скачать книгу бесплатно
Stunned, Drake stared at her for long moments. Then, muttering an oath, he crossed to the other side of the room, where a wall of plate glass looked over the sweeping drive leading to the clinic. Outside it was a cool winter day in Austin, and the trees were as bare as his heart.
“Hope, I don’t know why you’re doing this to me. You’ve already said you haven’t changed your mind. And I still feel the same. What could possibly be gained by my coming back home? We’d only wind up hurting each other more than we already have.”
Tears stung the back of Hope’s eyes, but she fiercely fought them away. Weakness was the last thing Drake needed to see in her. He had to know that nothing he could say or do would break her determination.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Drake. But—”
Her words halted as he suddenly whirled, his face dark with anger.
“Don’t try to act as though you’ve been thinking of my needs or wants these past few months,” he rasped. “Because we both know what’s been on your mind, and it sure as hell hasn’t been me!”
Quickly, Hope rose to her feet and crossed the room to where he stood. “All right,” she said quietly. “Blame everything on me if you must. I don’t care if you want to paint me the villain. None of that matters right now. I’m not even asking you to come home for my sake.”
Drake was trying his best to digest her words, but it was a hard thing to do when his attention kept slipping to the dove-gray sweater clinging to her breasts, the long black skirt slit up her calf. He knew every inch, every sweet curve beneath her clothing, and he was aching to touch her, taste her, bury himself in the warmth of her body.
“Then why?” he asked hoarsely. “Why do you want me to come home? You think us being back together will improve your chances for adoption?”
If adopting a baby was the only choice she had, she would gladly snatch it. But Hope was still fairly young, and she was healthy. Her deepest desire was to have her husband’s baby, but if not his, then she had to believe there was some man out there who would be glad to give her the family she wanted.
“Whatever you might think of me, Drake, I would never use you—for any reason.”
The trail of his suspicious green eyes was like a red hot torch sliding over her body. She tried to ignore it, but heat was rapidly flushing her cheeks.
“Then why ask me to come back? I don’t—”
“For Stevie,” she interrupted.
Drake’s expression went blank. “Stevie?”
“Yes. Your sister’s son. Denise called a few days ago and asked if I’d be willing to keep him from now until the New Year while she and Phillip are in Europe.”
“Europe!” he burst out. “What the hell are they doing going there? The last time I talked to her, she was ready to divorce Phillip and move to Houston.”
Hope clasped her hands in front of her—mostly to keep from touching him. “Apparently, she’s had a change of heart. They’ve decided to spend some time alone, away from everything, to try to work out their differences.”
Drake shook his head with disgust. “Denise doesn’t know what the hell she wants! And God knows, she should never have had a child. From the time he was born, she’s done nothing but shoulder that little boy off on someone else!”
The last time Hope had seen Stevie, had been a year ago. He’d been five then. A kindergartner with toffee-brown hair, a smattering of freckles and a frail little body. But it had been his eyes that had stayed with Hope. Somber brown eyes without a flicker of joy or laughter to light them.
Denise and Phillip had come to Austin to attend a blues concert and had dropped the boy off at Hope and Drake’s house, expecting, more than asking, them to baby-sit. During his brief stay, Hope had tried her best to make friends with her nephew, but he’d remained a closed book. Since then, the memory of his sad little face still had the power to haunt her.
She nodded in agreement. “That’s one of the reasons I couldn’t refuse. I don’t want Stevie hurt any more than he already has been by his parents’ neglect.”
He glanced at her sharply. “Then why didn’t you insist they take the boy with them? That’s where he needs to be. Not with me. Or you.”
A sigh escaped her as she pushed one hand through her hair. “I know the boy isn’t my responsibility. But it was obvious just by talking to Denise that she’s in no better shape to care for Stevie now than she ever was. And as for Phillip, I never considered him to be father material. But then I don’t suppose Denise ever pressed him to be a dad to Stevie.”
“Why would she?” Drake snorted. “She doesn’t want anything interfering with their social life in Dallas.”
His voice was full of bitterness, and Hope knew he was thinking about his parents. His father had died three years ago from a sudden stroke, and his mother two years before that from a lingering illness, but even with them gone, Drake was still deeply affected by their lack of love and interest in him. Like Stevie, he’d been raised by nannies and placed in one boarding school after another until he was eighteen and on his own at college. He knew all too well what it was like to be neglected and cast aside, and she could only pray he wouldn’t let the same thing happen to his nephew.
“I’m sure Denise and Phillip are both to blame,” Hope said. “But right now I’m more concerned about putting some normalcy back in Stevie’s life while he’s here in Austin.”
Drake frowned. “I don’t see where you need me to do that. The boy has rarely laid eyes on me.”
Hope raised a hand in protest. “He doesn’t know me any better than you. We’re both going to be strangers to him. And he’s going to feel frightened and abandoned. That’s why we need to try to give him a sense of security.”
Drake wearily wiped a hand over his face. “I agree the boy needs security, Hope. But I can’t see us giving it to him. We don’t even have our own house in order!”
“Okay, so we don’t. But we can pretend. That’s all I’m asking, Drake. Just for one month while Stevie is here.”
His brows puckered with confusion. “What are we supposed to pretend? That his parents really do love him? A child knows when he’s loved and when he isn’t. It would be cruel to mislead him.”
She glared at him. “Do you have to be so harsh?”
He sighed. “I’m not being harsh, Hope. I’m being realistic. I can’t help it if you don’t like the truth.”
She didn’t know why his attitude should hurt her. Drake had never been one to sugarcoat anything for any reason. He expected people to face facts, no matter how painful they were. But these past two months without him had been living hell for Hope. Her emotions were raw, and his words were pouring salt deeper into the wound.
Tears were once again scalding the back of her eyes. She blinked and swallowed, then looked away from him before she could manage to speak.
“I don’t want you to—” She stopped, shook her head, then swallowed again. “When I said we could pretend, Drake, I was talking about us. You and me. All I’m asking is that you come home for a month. And make believe you love me.”
Pretend. Make believe. Dear Lord, Drake thought, he didn’t have to do any of that. He loved Hope more than his own life. He always had. She just couldn’t believe it. She thought he was a selfish bastard. And maybe he was, Drake admitted. But that didn’t mean he loved her any less.
When he didn’t say anything, Hope stepped forward and placed her hand on his forearm. It had been too long since she’d touched him, and the feel of her left him trembling inside.
“It’s December, Drake. Christmas is coming. You know how important that is to a child.”
As a young boy, Drake remembered it being a special time for his friends. But not for him. He’d dreaded the holidays. His parents had never failed to fill the house with people he didn’t know. He was relegated to his room upstairs while the parties went on and on. Christmas morning, he and his sister were given a generous hour downstairs to open their gifts, and then the two of them were packed up to their rooms to spend the rest of the day with their nanny. But somehow the worst for Drake had been when he returned to boarding school and heard the stories of his friends’ holidays. Their fathers had played football with them, or taken them fishing and horseback riding. Their mothers had let them help bake Christmas cookies and decorate the tree. Drake hadn’t known what any of that was like, and he’d felt an outsider.
The bitterness of those memories was reflected in his voice when he spoke. “I’m not the right person for the job, Hope. I’d end up making the kid more miserable than he already is.”
Her fingers tightened on his arm as she shook her head. “If I believed that, I wouldn’t be up here right now. I wouldn’t be asking for your help.”
It amazed Drake that even after this separation, she still believed he could be a father. She was like a blue heeler who wouldn’t give up until the last cow was penned. And suddenly he wondered if a month with the three of them together was exactly what Hope needed to make her see just what a rotten father he would make. Maybe then she would realize their marriage could and would survive only if she put the idea of having a child behind her.
“If you’re worried I’ll try to keep you there once Stevie goes back to boarding school, I won’t,” she hurriedly promised. “You can return to your apartment and everything can go back to the way things are now.”
“When is Stevie coming?” Drake asked.
Something in his voice sent hope flickering through her heart. “I have to pick him up at the airport in the morning. Tess is going to run the gift shop for me tomorrow.”
Today was Thursday. He had one more day of work before the weekend. But Drake made his own hours, which were usually far more than what the Maitlands expected of him. He could take off long enough to go to the airport with her.
“I’ll move my things back tonight. Will you be home?”
Hope was suddenly so weak with relief, her legs threatened to give way. “Yes,” she said, then in spite of everything, she had to smile at the small miracle that had just happened. “I’ll be home.”
The joy on her face stabbed Drake right through the heart. Making his wife happy was all he’d ever wanted to do, and he’d tried hard to see that she’d had everything she needed or wanted. But it hadn’t been enough. He hadn’t been enough. And he’d be a stupid man to believe the smile on her face was because of him.
“I’ll be there,” he said, then pulling his arm free of her fingers, he stepped around her and headed out the door.
CHAPTER TWO
LATER THAT EVENING, on her way home, Hope decided at the last minute to stop by Austin Eats Diner. After her meeting with Drake, she’d been too stirred up to eat lunch, and her stomach was gnawing in protest.
Since the diner was on the street corner right next to the clinic, it was often filled with Maitland Maternity staff. Thankfully, Drake wasn’t anywhere to be seen, but she quickly spotted a woman with dark hair in a booth by the window.
Hope made her way through the bustling diner and slid into the seat across from her friend Abby Maitland.
“I stopped by your office before I left the building,” Hope told her. “I was surprised to find you’d already left.”
Abby was the chief ob/gyn at Maitland. It was her mother, Megan, who had founded the clinic twenty-five years ago with her late husband and was still Maitland Maternity’s CEO. The same age as Hope, Abby had been her personal physician and dear friend for many years. Recently, she had become engaged to Kyle McDermott, a local businessman, and their wedding was only a week away. Hope was one of Abby’s bridesmaids. Along with her mother and twin sisters, Beth and Ellie, Abby had been frantically planning the details of the ceremony, which would no doubt be a major social event. Nothing about the Maitland family went unnoticed in Austin, especially of late.
“I had a couple of last-minute cancellations so my schedule ended up being light today,” Abby explained. Then with a bright smile, she asked, “What’s up?”
Hope’s expression turned sly. “Maybe I should ask you that. I heard through the clinic grapevine today that your younger brother Jake was on his way home. Is his return to Austin for your wedding? Or do you think he really might be Cody’s father?”
Groaning, Abby rolled her eyes. “I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. With all the women who’ve shown up at the clinic swearing to be the baby’s mother, you’d think the Maitland men had made love to half the female population of Texas.” She shook her head with disgust. “But as for Jake, none of us really know where he’s been or what he’s been doing. I guess it’s possible he might be the father. I just wish the whole thing would get resolved. The publicity is really wearing on Mother.”
Almost four months ago, Abby, her mother, Megan, brother R.J., and sister Ellie had discovered an abandoned baby boy in a basket at the back of Maitland Maternity. The only clue to the infant’s identity was a note pinned to his diaper, which read, “Dear Megan Maitland, This baby is a Maitland. Please take care of him until I can again.”
“Your mother is a strong woman, Abby. Otherwise, she would have cracked under the pressure she’s had piled on her these past few months.”
The corners of Abby’s lips turned downward and concern shadowed her blue eyes. “That’s true, Hope. But everybody has a breaking point. Every day I wonder just how close my mother is to reaching hers.”
Hope shook her head. “Something will happen to resolve this thing soon. It has to. And in the meantime, Megan has your wedding to look forward to. I know that seeing you married to the man you love is going to make her very happy.”
Appreciation warmed Abby’s eyes. “I needed to hear that, dear friend. Thanks for saying it.”
Before Hope could make any sort of reply, a waitress stopped beside their booth. Everyone called the young, blue-eyed blonde Sara, but no one knew her real name. She’d wandered into a local shelter a few months ago, suffering from amnesia, and still hadn’t regained her memory. Nor had anyone recognized her.
“Hi, Ms. Logan. Can I get you something this evening?”
“A Reuben sandwich and coffee will be fine, Sara. Thanks.”
The pretty waitress scratched the order on her pad, then hurried away. Hope turned her attention to Abby, who was staring thoughtfully after the young woman.
“Has anyone figured out who she is?”
Abby shook her head. “I don’t think so. There wasn’t much information for the authorities to go on. I guess the only thing anyone can do now is pray her memory returns.”
Hope glanced across the room to where the young waitress was serving coffee. “Isn’t there something medically that could be done for her? Some sort of drug or psychoanalysis?”
“Generally doctors like to let amnesiacs heal on their own. It’s not good to try to force a memory.”
The same way it wasn’t good for Hope to try to force Drake into trying for another baby. That was why she hadn’t fought him when he’d announced he wanted to move out of the house. She didn’t want to beg or cajole or demand anything from him. If he ever decided to give her another chance to have a child, she wanted him to do it willingly. A baby should be something they both longed for, not something he felt obligated to give Hope. But so far, his mind was closed to the idea.
“How are things going with you?”
Abby’s question interrupted Hope’s bleak thoughts. Her gaze drifted to her friend. “I asked Drake to come home today. And he agreed.”
Surprise, then joy lit Abby’s face. “That’s wonderful, Hope! I’m so glad to hear it.”
Before Abby could get too excited, Hope held up her hand. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Abby. He’s not moving back because he wants to. He’s doing it for his nephew, Stevie.”
Abby’s brows lifted. “His sister’s child?”
Hope nodded grimly. “Stevie’s parents are going to be gone for a month, and Drake has agreed to move back in to help me with him.”
“Oh.” Abby thoughtfully sipped her coffee. After a moment, she asked, “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing, Hope?”
It was no secret to Abby how much Hope wanted to try to get pregnant again. As her doctor, Abby had assured her the problems with her first pregnancy were highly unlikely to recur. Miscarriages were painful and heartbreaking, but they were also common. Most women went on to deliver healthy, normal babies. Abby was fairly certain Hope would fall into that category, and Hope had every confidence Abby was right. Drake, however, could not be convinced.
“What do you mean, mistake? Do you think I shouldn’t have asked Drake to come home?”
Before Abby could answer, Sara returned with Hope’s sandwich. After filling both their coffee cups, the waitress moved on to the next table.
Hope picked up her sandwich and tried not to let the doubtful frown on Abby’s face ruin her appetite.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, Hope. But—” She shrugged as she carefully considered her next words. “I was just thinking that Drake has been telling you over and over he doesn’t want a child. He even made that clear before the two of you were married. And then when he did finally relent and you got pregnant—well, we won’t go into that right now—I don’t have to tell you how devastated he was when you lost the baby. I’m just wondering if having Stevie around might be a reminder of all that pain.”
Hope glanced out the window of the Austin Eats Diner. The streets were growing dark, and she needed to head home as soon as she finished her sandwich. Drake would show up before too long, and she needed to be ready for his arrival. In more ways than one.
“That’s a chance I have to take, Abby.”
Abby glanced at her sharply. “Is this child that important to you? I wasn’t aware that you were close to Denise, much less her son.”
“We’re not close,” Hope admitted. “It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen Stevie. But that last time was enough—” She broke off as her throat tightened at the memory. “I can’t remember ever seeing such a sad, troubled child, Abby. And when Denise started whining about leaving him at boarding school if Drake and I couldn’t keep him, well…”
Abby nodded knowingly. “Your soft heart caved in.”
Hope made a palms-up gesture. “Guilty as charged. And I know it seems foolish, offering to spend my whole holiday taking care of someone else’s child, but—”
A knowing smile tilted Abby’s lips. “You want to try to give the kid at least one memorable Christmas.”
“How can I expect to be the mother of an adopted child if I can’t even bother to see that my own nephew is nurtured for one month?”
“I see your point.”
Hope’s gaze searched Abby’s face. “But you’re still not convinced I’m doing the right thing.”
Her friend’s features wrinkled into a scowl. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. I can see it all over your face.”
“Forget about Stevie for a moment and consider this,” Abby said. “Your marriage hasn’t ended yet. There’s still a chance to save it.”
