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Alex tried to look away, tried to think of some light way to laugh and brush away this question. Opening her soul to Wyatt would be a mistake. It would be a connection…and there could be no connections with this man.
“Oh, you know, it was just one of those minor ‘left over from my childhood’ things. After you have not one father but two fathers walk out the door, you tend to try a little too hard to salvage your relationships. You give a little too much of yourself. I might have subverted my needs to others once or twice, but, as I said, that’s completely in the past. It’s irrelevant.”
She had tried to say it in an offhand, breezy manner, but Wyatt wasn’t looking breezy. “Elaborate on subverting your needs to others.”
Alex considered sidestepping that command. She could have reminded him that he was being highhanded and that baring her soul wasn’t a part of her job, but then she made the mistake of looking into those fierce green eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. Dizziness threatened. She wanted to lean closer, and suddenly talking seemed like the safest thing to do. Telling him about the stupid mistakes she’d made suddenly became a way to put some distance between them, to keep her mind off the man.
So, despite the fact that she didn’t want to go into the humiliating details, she told him about tutoring Robert, mentoring Leo, and helping Michael with his parenting problems. “They thought they cared, but they were just…grateful and euphoric, I suppose,” she said. “And once their selfconfidence was restored, I was only a rung on the ladder, one that had served its purpose. They felt guilty, but it didn’t change things. I learned a valuable lesson. So you really don’t have to worry about me overdoing it at McKendrick’s. I like the work, but I’m not volunteering for a servile position.”
“Idiots,” he said.
“I was making the point that you don’t have to worry about me being a sacrificial lamb. I wasn’t aiming for your pity. I was trying to tell you that helping you isn’t hurting me. You’re not taking advantage of me, because I know all about that and this isn’t it.”
“They wounded your spirit,” he said angrily.
“But I survived.”
“That’s because you’re an intelligent, competent, selfassured woman.”
“Yes, I am,” she said, and realized that it was true. Her bad luck with love hadn’t broken her. Yet. “I’m not being egotistical. I know my flaws. But I also know what I like and what I’m good at, and that’s connecting with people on a basic, friendly, let-me-help-you level. It’s what drives me at work and what will help me get to where I want to be. I can help you win.”
“By running yourself into the ground?”
She sighed. “Wyatt, weren’t you listening? I thrive on work. It makes me feel good about myself. This job makes me feel powerful. To you I’m running myself into the ground. To me I’m just…being me.”
Without thinking, she reached across the table and placed her hand on his. Bad mistake, since she was now totally physically aware of him. Her first thought was to jerk back, but then he’d know how much he was affecting her, so she didn’t.
“I know my tendency to overdo makes people crazy. I did warn you about it that first day. But I’m not in any danger. I’m used to taking care of myself,” she said. “I know how. When both my fathers left us, we were out on the street lots of times with no home. My mom was a mess, and I had to be the grownup at times. So it’s good of you to worry about me, but…”
He swore. Actually swore—even if it was beneath his breath. “You are driving me crazy,” he told her. “I am not a good person. I have never been a good person. When I was growing up, my family members could barely control me. True, they were all first-class brutish animals, who detested the fact that I had even dared to survive my infancy, but they weren’t completely wrong about me, either. I lived to make them miserable.”
“Ah,” she said. Now she saw…something—a small piece of Wyatt’s past—and it filled her with pain. It involved a small boy and a much larger person bearing down on him. She remembered a comment Wyatt had once made about perfection. She remembered the moment with that guy the other day calling that little boy an idiot and Wyatt explaining how he had once made a lot of mistakes, too. “Your family wanted to change and control you.” Somehow she kept her voice from breaking.
He glowered. “As you said, I didn’t share this with you to earn your sympathy. I don’t talk about this stuff…to anyone but you need to know that I’m not ever going to be the knight in shining armor type. I’m the fists flying, spit in your eye type, and without even thinking about it I could hurt you, Alex. I wouldn’t want to, but it would happen anyway, so don’t start getting that ‘I’ll take care of you’ look in your eyes. I’ve seen you use that with customers.”
“And you’ve liked it then.”
“Yes, but I’m not a customer.”
“You’re my boss.”
“Yes,” he said. “I am. Most definitely.” Her hand was still resting on Wyatt’s. Now he flipped his palm over and took her hand in his own. “Don’t make me worry about you.”
Again she remembered what Randy had said about Wyatt becoming withdrawn when he broke a woman’s heart. Was this where she repeated her past again? A man regretting he’d gotten too close, who now had to find the nearest exit? She was sure that Wyatt’s withdrawal when he walked away from a woman was the result of the guilt he felt. A man who had been made to suffer, who had been denied love as a boy, would…would what?
Maybe he’d become an over-achiever, intent on proving that he deserved his place on the earth. Maybe he’d even want to accumulate accolades and awards to throw in their faces. And maybe…would he insulate himself by refusing to care about anyone deeply again? Good chance of that, and any woman who didn’t understand was bound to get her heart shredded. Would he worry about being the cause of other people’s pain? Oh, yes, it seemed he would. Because he would know too well what pain felt like.
“Have you really hurt women?” she asked, surprising herself and apparently surprising him, too, by his expression. He had just told her that he didn’t share this stuff and shouldn’t have shared what he already had. “I’m sorry. It was just a passing comment I heard. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
Wyatt sighed and frowned. “You should have if it was bothering you. And the answer is yes. And no. Not physically. Never. But emotionally? That’s a big yes.”
And it was clear that he hated that.
“All right. I’ll try not to make you worry,” she promised. “I’ll set the alarm on my watch and I’ll take my breaks. Randy will remind me. I won’t get sick on your watch. I promise you that.” And I won’t fall in love with you and bring that anguish to your eyes, either, she silently promised. At least she wouldn’t if she could help it. It was hard to resist a man who watched over his employees this carefully.
The darkness lifted from his expression, just a bit.
“But I have a good work ethic,” Alex told him. “I’ve told you how much my work and my success and doing a good job means to me, how it empowers me. So…since I don’t like taking too long for my lunch break we should eat.” Because now she was totally conscious that he was still holding her hand. His thumb was caressing her palm. It felt…exquisite.
She stared at where he was touching her.
He let her go and shrugged. “My mistake.”
Alex started to remind him that she was the one who had touched him first, but when she opened her mouth to say it, he stared at her with those fierce green eyes and she knew that he already knew what she was going to say.
He lifted one lazy eyebrow. “My mistake,” he said again. She nodded. “You’re the boss,” she told him again.
“Sometimes I wonder,” he muttered, as the waiter came up and took their order.
But what Alex was wondering when she returned to work after lunch, was how she was going to maintain a professional distance from Wyatt now that she’d seen a glimpse of his soul. The urge to fix, to help, was kicking in. She knew that feeling, and she’d lived to regret it. The fact that her reaction to Wyatt was more intense than anything she’d felt before only made things worse.
Start planning your return to San Diego, she told herself. Good advice. She would take it. She picked up the phone and began to dial.
CHAPTER NINE (#ulink_d028d243-0e34-532c-9db0-64403d7bcb9f)
WYATT was in a foul mood. Remembering Alex’s story and her attempt to be nonchalant about what had been done to her fueled an anger he didn’t want to analyze. That anyone would hurt someone as sunny as Alex—she deserved better than that.
A good thing to remember, he reminded himself. Because he’d been thinking about her too much lately, and he wasn’t one whit better than any of those men had been. He would hurt her just as easily as they had.
Something hot and painful sluiced through him. He shoved it aside. Alex was a prize for McKendrick’s. But she wasn’t for him, he reminded himself. He’d do well to remember that.
It was time to get back to thinking about the hotel and to stop thinking about Alex. Maybe he should simply pay her in full and hire someone less competent to stand in until Belinda could return.
But he knew that he wouldn’t do that. He was as bad as any of the men who had harmed her. He liked what she did for McKendrick’s. Worse than that, he liked sparring with her…and looking at her…and touching her. And, for the short time she was here, he was going to continue to enjoy all those things.
“Are you sure you’re all right? You’re looking a little flushed every time we mention Wyatt,” Jayne said later that night. Alex was on a video call with Jayne and Molly. Serena wasn’t around tonight—even though she’d returned to Las Vegas…to be with the man she’d married during their weekend. She and Alex had managed to catch up briefly a few days earlier, when she had called on Alex to help shop for an outfit suitable for a mayoral candidate’s wife. How had that happened?
“I’m fine. Really. It’s Serena I’m worried about. She really didn’t seem like herself.”
“I know. I get the impression she’s confused. Not happy. I wish we had all stayed together that night,” Jayne said.
Molly frowned. “Yes. Staying together would have been best.”
Was there something in Molly’s eyes other than concern for Serena? Alex couldn’t tell. Darn video phone.
“I’m going to talk to her again as soon as I can,” Alex said.
“Yes, but who’s going to talk to you?” Molly asked.
“Molly, I promise if I get in too deep I’ll tell you. So far I’m handling it.”
A long silence ensued. “What’s ‘it’, exactly?” Jayne asked.
Uh-oh. “I kissed Wyatt one day.” Okay, he had kissed her. Same difference, since she had kissed him back.
“Alex…” Molly drawled.
“I’m good. I’m not letting it affect me. I’m totally over it,” Alex said. Which probably wasn’t the best thing to say. It implied that she had, in recent memory, not been over it.
“I don’t like what I’m hearing…or not hearing, Alex.” Molly’s voice quivered. “Men can be such trouble.”
“Men can wreck your life if you let them,” Jayne said.
“But I’m strong. I know Wyatt isn’t available, and I won’t let anyone wreck my life.” Including me, Alex thought.
“But Wyatt kissed you…” Molly prompted.
“Yes, but only in a lustful way, not a romantic way. It was—” the most intimate, expert kiss she’d ever had “—it was nice, but I’m safe. I’m not getting involved.”
“You’re repeating yourself, Alex. And somehow I don’t feel better after this conversation,” Jayne said.
“I do. I miss you guys. For your sakes as much as mine, I’ll do a lot of counting to ten,” Alex promised.
Her friends smiled. “If you need us, we’ve got your back.”
“Thanks, you two. I’ll get in touch with Serena.”
Alex hung up the phone. Talking to her friends was a bit like talking to a mom these days. She loved them, she missed them, and she didn’t dare tell them everything. If she did…
“They would worry themselves sick,” she muttered. Just the way she was worrying about them.
Alex was particularly worried about Serena, so when her friend called and suggested that they meet at Hennesey’s, an Irish pub, Alex jumped.
“I can’t believe you’re back here in Las Vegas,” Alex said. “It’s wonderful.”
“It’s so good seeing you,” Serena agreed, which wasn’t exactly the same thing. How was she feeling about being married? “Come on, let’s move outdoors. The music’s great, but I want to be able to hear what’s happened to you.”
“What’s happened to me?” Alex launched into a description of some of the projects she’d started at the hotel.
“Jayne and Molly said that you and your boss kissed.Alex…”
“Serena…” Alex said, duplicating her friend’s tone. “Or should I call you Mrs. Benjamin?”
Serena blinked. Then she laughed. “Okay, we’re even—and aren’t we a pair? How did life ever get this complicated?”
“I guess we came to Las Vegas and started a few things we hadn’t anticipated starting.” Alex took a sip of her drink as the lilting strains of music floated out on the breeze. “Do you love him, Serena? Does he love you?”
Serena hesitated. “It’s…I’m not sure how this is all going to play out. How about you? How do you feel about Wyatt kissing you? I’m always interested to hear more about the virile one.”
Alex laughed. “Let’s just say that Wyatt could make a living giving kissing lessons if this hotel gig doesn’t pan out. Still, it shouldn’t have happened, and we’ve gotten beyond it.”
Later, after Serena had opened up and talked about her husband, Jonas, just enough so that Alex was really worried about her friend’s chances of ever having a happily-ever-after, Alex drove back to McKendrick’s.
Had she really said that she’d gotten beyond the kiss with Wyatt? When did I become such a liar? she thought. And why was she lying to her friends?
Wyatt needed to get away. For the past two weeks he’d been measuring his every action, his motivations, his words. He should never have kissed Alex, because each time he got near her now, his entire body reacted. He envisioned her in his arms and in his bed, and it was time to put a stop to that. He needed to remember what he was all about…and what he was not about. He had to go somewhere away from the hotel and the world as he knew it. A place where there was no chance of glancing over to see what was going on with Alex. Because she wouldn’t be there.
He was dressed casually, unusual for him, and as he walked toward the entrance, several women smiled and said hello.
As always he was polite, but no more. He dated only casually, and he kept the hotel and his personal life separate. Maybe because the hotel meant more to him than anyone he’d ever dated had. His success in business didn’t carry over to the rest of his life. After walking away from numerous women, he had realized that he didn’t have the basic emotional tools to fall in love and maintain a relationship. That part of him had died long ago. Or maybe it had never existed.
Growing up, solitude, hiding, had saved him from beatings and abuse. He’d always been alone, because when he was young it had been the only way. And now?
It was still the only way. He’d never been able to make the leap to love, could never let anyone inside his walls, and he always ended up hurting some innocent woman. That made him loathe himself for being such a cold beast, so solitude was the life for him. Forever.
Normally he was fine with that, and today, as usual, he was on his own. He drove to the one place in Las Vegas where he didn’t have to maintain his image. The Haven was an old motel with cottages and a small chapel, a rundown bit of property he’d bought a few years ago with the idea of fixing it up. But for some reason he never had. It was a place that drew him. Usually he could relax and lose himself in solitude there…except today he couldn’t.
Lounging in a chair inside the one cottage where he’d made minimal improvements, he tried to read. And put down his book. Once. Twice. Three times.
“It’s her,” he said aloud, glancing at the red rocks in the distance, but seeing pretty blue eyes. Wyatt groaned. “I have to stop thinking of her,” he muttered.
Because nothing had changed. He didn’t want a relationship, and she’d been hurt in her relationships. She wanted a home. He didn’t even live in a home. He had no knowledge of a real home. But what was she doing right now?
Most likely she was at her desk, very efficiently managing his guests. Issues with some of those visitors might be arising. And, even though it wasn’t her job to handle customer disputes, some of his employees had been going to Alex lately if he wasn’t available. Her ability to make people feel good, the way she smoothed things over easily, had people bending the rules. When he was at hand no one did that, but when he wasn’t…
Wyatt slammed the book closed. Maybe he should have brought Alex with him. He wondered what she would think of the Haven.
She’d probably think it was a decrepit pile of rock and wood that needed to be torn down. She’d think less of him then. And that would effectively kill his fascination with her.
Next time, he promised himself. Next time he’d bring Alex. But for now…
“Rest time’s over, McKendrick.”
She should be feeling better about how her day was going, Alex conceded. She’d come up with two new activities to make McKendrick’s stand out from the crowd. And, despite the fact that there’d been an article in the local paper yesterday about Champagne sponsoring some sort of exclusive event this weekend, the crowds at McKendrick’s were just as big as ever. People looked relaxed and happy. She’d had nothing but good vibes from those approaching her desk this morning.
She’d hardly even noticed that Wyatt had left two hours ago, taking some rare time off, she told herself. Despite the fact that the hotel seemed emptier without him around, she was okay with that…wasn’t she? It was normal to feel a little different when there was a change in one’s routine.
Of course she had noticed that a few women gave him hopeful waves as he left. She’d even wondered if there might be another woman sharing his day off, and felt a stabbing pain near her heart, but she’d forced herself to try to ignore it.
She was almost succeeding, too, when she looked up to see a young maid headed toward Randy, then veering off when she saw that he had people at his desk. Alex had none, and the look of relief on the maid’s face was palpable.
“I just passed the ballroom, and two of the workers doing the renovation are fighting,” the young woman said.
“Physically?”
“No, but there’s a lot of yelling. The customers can hear them. And the security guys are on the tenth floor, helping a woman who fell getting out of the bathtub. I didn’t know what to do, so I came here.”
“Thank you. It was the right thing to do,” Alex said, and she took off toward the ballroom. She could hear raised voices before she even opened the doors.
