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“Yes.”
“Did you hear him talk about daddies?”
She breathed in deeply, let it out slowly. “I sure did.”
Nathan nodded, and Jessica sighed with relief. Maybe that was it.
And maybe cows would fly. This was Nathan, and he wasn’t done figuring everything out yet.
“Mommy?”
She noticed her mother shift uncomfortably in the front seat, place a hand over her mouth and peer out the passenger window and she assumed this conversation was going to be as rough for her parents as it was for her. Or close. “Yes?”
He continued looking out his window as he spoke so Jessica couldn’t see his face. And thank goodness, he couldn’t see hers, because it was very tough to control her pain at his next words.
“Do all daddies love their kids?”
Have mercy, what would she do now? Did all daddies? If she told him yes, she’d be lying, she knew. Some didn’t. Some weren’t good, and that hurt her very soul, but she knew one who would love his son very much, if he knew the truth.
“Your daddy will love you,” she said, and she saw both of her parents straighten in their seats. But she couldn’t let him believe, not for one minute, that his father wouldn’t love him, wouldn’t want him, if he knew about him. She’d told him before that his daddy lived somewhere else and that he’d see him one day. That’d been enough to satisfy his mind, before he was nearly six, and before he’d grown up so much.
That wasn’t enough anymore.
“It hasn’t worked out yet for your daddy to meet you and love you and be a part of your life,” she said. “But God has a plan, and one day, He will work it out for you to meet your daddy, and it’s going to be a great day.” She hoped. And prayed.
Please, God, let it be a great day.
Nathan turned in the seat and his face split into the snaggletoothed grin that she loved and the sweet little dimple in his left cheek reminded her of Chad.
“Will he play baseball with me?”
Jessica blinked through the new moisture around her eyes. “Definitely.”
“And take me to eat ice cream?” The gold flecks in those deep green eyes sparkled with excitement.
“Of course.”
Nathan nodded again, satisfied, then he twisted back toward the window and whispered, “I’m gonna love him.”
Chapter Four
Jessica changed her clothes three times Tuesday afternoon before finally deciding on a green cable sweater, blue jeans and short boots. Not too dressy but nice enough for coffee, she thought. And when Nathan had claimed she looked “very pretty,” that was a sign she’d hit the mark. Of course, Nathan always said she looked pretty, even when she’d just woken up, her hair was a mess and she had mascara smears under her eyes. But that was part of his little boy charm, the fact that he believed his mommy was perfect.
She walked across the quad toward her second class and glanced toward the Math and Science building, the building where Chad was most likely teaching his courses. She hadn’t thought to ask him what classes he taught, and she’d realized earlier today that she hadn’t thought to ask how she would find him after her class. Nor had they exchanged cell numbers in case their plans changed.
She laughed softly. She was way out of practice with the whole guy-girl thing. Then again, the only guy she’d ever had any type of relationship with was Chad. Which was probably why she’d been a bundle of nerves all day.
Thankfully, the fact that it was her first day at the day care center kept her busy enough throughout the morning that she didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on the fact that she would be meeting Chad tonight. She’d worked at a church day care center in Tennessee, but it was a much smaller facility than the one in Claremont.
Today she’d assisted in the classroom for four-year-olds, and there had been eighteen kids in the class. Eighteen children, one teacher, one assistant. The ratio of students to teachers was higher than the day care in Tennessee, but she thought that she’d handled the challenge well. In fact, she’d had fun and had ended the day excited about the future when hopefully she’d be the primary teacher in a room full of five-year-old kindergartners like Nathan. Little boys and girls alive with anticipation about learning as much as they could about the world around them, with tons of questions and minds like sponges, eager to soak it all in.
She couldn’t wait.
Entering her English Comp class, she took the same seat she’d had last week, in the middle of the front row. Why hide in the back when she really wanted to be up front and center, where it was easier to hear every word without the distractions of other students around her? She was the only one who seemed interested in the front seat anyway, which made her stand out as a bit odd, she supposed.
She also stood out by being early to the class, which didn’t seem to be a priority to the majority of the group. At her classes so far, most ambled in at a minute or two until class was supposed to start. And then there were the ones who really didn’t care and found their way to class well into the first hour of lecture.
Jessica didn’t understand how anyone would be willing to spend the amount of money and time that it took to attend college and then have no enthusiasm whatsoever for the opportunity it provided. But then again, college was probably just the next step to these kids and a choice that had been made by their parents rather than the kids themselves. Jess had always wanted to continue her education and had been disappointed that it didn’t appear to be a possibility with the direction her life had taken. So this gift from her folks, the chance to start pursuing her teaching dream, made her truly appreciate the chance to sit right here, in the front row, and learn as much as she could.
“Hey,” a girl said, passing by Jessica to sit at a seat halfway back in the next row.
“Hi,” Jessica said and realized that it was the same girl who had spoken to her when she was talking to Chad the other night. More students came in, many of them talking about Stockville’s basketball team and how they’d fared over the weekend. Jessica hadn’t even known the college had a basketball team. And she also was out of the loop on the local band, Fly by Night, who had apparently performed on the quad over the weekend.
It occurred to her that the majority of those around her were eighteen and nineteen, fresh out of high school with nothing to do but hang out and have a good time. At eighteen, she’d had Nathan. At nineteen, she was working a minimum of forty hours at the church day care center and spending every other minute of her time taking care of her baby. If she’d been like all of these kids, she’d have been having a good time and playing.
She smiled to herself knowing she’d had a good time, too. And she’d played, too…with her adorable Nathan. She wouldn’t trade one second of it for anything that these other kids were doing.
Her instructor, an older woman with short silver hair, horn-rimmed glasses and a no-nonsense cardigan and pants set, entered the room and dropped a stack of books on the desk with a loud thud. Then she scanned the class, the same way she’d done last week, and nodded. Her attention undeniably landed on Jessica, still the sole front-row student, and a soft smile played with the corners of the woman’s wrinkled face.
“Nice to see that someone wants to be here,” she mumbled, barely loud enough for Jess to hear, but even so, Jessica was at once glad for her choice of seating.
Then the class proceeded, with Ms. Smelding, the instructor, discussing tonight’s topic of writing reflectively, and Jess madly taking notes to make sure she didn’t miss anything important.
She was so into the lecture and writing samples that Ms. Smelding provided that she hardly realized two and a half hours had passed when the older woman wrote their next assignment on the dry erase board and dismissed the class.
Gathering her books, Jessica could feel her heart start to race, her skin tingling in anticipation. She hadn’t experienced anything like this since high school, but it hadn’t been so long that she didn’t remember the sensation. Anticipation, that’d be the word to describe the overwhelming emotion of knowing she was going to see the one she loved. Knowing she was going to see Chad.
As if the girls exiting the classroom ahead of her knew exactly what was going through her mind, they acknowledged the object of her nervousness—who was standing outside the room.
“Hello, Mr. Martin,” one sang, and several others joined in.
Jess figured that the most popular instructor on campus was the tall, sandy haired one standing outside. No doubt he was more appealing than the ones who’d apparently come out of retirement, like Ms. Smelding.
Back in high school, everyone had eyes for Chad Martin. And that was one of the things that had meant so much to Jessica then, the fact that in spite of the way all of the girls flirted with him, he only had eyes for her and made no secret of his feelings. When she walked out of the classroom tonight and saw him give her that amazing smile, that same old excitement rippled through her.
He’s waiting for me.
“Hey,” he said, easing away from where he’d been casually leaning against the wall.
“Hi.”
His sandy hair was a bit rumpled, and he wore a brown suede blazer over a black crew neck shirt and jeans. It was nice enough to qualify as instructor attire but hip enough to remind Jess that this instructor was extremely young and extremely attractive.
She tried to keep the direction her thoughts had headed from showing on her face. But Chad grinned, and she suspected that just like in high school, he probably knew exactly what she was thinking.
The same group of girls who spoke to him was now walking toward the stairs and turned to look at them.
Jessica knew that look. They wanted to know what was going on between her and the handsome instructor. And they weren’t the only ones. She wanted to know what was going on, too, particularly whether Chad could still have some of those old feelings toward her from way back then and then naturally, whether he’d still have them if he knew she’d kept him from his son.
Her palms were damp, throat was tight. She was a nervous wreck.
He stepped toward her. “So how was class? Ms. Smelding tends to be long-winded from what I’ve heard, and I guess tonight confirms that.”
Jess glanced at her watch. The class had gone an extra ten minutes. “I didn’t even notice.”
He laughed at that. “I guess you still like school as much as you did back then, huh?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, thanks to Ms. Smelding, I’ve already lost a third of my time with you tonight, right? If I stick to that half hour promise.” He tilted his head, waiting for her response, and Jessica had to swallow to help herself speak. Something about being this close to him, and looking into those eyes that were identical to Nathan’s, rendered her nearly speechless.
She finally managed, “I just want to make sure I’m back in time to see Nathan before he goes to sleep. Another ten minutes should be okay.”
He smiled, dimples and all. “Good to know.”
Ms. Smelding exited the classroom and paused to look at them. She seemed to assess the fact that he had been waiting on Jessica, then pursed her lips for a moment before speaking. “Mr. Martin, isn’t it?” she said to Chad.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Met you at the staff meetings. Biology.”
It was more a statement than a question, but Chad nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You know, I started teaching here when I was about your age. I was the youngest staff member at Stockville back then, like you.” She smiled and bobbed her silver head as though remembering those days. “It’s a small campus, I know, but it grows on you. Kind of like a small town. There’s something nice about everyone knowing everyone.” She glanced at Jessica and added, “And every now and then, you find one or two who really appreciate your effort. Makes it all worthwhile.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Chad repeated, smiling at the woman and then at Jess.
“You two have a good night,” she said, still bobbing her head as she walked away.
“I think I just lost five more minutes of coffee time while we were talking to Ms. Smelding,” Chad said. “Come on, let’s go.” He began walking, and Jess noticed he still took the long, even strides that he’d had in high school, and like back then, she had to increase her pace to keep up. When he reached the stairs, he noticed the fact and laughed.
“Habit. I never learned to slow down.”
“Not a problem,” she said. “I can still keep up. I’m used to chasing after Nathan.”
While they continued down the stairs, he said, “Lainey’s only been mobile for about six months, but I feel the same way. And it’s like I need eyes in the back of my head. You should have seen her at Christmas. One minute she was sitting by the tree, sweetest little girl on the planet, then I turned my back for a moment to grab the camera and half of the presents were unwrapped.”
Jessica laughed. “Nathan did the same thing when he was two. That was a fun Christmas, waiting to see what he was going to get into next.”
“She’s eighteen months,” he said and opened the door for her to exit the English building.
A blast of cold air hit them, and she squinted against the chill. “Goodness.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you remember that you never know what you’re going to get here, weatherwise. It’s supposed to warm up by the end of the week, if the forecast is right, though it’s hard to imagine that now,” he said. “Let’s get to the coffee shop where it’s warm.”
“Which way?” she asked, following beside him down the front steps of the building and toward the quad.
“Not far, but more than a walk. We’ll need to drive. You want to follow me?” he asked, moving briskly toward the parking lot.
“Sure.” Jessica was reminded again of how long his legs were, but she didn’t mind that they were moving quicker now, since she was anxious to get out of the chilly air. She kept up with him without problem.
“I’m here,” he said, indicating an older-model silver BMW, parked in the row reserved for staff. “Where are you parked?”
“Right there,” she said, moving quickly to her Ford Escort, opening the door and climbing in, before she realized that he hadn’t gotten in his car but had followed her and was attempting to open her door. She nearly knocked him down when she flung the car door open.
“You’re making it difficult for me to be a gentleman,” he said with a grin.
She laughed and dropped her stack of books on the passenger seat. “Sorry, I guess I’m used to opening the door for myself now.”
“You shouldn’t be.” He paused, as if he was going to say more, but then indicated his car. “I’ll lead.”
Jessica cranked her car, and a frigid blast of air pushed through the vents before she had the wherewithal to turn on the heat and wait for the car to warm up.
You shouldn’t be.
Her heart thumped in her chest. She hadn’t even realized how much she’d missed having someone care for her enough to open her door. She hadn’t really realized how much she’d missed having someone like Chad.
After following him a couple of blocks, she pulled her car into the parking space beside his BMW. She took in the red-and-white striped awning of the coffee shop, the white iron tables that lined the front porch and the checked curtains adorning the windows. Several couples and groups of college-age kids sat throughout the cozy interior, and Jessica immediately knew why Chad had thought of this spot for their meeting. It was casual, yet intimate and a place that would be conducive to old friends getting reacquainted.
Was this the place where she would tell him about Nathan?
She closed her eyes. God, if I’m supposed to tell him tonight, help me to find the right words. And if it isn’t the right time, help me to know that, too.
Her car door opened, and she instantly jumped. Then she turned to find Chad standing there waiting for her to climb out.
“I could get used to this, you know,” she said.
He guided her toward the entrance of the coffee shop and opened that door, too. “Would that be such a bad thing?” he asked as she passed through the doorway.
“No, I don’t suppose it would.”
The entrance was narrow, causing her to brush against him as she went through. And she instantly realized that there wasn’t anything that could warm you up quicker than human contact.
A sign inside the door proclaimed the night Art Night, and Jessica noticed a couple of easels were actually set up in cozy corners of the café and that the artists, possibly some of the art students from the school, were painting on canvases while patrons sipped coffee and admired the local talent.
“Hello, Mr. Martin,” a group of kids called from a table in the corner.
Chad returned the greeting and then made his way to a welcoming alcove on one side of the shop, where a wide bookshelf housed a bounty of eclectic titles and a comfy couch bordered by fringed antique lamps gave the impression of privacy within the public café.
“This okay?” he asked, motioning toward the burgundy sofa. He moved a couple of beaded floral pillows out of the way so she could sit down.
“Yes, very nice,” she said, taking in the assortment of coffee-themed paintings adorning the red brick wall. She looked at the small name at the corner of the paintings and wondered if the artist, Gina Brown, was actually here, painting while they chatted. “I love the art night theme.”
“That’s one of the things I like most about coming here, the atmosphere. They promote local artists, musicians, singers. It makes every visit here unique, something special.”
Jessica immediately felt special, just being here with Chad.
A waitress came over. Like the other waitresses and waiters, she wore black from head to toe and had her hair pulled into a low, classic ponytail. “Hello, Mr. Martin, I’ve got my biology homework ready for class tomorrow morning,” she said.
