when times were bad. “I’m sorry to bother you on your cell phone again, but when I tried Jack’s it went straight to voice mail. I forgot that I had shut his phone off after calling you this morning.”
“You added my number to your contact list?”
“No. I would never presume to do that. It’s in my head,” he explained.
“You still have a knack for remembering things others would more easily forget,” she said with a wistful smile.
“You don’t have to worry about my calling you after you’ve gone back to California. For now, if need be, I know I’ll be able to reach you. The reason I called was to let Jack know that I’m gonna swing by Hope’s Garden on my way home from Carter’s to check on things. I didn’t want either of you to worry yourselves over it tonight.”
She started to tell him that his call wasn’t a bother, then decided it best that he believed that it was. Especially because the sound of his voice was something she could get far too used to hearing. So caught up in her thoughts of keeping a wall up with Logan, it took a moment longer than it should have for what he’d said to settle in. Hope shifted the cell to her other ear. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind.”
He had already done more than enough for her daddy. Now that she was home, it was her responsibility to step in and see to things until he was back on his feet again. “I know you don’t,” she said. “But as soon as I can round up a taxi, I’ll be able to head home and see to those things myself.”
“A taxi?”
How else did he expect her to get home? “While I could probably make the walk from here to Braxton, it might take a while, and doing so in the dark and in the pouring rain might be pushing it.”
A warm chuckle sounded at the other end of the line. “You’ve been living in the big city for a mite too long, little darlin’, if you think you’re gonna round up a taxi around these parts, with the exception of the airport, with any ease,” he said with an amused chuckle. “That’d be like trying to find an ocean of in the middle of the Sahara Desert.”
Those two words wrapped around her, making her heart ache—little darlin’. She had to wonder if Logan even realized that he’d called her that. The nickname he’d given her back in high school when he’d first started working for her daddy at Hope’s Garden. Not that she was all that little at five-foot six-inches tall. But to a boy well over six feet in height back then, and to the even taller man he’d grown up into, it was easy to see why Logan considered her little. But she was no longer his darlin’. No matter what her heart still longed for.
“I hadn’t given it much thought,” she answered honestly. Not with her focus centered for the most part on her daddy and the long road to recovery it sounded like he was going to have ahead of him.
“No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” came his muttered reply on the other end of the line.
What exactly did Logan mean by that? She opened her mouth to ask and then closed it, deciding it best to let it go. He had every right to be angry with her. Truth was she was surprised he’d been as cordial as he had been, considering how she’d ended things between them.
Logan wasn’t one to quit on those he cared about, and if things were different, they’d more than likely be married with a few little ones running around. But things weren’t different. And she’d had to break his heart to ensure he’d have those Cooper sons and daughters he’d always longed for.
“Hope? You still there?”
His voice pulled her back to the present. “Yes. I’m here.”
“Thought maybe we got cut off there for a second. Phone service can be iffy inside hospitals.”
She didn’t correct his assumption. It was better he think her silence was due to phone service issues rather than her troubled thoughts.
“If you’re ready to head back to your daddy’s place,” Logan said, saving her the need for any response, “I could run on over to Coopersville and pick you up. Then we can see to the nursery together before I head home for the night. I left in such an all-fire hurry this morning once the ambulance had gone, I didn’t shut the register down or see to the plants.”
“I would have done the same thing. And thanks for the offer, but I’ll give Autumn a call to come get me.”
“Still doing your best to avoid me, I see,” he said evenly.
“I think we’re beyond that now,” she said, wishing it were true. But avoiding Logan kept her heart from wanting things she couldn’t have. From wanting him. “Besides, I wanted to let Autumn know about Daddy and maybe do some catching up.”
Autumn and Summer Myers, Braxton’s only claim to identical twins, had been her closest friends all through school. After high school graduation, they’d all gone off to different colleges. And with everything that had been going on in her life at that time, the breakup with Logan, dealing with health issues and her anger with God, Hope had withdrawn from everyone she’d been close to, even her dearest friends.
“If you’re counting on Autumn to come get you, you might be in for a long wait,” he told her. “She’s in Atlanta for some sort of Realtor conference this week.”
How did he know that? A heart-pinching thought passed through her mind. Were the two of them seeing each other? It wasn’t as if she expected Logan to spend the rest of his life pining away after her. She ended their relationship just so he could make his life with someone else. He deserved someone who could give him children. That would make him happy. Still, the thought of her best friend and the man Hope had given her heart to being romantically involved sat like a boulder in the pit of her stomach.
“Oh,” was all she could manage. She should have thought to have the taxi she’d taken from the airport drop her off at home first. Then she could have driven her daddy’s truck into Coopersville. But she’d been in such a panic that all she’d wanted to do from the moment her flight landed was get there to see for herself that he was all right.
A heavy sigh sounded at the other end of the line. “I’ll come get you.”
“No,” she blurted out in a panic. “I mean, don’t worry about me. I’ve got my suitcase with me. I’ll just spend the night here.”
“And how do you plan on getting home tomorrow?”
Hope frowned. That was a good question. There was no one else she could think to call. She had pretty much cut everyone she’d known growing up out of her life.
“I can leave the past in the past where it belongs if that’s what you’re worried about,” Logan said.
“Why are you doing this?” she replied, her guilt at what she’d done to him all those years ago pushing to the surface. “Offering to give me a ride when you of all people should wanna stay as far away from me as possible.” Her words ended on a quiver as she fought the urge to cry over his unexpected kindness.
“The easiest answer would be that I’m doing my Christian duty. But that wouldn’t be the whole truth of it,” he answered honestly. “I’m also doing it for Jack. He needs to focus on getting better, not focus his strength on worrying about you. Which, I might add, your daddy’s done every single day of his life since you moved away.”
He had? The guilt was swallowing her whole. “He doesn’t need to worry about me.”
“People tend to do that when they care about someone.”
His tone hinted that she wouldn’t understand that level of caring. She did. She had cared enough to let Logan go. Loved him enough to set him free to find the happiness he deserved. But then he wouldn’t know that. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
A long silence fell over the line before Logan responded. “I’m sorry for not accepting your decision to end things between us,” he said. “I should’ve respected your wishes and let you go. But I was young and had a lot of false notions about what my future held for me. For us.”
“Logan...” she said, wanting to tell him that she’d wanted all the same things he had. Instead she fell silent. She couldn’t offer up any explanation that would make him understand. It was too late.
“Let me finish,” he told her. “What we had was special, but I know now that we were too young to be talking about marriage and kids. At least one of us had the sense to see that and do something about it. And you can stop worrying about being in the same room as me every time you come home, because I’ve come to terms with the fact that some things are just not meant to be.”
Like her having children. A warm trail of tears ran down her cheeks. That was hard enough to deal with, but to hear Logan spell it out so clearly. To hear it straight from him that he had gotten over her, over them, over all the hopes and dreams they had once shared for their future, that it had simply been nothing more than youthful imaginings, was almost unbearable. It had been so much more.
She swallowed the knot of emotion building in her throat. Stop being the fool, Hope Dillan. This is the way you wanted it to be. Needed it to be.
Pulling herself together, as she’d had to do so many times in her life, she replied, “If you’re sure it’s no trouble, I’d like to take you up on your offer to give me a ride home.”
“No trouble,” he assured her. “When would you like me to pick you up?”
“Would now be too soon?” she asked hesitantly. “Daddy’s finally sleeping comfortably and I need to get settled in at the house for my stay here.”
“Now works for me. I’m on my way.”
When the call disconnected, Hope brought the phone to her chest and closed her eyes. She could do this. It was only for a short time. Until her daddy got back on his feet and she could go back to the life she’d built for herself back in San Diego. Knowing that Logan had finally gotten over her helped to ease some of her guilt, even if it made her heart ache more.
Now all she had to do was keep a tight rein on her feelings for him. At the very least, keep them from being known, because she was still not the woman he needed in his life. One who could give him the future he’d always dreamed about.
There’s a good possibility you may never be able to conceive. She’d never forget those words, so gently given to her by her doctor when she was only a senior in high school, a young girl filled with hopes and dreams for her future. One with Logan. The endometriosis she’d been diagnosed with during her sophomore year had worsened, causing a buildup of scar tissue in her fallopian tubes that without surgery would more than likely cause infertility. But even with surgery, the risk of having a tubal pregnancy was greatly increased.
She’d seen what her momma and daddy had gone through after trying for another child only to see both pregnancies end in miscarriages because of the severity of her mother’s endometriosis. They’d been devastated.
She couldn’t do that to Logan. To herself. So at eighteen, with no mother to guide her, she’d made the only decision she’d been emotionally capable of making at the time. She walked away from her dreams.
Gone was the deep faith she had once held dear. How was she supposed to continue clinging to that faith when God had taken so much from her? First her mother and then her own ability to become a mother herself.
She and Logan had shared so many things. A love of family, a passion for the outdoors and the dream of someday marrying and having a handful of children of their own to raise.
Then that life-altering diagnosis changed everything and brought her perfect world crashing down around her. She would never be able to give Logan the children he deserved to have.
She had always been honest with Logan, but this was the one thing she could never share with him. If he learned the truth, she knew he would have given up his dreams for her sake.
So she kept the heart-wrenching news she’d gotten at the doctor’s that day so long ago to herself. Then she’d forced Logan out of her life by telling him she didn’t want to be tied down by a relationship when they went off to college.
Only Logan had been determined not to give up on what they’d had together, making everything so much harder for them both.
So she’d taken extreme measures—she’d lied to him. Told him that she didn’t love him. Not the way he wanted her to. Then she made it clear that he was wasting his time. To stop wishing for something that could never be. And then, with her heart breaking, she’d walked out of his life.
And now Logan was back in her life along with all those old feelings she’d tried so hard to shut off. But the damage was already done. Logan was only in her life again because of her daddy, nothing more.
* * *
Logan pulled up under the hospital overhang and threw his truck into Park. He was just rounding the front of the truck when Hope stepped through the hospital doors.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Had to take a different route due to some light flooding on the main road.” Not a complete surprise seeing how much rain they’d gotten that day. And it was still coming down.
“I’m glad you didn’t try going through it,” she said as he swung open the passenger door and reached for the suitcase she had wheeled out behind her.
“I grew up here, remember?” he said as he took hold of the bag and lifted it into the truck, placing it just behind the front bench seat. “I know better.” Flash floods, no matter how passable the water on the road might appear, could easily sweep a vehicle away. They were even more dangerous this time of year when floods weren’t prevalent. Folks tended to be far less cautious.
As soon as Hope had settled herself in the passenger seat, Logan closed the door and then jogged around to his side of the truck. “Jack still sleeping?”
“He woke up right after I talked to you. I debated leaving him, but he insisted I go home and get some rest. He also added that he was counting on me to run things while he was incapacitated.” That last part had her mouth turning downward.
