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Megan folded her arms across the table and rested her head on them. She really had no choice...not if she wanted to live her life without regrets.
Some risks were worth taking. She knew without a doubt if Cameron wanted to take things beyond friendship, the joy would be totally worth the bundle of nerves that had taken up residence in her stomach.
* * *
Cameron had managed about a three-hour nap before the christening. He’d also showered and shaved for the occasion. His mother would be so proud.
He’d just finished adjusting his navy tie when his front door opened and closed. Heels clicked on the hardwood floor, growing louder as Megan approached the hallway. He assumed the visitor was Megan, unless one of his brothers had opted to don stilettos today.
He knew of Megan’s love for breakneck shoes when she wasn’t wearing her cowgirl boots. Didn’t matter to him if she was barefoot. Cameron had fought his attraction to Megan for a few years now. At first he’d thought the temptation would go away. No such luck. Being a cop’s wife, even in a small town, wasn’t something he’d put on anyone he cared about. He couldn’t handle knowing he’d put the worry and stress of being a cop’s wife on Megan, so he pulled up every bit of his self-control to block his true feelings.
Unfortunately, Cameron had never wanted to avoid his best friend as much as he did right this moment. Dread filled his stomach as he recalled the things he’d witnessed last night while monitoring the drugstore parking lot. The events that had unfolded on his watch put a whole new spin on this case...and quite possibly his relationship with Megan. No, not quite possibly. Without a doubt the new developments would shatter their perfect bond.
Her brother had gotten involved with the wrong crowd—a crowd Cameron was about to take down.
She deserved to be happy, deserved to live free from her brother’s illegal activities, and Cameron would do anything and everything to keep Megan safe.
Although he was torn about whether or not she should find out, he was obligated to his job first, which meant he had to keep every bit of this operation to himself. She would be hurt and angry when she discovered what her brother was doing, and even more so when she realized Cameron had hidden the truth from her.
“You wearing pants?” she called out.
With a chuckle, Cameron shoved his wallet and phone into his back pocket. “Pants are a requirement?”
When he stepped into the hall, he stopped short. Damn. Megan had always been beautiful, and she always presented herself as classy and polished for work, but this morning she looked even more amazing than usual. There went that twist to his heart, the one that confirmed she was the most perfect woman for him. But he couldn’t let her in, wouldn’t subject her to his chaotic schedule, his stress from the job. Because if he was stressed, he knew she’d want to take some on herself to relieve him of any burden. He’d signed up for this career...Megan hadn’t.
With her fitted red dress, a slim black belt accentuating her small waist and rounded hips and her dark hair down around her shoulders, she stole his breath—something that rarely happened with any woman. Always Megan. Everything was always centered around Megan. She was special.
Which was why he shouldn’t be looking at her as if she were a woman he’d met at a bar and wanted to bring home for the night. Not that he remembered what that was like. He hadn’t been in a bar for personal recreation in so long, never mind bringing a woman back to his bed.
Megan deserved to be treasured, to be loved and come first in any man’s life. Unfortunately he could only offer two of the three.
Cameron had always figured one of his brothers would scoop Megan up, and the thought had crippled him each time the image crept through his mind. Thankfully, both Eli and Drake had found the loves of their lives. Cameron was thrilled for them, but love wasn’t for all the St. John boys. Cameron barely had time to catch any sleep, let alone devote to a relationship.
“Should I go back home and change?” she asked, raising a brow with a smirk on her face. “You’re staring at me.”
“No, no.” He adjusted his jacket, hating the confining garment and feeling somewhat naked without his shoulder holster. “You’re just looking exceptionally beautiful this morning.”
“You mean my old paint-stained tank and tattered shorts I had on yesterday didn’t make me look beautiful?” She fluttered her eyelids in a mocking manner he found ridiculously attractive.
He loved that no matter what life threw at her, she always found a way to be a bit snarky. Why hadn’t some guy come along and swept her off her feet? Any man would be lucky to have her. She grilled an amazing steak, she was always there for him no matter what, she joked and she even drank beer with him.
If she married someone who loved her and treated her the way she deserved to be treated, Cameron might be able to get this notion that he was worthy of her out of his head. Because he sure as hell knew that was false. He wanted to see her happy with that family she’d always wanted. But she wasn’t even dating anybody. Still, he couldn’t tell her his feelings because there wasn’t a happy ending if he chose that path. Telling Megan would only cause an awkward, uncomfortable wedge between them, and hurting her in any way would destroy him.
As she stood in his hallway, looking like a classy pinup model with all her curves, Cameron cursed himself for allowing his thoughts to travel where they had no business going. Her curves weren’t new, but when the two of them got together she never dressed like this.
It was the dress. That perfectly molded dress. He was used to seeing her in professional work clothes or old tees and shorts. If he was looking at her in a way that stirred him, how would other men be looking at her today? They were attending a church service, for crying out loud, and he was standing here fighting off an ever-growing attraction to his best friend. There was so much wrong with this situation he didn’t even know where to start.
“I’m ready.” He moved into the foyer, careful not to touch her as he passed, and retrieved his keys from the side table.
After he’d locked up behind them, Cameron followed her down the stone path toward her black SUV parked in his drive. They’d barely gotten their seat belts fastened before her cell chimed. Casting a quick glance down to where it rested on the console, Cameron spotted Evan’s name on the screen. More anxiety filled his stomach, but he kept his mouth shut. Now was not the time to expose him. He’d actually made a point to not come between Megan and her brother. Their issues went way beyond those of regular siblings. He might not be able to tell Megan what had happened last night, but Cameron would throw himself in front of her to protect her from anyone...including Evan. Family loyalty meant everything to him; unfortunately, her brother was only loyal to himself.
Megan’s bright green eyes darted up to his as she sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Wasn’t that the story of her life? Always apologizing for her brother, always coming to his defense? Megan was never fully able to live her own life the way she wanted because she’d had to play mom, dad, sister and therapist to the ungrateful punk for years.
She snatched her cell on the second ring. “Hello.”
Cameron couldn’t make out what Evan was saying, only the rumble of a male voice filtered through the SUV. Not that Cameron needed to know what Evan was saying. The man only called his sister to ask for money, use her car or some other random favor.
Megan’s head fell against the back of her seat as she gripped the phone with one hand and her steering wheel with the other. “I can’t, Evan—I’m busy right now.”
Cameron resisted the urge to pull the phone from her hand and tell Evan to grow a set and quit using his sister as plan A. The man, and he used the term loosely, had never held a job that Cameron was aware of...or at least not a legal one. Evan had been a troublemaker in school, getting kicked out of two before he even started junior high. Megan’s parents had moved the family to the next town as a result of Evan’s troubles, causing Cameron and Megan to lose touch for a year. Thankfully Megan had transferred back and their relationship had picked up right where they’d left off—with them goofing off and her hanging at his house with him and his brothers.
Unfortunately, switching schools had only made Evan angrier, resulting in his behavior growing more reckless. Now, as an adult, he had made no strides to clean himself up. Actually, after what Cameron had witnessed last night, he knew Evan was even worse than he’d thought. The man was straight up running drugs. And there was no way in hell Megan knew the trouble her brother was in.
No wonder Megan adored Cameron’s family so much. They were all she had in the form of a loving, solid foundation.
“I’m sorry, Evan,” she went on, her tone exhausted. “That’s not something I can do right now. If you can wait until this afternoon, then I can help. Otherwise, I don’t know what to tell you.”
The more Megan argued, defending herself, the more Cameron felt his blood pressure soar. He was thankful that even though he and his brothers had been hellions in school, they’d never crossed the line into illegal activity. They’d been standard cocky teens. There just happened to be three of them with that arrogant attitude, and when one had done something, the others had jumped on board.
“No, Evan, I—”
Cameron refused to let this go on another second. He pried the phone from her hand and ended the call without a word. Megan jerked toward him, but Cameron clutched the device in his hand, holding it by his shoulder as a silent sign he wasn’t giving in.
Her deep red lips parted in protest before her shoulders sank and her hands fell to her lap. Megan’s head drooped. With all her hair tucked back, he could see every emotion that slid over her face, even though he could only see her profile. Her eyes closed, she bit her lip and her chin trembled. She looked positively defeated.
That right there was why Cameron loathed Evan Richards. The man constantly deflated the life out of fun-loving, bubbly Megan. Moments ago, when she’d stood in Cameron’s hallway, she’d been sassy, confident and vibrant...everything he loved. What he didn’t love was how quickly one person could bring her down. Evan was nothing but a bully, always seeking his own selfish desires and not giving a damn who he hurt along the way.
“Don’t you dare feel bad,” he scolded, maybe harsher than he should have. “That’s exactly what he wants, Meg. He plays that guilt card with you because he knows you’ll give him anything he wants.”
“I know,” she mumbled. Smoothing her hands down her fitted skirt, she let out a sigh and turned to face him. “I’m trying, really. It’s way past time he stood on his own two feet. It’s just so hard...”
She shook her head and reached for the keys in the ignition. After sliding his hand over her slender arm, Cameron gripped her hand.
“That’s what he’s counting on.” Cameron gave her a gentle squeeze as he softened his tone. She wasn’t a perp; she was his friend. “He continually plays the poor sibling, expecting you to ride to his rescue. He’s the one who made this mess of his life.”
Cameron seriously doubted she knew just how much of a mess Evan was in. There was no way he could protect her from the end result. The helpless feeling in the pit of Cameron’s stomach nearly made him sick.
Tears brimming in her eyes, she held his gaze. “You think I don’t know how much Evan has screwed up? That he doesn’t use me on a daily basis? You don’t know what I go through, Cameron. You have the picture-perfect family. I have no parents and a brother who’d just as soon wipe out my bank account as spend five minutes talking with me on how to straighten his life out, how to help him. I’m praying maybe one of these times he comes to me, he’ll be there for more. I’m praying he’ll let me help him, that he’ll be ready to turn his life around. So if I have to get stepped on along the way, it’s worth it.”
The last sentence came out on a choked sob. Well, hell. Now he was the one feeling guilty. He never wanted to make her cry, make her feel as if his life was better than hers.
After placing her phone back on the console, Cameron reached across and wrapped his arms around her the best he could, considering their positions.
“I’m sorry.” Her silky hair tickled his cheek, and her familiar floral scent reminded him she was nearly everything to him and he’d die before he’d hurt her. “I don’t mean to be hard on you. I just hate seeing what he does to you.”
Megan’s hands slid up his torso between his jacket and his shirt, coming to rest against his chest. “What I deserve and what I’ll have are two different things.”
Easing back, Cameron studied her face. “You deserve everything you’ve ever wanted.”
A sad smile spread across her face as she reached a hand up and cupped his freshly shaven jaw. “All I’ve ever wanted may not want me back.”
What?
Before he could question her further, her hand fell away and she started the vehicle. Whatever secret longing she kept locked deep inside was obviously something she’d all but given up on. Cameron refused to let Megan give up on any dream or goal she had.
He vowed that once this major case was over, he’d find a way to make her happy, living the life she desired and deserved. It would be worth everything to him. For years he’d seen her always put her needs behind everyone else’s. And while he may not be the man to settle into her life intimately, he would do everything in his power to make sure her dreams were fulfilled.
Chapter Two (#ulink_ffec7336-7db2-5d37-973d-b596811f263c)
“I’m so glad you could make it.”
Bev St. John hugged Cameron after the christening service, then looped her arm through his as they walked back up the wide aisle of Santa Monica Church.
“You don’t know how much this means to me to have all my boys here for my first grandbaby’s milestone,” Bev said, her wide smile spreading across her face.
Straight ahead, near the tall double doors, Nora and Eli stood with Megan. Megan held his infant niece, who was just over a year old. Cameron’s heart filled. The glow on Megan’s face as she placed a kiss on top of Amber’s curly blond head solidified the fact he couldn’t be the man for her. She would be an amazing, loving, selfless mother. Just not to his kids.
Cameron’s dad, Mac, approached and looked over Megan’s shoulder, smiling down at his granddaughter. Cameron didn’t know where Megan would be if it weren’t for his family. She’d taken to them even before her parents had died suddenly, but she’d really leaned on them during that difficult time. Even as strong as Megan was, she’d been so blindsided by the shock of losing both parents, and then taking over the care of her younger brother when she’d barely gotten out of high school herself. “I’m so glad Megan could make it.” His mother’s soft tone pulled him back. “I just love that girl.”
Over the years his mother had made it no secret she wouldn’t mind Megan being part of the family—in the legal, choosing-china-patterns type of way. Of course now that Eli and Drake were taken, his mom would just have to settle for Megan being a friend and the daughter she’d never had.
Cameron steered them toward the little grouping, and Megan glanced up, caught his eye and smiled. Yeah, there was that invisible pull once again that threatened to wrap around his neck and strangle him.
He wanted her. Wanted her so much sometimes he physically hurt. But she deserved more.
The memory of the darkest time in his life took over. His partner had taken a bullet meant for Cameron. On his last breath, his partner had made Cameron promise to make sure his wife knew he loved her.
That moment changed everything. Letting a woman into his life, letting her get close enough to be devastated like his partner’s wife had been, was not something he’d ever take a chance with. If he entered into a deeper relationship with Megan and something happened to him, it would kill her. Besides, worrying about her while he was trying to do his job was a sure way for him to get hurt. He needed to concentrate, needed to keep Megan out of his mind.
If he could only figure out how the hell to do that.
“Megan, you look beautiful, as always.” His mom leaned forward and kissed Megan’s cheek. “Thanks for being here today.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Are you and Megan coming to eat with us after?” Eli asked Cameron. “We’re heading to that new Italian place just outside of town.”
Cameron started to agree, but Megan chimed in. “I have to get home, but if you want to go, go ahead.”
Oh, no. If she was going home to wait on her freeloading brother to show, Cameron would be right there with her. No way would Evan try to pull her into this latest mess. Hell no.
“I need to head out, too,” Cameron stated. Work was always beckoning, so he knew everyone would just assume that’s why he needed to go. “And she’s my ride.”
Cameron and Megan said their goodbyes and stepped out of the church. The bright sun hit them as they descended the concrete steps. Cameron pulled his glasses from his jacket pocket and slid them on to block the brightness. A headache from lack of sleep and plenty of worry had settled in, and the fiery glare was making it worse.
“Skipping out?”
Cameron turned to see his other brother, Drake. Right at his side was his fiancée, Marly, and Marly’s daughter, Willow.
“Megan and I need to head out,” he told Drake.
“You look pretty,” Willow said, standing beside Megan and looking up at her as if she were looking at a movie star. “I like your hair.”
The free-spirited little six-year-old had on her beloved cowgirl boots, as usual, and was sporting a new grin, sans two teeth.
Megan bent down and slid her hand through Willow’s long ponytail. “I love yours, too. I used to wear my hair just like this when I was your age. You have good taste.”
“I was going to call you,” Marly told Megan. “Nora and I were hoping for a girls’ night sometime soon. You interested?”
Megan smiled and nodded. “Sounds good. Just let me know when.”
More goodbyes were said, and finally Megan and Cameron were settled back in her SUV and headed toward their neighborhood.
“That was a beautiful service,” she commented after a bit. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“You’re family.” Cameron tried to hold back the yawn but couldn’t. Damn, he was getting too old to pull all-nighters. “You belong here, too.”
“You know, one day you may actually replace me with a girlfriend or a wife. I doubt she’ll understand if I’m still hanging around your family.”
Cameron snorted, shifted in his seat and rested his elbow on the console. “For one thing, you could never be replaced. For another, I think you know my stance on committed relationships and marriage.”
“Your reasons may be valid, but they can’t be your crutch for life.”
“It’s not a crutch,” he muttered in defense.
Megan threw him a glance and a smile as she pulled onto their road. “You never know when the right woman will come along and claim you.”
The only woman he’d ever allow to “claim” him was sitting right next to him, but he’d never do that to her. He’d seen firsthand what being a cop could do to even the strongest of marriages. Even though he and Megan had a bond that rivaled the toughest relationships, he wouldn’t put that kind of strain on something, or someone, so important.
She was part of his life in the deepest way he could allow and he’d just have to be satisfied with that. The fact she would likely marry one day was something he couldn’t even think about right now. If he thought of Megan with another man, Cameron would likely lose that wall of control he’d built up.
Megan put on her signal to turn into his drive.
“I’m going to your house,” he told her.
Totally ignoring him, she pulled up to his garage. After throwing her SUV in Park, she turned to face him, her green eyes studying his face. “You need to go in and get more sleep.”
She was preaching to the choir. Unfortunately, even if he went in, he wouldn’t be able to just close down and relax. Besides, he wanted to make sure Evan didn’t show up and try to pour on more guilt or ask for any favors.
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him, patting his leg as if he were some toddler. “I know what you’re doing, but don’t worry. I’ve handled Evan long enough.”
Cameron slid his hand over hers and squeezed. “And that’s the problem. You shouldn’t have to deal with a grown man whose behavior is that of an out-of-control teen.”
Megan tilted her head, and her hair spilled over her shoulder; the strands tickled his arm on the console. “I deal with you, don’t I?”
He couldn’t help but smile. “You only keep me around to set your mousetraps in the winter.”
