скачать книгу бесплатно
He leaned forward. “Okay, let’s cut to the chase. Are you staying for the entire conference?”
“Yes. You?” It was a stupid question, since he lived here, but her brain was currently operating in a fog.
“Hmm...”
She would take that as a yes.
“Do you have a place to stay?” he asked.
A weird squeaking sound came from her throat that she disguised as a laugh. “I take it that wasn’t an invitation.”
He smiled the first real smile she’d seen since she’d been there. “I take it you wouldn’t accept, if it was.”
“That probably wouldn’t be wise.” Not that they hadn’t done some very unwise things over the course of their relationship. “The hospital booked me a room at the hotel across the street. It’s convenient. And close to both the hospital and the conference center.”
“Convenient. That’s one word for it.”
Was he saying that her being here was making it awkward for him? Of course it was. Just like being around him was uncomfortable for her. In more ways than one.
She took a deep breath and asked a real question. “How are you, Tucker...really?”
“I’m busy.” His smile faded, the words taking on an edge that made her tilt her head. And it didn’t answer her question.
“You always were in high demand.”
“With some people. Not so much with others.”
Was he talking about their marriage? Because she hadn’t been the one to withdraw. He had. She’d loved this man. Deeply. Passionately. It was why it had devastated her when he’d shut down completely during Grace’s illness—pulling away from everyone except for his patients.
She’d been his wife! Grace’s slow downward spiral had been just as painful for her. The worst thing was, she’d felt frighteningly alone during those first few months after her death, while Tucker had slept in the guest bedroom and spent longer and longer hours working at the hospital. Desperate to reconnect with him on whatever level she could, she’d casually said maybe they should try to have another baby. If she’d thought that would lure him back into their bedroom, she couldn’t have been more wrong. He’d looked at her as if she’d taken leave of her senses, his next words chilling her to the bone.
I’ll never have another child.
When she’d started to say something more, he’d cut her off with a shake of his head and walked out of the room. Any time she’d brought up the subject after that, begging him to talk to her, she’d been met with the same stony response. Rather...no response. And his hours at the office had increased so that he’d barely been home at all.
Then had come the final blow. On the first anniversary of Grace’s death, he’d announced he’d decided to get a vasectomy, as if it was something people did every day. He’d probably hoped that would end all talk of having more children. It had.
His unilateral decision had floored her. And infuriated her.
The powerlessness she’d felt had been crushing. All-encompassing.
That had been the beginning of the end. Actually, it had been more like a rapid slide to home base, only to find out that the ball had arrived long before you had.
Three strikes and they were out. Bags packed. Papers filed. Divorce decree signed.
Being bitter solved nothing, though. So she stuffed all that back inside.
She went back to his cryptic comment about being in demand. “I’m sure your patients appreciate all you do.”
A softness came back into his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to be the big bad wolf back then, Kady.”
“I can see that...now.”
Back then, though, things hadn’t been so clear, and he’d seemed like the villain in their particular tale.
To her, anyway. Even now the memory of those days pinched at her heart like a pair of surgical clamps, causing a strange numbness to come over her.
But not so numb that it staunched the weird waterworks sensation that was inching its way back onto her radar. God, she wished things could have been different between them. They hadn’t been, though. So she needed to stop looking at him with glasses that magnified those old hurts. “That’s all in the past, where I think it should probably stay.”
He stood. “You’re right. It is. I just wanted to stop by and say hello.”
“I’m glad you did. It was really good to see you again.”
Good and sad and filled with all kinds of regrets.
He walked away, leaving her on her own once again. Only this time she was ready. All decisions about whether or not to have children would be made by her. And as soon as she got home, she was going to act on them. Seeing him again had just brought home all her reasons for wanting a child, and that longing she’d had as she’d carried Grace over those nine months.
All she needed to do was select a sperm donor and she’d be ready to start a family of her own.
For a few brief seconds she’d wanted to throw that letter from the clinic in his face, the way he’d thrown his decision about not having children in hers, but what would it solve?
Nothing.
She didn’t want to hurt Tucker. She just wanted a baby. Not to replace Grace. That would never happen. She would always love her little girl and be grateful for the time they’d had together. At times, Grace’s loss still caused her lungs to seize in the middle of the night as she lay there alone in bed. Any tiny sound in the dark would make her sit up, sure she’d heard a familiar cry. Wishing with all her might that she had heard that cry. And when she realized no one was there, Kady would be the one who cried.
Surely her daughter wouldn’t have wanted her to be stuck in limbo like this, never moving forward. She’d like to think Grace would have wanted her to go on living, to love and be loved. And she was finally ready to share that love. With another baby.
She tried to focus on that and block out the negative thoughts that were steadily creeping into her head.
And the best way to hold those at bay was to stay as far away from Dr. Tucker Stevenson as possible.
CHAPTER TWO (#udc70be5b-6f61-56b0-81cc-de354266d04e)
TUCKER HAD NO idea why Phil Harold, the department head, wanted to see him. He was already running behind on his appointments and had a surgery scheduled at two o’clock this afternoon. At this rate, he’d be late to the convention workshop today. The convention. Great. Where he’d probably see Kady again.
How in the hell had any of this happened? He’d come to New York to get away from her. No, not from her. From the pain and memories of what had happened in Atlanta. Except some things—unlike his old golf clubs—weren’t as easy to leave behind. Some of them had followed him. And seeing Kady again had been like a punch to the gut, reawaking the guilt of not being able to give her what she’d wanted.
It was just for a week, though. Surely he could maintain some kind of poker face for that long. Then she’d fly back home. Life would return to normal.
Or some semblance of normal.
He rapped on the door, irritated that his thoughts seemed to keep circling his ex.
“Come.”
The curt command didn’t faze him. Phil was that way with everyone. And, as far as he knew, he hadn’t done anything to tick the man off. Not this week, anyway.
He pushed through the door and paused. Someone else was already in there. “Sorry, I can—”
“No, come in. This concerns both of you.”
Both?
Taking another look at the chair’s occupant, his stomach curdled in protest. Talk about circling. Think about her, and she appeared.
What the hell was Kady doing here?
He’d figured she’d be out lounging by the pool this morning, wearing one of those skimpy bikinis she tended to favor. Memories of creamy skin and long, lithe limbs flashed through his skull, only to be ejected in a hurry.
Not even going there.
That was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place.
He chose to remain standing by the door, even as Phil took his seat again. “You have a group of medical students scheduled to shadow you this week between conference sessions. Are you ready for them?”
Oh, hell, he’d completely forgotten about that. Since most of his workshop responsibilities were in the late afternoons, Phil had asked if a small contingent of students who were interested in obstetrics and pediatrics could follow him on his rounds.
That still didn’t explain why Kady was here.
“I am. Thanks for the reminder, though.” Even he could hear the tightness in his voice.
Kady was just as tense. He saw it in the stiff set of her spine, in the way her neck was set squarely between her shoulders. And her hands were clutched together, pressed against her belly. A protective posture. Remembered from her pregnancy all those years ago? His own stomach muscles squeezed against each other.
She’d known Phil was going to call him in here.
“Dr. Blacke was going to help originally, but since he can’t be here, I thought Dr. McPherson might agree to take his place, since your specialties tie together in some areas. I’ve been trying to coax her into it. She thinks you might object for some reason. You don’t. Correct?”
He waited for Kady to offer up some other kind of excuse, but she just sat there like a stone. It was up to him to derail this train.
“No objections, but I’m sure Dr. McPherson didn’t come here expecting to practice medicine.”
Phil’s glance went from him to Kady. “Can we count on you to help a sister hospital train up a new generation of doctors?”
Leave it to the department head to make it almost impossible to refuse. It was a weapon the man used well.
“Well... Of course. If you think it would help.”
The hesitation was obvious. But he knew Phil well enough to know that he would purposely ignore it. And there was no way he could signal her without his boss seeing it.
And Phil wasn’t asking anything out of the ordinary. He and Dr. Blacke normally did a kind of back and forth dialogue with medical students.
“Yes, it would help Dr. Stevenson out immensely.”
Of course it would.
Tucker was barely able to suppress the eye-roll he felt coming on. He covered it by asking, “Any idea who will take Gordy’s place during his treatment?”
“Not yet. We’re still looking for his replacement.” He glanced at Kady, a speculative smile curving his lips. “You wouldn’t consider transferring to our neck of the woods, would you?”
Kady’s hands uncurled and her thumb went to the back of her ring finger and scrubbed at it. Trying to remove any reminders of what was once there? She’d mailed the rings back to him. He still had them somewhere. Why, he had no idea.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m getting ready to—” Her voice came to an abrupt stop, along with her thumb, before starting up again. “I have a lot going on in Atlanta right now. And my family is there.”
Kady’s grandparents. They were good people who’d raised her after her parents had been killed in a car accident. He respected them. And Kady loved them like crazy. He’d left for New York almost immediately after they’d separated.
He hadn’t talked to them about the split. He probably should have faced her grandfather and tried to explain. But what explanation was there, really? He and Kady disagreed on a fundamental part of their life together. She wanted more children. He didn’t. Had taken steps to make sure that option was never on the table with Kady, or any another woman.
His and Kady’s wants and needs had landed them in opposite corners of the ring, and neither of them was willing to come to the middle.
Middle? There was no middle. One of them would have had to give in completely. He couldn’t ask that of Kady. Whispers of guilt surrounded his heart and mind, his teeth clamping tightly to ward them off. She deserved to have kids if that’s what she wanted. He just...couldn’t. A divorce had seemed better than forcing her to live a life she didn’t want. Maybe she already had another child. The thought of that made his jaw lock tight. She wasn’t married again, judging from the lack of a ring on that finger she’d been worrying a moment earlier.
Phil nodded. “We’ll just have to take whatever you’re willing to give while you’re here, then. Since Dr. Stevenson is fine with you pairing up, then we’re good?”
One side of Tucker’s mouth twitched to the side at the way Phil had worded that. He and Kady used to do a whole lot of pairing up—in a completely different sense. There was no way he or Kady were going to admit to that, though, so it looked like they were both stuck. Unless they told Phil they were divorced—from each other—they were going to have a hard time explaining why they couldn’t work together.
“I’m happy to help, of course.”
Those words were soft. Unsure. Not like the Kady he knew who took the bull by the horns and wrestled it to the ground. Then again, she’d lived through a lot of heartache since their youthful days when they’d been carefree and crazy in love.
“Good. I’ll leave you two to work on coordinating your schedules. I appreciate you giving us some of your time, Dr. McPherson. If you go down to HR, they can reimburse you for your hours. Not as much as you’d get for practicing medicine, but we do have a small budget for consultants.”
“It’s okay. I’m taking Dr. Blacke’s place at the conference anyway. If it will help patients in the future, then it’s for a good cause.”
“We at Wilson-Ross thank you.”
It wasn’t like Phil to stand on formalities. Or to suggest that a visiting doctor transfer to his department on a permanent basis. He took a closer look at the man as a tinge of something dark and ugly rose up inside him. He didn’t see any overt interest, but Phil was divorced too, and Kady was a beautiful woman.
Even if the man was interested, there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he would do about it. His ring was no longer on her finger. She could do as she pleased.
And if Phil pleased her?
Give it a rest, idiot!
Maybe interpreting Phil’s words as a dismissal, his ex climbed to her feet and reached to shake Phil’s hand. Her blouse rode up, exposing a sliver of her back in the process.
His fingers curled into his palms.
Damn.
How he’d loved to explore each ridge and hollow of her spine, his index finger slowly working its way from her neck all the way down the vertebral column, whispering the names and numbers of each in her ear. By the time he’d reached the bottom, she’d been shaking with need.
So had he.
Sex between them had always been volcanic. Greedy and generous. Two words not normally associated with each other, but that described their lovemaking perfectly.
“Thanks for the opportunity,” she murmured.
The opportunity to spend more of her time with her ex? Of course not. That was just his feverish brain lusting after what it couldn’t have. What it shouldn’t have.
