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They were out in the middle of nowhere, mountains ringing a picturesque valley carpeted by grass. In the distance, at the base of the hills, trees stained the bottoms a darker shade of green, but the peacefulness around him did nothing to lessen the beating of his heart. That staccato rhythm was the same type he’d felt before jumping out of a plane for the first time, or heading overseas, or facing enemy fire, and damned if he knew why he was feeling it now.
Just check in on Janus, take a look at Thor and then leave.
And go where? That was the question. That was always the question.
They’d traveled the road for at least a half mile, when at last Ethan spotted in the distance a small, square home that sat at the base of a low hill beneath giant oaks. A cute picket fence matched the white house. As they drew nearer, he could see a fence made of rust-colored barbed wire along the back of the property, beneath the line of trees a hundred or so yards away, the fence posts that held it in place stained gray with age. To the left of the house sat a line of kennels, at least a half dozen of them, more than one Belgian Malinois pacing inside, all of them barking up a storm. Well, all except one. He suspected that was Thor, but for now he had eyes only for Janus.
His hands gripped the steering wheel. It’d been tough saying goodbye. Tougher still to see him again. He missed Trev more than he would have thought possible given the short time they’d known each other. Then again, combat will do that to a person: make brothers out of near strangers.
“Welcome,” Claire said as she stepped out of her truck.
He’d parked next to her, along the left side of her house, almost in front of the kennels. He got out and stood by the side of the truck, the smell of dirt and oak trees and fresh-cut grass so predominant that for a moment all he did was inhale.
He caught her staring at him curiously. “Nice place.”
She had her hand on her son’s head again, bending down to say something.
“But I want to watch him with Thor,” her son said.
“In a minute,” he heard her murmur.
The boy’s head bowed. His shoulders slumped. He did everything but kick at a rock, but he did as she asked, muttering something under his breath, something about Hawkman.
His gaze must have reflected his puzzlement because she smiled. “His immune system still isn’t up to par.” Her smile faded a bit. “He thinks I’m stupid for wanting him to go inside and wash his hands after we’ve been out and about.”
“So he’s threatening to have Hawkman come after you?”
The smile turned back on. “He’s a friend of the family.”
“You have a superhero for a friend?” For the first time since his arrival, he felt like smiling, too. “Wow. I’m impressed.”
Something low and soft that he recognized as a laugh filled the air. “Not really. We’re friends with Rand Jefferson.” She shook her head. “The actor that plays the superhero in the movies. It’s a long story.”
“Maybe you can tell it to me after I say hello to an old friend.”
“Yeah, sure.” Her smile seemed to have a short in it because it fizzled. “He’s over there.”
“I know.”
Janus had spotted him. He could tell by the way the dog’s eyes had fixated on him, his whole body having gone still, as if he silently tried to telepathically commune with his old friend. He knew what he would say.
Where have you been? What are you doing here? Where’s Trevor?
He didn’t have an answer for the dog.
“Platz,” he ordered sternly as dog after dog jumped up on the fence of their loafing sheds. Janus just stood there, as if he tried to reassure himself through sight and smell that it really was his master’s old friend. Then he shifted his gaze past Ethan, as if hoping to spot Trev.
He nearly stumbled.
I keep looking for him, too.
You deployed with someone. You see them day in and day out. You drink beers with them, you shoot pool with them, you even go on leave together once or twice. And then—bam—just not there. He still couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t imagine how Janus felt.
“How are you?” he asked the dog, flipping up the latch that kept the front gate closed. “Good to see you again, buddy.”
The familiar words set the dog’s tail in motion. He still glanced behind Ethan again, then he sat down in front of him.
Ethan smiled. This, too, was familiar. When Trevor would bring Janus in for a post-op exam, the dog would walk right up to him and sit down, as if silently saying, “Go on. Get it over with.”
“Nah,” he said softly, squatting down in front of him. “I don’t need to check you for bullet wounds. Not here. Not today.”
Not ever again.
His hands had started to shake again. He covered the tremors by burying them in Janus’s fur. It wouldn’t hurt to check the condition of his injuries, he told himself, parting the fur, finding a diagonal slice that started at the top of his right shoulder blade and ended between his two front legs. A piece of mortar had nearly taken his leg off, but it was healing nicely.
“How does he look?”
Ethan didn’t turn, just went on exploring Janus’s body as he said, “Good.”
He dragged his hand along the dog’s side where he found a half-dollar-sized bump. Sniper round. Went clean through. Miracle Janus had lived. Another scar on his other side—this was from an old bomb blast. So many untold stories. So many near misses. Until...
He stood quickly. Janus scooted closer to him, his head tipped back, dark eyes unblinking. He opened his mouth and started to pant, something close to a canine smile lifting the corners of his mouth as their gazes locked.
I missed you, too, he silently telegraphed.
But it was also damn difficult. It brought it all back. The trip home. The funeral afterward. The look on Trevor’s wife’s face as she’d been handed the flag. She tried to be so strong for her kids, but her hands had trembled as she reached for the talisman, and he’d watched as the weight of her sorrow brought down the roof of her control.
“Ethan?”
“Whatever you’re doing, keep on doing it.”
Breathe, he told himself. And again. Don’t let Claire see how close you are to crumbling, too.
“Good. I’m glad. Just as soon as he’s healed from his wounds, I’ve got a home lined up for him.”
He had to work to keep his voice even. “He’ll do great.” He just wished...
“What?”
Clearly she’d read the dissatisfaction in his eyes. “I wish she would have taken him.”
“Who?”
“Naomi,” he clarified. “Trevor’s wife. I wish she would have taken him.”
“Me, too.”
He should have applied to take Janus home, but that was the problem. He didn’t have a “home,” a necessary component to being approved for adoption. He might have been able to pull some strings, but to be honest, then what? He had no idea where he was going, or what city he’d end up in, or what he’d end up doing. Before he’d left for Via Del Caballo he’d applied to a number of jobs, most of them working at veterinary clinics, but a few of them doing what he wanted to do—training dogs. Right now, Janus didn’t fit into his life. Better to let him go, to let him start over with a family to love him.
“Ready to look at Thor?”
“Sure.”
The dog hadn’t changed position since his arrival. He still lay huddled against the wall of his shelter. He couldn’t even see the dog’s eyes, they were buried so deeply into his paws.
“I put him on the end so I could interact with him on my way to and from the kennels.” She led him back the way they’d come. “It hasn’t helped. He’s snapped at me twice. I usually don’t neuter them right away, but I’m wondering if it wouldn’t help with this dog. To be honest, I’m at my wit’s end.”
He approached the dog warily, his experience with military working dogs—or MWDs—having taught him that it was often better to approach behind the safety of a fence first, so he once again walked around the corner of the row of kennels. All the dogs had passed a behavioral test, but still, she had a point. Neutering him might help, too. In fact, most MWDs were adopted out already spayed or neutered, but Claire took all dogs in, one of the rare civilian operations in the United States. Clearly, someone had pulled some major strings when setting up her operation, not that he cared. As long as the dogs were well taken care of. Thor looked good, he thought, approaching the kennel. Beneath the shade of a giant oak tree, the dog blended in with a shadow but his coat and his weight told Ethan all he needed to know. His lack of movement told him something, too; he was a dog that clearly didn’t want to be disturbed.
“He’s obviously eating well.”
“He is, but he waits to eat until I’m not around. I’ve watched him through my kitchen window. He picks at his food, too, I’ve noticed, eating a little here and a little there.”
“Any vomiting or diarrhea?”
“No. I had him checked out by a friend. She did a complete workup. Nothing wrong.”
He squatted down next to the dog’s run. “Hey, Thor, buddy. How’s it going?”
No response. Not an ear twitch. Not a wrinkled nose. Not even a tiny wag of the tail.
“What happened to his partner?”
“KIA.”
It was just a phrase—KIA—but it kicked him in the gut. He had to grab at the fence as the familiar anxiety returned, not that Thor noticed. Ethan could still smell the desert if he closed his eyes. Hear the sound of the incoming mortar just before it hit their encampment. Hear the screams...
Stop.
He couldn’t change the past. Couldn’t change what happened to Trevor any more than he could change the direction of the wind. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of oak and pollen-filled air and...Claire.
Mostly, he focused on the smell of Claire; vanilla with maybe just a hint of butterscotch thrown in. Woman were a rarity over there, especially pretty women, women who smelled good. He would focus on her and her kind eyes.
Three, two...
He got ahold of himself, just as he’d taught himself to do, with grim determination. His hands still shook, but he was able to focus on the dog again. “Do you have a whistle?”
“Do I...” He turned in time to spy her look of consternation. “In the house, I think.”
“Would you get it for me?”
She turned without another word, and Ethan watched her walk away. The scent of her lingered. Like dessert after Sunday dinner. Like home.
You are home, idiot. Back in the States.
No. Like when he’d grown up with his grandfather, back before he’d died. The best times of his life. And then everything had changed.
And if she knew how messed up you are, she’d stay in her house. To hell with the whistle.
That was the thing; nobody knew how messed up he was. Not even his superior officer. Not even the military shrink. Not even the discharge officer who’d asked him repeatedly if everything was okay.
No. Things weren’t okay. And it scared the heck out of him.
* * *
SHE FOUND A whistle with Adam’s help, her son insistent that he go outside and watch whatever it was Major McCall was about to do.
“Do you think he’ll have him attack someone or something? You know, blow the whistle and tear something to shreds.”
Her son might be bald. He might still be recovering from the hell the doctors had put him through to kill the cancer in his blood, but he was still a boy.
“No, Adam. I don’t think he’s going to do that.”
They emerged into the bright, spring sunshine. It’d been a year ago that Adam had been diagnosed. A year ago since her world had fallen apart. Hard to believe time had passed so quickly, but they weren’t out of the woods yet. Though the cancer hadn’t metastasized, it was still a waiting game. So far the immune depression therapy had worked, but they still had a while to go before they’d be given the all clear—if they were given the all clear. Things could change at any moment, which was why she refused to get her hopes up.
“What’s wrong with him?” Adam asked Ethan, his baseball cap nearly falling from his head he bounced up on his toes so hard. “Are you going to put him through his paces?”
She had to give him credit; Ethan didn’t seem bothered by her son’s exuberance. Quite the contrary. He smiled down at him, even tapped the brim of his hat, just as she did, and it was then she noticed it.
His hands shook.
Her eyes shot to his. Was he nervous? Did Thor make him afraid?
“I’m just going to perform a little test.” He held out his hand for the whistle.
Yes. No mistaking it. He shook.
“Here.” The polished surface caught the light as it swung back and forth.
He snatched the whistle from her so fast she wondered if he knew she’d spotted his quaking limbs. Something about the way he turned away from her, too, as if he were afraid she’d look too closely. Little did he know. The man had held her attention since the moment she’d met him.
He blew the whistle.
Loudly. Shrilly. Unexpectedly. Claire’s heart nearly jumped from her chest.
“Ouch.” Adam covered his ears. “That was loud.”
And Thor didn’t move.
Claire stood, frozen, as a dozen little puzzle pieces fell into place. The way the dog ignored her. How he never rushed to greet her when she went outside. How he never came to her when she called his name.
He was deaf. She felt like a fool for never checking something so basic, so in-your-face obvious. Then again, Thor had been given a full physical, and a health clearance following that. He still bore the physical scars of his injuries. She’d just assumed his lack of attention was related to the physiological baggage he carried.
She took a step closer to Ethan and said, “It wasn’t just his unresponsiveness that concerned me. There are other...issues, too.”
He tucked the whistle in his pocket. “Like what?”
“He seems...detached somehow. He never wags his tail. Barely shows interest in his food. Ignores me for the most part.”
