A Christmas Cracker: The only festive romance to curl up with this Christmas!

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‘A proposition?’ I echoed. ‘Do you mean … a job?’

‘The possibility of a fresh start, with somewhere to live, at least,’ he said. ‘But I’ll let her tell you all about it herself.’

‘But surely she won’t want to employ an ex-con?’

‘I have every reason to believe that she will and I think you’ll suit each other very well,’ he reassured me.

He wouldn’t say any more about it and I wondered if his friend was returning because she was now so decrepit she needed a carer. After all, I had been my mum’s sole carer for years, so I was certainly experienced at looking after an invalid.

It would mean my life had gone round in a circle again … but then, beggars and people with criminal records can’t be choosers.

Chapter 5: Engagements (#ulink_49f28150-1ead-5aa2-aeed-69b5e9e2aa76)

Randal

Charlie Clancy and I were having a catch-up session over a few beers at my flat between assignments. Being more or less in the same line of business, we were seldom in London at the same time.

‘I haven’t seen you since we bumped into each other in the street after you got back from that cruise. You looked like crap – and you don’t look much better now,’ Charlie said, with the frankness of an old friend. ‘How much weight have you lost?’

‘Too much: I wouldn’t recommend a toxic tummy bug to anyone as a diet aid,’ I said. ‘You don’t expect amazing luxury from a cut-price cruise company, but Kharisma sucked. So many passengers and even crew went down with it that if there hadn’t been a mutiny off Mexico it would have been like the Mary Celeste and running on autopilot round and round the Caribbean.’

‘That bad, was it?’ Charlie said sympathetically.

‘You’ll see the horrible details when the programme comes out,’ I said. ‘It was even worse than we’d been told, mainly due to a lack of deep cleaning between cruises and poor food preparation practice. I bribed my way into the kitchens for a look and, believe me, I pretty much lived on bottled water and biscuits after that. And when half the toilets weren’t functioning … well, you can imagine. It spread like wildfire. The stewards were paid so little, it’s not surprising they weren’t keen to tackle sick passengers’ cabins.’

‘But you caught it anyway, despite all the precautions.’

‘I was careful, but I suppose it was inevitable, and at least we’d all been taken off the ship at Cancún by that point. It was a week before the medical authorities would let me fly home and I’m still sticking to eating bland stuff for the time being. This is the first alcohol I’ve tasted in weeks.’

‘I have to say, you still look gaunt. I can’t believe they sent you to Greece on another assignment so soon after you got back.’

I shrugged. ‘That’s how it goes. I’m off to investigate gap-year black spots worldwide next for a special programme, with some back-to-back filming for the ordinary series thrown in. South America first.’

‘Back to Mexico?’

I shuddered. ‘Luckily no, because I’m always going to associate the place with feeling like death. I’m off to Peru first.’

‘I’ve always wanted to go to Machu Picchu,’ Charlie said enviously.

‘So have I, but not on the cheapest and dodgiest tour and staying in the worst backpackers’ hostels. I only hope my digestion is up to a series of new challenges by the time I get there.’

‘At least you visit exotic locations, while I just endlessly circle the dodgy dealers and rip-off merchants of the UK,’ he pointed out.

I looked around the living room of the tiny flat that was my London base and thought how happy I’d be just to stay there. ‘The sense of excitement I used to get at the start of each new assignment has long since worn off,’ I said. ‘I think I’m getting too old for this game. What have you been up to?’

‘Got back yesterday after following a lead about horse-race fixing, but it was a bust.’ He took another swig from his beer. ‘But do you remember going with me to that small art gallery in Liverpool early last year, when I was following a lead about fake champagne?’

I nodded, a brief vision of a woman with long, dark brown hair and unusual light lilac-grey eyes sliding into my mind. ‘The artist did brilliant papercuts, but also worked for that firm you wanted to investigate … what was it called?’

‘Champers&Chocs. I’d already had a tip-off from a disgruntled customer that they were selling cheap fizz relabelled as expensive bubbly, when by sheer good luck, I got a lead on Tabitha Coombs.’

‘It’s all coming back to me – her “friend” dropped her right in it, didn’t she? So, was she involved in the racket?’

‘Up to the eyes, as well as having an affair with the owner. It all came out at the trial before Christmas.’

‘Really?’ I felt vaguely surprised. ‘Her papercuts and collage pictures were really clever, so I wouldn’t have thought she’d need to work somewhere like that, let alone be involved in a fraud.’

And now I came to think of it, I’d actually bought one of her pictures and arranged for it to be sent to my family home, Mote Farm, so presumably it had long since arrived and been stored away somewhere. I’d have to look next time I was up there.

‘Her boss, Harry Briggs, said the scam had been her idea in the first place and they always packed the special orders up after the others had gone home in the evening, then had a bit of how’s-your-father,’ Charlie told me.

‘I’m not sure I entirely believe that last bit – wasn’t she engaged to someone? I seem to remember a fiancé.’

‘Well, an affair isn’t illegal anyway, but Kate, her “friend”, got up and gave the court the same story, so it told against her. I don’t think the judge was convinced she was the instigator of the fraud, though, because Briggs got a five-year stretch, but he still sent her to prison.’

‘Really? If she hadn’t committed any crime before, I’d have expected a suspended sentence, or community service, or something,’ I exclaimed.

‘So would I, but the judge said he was going to make an example of her. She’s the reserved, sarcastic type, and I don’t think he took to her.’

‘Well, being reserved or sarky isn’t a hanging offence,’ I said mildly.

‘She looked guilty – but not half as shifty and guilty as she did on that secret film I shot inside Champers&Chocs, when she was showing me the packing room! I had someone pretend to phone her with an urgent message and then sneaked into the backroom – it was locked, but any baby could have opened it with a bit of bent plastic – and found a stash of fake champagne.’

‘How long a sentence did she get?’

‘Eight months’ custodial, so she’ll probably be released before too long. I don’t suppose the fiancé stood by her; he didn’t look the type to forgive and forget. But she was attractive in a witchy kind of way, wasn’t she?’

I considered. ‘She was striking, I suppose – it’s not a face you’d forget easily.’

‘Maybe she’s your type?’ he suggested. ‘You could offer her a shoulder to cry on when she’s released.’

‘You’re way out, because I’ve just got engaged to Lacey Bucknall.’

‘What, the daughter of the All Thrills sex shops Bucknalls?’ Charlie exclaimed. ‘I didn’t even know you were going out with her!’

‘It was a bit of a whirlwind romance.’

‘Lucky you. I’ve seen her about in nightclubs,’ he said. ‘Stunning redhead, legs up to her armpits, slim as a model but with curves in all the right places …’

‘Yes, that’s Lacey, but she’s no airhead. In fact, she’s a businesswoman to the core.’

‘Still, you’ll be all right there. She’s probably got her own set of fluffy handcuffs and maybe a naughty nurse costume?’ he teased.

I sighed. ‘You know, I’m getting tired of that sort of comment, and Lacey’s fed up with men who assume she’s up for anything, just because her parents own a chain of sex shops. She’s not like that at all.’

In fact, she’d shown a distinct lack of enthusiasm for that aspect of our relationship, so I suspected the whole subject bored her rigid, which I suppose wasn’t surprising, given her background … I hoped to change her mind about that. And anyway, we shared a desire to settle down and start a family, and there was only one way to do that.

‘Sorry,’ said Charlie. ‘I’m sure she’s really nice.’

‘She sees the family business as like any other, just filling a gap in the market and making money. She’s recently set up her own mail-order company and it’s starting to take off.’

‘Selling what?’ he asked. ‘Tell me it’s not the same line as her parents!’

‘Not far off,’ I admitted reluctantly. ‘Instant Orgy. It’s party supplies, basically … for adult parties.’

‘Right …’ Charlie said slowly, though a glint of devilment appeared in his dark eyes. ‘That’s going to go down a storm with your aunt Mercy, isn’t it?’

‘It’s not going to be easy,’ I agreed, because my elderly aunt by marriage, Mercy Marwood, came from a long line of Quakers, as had my late uncle. My mother had married out and lapsed, but I was aware enough of the Quaker outlook to know that Mercy might take a dim view of my fiancée’s business interests. ‘I’m hoping she gets to know Lacey first, before she finds out.’

‘How is Mercy?’ Charlie asked. We’d often spent part of our school holidays at Mote Farm and he was fond of her. And I was, too, even though by rights the family estate should have come directly to me after my uncle died, rather than have been left to my aunt to pass on. ‘Is she still out in Malawi, teaching needlework and stuff?’

‘She was, but she’ll be flying back soon and says this time it’s for good, though she’ll still be sourcing and sending out sewing machines. I’ll have to visit her after my next trip.’

I took a swig of my beer. ‘I had some plans drawn up to redevelop the factory complex at Godsend and sent them out to her a while back, so I think we’ll have a lot to discuss.’

‘What, the old Friendship Mill site?’

‘That’s it: Mote Farm will be mine one day, after all, and Aunt Mercy’s always encouraged me to see it as my home, so she should be happy I’m taking an interest and want to settle down there when I’m married.’

‘But your uncle left everything to her, didn’t he? He told her that he wanted you to inherit after she’d gone, but it wasn’t in writing.’

‘He did, but he trusted her to do what he wanted and she will,’ I said confidently. ‘She’s got money of her own, after all, though now she’s guardian to the daughter of an old Malawian friend, I expect she’ll want to provide for her from that. I don’t think you’ve met Liz yet, have you? She’s a nice girl – Mercy sent her to that Quaker boarding school near Pontefract, but she’s often at the farm in the holidays.’

‘No, but it’s typical of Mercy to take in waifs and strays. Look at all those so-called employees she has living in the cottages!’

‘True, and they’re all well past retirement age. The cracker factory in Friendship Mill should have closed long ago, because it’s losing money hand over fist and at this rate there’s going to be nothing left by the time I inherit.’

‘So, what were the plans?’

‘I propose to immediately retire the workforce, close the cracker factory down and then redevelop the mill complex as a tourist venue, with a café, craft workshops and a farm shop, that kind of thing. I’d invest some of the money I inherited from my parents into it and manage the place, so I’d expect to be a shareholder and director.’

Charlie whistled. ‘How did that go down with Mercy?’

‘I think it was a bit of a shock, really. She emailed saying she’d looked at my interesting proposals, but since she hadn’t realised things weren’t doing well at the cracker factory she’d consider what I had to say more fully when she was home and had had chance to look into everything. And that’s where it stands at the moment.’

‘Maybe your plans were the tipping point that made her come home for good, then?’ Charlie suggested.

‘Perhaps. I think she put too much trust in her brother to keep any eye on things while she was away, because apart from paying out the wages, Uncle Silas barely goes down there. I know he’s got health problems, but he’s hardly a total invalid.’

‘Silas is a funny old codger, practically a recluse,’ Charlie said. ‘But Mercy seems fond of him.’

‘Mercy’s fond of everyone,’ I said, which was only a slight exaggeration. ‘I’m sure she’ll see sense about the mill, when she’s had time to think about it. After all, I’m not proposing we throw the workforce out of the cottages after they’re retired, or anything like that … though as soon as the cottages do become free, they could be renovated and let as holiday rentals.’

‘I see you’ve given it a lot of thought.’

‘I had a lot of time to think in Mexico, before I was fit to fly home,’ I said ruefully.

‘Are you going to tell her about Lacey when you go up there after your next assignment, or take her with you?’

‘I’ll tell Mercy I’ve got engaged, but take Lacey to meet the family later, after I’ve talked her round about the mill,’ I said confidently.

And when I did take Lacey there, I’d have to try to persuade her to keep quiet on the subject of what she and her parents sold for a living, until Mercy had grown to know and love her, which I was sure she soon would. And anyway, once Lacey had visited the place, I might even be able to persuade her to give up her own business entirely and help me instead …

Charlie popped another can and raised it in salute: ‘Here’s to success in all you do!’ he said, twinkling. ‘But I feel you might be in for a rocky ride!’