скачать книгу бесплатно
“But we talked by phone almost every day. Until you stopped taking my calls. Why? Why did you do that?”
“I—I didn’t want to talk about it then.”
His mouth dropped open and he raked his fingers through his short hair, showing his frustration. “So let’s talk about it now.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“No?” He sounded hurt and furious at the same time. “Oh, come on, Julie. You can’t ignore me again. I’m here. Flesh and blood. You can’t hide from me anymore.”
She wanted to cry. To beg his forgiveness for hurting him. To crawl in a hole and hide. “Please, Dal. Let it go. Talking about it reminds me of ugly things I’d rather forget.”
“So that’s it?” His jaw hardened, a look of incredulity on his handsome face.
Julie wished she could give him more. Wished things could be so much different. But they weren’t. And they never would be again.
Tightening her resolve, she nodded. “That’s it.”
He hesitated, as though thinking this over. Standing in the middle of the road facing each other, the sound of rustling trees filled the void. After years of regret and longing for something more, Julie realized how utterly alone she was. She’d never felt so empty inside.
So hollow and bereft.
“No, I can’t accept that,” he said. “I have a few ugly things from my past I’d rather forget, too. But I want you to know something, Julie. After the last time I drove to Tulsa to see you for your sixteenth birthday, I never forgot about you. Not ever.”
Oh, that hurt. Her stomach tightened with guilt and regret. He’d been so good to her, and look how she’d treated him. The only person in the world who had really cared about her. After what she’d gone through, she’d wanted to call him. So many times. To beg for his help. To ask him to take her away. But what could he have done for her? A kid from nowhere, just like her. They weren’t even legal adults. With no money, no education, no real jobs and no way to change the life they’d been thrust into.
She wanted to tell him about it now, but couldn’t. It wouldn’t change the outcome. She couldn’t confide in him something so horrible that just thinking about it caused her to shake as if it had happened only moments before. All the humiliation and embarrassment came rushing back. Right here, right now.
Instead, she turned and walked toward home. He fell into step beside her, silent and brooding. She felt his disapproval like a leaden weight. This discussion wasn’t over. Someday soon, she knew she’d have to offer him an explanation. The silence soon became deafening.
“How’s your mom doing, Dal?”
He lowered his head an inch, staring straight ahead. “Mom passed away while I was in Afghanistan.”
His voice sounded harsh and indignant.
“I’m so sorry. She was such a dear woman.”
“Yeah, she was. But I believe she’s at peace now. Losing Dad when I was so young was always hard on her.”
“Did you ever marry and have kids?” She shouldn’t have asked, but she really wanted to know.
“No. I was engaged once, but...it didn’t work out. She didn’t want me after... After the war.”
He glanced down at his leg, and Julie understood. His fiancée hadn’t wanted him after he’d become an amputee. He’d become damaged goods, just like Julie. She wished Dal had found happiness with someone. He deserved a life of joy. So did she, but that didn’t make it so.
She kept walking. Ignoring her wobbling knees. Wishing he’d leave her alone and forget they’d ever found each other again. It was easier that way. Less heartache. Less emotions.
Less to lose.
He stayed beside her. Just as relentless as the day she’d refused to go to the movies with him until he’d asked her out five times. Finally, she’d conceded out of frustration. And that had been the beginning of the best memories of her life.
But that was then and this was now. They couldn’t go back. She couldn’t get close to this man again. And that was that.
* * *
Why wouldn’t Julie talk to him? Dal couldn’t figure her out. All the past years stretched vacant before them, and she refused to offer a single explanation as to what had happened to her. Or why she’d turned her back on him.
Why she’d stopped loving him.
He remembered the night her parents had died with perfect clarity. The authorities figured her dad had been driving the car when they’d hit a deer on the dark interstate. Julie had been out on a date with Dal. They’d gone to the movies and then for cheeseburgers and fries at the local drive-in. Not wanting to face her dad’s deep frown, Dal had brought her home five minutes before curfew...and found Sheriff Levy waiting on her front doorstep.
The weeks afterward had been a numbing whirl of grief. The funeral and burial. Julie had no other family. No one to provide her with a home. Dal had even begged his mother to take Julie in, but Mom couldn’t. Working as a cook on the ranch where they lived, there was no extra room for Julie. Even with Dal’s after-school job at the local grocery store, they barely made ends meet. Mom insisted that Julie would have a better life in foster care. Dal hadn’t agreed, but he’d had little choice in the matter.
For a few months, Julie had stayed with a kind family in their hometown. She and Dal had been inseparable. She hadn’t discussed her feelings over her parents’ death, but he’d been there for her. Every day. Just to let her know he loved her and that everything would be all right.
Then the social worker had moved Julie to a foster home in Tulsa, eighty-seven miles away. It might as well have been eight hundred miles. At first, they’d written and called each other every chance they got. Not so easy without cell phones.
In thirteen months’ time, the distance between them had done nothing to dim their love. Dal figured that was how it is when you find your soul mate. He even took the bus to visit her twice. He’d never forget her haunted expression or the way she’d clung to him when it had come time for him to leave. By then, she’d seemed so withdrawn and reserved.
That’d been the last time he’d seen her. Three weeks later, he couldn’t reach her by phone. Her foster mom had told him she’d been moved and was living with someone else now, but she didn’t know who. When Julie’s letters had stopped coming, he’d called Social Services to see if she was okay. But they’d refused to tell him anything. It was confidential information, they’d said.
Dal had known something had happened to Julie besides her parents dying. Something bad.
In desperation, he’d convinced his mom to use her single day off work to drive him to Tulsa. He’d gone to Julie’s foster home, but the chilly welcome and lack of information drove him to Social Services. Their reception had been almost as cold. They wouldn’t tell him where Julie was or who she lived with now. He wasn’t a family member and had no right to the information. Driving all that way hadn’t helped.
And so he’d gone home and waited. Relied on God to take care of her. Hating his youth and inexperience. Wishing he was a grown man with a life and a way to provide for the girl he loved.
Julie never called. Never sent him so much as a simple postcard to let him know she was alive. Not a single word in twenty long years. And now here she was. Without an explanation or apology. Without so much as a nod.
Why? Had she fallen for someone else? Maybe she was just angry at him for leaving her. For not being able to stay. But that didn’t seem right. Before she’d been moved to Tulsa, he’d proposed they run away together. Julie had been the one to refuse. She wanted him to use his athletic abilities to get a scholarship and go to college. To make something of his life.
Instead, he’d gone to war and lost his leg.
Whatever had happened to Julie, he didn’t understand. None of it.
“You must have gotten a college degree. I know it was always one of your goals,” he said.
“Yes, but I didn’t get the chance to attend a university until I was twenty-four. After high school, I got a summer job fighting forest fires in Oregon. I liked the work and being outside. So I decided to do something with my life and focused on my schooling. It wasn’t easy, but I worked my way through with scholarships and student loans.”
“I’m glad, Julie. You deserve some happiness in life.” And he meant it. His love for her had been pushed to a small corner of his heart, but it had never dimmed. He wanted nothing but the best for her.
“Thanks. How about you? Did you ever get your football scholarship and go to medical school?”
He nodded. “For two years, but I didn’t finish. You know I loved working with horses. I ended up joining the Marine Corps and seeing the world.”
When he thought of all the death and blood he’d seen in battle, a scoffing laugh escaped his throat. He wasn’t about to say that losing her had taken the joy out of his college plans. Without Julie, he’d had no desire to pursue the dreams they’d made together.
“I’m glad you’re safe, Dal. I have nothing but admiration for all our military men and women.”
He glanced at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. And that was when he knew he still loved her. In spite of everything, he couldn’t be angry with her. Nor could he forget what she’d meant to him all those years ago. And knowing all that reminded him of why he could never be with her now. Life had changed them. Hardship had shaped them into the people they’d become. And his secret past would now keep them apart.
“Thanks for running with me, Dal.” They’d reached her front yard. The morning shadows had faded with the gleaming sunlight. The neighbor across the street came outside in his bathrobe to retrieve his newspaper.
“You’re welcome.”
Julie pushed open her gate, stepped past then closed it firmly behind her.
As Dal waited until she went inside her house, he longed to curse God. How could he accept this cruel twist of fate? Why, after all these years, had the Lord brought them back together? It seemed like a taunt. A spiteful prank played on him and Julie. It changed everything and nothing. And that was the cruelest part about this situation.
Chapter Four
The next morning, Dal showed up to run with Julie again. And the next. They settled into a comfortable routine. Warming up together. Chatting about the upcoming 5K race. The weather. Alterations for the horse trail and campsite. Workshops Dal had planned for the kids at the amputee camp. Everything but what was really on both of their minds. Why Julie had quit returning Dal’s phone calls and letters once she went into foster care.
The following week, Julie drove her Forest Service truck out to Sunrise Ranch. Tall aspens lined each side of the graveled driveway, the spring breeze ruffling the leaves. As she broke from the stand of trees, a panoramic view of the ranch opened before her. Nestled in the green valley, a variety of corrals and other ranch buildings surrounded the white two-story house. A spacious red barn, stable and gazebo sat on the south side. Compact cabins lined the outer perimeter on the north side, along with two large bunkhouses. Julie figured that must be where the staff and amputee kids lived when they stayed at the camp.
As she parked out front, she opened the truck door and looked to the east. Two men raced their horses across the green meadow. A blue-coated Australian cow dog zipped alongside the horses like a bullet. Though a goodly distance away, Julie had little trouble identifying Dal on a dun-colored horse. His confident carriage and the width of his strong shoulders were distinctive. He lay low across the neck of his horse, his right arm outstretched to give the animal full rein. The other man rode much the same way as their mounts sprinted toward the barbed-wire fence dividing two pastures.
A flutter of fear ruffled Julie’s already frayed nerves. She clutched the handle of her leather briefcase with whitened knuckles. As Dal and the other man crossed an imaginary finish line, they pulled up short of the corrals. Julie released a shaky breath of relief. The dog plopped down in the grass, tongue lolling out of his mouth while he panted. By Julie’s calculations, Dal had won the race by a full length. The horses slowed to a walk, and Dal clapped his friend on the back. Their laughter echoed off the tall mountains surrounding the ranch.
Julie sucked in a deep breath, trying to relax. For a moment, she’d feared Dal might crash into the fence. As he walked his horse toward the house, he looked her way, lifting an arm to shield his eyes against the glaring sun.
Julie’s pulse sped into triple time. She could almost feel Dal’s eyes boring into her like a high-speed drill. She couldn’t help being highly aware of him as a handsome, masculine man. In high school, he’d been outgoing and athletic to the point of being reckless. But now he was older and should know better. Perhaps being an amputee made him think he had something to prove. And yet, she was impressed that he hadn’t let his injury stop him from living a full, active life.
Knowing he could clearly see her truck, she feared that he might come over to visit her. She hurried toward the wraparound porch, eager to get inside the house. She’d be out here again tomorrow morning to ride with Dal up on the mountain to view Gilway Trail. That was soon enough to see him again.
She gave the front door several quick raps with her knuckles. A cute girl, about twelve years old with an adorable button nose, answered her call.
“Good afternoon. Is your mother home?” Julie asked.
“Yeah, come on in.” The girl stood back to let Julie step inside.
Julie’s gaze lowered to the girl’s legs. Dressed in a pair of knee-length shorts, the child also wore a prosthetic leg. Like Dal, she walked without a hint of a limp.
“Mom! The new ranger’s here,” the girl yelled over her shoulder.
“Oh, my goodness. Is it that time already?” a woman’s voice called from the kitchen.
The house smelled of cinnamon and warmth. Something nice must be baking in the oven.
“You must be Kristen,” Julie said to the girl. She knew Lyn and Cade Baldwin also had a new baby.
“Yes, and you’re Dal’s old girlfriend,” Kristen said. A statement, not a question.
Julie’s jaw dropped. Her mind churned, wondering what Dal might have told these people about their past. “We were good friends once.”
“I love Dal, too. He’s one of my best friends in the whole world.”
Too? The girl must think Julie still loved him. And Julie didn’t know how to disabuse the child of that notion without offending her.
“Dal saved my dad’s life,” Kristen said. “They were in the war together. Of course, Cade’s not my real dad, but I love him like he is anyway. Cade was a prisoner of war, and Dal went in to get him free. Dal pushed him out of the way during an explosion. That’s how Dal lost his leg. The bomb hurt him real bad. I lost my leg in a car crash that killed my real dad.”
“Ah, I see. It’s a good thing Dal was there to save Cade.” Julie blinked at this detailed information. Kids were so guileless, open and honest. Julie knew Dal had lost his leg in the war, but hadn’t known he’d done it while saving another man’s life. No wonder he and Cade Baldwin were such good friends. Hearing about Dal’s heroics made Julie feel emotional and patriotic. She had no doubt God had sent Dal to rescue Cade. But now she wondered if Dal needed rescuing.
“Have a seat. Mom will be right here.” Kristen walked back into the kitchen.
Resting her briefcase on the floor, Julie sat on the edge of the closest chair to wait. A soft baby blanket had been tossed over the armrest, and she pushed it to one side as she looked around.
Braided rag rugs covered the shiny hardwood floors. A large stone fireplace dominated one wall of the tidy living room. Woven baskets with colorful, intricate designs decorated the tabletops, along with vases of dried field flowers. A striking Native American headdress made of ermine and rabbit fur rested atop a tall armoire. Beautiful pictures of wild mustangs and modern cowboys adorned the walls. A playpen and a basket of toys sat in the middle of the room.
Obviously the Baldwins favored a Western motif. Julie had been told by her office manager that Cade Baldwin was part Shoshone Indian and ran a medical practice three days a week in town. Julie could find no fault with this comfortable home and had great respect for the work Dr. Baldwin and his wife did for amputee kids.
A scuffling sound came from the kitchen, and then an attractive woman with long blond hair and warm brown eyes appeared in the doorway. With a flustered sigh, she used a damp cloth to scrub an orange splotch of what looked to be baby squash off her shirtfront. Tossing the dishcloth onto the kitchen table, she came forward with a bright smile. “I’m so sorry. I lost track of time. I just finished feeding the baby.”
“Is this a bad time to talk?” Julie asked as she stood.
“No, of course not. It’s always crazy around here. I’m Lyn Baldwin, and you must be Julie Granger.” She extended her arm.
Julie returned the woman’s smile as they shook hands. “Yes, I’m glad to finally meet you. I’ve got so many questions I’d like to ask.”
“Sure. I’ll help any way I can. Please sit down and relax.” Lyn indicated the chair.
“Thank you.” Julie sat. “Do...do you need to get your baby?”
“No, Kristen’s with her.”
At that moment, Kristen came into the room carrying a chubby infant wearing a pink sundress and a full head of dark, curly hair.
Julie fell in love immediately.
Lyn pointed at the girl. “You’ve already met my daughter, Kristen. She’s twelve. And the little one is Clarisse, my other daughter. She’s seven months old now and getting her first teeth.”
Kristen jostled the baby on her hip. “Do you want to hold her?”
No! Julie knew nothing about holding a baby, but the invitation caught her off guard. “I, um, sure.”
Kristen handed the infant over, and Julie clutched the little girl around the middle with both hands. Little Clarisse hung suspended in the air, sucking on her fist. She gazed at Julie with wide blue eyes. And then the baby laughed. An exuberant chortle that made Julie blink in surprise.
“Hey! She likes you,” Kristen said.
“She sure does.” Lyn curled her bare feet beneath her and sat on the leather sofa.
Julie didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do. Prickles of panic rushed up her throat. She hadn’t held a baby since...since she couldn’t remember when. But as she looked into the eyes of this innocent little being, so vulnerable and trusting, Julie’s insides dissolved into mush.
“Do you have kids?” Lyn asked.
“No, I’ve never married.”
“Well, you’re a natural mom. Anyone can see that.”
