Rookie Cop

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“You and Jake.” Alice shrugged and shook her head. “When you speak to each other, you’re so cool…so polite. But when you look at each other…” Again she shook her head, obviously bemused. “I know it’s none of my business, but have you two considered getting back together? You obviously still care a great deal about each other.”

Like almost everyone in town, Alice had to know some, if not all, of Megan and Jake’s past history. And like almost everyone in town, she also seemed to have an opinion about their current situation. An opinion she obviously thought Megan needed to hear.

Staring straight at the social worker, Megan tipped her chin up and made her opinion known, as well.

“Not in a million years,” she said. “Not in a million, trillion years.”

Alice smiled slightly, making no effort to hide her disbelief, then shrugged again. “Whatever you say, dear. But methinks the lady protests too much.”

Unable to conjure any further comment that would dissuade Alice from her belief, Megan lifted Matthew out of the stroller and strapped him into the car seat. Obviously having fired her best shot, Alice folded the stroller and stashed it in the back of her van, then climbed behind the steering wheel as Megan settled into the passenger seat.

“Off we go,” Alice said, starting the engine.

“Yes, indeed,” Megan agreed, forcing herself to smile despite the sudden, almost overwhelming sense of panic that squeezed at her chest.

As she rode along with Alice, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, she began to realize the full extent of what she’d done, not to mention the repercussions that would follow. Although she knew, in her heart, that she couldn’t possibly be the best person for the job, she had agreed to care for an abandoned baby. And she had also opened a door, of sorts, to Jake—one she had intended to keep firmly shut.

Already she had remembered moments from the past that would have been best left forgotten, happy moments as well as sad. Moments when the way Jake looked at her had made her pulse race.

But no more, Megan vowed. No matter what Alice Radford or anyone else seemed to think. She had gotten herself into an untenable situation with her bravado, and she had no choice but to see it through. On her own, just as she’d always done, regardless of how helpful Jake tried to be.

He hadn’t been there for her when she needed him after Will’s death. She had no intention of counting on him being there for her now. She had learned her lesson well where he was concerned, and she wasn’t about to forget it anytime soon.

Chapter Four

Jake asked Darcy not to disturb him unless it was an emergency, then walked back to his office, shut the door, and closed the blinds on the window that looked out on the rest of the police station. The lavender scent of the soap Megan used lingered in the air along with the faint smell of baby powder, making it harder than it should have been for him to collect his thoughts.

When he sat back in his desk chair and closed his eyes, he could still see Megan sitting across from him, holding little Matthew in her arms. Hell, he could almost feel her there with him. And oddly enough, it was a feeling he was in no hurry to dispel.

Not once in all the months that Jake had been chief of police had he imagined Megan would come to see him at the station. That only a few minutes ago she had been tending to a baby right here in his office was almost more than he could believe. He hadn’t anticipated just how unsettled he would be by the sight of his former wife holding a baby in her arms, either. Until then, he hadn’t realized just how much he had lost, through his own fault.

Hearing that she had also completed the training necessary to serve as a foster parent had given him an additional jolt. He’d been reminded, none too gently, of how little he now knew about Megan’s day-to-day activities, and that had saddened him deeply. They had always been so close, shared so much. Until she’d left him.

No, that wasn’t true. Until he had left her alone to cope with their newborn son. That was when she had first drawn away from him, because he had drawn away from her. He had been the one to go off on one assignment, then another, as he’d always done, sure that Megan would manage on her own as she had always done.

She had managed, of course, just as she would with Matthew. But that fact didn’t lessen the dismay Jake had felt ever since she’d agreed to care for the baby.

Mentally, he had cursed Alice Radford for even suggesting it. Megan’s reluctance had been obvious to him, and understandable, yet the social worker hadn’t seemed to notice. She had pressed Megan into service without the slightest hesitation, and Megan, bless her kind heart, hadn’t seemed able to refuse.

Jake had no doubt at all about Megan’s ability to care for Matthew. Despite the fear she’d voiced during her pregnancy that being orphaned at an early age might have left her lacking in maternal instincts, she had been a wonderful mother to Will. She would be equally devoted to Matthew, as well, and therein lay the real cause for his concern.

Jake had seen how attached Megan had become to the baby in the short time she’d already cared for him. The longer she was responsible for him, the more her bond with him would grow. Not a bad thing, at all, especially if it was determined that the baby truly had been abandoned. Megan, being his primary caregiver, would then be able to adopt him, as she probably would.

But if he did his job and found the baby’s mother, as he was fairly sure he could do in a town the size of Serenity, Texas, then Megan could very well be devastated by the loss of another child—all thanks to him.

For the first time in his career as a law enforcement officer, Jake found himself faced with a dilemma to which he could see no favorable solution. He had hurt Megan so much already. And if he did as she asked, if he found Matthew’s mother so she could be reunited with her infant son, Megan would be hurt again, possibly as much as she had been when Will died.

There wasn’t anything Jake wanted to have happen less.

But Megan would know if he gave the search for Matthew’s mother less than his best shot, and she wouldn’t thank him for it. For the first time since she’d left him, she had come to him for help. He couldn’t let her down, even in a no-win situation that promised heartache for her, as well for him.

What he could do, Jake acknowledged, was use his skills as an investigator to bring this particular case to a close just as soon as possible. The less time Megan spent with Matthew, the easier it would be for her to let him go. Which meant that he’d wasted enough time trying to sort out his own mixed emotions.

He had to get out on the street and start asking questions while the memory of a young woman pushing a baby stroller, either somewhere near the bus station or near Megan’s house early that morning, would still be fresh in people’s minds. Surely someone had seen something that would eventually lead him in the right direction.

With a sense of determination born of desperation, Jake pushed away from his desk, crossed his office and opened the door. To his relief, all was quiet in the station. One of the two young officers who had been there earlier had gone out on patrol as scheduled. The other sat at a desk using the hunt-and-peck method to type up a report on the annual end-of-school-year rash of senior pranks that thankfully had fallen far short of actual vandalism.

Darcy, too, seemed to be busy, apparently catching up on the filing. Jake had no doubt that once he left the station, she would have the telephone lines buzzing as she spread the word about the baby abandoned on Megan’s front porch.

He could ask her to keep the information confidential, and she would. But what good would that do? The dozen or more people around town who, by now, had more than likely seen Megan with the baby would have been talking about it for more than an hour already. Better to let Darcy put out the straight story so any wild rumors could be nipped in the bud right away.

Jake paused by the bank of filing cabinets, and Darcy glanced up at him expectantly.

“I’m going to see what I can find out about the woman who left her baby at Mrs. Cahill’s house,” he said. “I’ll be heading over to the bus station first, then talking to people in her neighborhood. I’ll have my cell phone with me in case you need me for anything.”

“The woman who left the baby—was she young or old?” Darcy asked, her bright blue eyes sparkling with unabashed curiosity.

“Most likely young.”

“Was Mrs. Cahill able to give you a description?”

“Vague at best. It was too dark for her to get a good look at her. But there’s a chance someone else saw her and maybe recognized her. I trust you’ll be talking to your friends about it. Let me know if you hear anything, okay?”

“I certainly will, Chief Cahill,” Darcy assured him, her cheeks turning pink as she went back to her filing.

“Thanks, Darcy. See you later.”

Jake never did get back to the police station that Friday. Once started on his search for Matthew’s mother, he couldn’t seem to stop, spurred on as he was by his desire to spare Megan as much heartache as possible. Unfortunately, he hit one dead end after another. Neither of the clerks at the bus station nor any of the people living on Megan’s street remembered seeing a tall, slim young woman dressed in jeans, T-shirt and a baseball cap in the early morning hours, either with or without a baby in tow.

By early evening, Jake finally began to run out of steam. He would have to check back at the bus station later in case the woman had arrived during the late shift Thursday night. But he doubted that clerk would be any more interested in the comings and goings of the motor coach passengers than the two he had already questioned.

He would also have to have a couple of his men fan out along the other streets in Megan’s neighborhood, asking questions, but that could wait until the following morning. It was almost six o’clock, he had put in a full day, and he just happened to be right outside Megan’s house. He might as well stop by and let her know how the investigation was going, as he’d promised that morning.

She hadn’t seemed pleased with the idea, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He wanted to see her, and surprisingly, he wanted to see the baby, too. Not all of the memories of Will that little Matthew had stirred in him had been painful ones.

He wouldn’t stay long, though. Especially if she seemed less than thrilled with his company. He didn’t want to upset her any more than she probably was already.

As he climbed the steps to Megan’s front porch, Jake heard the sound of a baby crying through the door. His first instinct was to turn and walk away rather than intrude. The pitiful sound tugged at his heart, reminding him of all the times Will had made his own unhappiness known in exactly the same way. But the thought that Megan might be feeling rather frazzled after a day alone with a possibly cranky baby had him pressing a finger against the doorbell instead.

The door swung open after a few moments. Megan, clasping the wailing baby in her arms—and appearing to be just on the safe side of panicky—gazed at him, first with surprise, then with such obvious relief that Jake knew he’d made the right move.

“Thank goodness,” she said, holding the baby out to him without the slightest hesitation. “Take Matthew for me, will you? I dropped the can of formula while I was trying to fill a bottle for him, and I’ve been having a devil of a time trying to open another one. I can’t put him down because then he really starts to shriek, poor baby.”

Jake took Matthew from her wordlessly, remembering with amazing ease how to position his hands to best support the baby’s head and back. He was such a tiny mite, hardly weighing anything, so fragile and so vulnerable that Jake wanted only to cradle him close and keep him safe from all harm.

Matthew, his face red and damp with tears, stared at him through watery eyes for several seconds. Then he screwed up his tiny mouth and let out an outraged yowl, obviously not happy to be passed off to a stranger of the masculine persuasion. Feeling totally inadequate, Jake stepped into the house, shoved the door shut with one booted foot and followed Megan to the kitchen.

“Just a couple of minutes more,” she advised, glancing over her shoulder at him as he paused uncertainly in the doorway. A pool of formula spread across the countertop and dripped down the front of a cabinet to spatter the tile floor, but she seemed much calmer as she warmed a bottle. “Why don’t you sit at the table with him?”

Jake sat on one of the oak ladder-back chairs cushioned in a bright yellow flower print that matched the curtains at the window. He tried to soothe the baby with gentle pats on the back, but Matthew was having none of it. He was hungry and he wanted everyone within earshot to know it.

“Here you go.” Megan came up beside his chair, holding out the bottle she’d prepared.

“Oh, hey, why don’t you feed him?” Jake shifted in his chair and tried to hand the baby to her, sure that she could do a better job of it than he.

“I want to clean up the formula I spilled before the mess gets any worse,” she said as she set the bottle on the table and turned away. Taking a dishcloth from one of the drawers and wetting it under the faucet, she added, “You remember how to give a baby a bottle, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course,” he muttered as he shifted Matthew from his shoulder to the crook of his arm and reluctantly reached for the bottle.

He could only hope that, like holding a baby, feeding one was a skill he’d learned for life.

As if aware that dinner was about to be served at last, the baby stopped crying, waved his arms excitedly and made little smacking sounds with his mouth.

“Hungry, are you?” Jake asked, smiling in spite of being nervous as Matthew latched onto the nipple and started to suck.

He remembered Megan showing him how to tilt the bottle with Will so he wouldn’t gulp down air bubbles along with the formula, and did the same with Matthew. Whether consciously or not, the baby put his tiny hand on Jake’s as he held the bottle. His smile deepening, Jake took the gesture as a sign of approval and relaxed considerably. He was doing okay with the baby, and he felt damn good about it.

“Thanks, Jake.” Megan glanced at him gratefully, then finished wiping down the cabinet. “Your timing couldn’t have been any better. I was just about ready to lose it. I’d forgotten how hard it could be taking care of a baby, single-handed.”

“Hey, no problem. I’m glad I could help out,” Jake assured her.

“I was actually doing okay until the can of formula got away from me…”

Her words trailing off, Megan rinsed the dishcloth in the sink, then stooped down to mop up the puddle on the floor.

His attention caught by the slightly defensive edge he heard in Megan’s voice, Jake shifted his gaze to her. There was a rigid set to her shoulders as she scrubbed at the floor. Obviously, she had doubts about her ability to care for Matthew on her own, and that surprised him, considering how often she had coped on her own with Will.

“I’m sure you were doing just fine,” he said, offering her the reassurance she seemed to need.

“Well, I’m not,” she muttered as she stood to rinse out the dishcloth again.

“You did just fine with Will all those times I was away,” he reminded her, then realized, too late, that he’d opened a door on the past she probably would have preferred to leave closed.

But he’d been doing what she preferred for almost a year now. How could talking about the past, about Will, be any worse then continuing to act as if nothing had happened?

Slowly Megan turned to look at him, her pale gray eyes flashing angrily.

“No, I didn’t do just fine with Will all those times you were away. I did the best I could because I didn’t have any other choice.”

“But you never said anything,” he protested, his own defenses going up.

She had never once complained of feeling inadequate. Nor had she ever seemed overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood. How was he supposed to have known?

“What could I have said, Jake? Please don’t get involved in another high-profile undercover case that will take you away for weeks at a time. Stay home with me instead, and help me take care of our baby. Would you have asked to be reassigned to office duty for even six months? Would you, Jake, honestly and truthfully?” She turned her back on him again and shut off the faucet with a snap of her wrist, adding quietly, “I didn’t think so, so I didn’t ask.”

She was right, of course. He had been too damn involved in climbing the bureau’s ladder to consider taking time away from his undercover work. But maybe if she’d let him know how she had been feeling, he could have made some compromises on her behalf. Maybe if she’d told him what a hard time she sometimes had with the baby instead of soldiering on in silence he would have made an effort to be there for her more often. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t have.