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Chavella glanced away as she pulled the strap of her tote higher onto her shoulder. “I think she expects you to return.”
The hollow feeling in Paige’s stomach spread until it culminated in a dull ache in the middle of her chest.
“I’ll have a talk with her. She needs to understand that I’m not coming back. Not for any reason.”
Disappointment clouded Chavella’s pretty features. “Oh. So you like the internal floor?”
“I like anywhere I’m needed,” she said evasively. She wasn’t going to come right out and admit that she’d been bored out of her mind for the past three nights. The morbidly quiet hallways of the third floor were nothing like the hustle and bustle of trauma patients rolling through the ER. And never in a million years would she reveal to Chavella, or anyone else, that she missed Dr. Sherman and his acid tongue. Even more, Paige missed his confident manner in treating the patients and his knack for being able to make a rapid diagnosis when every second counted. Most of all she missed having the solid strength of his presence and knowing he was only a few steps away if she needed him. “And the IM doctors only show up when they’re making rounds. Makes for a peaceful shift.”
Chavella smiled wanly. “I’m glad your transfer has turned out so well. You must be very happy.”
She’d never been more miserable in her life, but she gave the other nurse the brightest smile she could manage. “Thanks, Chavella. I think—yes, even though I miss you and the other nurses, this move was best for me. Tell everyone hello for me, won’t you?”
“What about Dr. Sherman? Do you have a message for him?”
Paige glanced around the parking lot as though she expected to see the man suddenly walking toward her. Which was a ridiculous reaction. Dr. Luke Sherman always remained at the hospital long after his shift ended. She didn’t know if that stemmed from dedication to his job, or because being a physician was the only thing he had going in his life.
“Chavella, you’re far too nice a person to repeat the words I’d have to say to Dr. Sherman,” she said ruefully.
The young nurse studied Paige with dark eyes that held far more wisdom than most women her age. “None of us nurses ever understood why he was always so hard on you, Paige. Most of us thought it was because he was...well, sweet on you. But now, I guess we were wrong.”
“Dead wrong,” Paige said bluntly.
Chavella cleared her throat. “I think he misses you. He’s not seemed the same since you left.”
In spite of his hateful words lingering at the edges of her thoughts, a bereft feeling shot through her. “Of course he isn’t the same,” she argued. “His whipping post is gone. So who is he yelling at now? Dear Lord, I hope it’s not you.”
“That’s what none of us nurses can figure out, Paige. He’s not yelling at anyone. He’s quiet. Scary quiet. We’ve all been tiptoeing around him, expecting him to explode at any moment. So far it hasn’t happened.”
Chavella’s news was like a knife to Paige’s chest. All this time she’d been telling herself that Dr. Luke Sherman was the type of man who would always need someone to browbeat, someone he could spew his bitterness at. She’d believed that once she was gone, he would move his insufferable treatment to another nurse. But apparently she’d been all wrong. For some reason she would never understand, it was her and only her that he’d wanted to hurt.
Trying to paste a smile on her lips, Paige said, “Well, that’s good news. With me gone there’ll be peace in the ER. I’m glad for all of you.”
Pressing her lips together, Chavella gazed back at the hospital building, which was now bathed in warm morning sunlight. “I don’t like it peaceful, Paige. I’m thinking I’ll go to Mr. Anderson and ask to be transferred, too.”
Paige instantly snatched up Chavella’s hand and patted it. “Oh, no, Chavella. Please, don’t do that. The ER is so important. It needs nurses like you, who are compassionate and dedicated. And what would Helen do if all of you started migrating out of there? She and the patients would be in trouble.”
The young nurse sighed. “Yes. I suppose you’re right,” she said glumly.
Paige gave Chavella’s hand another pat before she released it. “Cheer up. In two months Marcella’s maternity leave will be up and she’ll be returning to part-time work in the ER. She’ll make everything better.”
Chavella smiled faintly, but said nothing. Paige reached over and gave her shoulders a hug. “I need to get going. Why don’t you stop by the farm and have a cup of coffee with Grandfather? I don’t have to tell you how much he enjoys your company.”
“Maybe soon,” Chavella said, then sighed. “I promised Mother I would take her into Fallon this morning for grocery shopping. I keep hoping that one of these days she’ll learn how to drive a car.”
Grinning faintly, Paige suggested, “Maybe you should teach her.”
Chavella chuckled. “Then I might wind up as a patient in the emergency instead of a nurse.”
Paige laughed along with her, then after a brief goodbye, walked on to her car.
For the next few minutes Paige concentrated on maneuvering through the morning rush-hour traffic in the city, but once she was traveling on the open highway toward home, her thoughts turned to Chavella’s remarks.
I think he misses you. He’s not seemed the same since you left.
Could it be that Dr. Luke Sherman had actually noticed she’d been gone? Could he be missing her? No. He’d never miss her, Paige Winters, the woman. But he might be missing Nurse Winters.
Don’t be an idiot, Paige. Luke Sherman has never seen you as a woman. And if you worked at his side for another three years, he’d still see you as nothing more than a nurse. A nurse he loved to yell at and step on. Forget him. Forget the ER. And forget the empty feeling in the middle of your chest. You’ll get over it just like you got over David.
The mere thought of her ex-husband put a frown on Paige’s face. He’d been a liar and a cheat. And seven years ago, when she’d left him and his mistress behind in Reno, she’d basically pushed the idea of love and marriage out of her life. She didn’t need to go looking for another heartache. That had been her motto.
But earlier in the week, when she’d held Marcella’s daughter in her arms, she’d suddenly been swamped with loneliness and the feeling had startled her. All these years she’d lived as a single woman, she’d thought her life was complete. She’d never thought of herself as lonely. She’d never gone around longing for a husband or children. After all, she had her busy job at the hospital, along with helping her grandfather on his little farm. She didn’t need anything else.
But the night Paige had held newborn Daisy, something deeply maternal had called to her. Suddenly she’d been remembering how much she’d once wanted a man’s love. How much she’d longed to have babies and be a mother.
When Luke Sherman had spotted her tears, he’d accused her of being emotionally out of control. He couldn’t know that for the first time in years, she’d allowed herself to be a woman and all the feelings that went with it. But he wouldn’t care about that. No, with him it was always about rules and stipulations. Well, she’d stepped over that rigid line he expected her to follow and she had no intention of ever going back.
Forty-five minutes later, when she arrived home, she spotted Gideon and Rob Duncan in front of the barn, changing a tire on one of the tractors. As she exited the car and started to the house, both men waved to her. She waved back, but didn’t make a point to go greet them.
Rob had never hid the fact that he wanted to date her and though he was a nice, generally good-looking man, she was tired of repeatedly turning down his invitations, and Gideon didn’t seem to understand. As far as her grandfather was concerned, the neighboring farmer would be a good catch for Paige.
Inside, Paige changed into a pair of old jeans and a checked shirt, then went straight outside to the henhouse. She’d fed the chickens and was gathering the eggs that had been laid since yesterday, when Gideon stepped into the dimly lit structure.
“Hey, girl, couldn’t you find enough eggs in the house for your breakfast?”
Paige placed the last brown egg in the basket on her arm before stepping over to her grandfather. “I didn’t want any breakfast. I wanted to come out here. It makes me feel good to hear the hens cluck.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s the matter—you don’t want to eat? You getting sick on me?”
“No, Grandfather. I’m fine.”
He lifted a worn gray cap from his head and swiped a hand over his hair. “Rob was wondering why you didn’t come say hello.”
Paige inwardly winced. “I waved hello to him.”
“The man is crazy about you, Paige. The least you can do is be friendly.”
Sighing, Paige shook her head. “He views being friendly as encouragement. And I don’t have any romantic interest in the man.”
“Maybe you should,” he retorted. “You could do a lot worse than to marry Rob.”
It wasn’t like Gideon to pry into her private life. Sometimes he suggested that she needed to get out more and do something fun with friends, but he’d never pushed her about men or marriage until recently.
“What’s the matter, Grandfather? Are you thinking I’m turning into an old, cranky spinster?”
“Hell, no. I...well, sometimes I get to thinking you’re wasting yourself living here with me. Never having much of a life of your own.”
Smiling now, she curled one arm around the back of his waist and gave him a squeeze. “Hush, Grandfather. Not one minute of my life is wasted when I’m with you. So if you’re getting tired of me, you’re out of luck. I’m not going anywhere. And you can tell that to Rob Duncan, too.”
“I’ll tell him,” Gideon muttered. “No use in letting the man hang on to false hope.”
Trying not to roll her eyes, Paige urged him out of the henhouse. Once they were away from the chicken yard and walking toward the back of the house, she asked, “When did you have the flat on the tractor?”
“Don’t know. I found it that way this morning. I would’ve fixed it myself, but since it was on Ole Red I thought I’d better wait until I got some help.”
Ole Red was Gideon’s biggest tractor. The one he used for plowing and cultivating the alfalfa field. The tires on the Farmall were much too enormous and heavy for one man to handle. Especially a man of Gideon’s age.
“I’m glad you did. But you could’ve called a garage in Fallon to send someone out. I would’ve paid for the service. You didn’t need to bother Rob.”
“He was on his way to Carson City and just happened to come by to say hello. Being neighborly, he offered to help. And speaking of being neighborly, old lady Krenshaw is feeling poorly again. If you ask me she’s just wanting attention, but I thought you might go visit her this evening. On your way back to work.”
By now the two of them had climbed onto the back porch and Gideon held open the screen door in order for Paige to precede him into the kitchen. The room smelled of sausage and pancakes, and normally, the scents would have whetted her appetite, but for the past few days she’d found it impossible to eat more than a few bites at a time.
“I won’t be going back to work this evening,” she informed him. “I have the next two days off.”
Pausing in his tracks, Gideon stared at her. “Glory be. What are you going to do with yourself?”
“Just what I want to,” she joked, then added in a more serious tone, “I honestly don’t know yet. Hoe the garden and wash curtains. Maybe even make you some pies.”
Gideon pushed back the bill of his cap and scratched the top of his head. “Guess things are going to be different around here with you not working in the ER. Maybe your transfer was all for the better.”
It would be for the better, Paige thought, if she liked the slower pace and could get used to not having Dr. Sherman standing over her shoulder, barking out orders. Darn it! Why did his memory have to keep butting in? For days now she’d tried to forget the awful things she’d said to him. True, he’d deserved every word and more. But it wasn’t in Paige’s nature to be nasty to anyone. Even someone who’d treated her unfairly.
“I hope so,” she told him, then directed their conversation away from her job. “So explain this to me, Grandfather—how do you know Hatti Krenshaw isn’t feeling well? Have you been calling her?”
“Now why would that idea surprise you?” he asked with a grin. “Your old grandfather knows how to talk to a woman.”
Paige placed the basket of eggs on the cabinet and began to gather fixings for a fresh pot of coffee. “I didn’t know you were that acquainted with the woman. The only time we see her is at church. Have you been making trips over to her house?”
His wry chuckle had Paige arching a brow at him.
“You don’t know what goes on around here all the time,” he said, a sly sparkle in his blue eyes. “I still drive, you know.”
So her seventy-five-year-old grandfather had more romance going on than Paige did. That pretty much summed up her love life, or lack of one, she thought glumly.
“If that’s the way things are with you and Hatti, then I’d like to know why you call her ‘old lady.’ Hatti’s probably five years younger than you.”
He sidled up to the cabinet counter and watched as Paige poured water into the coffeemaker. “I call her old because she acts old. Ever since her husband died she’s sat down and gave up on life. I’ve told her she’s wasting herself. But she doesn’t listen. None of you women do.”
Paige’s grunt was full of humor. “What do you think Hatti needs to do? Kick up her heels and go dancing?”
“It sure as heck would be a start. Get her legs limbered up and her heart pumping. Use it or lose it. That’s what I tell her. Any way you look at it, life is short. Nobody should sit around frittering away precious time.”
Paige could hardly be accused of sitting around. In fact, she rarely took any leisure time for herself. But ever since she’d held baby Daisy, she’d been thinking about time and her future and whether she was going to end up childless and alone.
Paige pulled two clean cups from a wire dish drainer sitting next to the sink. “You mean, like me?”
“Didn’t say that at all,” Gideon replied. “You ought to know whether you’re making good use of your time.”
“Right now I’m going to use mine to sit on the front porch and drink a cup of coffee,” Paige told him. “Want to join me?”
“No thanks, honey. Now that my tractor tire is fixed I’m going out to the east pasture and lay down some fertilizer. If we’re lucky we’ll get a second cutting on the alfalfa mix.”
Compared to some of the neighboring farms and ranches, Gideon’s hay production was small. But growing the crops was more than enough to keep him busy and make a profit to boot. One thing was for certain—her grandfather would never be idle. A few of her fellow nurses often advised her to discourage Gideon from farming. They all insisted the job was too strenuous for a man of his age. And how would Paige feel, they often asked, if he had a heart attack and died while out on his tractor?
Paige always answered the question honestly. If dying on his tractor was the way it was meant for her grandfather to leave the world, she’d be happy. At least he’d go while doing what he loved. And she wouldn’t have to see him lying in a care facility, withering away a little each day, until he was just a shell of himself.
Just like Gideon doesn’t want to see you withering away without a husband or children.
The tiny voice popped into her head before she had a chance to push it away, causing Paige to frown as she filled a mug with coffee. It had been years since she’d put David Raines and their ill-fated marriage in her rearview mirror. So why was she suddenly thinking about a man to love and babies to bear? It was bad enough to have Dr. Luke Sherman constantly eating on her mind.
Leaning over, she pecked a kiss on Gideon’s cheek. “Be safe out there.”
Grinning, he dismissed her words with a wave of his hand and headed out the door. “I’m always safe.”
* * *
Early Monday morning, shortly after Luke finished his shift and handed the reins over to Dr. Bradley, he rode the elevator up to the sixth floor. Since it was only a few minutes past seven, he didn’t expect Chet Anderson, Tahoe General’s nursing director, to be in his office yet, but Luke was prepared to wait for as long as necessary.
However, when he reached Chet’s office, he found the door ajar and the other man already busy at his desk. Just as Luke started to knock on the door facing, Chet glanced up.
“Hey, Luke. Come in,” he invited. “Have a seat.”
Luke stepped into the room. “Sorry to interrupt, Chet. Do you have time to speak with me for a minute?”
The dark-haired man, near Luke’s age, gestured to the plush chair sitting in front of his desk.
“I always have time for you.” He pulled off a pair of black framed glasses and tossed them onto a nearby mouse pad. “You must have just finished your shift. Would you like coffee?”
Luke shook his head as he made himself comfortable in the black leather chair. “No thanks. I’ll have some later with breakfast.”
“So is this a hospital call?” Chet asked. “Or did you drop by my office just to say hello?”
Luke had never been an outgoing, social person. It wasn’t that he disliked people. It was simply easier not to develop close friendships. Especially when he knew how abruptly those could end. But Chet Anderson was one of the few people at Tahoe General that he considered more than a colleague. In spite of the fact that they often sparred over hospital policies, Chet remained his friend.
Luke crossed his ankles and tried to relax. “Sorry. I should’ve been by before now to see how you’ve been doing. But things get hectic. You know how it is.”
Smiling vaguely, Chet picked up a pen and absently turned it end over end. “I know exactly. I got a call from my parents last night. They’re wondering if they still have a son.”
A cold fist suddenly grabbed onto something in the middle of Luke’s chest and squeezed tight. “You should make time for them, Chet. You might not have a chance later.”
The nursing director leveled a rueful look at him. “Sorry, Luke. I shouldn’t have mentioned my parents. Not when—”
“Mine are gone?” he said, finishing the other man’s sentence. “Don’t be silly, Chet. It’s not your fault that my parents died together in a car crash.”
“No. But you don’t need a friend to remind you of the fact.”
Shrugging a shoulder, Luke glanced toward an arched window. Beyond the glass he could see the morning sun shedding a golden light across part of the city and the mountains to the far west. Strange how he’d been born and raised in the east, but as soon as he’d settled here in Nevada he’d felt as though this was where he was supposed to be. Perhaps that was because there was nothing back in West Virginia for him. No parents. No wife. Even his sister had moved on to a different town.
