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He liked it.
For the first time in months something—someone—had caught his interest. Ruby Bell—the cute little production co-ordinator on a dinky little Aussie film—intrigued him.
‘So what is it, exactly, that you find so repulsive about me?’ he asked.
She shrugged, dismissing his question. ‘I don’t know you well enough to form an opinion—repulsive or otherwise.’
‘But isn’t that why you’re not interested?’ he asked. Not that he believed her statement to be true. ‘Because you think you know me?’
From his movies, from his interviews, from the rubbish they published in glossy magazines and newspapers that should know better. Devlin Cooper the star—the persona. Not the person.
She shook her head. ‘This is the longest conversation we’ve ever had. How could I possibly know you?’
He blinked. She’d just surprised him—for the second time tonight. The first time had been walking out of that pub just as he’d been imagining how good she’d look in that big wrought-iron bed back in his cottage.
‘Ah. So, it’s not me, it’s you,’ he said, playing with that clichéd line. Then, for the first time, the blindingly obvious occurred to him. She wore no ring, but... ‘You have a boyfriend?’
‘Oh no,’ she said, her voice higher pitched and definitely firmer than before. ‘Absolutely not.’ She shook her head for emphasis.
Okay, now he was completely confused. And surprised, yet again.
Ruby wasn’t following any script he’d heard before. How many women had he flirted with in his life? Some fawned, but most were clever, witty and/or sarcastic. But, he realised, normally he already sort of knew what was going to be said next—where the conversation, or the evening, was heading. In itself, that was part of the fun. The dance of words before the inevitable.
But this was undeniably fun, too.
‘You think I want a relationship?’ he asked, heavy with irony. ‘Scared I’m going to want to settle down, get married...’
She laughed. ‘No.’
‘So what, exactly, is the problem? From where I stand this all seems pretty perfect. We obviously both like each other...’ he held up his hand when she went to disagree ‘...we’re both single and we’re both stuck in an isolated country town for the next month or so. Is that not a match made in heaven?’
Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘Weren’t you listening back at the pub? I don’t do relationships at work. Especially with actors. I’m not interested in becoming known as Dev Cooper’s next conquest. Très professional, no?’
‘I wasn’t suggesting we make out on set, you know,’ he said dryly. Ruby raised an eyebrow. ‘I promise.’
She shook her head. ‘Film sets are full of gossip. And my professional reputation is everything to me.’ She paused, then repeated her words, almost to herself. ‘Everything to me.’
Commitment to your job—sure, Dev got that. Until very recently, he’d practically been the poster child for the concept. But—really? Liaisons between crew and actors were not a crime, and far from uncommon. The world would not end.
But apparently, according to Ruby, it would. It was clear in every tense line of her expression.
They stood in silence for a while. Dev wasn’t entirely sure what would happen now.
He was out of his element: he’d just been rejected. Inarguably so.
But rather than shrugging, comfortable in the knowledge that he had many other options, he found himself...disappointed.
And reluctant to walk away.
‘Anyway,’ Ruby said in a different, crisper, tone. ‘You have an early call tomorrow morning, and I need to be at the office an hour earlier. So, goodnight.’
With that, she turned on her heel and walked away. Out on the street he watched as she walked down the motel driveway to an apartment on the bottom floor of the two-storey building. Then he waited until she located her key in her oversized handbag, unlocked the door, and disappeared inside.
Then he waited, alone on the street, some more.
It was odd. All he knew about this woman was that she was blonde, and cute, and felt pretty amazing in his arms.
What was the attraction? Why did he care?
How was she different from the many other women who he’d met in the past few, dark, blurry months? Months where no one had stood out. Where nothing had stood out.
Where when, a few weeks after Estelle had left, he’d attempt to chat to a woman—but his mind would drift. Where he’d find himself with suddenly no idea what had been said in the preceding conversation.
And didn’t care at all.
That was why she was different.
Ruby pushed his buttons. Triggered reactions that had been lying dormant. Attraction. Laughter. Surprise.
So simple.
THREE
A loud bang jolted Dev out of his dream.
He blinked, his eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness.
What time is it?
He lay on his back in the centre of his bed. Naked but for his boxer shorts, the sheets and quilt long ago kicked off and onto the floor.
He remembered feeling restless. As if he needed to get up and go for a run. Or for a drive. Or just out. Somewhere. Away.
Where?
It wasn’t the first morning he’d asked that question.
Another bang. Even louder than before. Or maybe just now he was more awake?
The thick cloak of sleep was slowly lifting, and his eyes were adjusting.
It wasn’t completely dark in here. Light was managing to push through the heavy curtains that he’d checked and double checked were fully closed the night before.
He shivered, and only then did he register it was cold. He had a vague recollection of turning off the heater on the wall. Why? The nights were still cool.
Obviously it had made sense at the time.
Another bang.
The door. Someone was knocking on the door.
What time is it?
He rolled onto his side, reaching across the bed, knocking aside a small cardboard box and a blister pack so he could see the glowing green numbers of the clock on the bedside table. There were none. He didn’t remember turning it off, but it didn’t surprise him that he had.
He had set that alarm last night, though. And the alarm on his phone. He had an early call today. He’d been going to get up early to read through today’s rehearsal scenes.
Bang, bang, bang.
Dev swung his legs over the side of the bed in slow motion, then shoved himself to his feet. Three sluggish steps later, he discovered his mobile phone when he kicked it in the gloom, and it clattered against his closed bedroom door.
By feel he found the light switch on the wall, then rubbed his eyes against the sudden brightness.
His phone located, he picked it up to check the time. He pressed the button to illuminate the screen, but it took a while for his eyes to focus.
How long ago had he taken the sleepers?
He still felt drugged, still shrouded in the sleep that the tablets had finally delivered.
Seven thirty-two a.m. Why hadn’t his alarm gone off?
Bang, bang, BANG, BANG, BANG!
‘Mr Cooper? Are you awake?’
Graeme. Of course.
He twisted the old brass doorknob to his room, then padded up the wide hallway. Morning light streamed through the stained-glass panels of the front door around the over-inflated shape that was Dev’s warden.
He took his time, his gaze trained on his phone as he checked that his alarm had been set. It had. So it had gone off.
Presumably he’d then thrown it across the room, given where he’d found it.
It shouldn’t surprise him, but that wasn’t what he’d meant to do today. Last night he’d felt...different. Today was supposed to be different. Different from the past ninety-seven days.
How specific.
He smiled a humourless smile. Who knew his subconscious kept such meticulous records?
The thing was, today wasn’t the first day that was supposed to be different. But then, they never were.
Graeme was still hammering away at the door, but Dev didn’t bother to call out, to reassure him that his charge was in fact awake and not passed out in an alcoholic stupor or worse—whatever it was that Veronica was so sure that Dev was doing.
In some ways Dev wished he could apply a label to himself. Alcoholic. Drug addict.
But he was neither of those things.
What about his sleepers?
He dismissed the idea instantly. No. They were prescribed, and temporary.
Definitely temporary.
Hollywood wasn’t the shiny happy place people imagined. It was full of egos fuelled by intense insecurity. Stars that shone while simultaneously harbouring the intense fear that their light could be extinguished at any moment: at the mercy of their next role, of public opinion, of the whims of studio executives...always others.
So little control. It was no surprise that so many teetered over the edge. Fell into...something. It was just the label that changed.
But Dev had no label.
He just had...nothing.
He opened the door while Graeme was mid-knock. The other man started, then took a step back, clearing his throat.
‘We need to leave in five minutes, Mr Cooper.’
Dev scratched his belly and nodded. He left the door open as he turned and headed for the bathroom. Four minutes later he was showered and had dragged on a T-shirt, hoodie and jeans. He pulled the front door shut and locked it as Graeme hovered nearby—impatiently.
When he was growing up, his mum had done the same thing—although not as silently. She’d tap her foot as she waited for her youngest and most disorganised son. The other two boys generally already in the family Mercedes, all perfect and consistently smug. Hurry up, Dev! You’re making us late!
And just because he’d been that kind of kid, he’d taken his own sweet time.
This was why he didn’t like having drivers. Why he insisted on driving himself to and from set for every single one of his many movies. He was a grown adult with a driver’s licence—why the hell did he need a chauffeur? He was far from a child any more; he didn’t need to be directed and herded and hurried. He was a professional—always on time. Always reliable.
Until now.
Today was not the first time he’d slept through his alarm. Or, of more concern: he’d heard it, switched it off, and deliberately rolled over and gone back to sleep. More than once the action of even setting his alarm had felt impossible. Weirdly overwhelming.
Other nights sleep had never come. Where his thoughts had echoed so loudly in his skull that even drugs had no impact. And those days he’d watched time tick by, watched his call time slip by, and switched his phone to silent as his agent, or the producer, or even the director would call, and call and call...
That had got him fired from his last film. The contract was pulled on his next after whispers had begun to spread.
So here he was.
And although he hadn’t meant to—because of course he never meant to—it was happening again.
Without Graeme, he’d still be in bed, time passing. He hated that.
He sat in the back of the black four-wheel drive, staring unseeing out of the darkly tinted windows. Beside him was an insulated bag that Graeme said contained his breakfast, but he wasn’t hungry.
You’re not welcome here.
Closer to Unit Base, the bitumen road ended, and the car bounced amongst potholes on the wide gravel track. The irregular movements did nothing to jolt that memory. How long ago had it been? Ten years? No, longer. Fourteen. He’d been nineteen, home late—really late—after a night out with his mates.
He hadn’t been drunk, but alcohol had still buzzed through his bloodstream.
‘Where the hell have you been?’
His father stood at the very top of the staircase that rose majestically from the lobby of the Coopers’ sprawling Sydney upper-north-shore residence. His mum had left a lamp on for him, and the soft light threw shadows onto his dad’s pyjamas.
