Communication

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2.4 Use eye contact carefully (#ulink_ef50fd4a-fdef-5031-a575-581b00cb946a)

What happens when you look at someone and they break away and won’t look at you directly? You probably become a little suspicious about them. Direct eye contact, in contrast, can be seen as more open. Make sure you use appropriate eye contact, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you.

The key to eye contact is to be aware of who you are talking to. When you look directly into someone’s eyes, it is regarded positively in Western business practice, for there the eyes are very much regarded as ‘windows to the soul’. Direct eye contact is equated with being honest and trustworthy. Indeed, eye contact is so powerful in the West that

case study A trip to the zoo can be surprisingly instructive for learning about eye contact. An ape that stares directly at another ape, for example, is showing that they are the dominant animal. Humans are no different. If you were to stare directly at someone and hold your gaze, the other person would begin to feel as if you were trying to control them. It would either force them into a battle with you, in which they would try to ‘stare you out’, or they will break eye contact and glance away in a submissive gesture. These subtle forms of eye contact communication at the zoo are mirrored every day in the business world.

the phrase ‘wouldn’t look you in the eye’ is used in English to imply that someone might be shifty. This isn’t the case in all cultures though, and even in the West, prolonged eye contact can be disconcerting.

In a naturally flowing conversation, we tend to look at the other person more when we are listening than when we are talking. However, men and women with particular status, power or expertise within business tend to look more when they are speaking. Women need to be particularly conscious of eye contact. Research shows that, outside a business setting, a woman will generally look at a man when they are not being looked at, but will look away when the man looks directly at them. This is interpreted as submissive in many cultures.

Key points for using eye contact to appear confident:

Adopt a business persona. If lowering your eyes modestly is a natural habit for you, when you come to business you may find that you are giving out signals that you are submissive or in a lower position than you really are. Scrutinize and become aware of your habits, and, if necessary, learn to ‘perform’ differently in the business environment.

Look while you are talking. If you want to have more control in a presentation setting, adopt the habit of looking directly at your audience when you are talking. It signals an air of strength and confidence.

Use direct eye contact, but beware of appearing too dominant.

2.5 Show you’re friendly (#ulink_7d87fe10-c34f-5dc5-920d-d86b24518547)

Every time you talk to someone, your body language either says, ‘Welcome, I am open to meet you and talk to you’, or ‘I am closed. I don’t want to listen to you. Go away.’ Even without speaking, we give out these welcoming or off-putting signals. What you feel shows up clearly in your posture, gestures and facial expressions.

Signs of positive, open lines of communication

Open stance. Uncrossing your legs and arms and directly facing the other person shows that you are eager to talk or listen to them. Combine this with good eye contact for great open communication skills.

Friendly expression. Generally, when your body language is open, you don’t have any defenses up because you have decided that you are with a ‘friend’. Your shoulders will be relaxed and you might be smiling or certainly have a relaxed expression on your face.

Leaning forward. If someone has open body language and is leaning forward to catch what is said, they are interested and accepting what you are saying. If you are selling, this is a great time to close a deal.

one minute wonder Stay ‘open for business’ as much as possible on a day-to-day basis by keeping your attitude genuinely engaged. Our attitudes are contagious, so, if you are happy, interested and relaxed, you will have welcoming body language, and this will ‘infect’ the people around you.