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She ducked her head and stepped back until she could breathe again. She wanted only friendship from Sam. She was too screwed up to try anything else. Focusing on friendship should work. Just because she was attracted to him and maybe he thought she was attractive didn’t mean she wanted to ruin what could be a good friendship for some meaningless sex.
The whole reason for coming to Tawnee Valley was to uncomplicate her life and figure out her next move. Sam could be a huge complication if she let things go that way. She wanted his steady presence to help guide her in the right direction, as he had when they were kids. And, yes, they had been children at the time and were now adults with a lot more complications, but that didn’t have to stop them from being friends again. Guys and girls could be friends.
* * *
When Nicole wasn’t touching him, Sam could think straight. They grabbed a couple of flashlights and the beer and headed into the fields. Barnabus and Rebel, Barnabus’s puppy, who was almost a year old, followed them. Sam had promised himself that he was going to allow himself to live, even if he couldn’t leave his family’s farm.
Following Nicole wouldn’t hurt anything. He was curious what had happened to her after she left Tawnee Valley. In the early years after her departure, he’d started letters to her but never finished them. Time had been against him with school and chores. Then so much time had passed that it seemed strange to write to a girl who had once been his friend.
“With the rope gone, how are we going to get up?” Nicole spun to face him. She’d been quiet while they’d trekked deeper into the woods. Maybe because the woods themselves were so quiet. Their tree house loomed ahead of them in the huge oak tree.
“The same way we did as kids?” he said.
She contemplated the tree. “I’m not sure I can climb a tree these days. I think I was a lot more spindly back then. Don’t get me wrong. I exercise, but climbing trees hasn’t been a specialty. The trees out in California weren’t good for climbing.”
“I can give you a boost.” He closed the distance between them and pointed out the spot that would be easiest to climb. For the first time in a long time, his shoulders felt lighter, and his chest didn’t feel as tight. The responsibility of the farm seemed far away. “Remember this was your idea.”
“I haven’t exactly been known for my smart decisions lately.” She set the beer on the ground and positioned herself in front of the climbing route they’d zipped up as kids. “I’m counting on you not to let me land on my backside here.”
She glanced at him over her shoulder. The darkness obscured the color of her eyes, but the moonlight streaming through the tree leaves gave her a glow that made her look ethereal, unworldly. He’d never noticed before she left whether she was cute or pretty; they’d always just been buds. She used to punch him in the arm for flinching. They’d had belching competitions. There’d been nothing girlie about her then.
As she hoisted herself up, he grabbed hold of her waist to help support her. From her curves to her seductive scent, she was all woman now. A very attractive woman. When she moved beyond his reach, he let go of her waist and watched her.
Her foot slipped, and his hands automatically braced her nearest body part, which happened to be her bottom.
“Thanks.” Her voice was higher pitched than normal. She lifted herself up onto the platform and then brushed her hands over her bottom. “Hand me up the beer.”
He passed her the beer and studied the tree. One wrong move could pull at his chest muscles, which still bothered him from time to time. The small incision wound was healed, but the muscles still weren’t quite up to full power yet.
“Are you coming, cow lifter?” Her tone was teasing. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you a hand if you need it. But please don’t need it, because most likely we’ll both fall out of the tree and break something. They won’t find us for a few days. We’ll have to eat grass and the fallen leaves. It might be a great diet, but we’d soil ourselves and when they found us, there’d be all sorts of questions. Why did you think climbing a tree at ten at night would be a good—”
“Would you be quiet for a moment?”
“Why? Are you afraid I’ll be right?”
She was just a shadow in the tree, but he glared up at her anyway. He climbed carefully, feeling stupid the whole time. What thirty-one-year-old climbed trees besides Nicole? He’d been responsible for the farm and his brothers since he was eighteen. Even as he chastised himself for doing something so foolish, after staying inside the lines for so long, it felt good to do something just because he wanted to and not because it needed to be done.
When he reached the platform, he pulled himself up the rest of the way with only a slight protest from his chest muscles. When he straightened, she held out a beer to him.
“I knew you’d make it,” she said and lowered herself to the planks of wood. She patted the spot next to her.
“There was more space up here when we were kids.” When they were fourteen, they hadn’t needed much space. Now there was just enough room for them to sit side by side with their shoulders touching.
At one point they’d known each other’s secrets and fears, but now they were little more than strangers. All he knew about her life now was what she’d told him. It was more of an outline than the complete picture. How much would she expect him to share? How much was he willing to share?
“Did you find a new best friend after I left?” Nicole took a drink of her beer and stared up into the canopy of leaves. The stars twinkled beyond the leaves. The moon didn’t overpower the stars, the way streetlights did.
“No.” There was no secret in that, just a fact. “I had a group of friends in high school but never got close to any of them.” Not as he’d been close to her. Because he lived out on the farm, it made it hard to connect with his friends, and with his chores, he didn’t always have time.
“Do you still see any of them?” Her voice was soft in the darkness, not quite a whisper, as if they were sharing secrets and not just talking about what happened between then and now.
“Every once in a while, someone comes to town to visit their folks or something.” The truth was, everyone moved away after graduation. It was rare to find anyone in Tawnee Valley between the ages of twenty and thirty who wasn’t married with kids.
“I tried my hardest to fit in at my new school,” Nicole said. “Mom insisted I start dressing like a girl since I wasn’t living on a farm anymore. I made a few friends, but I couldn’t tell them any secrets without someone spreading it around school. I certainly couldn’t make blood pacts or belch in front of them.” Nicole bumped his shoulder with hers.
“You were the one who wanted to do the blood thing.” He took a swig of beer. It had been a while since he’d drunk alcohol, probably since Brady’s wedding.
“Only because I saw it in a movie.” They sat quietly for a moment. “Do you think we would have stayed friends if I hadn’t moved?”
Sam took a deep breath and followed a shooting star across the sky. “Honestly? I don’t know. It wasn’t too long after you left that I started looking at girls differently.”
“Like they grew horns and tails?”
He smiled slightly. “You know what I mean.”
“Of course, but it’s much more fun to tease you.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Who knows what might have happened between us if I’d stayed?”
Would he have noticed her? As more than his friend? Would it have felt as awkward as it did now, or would they have fallen into it naturally?
She took his hand in hers and held it. “I wish I knew what to do now. I wish my future was laid out before me like yours always was.”
“Don’t wish that,” he said harshly. No one wished for his life. Not even him.
“You have the farm. I’m sure you’ll find someone who will make you an excellent farm wife, and you’ll have a passel of children to help raise your livestock.” She sighed. “I have an accounting degree but barely any work experience in forensic accounting. Finding another job is going to be confined to large cities. Once I start working, I won’t have the time to date. I’ll probably die alone, but independently wealthy because I didn’t have any time to spend any of my money. Maybe I’ll leave all my money to my cat. If I had a cat...”
“At least you have options.” He couldn’t give up his birthright, and unless he wanted to date the few eighteen-year-olds in town, he didn’t have options on the dating front. There was no way he could relate to someone over a decade younger than him with her future burning bright before her, confine her to the land that had been in his family for generations. His parents had trusted him to keep the tradition going. He couldn’t let them down, so he was bound to the land and cursed to be alone.
“Ugh, when did this become so serious?” She snuggled closer to him and pointed up through the branches. “What constellation is that?”
“What makes you think I know?” He tensed with her touch, but it felt nice to have someone trust him and not want to rehash the bad stuff. Someone he hadn’t let down. He relaxed and drank some beer, breathing in the cool night air.
“Please.” She snorted derisively. “You know everything.”
He didn’t know anything. All he could do was follow the path his parents laid out for him. Whether he wanted to or not. But right now, he could forget about his responsibilities for an hour and point out the stars to someone who could be his friend before she left him again.
Chapter Three (#ulink_cca1169c-a446-5438-aa64-9de8e0662ce0)
Nicole swiped at her brow with a rag. The past few days had been beyond hot. She would have loved to go hide in the air-conditioned rooms of the house, but her family was all outside working. This afternoon they planned to go over and help Sam with his fields. She figured if she tagged along with them then and didn’t put in any work now, her brothers would tease her or leave her behind.
Since she left Tawnee Valley, she’d been set on a course clearly laid out before her. Get good grades to get into a good school. Meet a nice guy so she could settle down and have kids. Find a good job that would provide for the life she wanted. Live happily ever after. She’d followed the plan, and it’d backfired in her face.
Now she was back in Tawnee Valley with the guy she’d thought of so often since she’d moved away. She’d enjoyed talking with Sam. He didn’t have any expectations of her. With the exception of her little attraction to him, he was the perfect friend. He barely talked, but she’d always been told she talked enough for at least two people. She didn’t feel as if she needed to censor herself around him. To be honest, though, she didn’t know what she wanted from Sam.
Friendship, definitely. He’d been her rock, even though he hadn’t actually been there. In her mind, he’d become her diary, her confessional in the letters she’d never sent him.
She yanked a weed out of the ground and tossed it into the middle of the row.
More than friendship? That was the question. She really wasn’t in a good place, but she couldn’t sink much lower. She was at a crossroads in life. Jeremy dumping her hadn’t been as painful as it should have been. She’d spent seven years waiting for him. It was almost a relief when he broke it off. At least she finally knew how he felt.
Losing her job had hurt more. She’d never been let go before. She’d done a good job, shown up to work on time. Never questioned her boss or the extra work. Always tried to be a team player. How was she supposed to know that the company would downsize?
When she found a new job, wherever it ended up being, she would move there. It wasn’t as if Tawnee Valley or the surrounding community had a job opening for a forensic accountant. The big-city accounting firms and possibly the FBI were her best bets. In the past couple of days, she’d started her search and sent out résumés to every posting she could find.
After being cooped up and staring at the screen all day, being outside, even in the blistering heat, felt great.
“Nikki’s slacking again, Dad,” Ethan shouted.
She spun around to give Ethan a dirty look. “I can’t believe you are tattling on me. You’re twenty-five years old.”
“Maybe if you’d get your butt in gear, I wouldn’t have to tell on you.” Ethan winked before he disappeared down one of the lines of corn.
“You don’t have to be out here, Nik.” Her father walked over and stood beside her.
“Please call me Nicole.” The old nicknames shouldn’t bother her, but she hadn’t been called any of them for the past couple of decades. They just sounded weird. Besides, why wouldn’t she want to be out here? “I like helping out.”
Her dad looked down the rows of corn. It was as tall as they were and would be harvested in the next few weeks. “It’s a lot of hard work, but at least it’s honest work.”
She put her arm around his waist and leaned against his side for only a second. After all, they were hot and sweaty, but that didn’t mean a side hug wasn’t nice. “You’re a good man, Dad.”
“Wish your mom had thought so.” He took his hat off and hit it across his thigh. “Sun’s a bear today.”
That was about as emotional as her father got, whereas her mother was emotional all the time. “Yup, it’s pretty hot out.”
“Make sure to get that weed over there and check for bugs.” Her father disappeared behind another row.
They’d been out all morning, since 6:00 a.m. She was looking forward to a nice, long shower before running into Sam. Not that she was going to get pretty just to muck about in the muddy pen to drive the hogs into the trailer. But she could at least get rid of a layer of sweat before he saw her.
Maybe she’d sneak away now to get that shower. She glanced around to see if her father or brothers were nearby. Smiling, she spun toward the house and slammed straight into someone.
Strong hands grabbed her shoulders, and when she drew in a breath filled with a manly scent, she knew immediately whose chest she’d almost broken her nose on.
She grinned up at him while rubbing her nose. “Hey, Sam. What are you doing in our field?”
“Working.” He set her back slightly.
She must be disgusting. Even her hair felt sticky. She didn’t even bother to run a hand through her hair or try to primp at all. It couldn’t be helped.
“I thought I wouldn’t see you until we came over to help with the hogs.” She rubbed her gloved hands over her backside, trying to brush off some of the dirt that had surely accumulated there when she’d pulled the last dozen or so weeds. “So what are you doing over here? Did they tell you I wasn’t pulling my weight? Because I can pull a mean weed. Wait, I know! It’s because I don’t know all the bug names, isn’t it?”
“If I help over here, it’ll go quicker.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He had on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt as she did. While it kept the plants from cutting up her arms, it didn’t help with the heat. However, he looked as if he’d just stepped out of the shower. His dark hair was slicked back under a cap. The sun made his blue eyes seem even deeper as it drew out the darker shades. She pulled her gaze from those eyes before she lost herself in them or said something stupid.
“That’s great,” she said. “Maybe you can tell me what some of these bugs are called. I think Dad and the brats avoid me because they know I’ll talk their ear off if they come near. But you don’t mind if I talk, do you?” She watched his face carefully.
He shrugged but looked distinctly uncomfortable, as if he really would like her to just remain quiet but didn’t want to upset her. If he wasn’t going to protest, she’d talk his ear off because she liked chatting with him. Even if he was just being polite, she couldn’t help her smile.
“I knew I could count on you.”
When she moved to grab her bucket, he held up a hand. “No hugs.”
She laughed. “Oh, trust me, I’m not hugging anyone smelling like I do. I don’t believe in sharing sweat when hugging. Don’t worry, though...I’ll just hug you more next time.”
When he grimaced, she laughed again.
“You’ll get used to it. I swear.” She bent down to pull another weed.
He walked beside her silently, pulling weeds as he went. Investigating the leaves and corncobs. Occasionally he’d point out an insect and let her know whether it was beneficial or needed to be gotten rid of.
She talked about nonsense the entire time. He didn’t respond, but it didn’t bother her. She was glad for the company. She got only that partial smile, though. Not even a flash of dimple. What would it take to make Sam Ward smile? When her mind started turning over certain ways to make a man like Sam smile, she bent down to tie her shoe to hide her suddenly red face. When they made it to the end of her row, her father was there.
“John,” Sam acknowledged.
“You ready for us?” Dad put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his brow.
“The trailer is at the gate, ready for loading.”
“Good, good.” Her father turned to her as if noticing her for the first time. “You coming with, kid?”
She hated it when he called her “kid.” Even “Nik” was better than “kid.” “Yeah. I was hoping to take a quick shower first, though.”
“No need,” her father said. “Just going to get muddy anyway. Come on.”
They followed him down the hill, where Ethan and Wes waited next to their dad’s truck.
“Why don’t you ride with Sam?” Dad said and left them to join the boys.
“Well, that’s not at all awkward.” Nicole smiled up at Sam. “Do you have room for me?”
He nodded and led the way over to his truck. He pulled open the passenger door, and she climbed into the truck.
She slid off her gloves and put them in her lap, suddenly very conscious of the small space and her current lack of personal hygiene. Her deodorant had given up at least a half hour ago, and while she would have loved to believe her sweat didn’t stink...she was fairly certain she didn’t smell like a bed of roses right now, but more like the fertilizer. “Sorry for the smell. Normally I bathe before getting into enclosed spaces with other people.”
“It doesn’t bother me.” He started the truck and drove up the driveway.
“I suppose when you work with cows, pigs and sheep all day, one stinky human isn’t overwhelming.” She turned to watch his expression.
“You don’t stink.” His tone didn’t imply anything negative or even positive, but the simple comment made her heart sing a little.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to be nice. After all, I’m about to climb into your hog pen and get all muddy. I’m sure the hogs won’t mind the smell.” She glanced out the window as they passed the field where their tree house was. Friends didn’t care if other friends liked the way they smelled. She didn’t know how to act around him. So she did what she did best—talk. “I don’t think I’ve carried my cell phone around with me at all. It’s odd because I always checked it in LA. But the reception is so iffy at Dad’s that I just don’t bother. The funny thing is, I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything.”
“Don’t you have friends who call?” Sam asked.
“Funny thing, that.” She twisted in her seat to face him. “Jeremy got our friends. Turns out they were mostly his to start. The friends I had in college all went their separate ways, but we email once in a while.”
The lack of people to hang out with had made her decision to head back to her dad’s that much easier. She could just imagine what Jeremy was saying about her now that she was gone. For all she knew, he’d already hooked up with someone new. She could name at least two girls in their group of friends who had always wanted him. That gave her pause. Nicole must still be in the numb phase of the breakup, because that didn’t hurt as much as it would have a few months ago. Or would it have hurt then?
Sam turned down his driveway and pulled up next to the barn. She snapped out of her thoughts.
“How many hogs are we loading?” She wished she could find a way to make him talk for longer than a minute and finally see his smile. If he was gorgeous sullen, would he be stunningly handsome full-on smiling?
