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“Hi.” She dragged her eyes up to meet his. Her tongue felt thick in her suddenly dry mouth. “Nick, right?”
“You remembered,” he said wryly.
As if she could forget. It had been Nick, oh, Nick all night long. She remembered everything about him. His face, wide cheekbones, dark brows, sleepy-looking eyes, and a sensuous smile that lifted higher on one side than the other so that he looked wise—and wise-assed. She’d know Nick anywhere—even under that goofy cap. “It’s been a while,” she said.
“Yeah. A while.” Nick pushed the cap off his head and banged it against his thigh, obviously as uncomfortable as she was. “So, how are you?”
“Fine.” He seemed too close, so she stepped back. “Just f—” Her heel slipped off the curb, but she caught herself before she tilted over. “Just fine.” She smiled, trying not to look nonplussed. “How are you? I…I read in the paper about the…um…incident.”
He shrugged. “Occupational hazard. No big deal.” And none of your business, his eyes said, tightening at the edges. “Protect and serve, that’s what we do.” He pushed back his hair—longer than when she’d last seen him and too shaggy for a cop, but still a rich chestnut that begged to be touched. He resituated the cap in a way that made the silly thing look sexy.
“I was glad it turned out okay,” she said.
Nearly a year ago and not long after their night together, Nick had been shot, once in the heart, she remembered, during a drug bust gone wrong—the wounds so severe he’d hovered near death for days. Each morning during that time, she’d opened the newspaper with shaking fingers, her eyes wild for the headline that would declare his condition, praying he still lived. When she read he’d been upgraded to “stable” and regained consciousness, she’d been so relieved she’d cried—as if he’d been a member of her family or something.
“Yep. Good as new,” Nick said. He rotated his shoulder to prove it, but stiffness in the movement and the way his mouth tensed told her he still suffered.
“You’re doing security work now?”
“I’m just helping Charlie out. He’s a friend.” He looked down at himself. “The suit’s his.”
“I see.” Though she had no reason to care, she was relieved he hadn’t gone from being a heroic police officer to a doorman. Charlie was retired and wanted to keep busy, but Nick was thirty-five at the most.
She studied him in the too-tight uniform. The floret-adorned jacket stretched so snugly across his broad chest that the buttons appeared tight enough to snap off any second. The wool pants were like a second skin. His muscled thighs erased the crease altogether. The high-water effect at his ankles, and the way his wrists dangled below the gold-trimmed sleeves, didn’t make a dent in his good looks, though. Even in that dippy suit, he was gorgeous. “So you’re back on the force, then.”
“Nope. Took medical retirement.”
“That makes sense. I guess, after being nearly killed, it would be, uh, unsettling to go back.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he said. “Getting shot was a wake-up call. I decided life was short and there was more I wanted to do with mine.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but uneasily. It seemed as though he had his doubts. “I’d cleared my share of bad guys off the street.”
He gave her an up-and-down meant to turn the tables, followed by a wicked half grin. “That’s some hat. Amazing you can make it through a doorway.”
“You think it’s too much?”
“Not for the Mexican hat dance.”
Even though he was teasing, his scrutiny made her uncomfortable. She forced a smile. “You’re a fine one to talk. Looks like you borrowed a band uniform from a midget.” She indicated his full-to-bursting uniform.
“Yeah.” He gave a short laugh. “I could make a few extra bucks playing Sousa for pedestrians.”
He’d been funny that night in the bar, too, she remembered, and that had almost dissolved the humiliation she’d felt about Donald. He’d been funny. And kind. And protective of her. And so attractive. With a lazy sexuality that said he knew he’d get what he wanted, no need to rush things.
He’d gotten what he wanted that night, all right. So had she. But after that, their goals had diverged.
“Well, I should get going,” she said, wanting to stop thinking about Nick on that long-ago night. She grabbed the suitcase handle, but nervous perspiration made her hand slide off the grip and the suitcase tipped over.
“Better leave this to the professional.” Nick uprighted the bag. She reached for one of the totes, but he gripped her elbow, stopping her. “Let me do my job, Miranda.” He gave her a long look, his brown eyes intense.
She backed up, letting him take over, still feeling the warmth of his hand on her elbow.
Nick collapsed the suitcase handle and lifted the bag by the side grip, acting as if it weighed no more than a purse—despite its load of clothes, hiking boots, herbal reference tomes and New Mexico travel books.
Putting her two totes under his other arm, he loped to the building door. Even dressed like a nerd on parade, he looked as masculine and in charge as he had that night when she’d slid onto the stool next to him.
He held the lobby door for her, then carried her bags into the elevator, which he held open. “Floor?” he asked, his finger over the button plate.
“I can take it from here,” she said, wanting to escape him.
“Charlie brings your bags up, doesn’t he?”
“Yes, but it’s not nec—”
“Then I’ll do it,” he said firmly. “Floor?”
“You really don’t have to. Honestly.” But the implacability in his dark eyes made her sigh. “Ten.”
“On top,” he muttered. “No surprise.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re an executive. So of course you’d be on the top floor.”
She knew that wasn’t what he meant. After the way she’d behaved that night, he probably thought she was a dominatrix or something. She’d actually ordered him to make love to her. Heat flared at the memory. If only she could explain that she hadn’t been herself that night.
Not that it mattered. Not that she’d tell him so now, when she was inches away from him in the tiny elevator, which moved so slowly she had plenty of time to be aware of him. Tiny hairs all over her body stood up as if by static, and she felt an unwelcome arousal. And this time she couldn’t blame it on alcohol or the desire to prove to herself she wasn’t the ice queen Donald had said she was.
She sneaked a peek at his hands. Big, as she remembered. Though they’d been weathered looking, they’d felt miraculously smooth on her skin that night. Such a soft touch for a man used to rough work. A tremor shook her.
“Cold?” he asked, mistaking her quiver for a chill. Thank God. He seemed tuned in to her, reading her. She wished she could chalk it up to his cop training, but she knew it was more. He’d seemed that way before—strangely connected to her, hyperaware, knowing what she wanted, what she needed. That night she’d loved it. Right now, the last thing she wanted was for Nick to know what she was thinking.
“No,” she said, stilling herself. “I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that.”
She stepped back, farther away from him, until her head rested against the thick wood paneling of the elevator.
“Relax,” he said, his eyes chasing over her. “I won’t bite…at least not hard.”
“I’m so relieved.” He didn’t have to bite to upset her equilibrium. Merely riding in the elevator brought back erotic memories that now embarrassed the hell out of her. A year ago, they’d ridden an elevator to their hotel room, hearts pounding as one, hands clutching each other, desperate to be naked in each other’s arms. Now they traveled upward in awkward silence, completely separate. She had no idea what Nick was thinking or what he wanted.
Finally the elevator reached the top floor and groaned open, rattling in its moorings as if it might not close again. She loved the place, but it could definitely use some repair.
Miranda hurried the few yards to her door, with Nick following several paces back. Grateful she had only one simple lock to manage—no dead bolts or alarms—she quickly found her keys and opened the door.
When she turned to thank Nick, he pushed past her with her bags, a flicker of emotion on his face. Embarrassment? Resentment? She couldn’t tell. His eyes were different. That night they’d burned so hot they’d seemed molten. Now they were opaque and impossible to read.
She had a fleeting sense that something was amiss in her apartment—a tension in the air, an errant scent—but she turned to Nick and decided it was just him being there, so tall and broad he seemed to fill the high-ceilinged foyer.
He set down her bags, then looked at her place, taking in the pink-and-gray-marble entry, sunken living room, and the deco furniture she’d chosen to harmonize with the building’s design. She saw him pause to evaluate the paintings on the walls and the four pieces of sculpture, each in turn. Did he approve?
His gaze skimmed the marble columns of the fireplace, the dark hardwood spiral staircase to the second floor, and the raised dining room. He spent several seconds looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows. The view of the city and Camelback Mountain from her dining room had been a top selling point of the place. She spent hours staring out at the lights, the buildings, the traffic, the sky—thrilled to be in this place she’d made her own. She would never move.
Finished with his survey, Nick said simply, “Nice digs.”
“Thanks. I’m pleased with how it came out. It’s cozy.”
“Cozy? It’s huge. You design it?”
“As a matter of fact, I did.”
“It looks like you.”
Was that good or bad? She couldn’t tell, so she kept talking to cover her confusion. “I like it here. It’s quiet and the neighbors are nice.”
Of course, when she miscalculated a cosmetics creation and the fumes sent her neighbors outside until the building aired, things got a little tense. She always made sure everyone got an apology gift—a basket of Chase Beauty cosmetics for the women, baked goods for the men, and stuffed animals for the handful of children. She wanted to be as kind to the neighbors as they’d been to her. She’d paid top dollar for her long-term lease, and covered any expenses related to air-freshening treatments.
“The big bag goes…?” Nick asked, lifting her suitcase.
“My bedroom—upstairs—but I’ll take it.” The last place she wanted Nick Ryder was her bedroom.
“Nonsense,” he said, picking it up and heading toward the stairs. “With heels that high, you could break your neck carrying bags. I’m surprised you don’t get a nosebleed.” He waved her in front of him. “After you.” She scampered up the stairs ahead of him, trying not to wobble on the shoes he so disapproved of.
Nick carried her bag into the master suite. She watched him take in the cream walls, elegant furniture and tapestry accents, then stop short at the huge bed in the center of the room. He seemed to be studying the rose-red satin spread.
She looked at it and imagined how it would be to strip and make love on that cool, slippery surface.
They looked up at the same instant and their eyes locked. Nick’s were molten—like they’d been that night. He was thinking what she was thinking. She had to stop this, get him out of here.
“Just do it on the bed—I mean put it on the bed,” she said, covering her mouth in horror. “I mean…”
“I know what you mean,” he said, his eyes gleaming and laughing at the same time. He dropped her heavy black suitcase onto the bed, then came toward her, stopping just inches away.
She felt rooted to the spot. Was he going to kiss her?
“How can you stand it?” he murmured.
“Stand what?” The lust racing along her nerves? The crazy urge to throw herself into his arms?
“Wearing your sunglasses inside.” He lifted them from her nose with the expert gentleness of an optician, then tossed them onto the bed. He removed her wide-brimmed hat and flung it onto the bed, too, holding her eyes the entire time, his expression was so intent she felt as exposed as her hair. “You look good in that,” he said, giving her an up-and-down, as if he could see through the black silk.
“Silk is…um…a good, um, spring fabric,” she stammered.
“I remember.”
The dress she’d worn that night had been silk. Red silk. His favorite color, he’d told her, as he slid it off her body.
Nick’s broad chest rose and fell in the skintight gold-trimmed jacket. He stood so near that her spacious bedroom seemed no bigger than a closet.
What if he kept taking things off? What if they tried it again? Could they match that heat?
“I take it you didn’t patch things up with your fiancé,” Nick said, interrupting her fantasy.
“Patch things up? Oh, no.”
“Did it help? The revenge?”
“What do you mean?” And then she knew. “You think I was with you for revenge?”
He shrugged. “It’s human nature to get back at someone who’s hurt you. I don’t blame you.” Oh, yes he did.
“That’s not it. I was running away, and I found that bar, and there you were. And you were so…”
“Convenient, I know. Forget it. My pleasure.”
“…kind,” she finished firmly. “You were kind to me. I really appreciated how you—” She stopped, embarrassed to say more about her feelings that night.
“No need to thank me. I got my honor badge rescuing damsels in distress.”
She just stared at him. He’d felt sorry for her? Ouch. So that was why he hadn’t called. She must have seemed needy and desperate. Embarrassment made her cheeks flame.
She couldn’t let on how bad she felt, though, so she managed a laugh. “Looks like you’re still rescuing me—this time from my luggage.” She had to get this over with, get him out of here so she could breathe and think. She went to the door and held it open for him.
“Just doing my job, ma’am.” Nick tipped his hat at her, then replaced it at a rakish angle as if nothing more had passed between them than the time of day and some bags.
“Just a minute,” she said, fumbling in her purse. She always tipped Charlie for his trouble. That was the least she could do for Nick. She extracted a twenty and looked up. Nick’s eyes were waiting, black and cold as a starless winter night, and she knew she’d made a mistake.
“Let’s get something straight, Miranda,” he said. “I’ll carry your bags and bring in your groceries and park your car, just like I do for everyone around here. But no money…ever.”
The twenty hung from her fingers, like the tension in the air between them. Nick turned and walked down the hall, his shoulders broad in the tight jacket, pride stiffening his gait. She’d hurt his feelings. She shoved the money back into her wallet.
2
AS SOON AS she heard the front door close behind Nick, Miranda gave in to competing emotions. She already felt stupid about that night. She’d been so not herself. It turned out Nick had slept with her out of pity. Ooh. And now, as if she had no pride whatsoever, she found her pulse still pounded from wanting him. The whole thing brought back that awful night.
If only she could get a “do over,” she thought, starting downstairs, heading for her kitchen lab—just erase everything that had happened from the instant she’d caught Donald in a clinch with that woman, up to and including the way she’d carried on with Nick. What an idiot she’d been!
She sighed, letting the memory play out. She’d been with Donald at a charity ball at the Hyatt three weeks after they’d become engaged. She’d been having a great time, too, until she took a wrong turn on the way to the rest room and found Donald in an alcove kissing the PR woman from the Heart Association with more zeal than she thought he had in him. Stunned speechless, she’d just stared until Donald noticed her. Then she’d bolted.
Donald had caught up with her, tried to explain, cajole, and then, when she’d refused to stop running, he started the accusations. What did you expect? You work 24/7 and when we have sex you can’t wait for it to be over. Before she had made it out the hotel door, he’d managed to call her spoiled, immature, an ice queen and—the unkindest cut of all—sexless.
Sexless! That had stung. She liked sex as much as the next person, didn’t she? Maybe Donald didn’t fill her with throbbing lust, but he hadn’t seemed that wild for it himself. On the other hand he’d been all over that PR woman in the alcove. And it was French-kissing, too, which she didn’t think he liked. God, how had she been so blind, so stupid?
She’d felt humiliated and angry, but, surprisingly, not heartbroken. She’d almost felt relief that she wouldn’t marry the man. Hadn’t she loved Donald? She’d been afraid to figure it out—unwilling to admit to herself that something had been wrong between them all along. Too stubborn to admit she didn’t understand love. At all.
She’d been running down Second Street when she saw the pink neon words This is the Place lighting the entry to the Backstreet Bar. Snuggled defiantly between a high-rise and a chichi bistro, it had been the antithesis of the fashionable nightclubs Donald favored, and, therefore, the perfect place to get a drink and forget it all.
The sight of all those staring men in the smoky dark had almost frightened her off. Then she’d seen Nick with his kind eyes and smart-aleck smile, as if he’d seen it all, done most of it, and wasn’t afraid of anything. Looking at him, she’d felt better, braver. Something—it felt like a hand on her back—had pushed her toward the empty seat beside him.
