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‘Not so freely! I had to marry you to get it!’
‘Are you saying you wouldn’t have married me otherwise? I find that hard to believe. You seemed willing enough when I asked you.’
‘That was before—’ She stopped and swallowed. ‘Before I found out what you’d done. After that, nothing but the thought of saving Rawdon could have reconciled me to it.’
If possible, Richard grew even paler. ‘I…see…’ Then, after a pause, he went on, ‘But, as you have said, Rawdon is saved. Whatever I did or didn’t do, surely it’s been put right again?’
‘Put right again? You drove my father to his death! And there’s still my brother to be paid for!’
‘I’ve told you,’ Richard said steadily, ‘Johnny’s death was an accident.’
‘Oh, I could believe that! But accidentally or not, you shot him, Deverell, though you told everyone he had shot himself. Why else would you have tried to cover it up afterwards? You are a liar and a coward, Richard Deverell. I know that, even if the world doesn’t.’
Richard grew white about the lips, and Lexi held the gun up more threateningly as he took an involuntary step forward.
Lady Honoria shrieked, ‘No! No! Please God, no!’
After a momentary pause her nephew was once again cool as he said, ‘If that was true, I would deserve everything you say of me. But it isn’t. I wasn’t even there when Johnny died. If I had been, it—’ He stopped for a moment, showing for the first time a hint of strong emotion. His jaw tightened, then he went on, ‘If I had been there it wouldn’t have happened. I’d have saved him. But he was alone when he died.’
His voice carried conviction, and for the first time Lexi hesitated. But after a moment her confidence returned and she said flatly, ‘I have proof. Very good proof.’
‘Then show me! Come, Alexandra, where’s your sense of justice? Tried, convicted and condemned, all in one breath? Is that to be my fate?’
The pistol did not waver, though Lexi’s voice rose in despair. ‘I loved you, Richard! My father loved you. Johnny was your friend. And you betrayed us all! You lied and cheated people who had trusted you all their lives! You don’t deserve to live.’
Richard’s voice was still measured, still calm. He said drily, ‘My dear girl, try for once to think of the consequences before you act! At the moment you are convinced of my guilt. But what if you’re wrong? Suppose, just suppose, you shot me now, and discovered later that I was innocent after all. How would you feel?’
Lady Honoria broke her silence. ‘Of course you are innocent, Richard! How can you treat this so calmly? Look at her! She does mean what she says! The girl has gone mad!’ Her elderly voice trembled as she pleaded, ‘Alexandra, you can’t do this! You mustn’t shoot Richard, he’s a good man. He’s certainly been more than good to you! He wouldn’t lie to you, nor anyone else. Your brother’s death was an accident—we all know that. The army said so. And Richard says he wasn’t even there when it happened, so how could he have had anything to do with it? As for your father—’
Lexi wasn’t listening. She stood, her burning eyes fixed on Richard, holding the pistol in an unwavering hand. Richard intervened. Still not taking his eyes off his wife he said, ‘Thank you, Aunt Honoria! I don’t think you’ll manage to convince my bride I’m not a villain. She’s so certain of it that she won’t even hear any arguments in my defence. But perhaps she’ll listen to this.’ Holding Lexi’s eyes, he went on, ‘Alexandra, I agree that there has been some villainy at work against the Rawdon family. When your father died I thought there would be an end to it. It seems I was wrong. Shooting me won’t solve the problem, I assure you. I am not the man responsible. But, if you give me time, I’ll find out who was.’
‘There wasn’t anyone else, Deverell!’
‘I swear there was!’ Richard’s quiet insistence had some effect, and as Lexi still hesitated he went on, ‘Look, I’ll make you an offer. Show me what you have by way of proof. Tell me why you are so convinced that I betrayed my best friend and all his family—people—’ He stopped, then went on, ‘People who had meant so much to me. Then give me six months. Six months to prove you wrong about Johnny’s accident. Six months to find out who or what ruined your father.’
‘That at least was you! You’ve already confessed.’
‘No, I did not. You weren’t listening properly. I did my best to stop the damage and failed. Let me prove to you that I’m telling the truth. I’ll make a bargain with you. Put your gun away. If, at the end of six months, I can’t prove everything to your satisfaction—whatever it is—I’ll save you the bother of shooting me. I’ll do it for you, I swear.’
Canon Harmond and Lady Honoria spoke together. ‘Lord Deverell, you must not make such a rash promise!’
‘Richard!’ Lady Honoria was scandalised. ‘Have you gone mad, too?’
Neither interruption was heard as Lexi stared at Richard.
‘I give you my word,’ he repeated.
‘The word of a liar and a coward?’ she said scornfully. ‘How could I possibly accept that?’
‘More confidently than I can accept yours, apparently,’ he replied. ‘Haven’t you just sworn to love, cherish and to obey me? Or was that somebody else standing beside me at the altar?’
‘I swore to love you till death parted us, Richard.’
‘Ah! Quite. I see. And that made it all right?’ He pulled a face, then straightened up and gave her a coolly challenging look. ‘So, what is it to be, Alexandra? A bullet now, or in six months’ time?’
Canon Harmond cleared his throat. ‘Lord Deverell, I refuse to stand by while such a dreadful bargain is made.’
‘Harmond, can’t you see she won’t accept anything less?’ Richard said impatiently. ‘Don’t make it impossible for her to compromise!’
Canon Harmond stopped short. After a moment he sighed, shook his head and turned to Lexi. ‘Lady Deverell, I cannot approve of what your husband has promised, but if it prevents what would be an act of cold-blooded murder then I must ask you to accept it. My child, you are putting not only the lives of your husband and yourself in danger, but you run the risk of damaging your immortal soul. Give me the pistol, Lady Deverell!’
Lexi looked at them all, her eyes huge with anguish. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said. ‘I don’t know! I don’t want to kill anyone. I never thought I would have to… I never wanted this… But when I found out how he had lied to me…what he had done…I only knew I had to avenge my family somehow….’ She gave Richard an agonised stare. ‘You’ll swear? Before everyone here? On your honour?’
‘I swear on my honour.’
‘Very well. I accept.’ The pistol was lowered and an audible sigh of relief went through the room as she put it down on the table. As Canon Harmond picked it up she stared at it and gave a shuddering sigh. Her hair stood out like a flame against a face that was as white as her dress. She put her hands to her throat and started to sway… Richard caught her as she fell.
No one else moved for a moment, then Lady Honoria demanded, ‘What are you going to do, Richard? What in God’s name are you going to do with the girl? If you ask me, she’d be better off in the nearest madhouse. You’ll have to send her back to Rawdon!’
Holding the unconscious Lexi in his arms, Richard raised his eyebrows at his aunt. ‘Why should you even think of such a thing, Aunt Honoria? My wife will naturally come with me to Channings. Rawdon, would you be kind enough to find my groom? I want the carriage brought round to the side door immediately. Lady Deverell has been taken ill.’ He cast a glance at the others. ‘And that is all anyone outside this room needs to know.’
He held their eyes until they all signalled their agreement. Then he nodded to Sir Mark, who went out to find Lord Deverell’s groom.
Chapter Two
T wo days later Lexi opened her eyes and slowly turned her head. She was in bed, in a room that was quite strange to her, large, luxuriously furnished, with two windows on one side. A collection of bottles and powders was on the table beside the bed, together with a glass and a carafe of water. Beside them was a vase of roses. A bowl of autumn flowers and leaves stood on a handsome chest of drawers between the windows. Lady Honoria was sitting to one side of the window nearer the bed, but when she saw signs of movement she came over.
‘So!’ she said. ‘You’re awake at last.’
‘Where am I?’ Lexi’s voice was a mere thread of sound.
‘Have some water.’ Lady Honoria held a glass to Lexi’s lips. ‘You’re at Channings, of course.’
‘Channings?’ Lexi frowned. Then memory returned, and with a cry of dismay she turned the glass away and struggled to sit up. ‘That’s Richard’s house! I shouldn’t be here.’
Lady Honoria pushed her back. ‘I couldn’t agree with you more!’ she said. ‘But Richard insisted.’
‘He shouldn’t have brought me here. I can’t live with him! It isn’t possible!’
‘You must keep calm. The surgeon says you need complete rest.’
‘But I can’t—’ Lexi turned her head restlessly on the pillow. ‘How long have I been here?’
‘Nearly two days. Richard brought you here straight after the wedding. You collapsed in the vestry after that extraordinary scene, and you’ve been more or less unconscious ever since. Doctor Loudon has called several times.’
Lexi gazed round her again. ‘Whose room is this?’
‘It’s yours.’
‘Mine?’ Lexi sounded nervous.
‘Oh, you needn’t think you’re sharing it with my nephew,’ said Lady Honoria acidly. ‘He isn’t completely mad. He has a room at the opposite end of the house from this one.’
Lexi closed her eyes and frowned again at a vague memory of Richard’s voice, asking her to talk to him, and her own agitated refusal before seeking refuge in sleep again… She opened her eyes and looked at Lady Honoria. The old lady had sat down in the chair next to the bed, but her expression was not encouraging. Lexi said with a touch of defiance, ‘I expect you hate me for wanting to shoot Richard.’
‘Nothing so dramatic,’ Richard’s aunt replied. ‘You were obviously out of your mind at the time! But I don’t find it easy to forgive the fright you gave us. Richard is very dear to me, and I thought for a moment you were going to shoot.’
Lexi lay silent. ‘I should have!’ she said at last. ‘I planned it so carefully. I promised myself I would. But when it came to the point… Why couldn’t I?’
Lady Honoria got up. ‘Stop this nonsense at once, Lexi! You are no murderess. Of course you couldn’t kill Richard! Unless you stop talking such rubbish I shall get Murdie to come to sit with you. I’m not staying here to listen to any more of it.’
‘No! Don’t go! Please don’t go!’ Lexi grasped Lady Honoria’s hand. ‘I have to know. Is he…? Does he…? Are we really married?’
‘You are certainly married. But it would surprise no one if Richard sent you away. I should imagine that a wife’s threat to murder her husband would be unquestionable grounds for divorce. I for one wouldn’t even blame Richard if he sent you to a madhouse.’ Lady Honoria removed her hand from Lexi’s grip. ‘You certainly fooled me. I would have sworn you loved him.’
A tear rolled down Lexi’s cheek. ‘I…did…’ she whispered sadly. ‘It was all I ever wanted, to marry Richard. I loved him so much…’
Lady Honoria snorted scornfully. ‘A fine way you have of showing it!’ she said. ‘And a fine mess you’ve created, too! If you hated Richard so much, why didn’t you simply leave him alone, you stupid girl?’ She gazed angrily at Lexi for a moment, then went on, ‘There isn’t an eligible female in the county who wouldn’t have jumped at the chance of being Richard’s wife. Why the devil did he have to settle on you?’
Lexi shook her head. ‘I don’t know any more why Richard wanted to marry me. I don’t know anything any more!’
‘Well, I’ll tell you why I think he did!’ said Lady Honoria, unmoved by Lexi’s obvious distress. ‘It’s all of a piece with his present behaviour. Because he was sorry for you, that’s why! He thought he owed it to your family to protect you. He even set Rawdon on its feet again for your sake, and I dare swear that cost him a pretty penny!’ She ignored Lexi’s cry of protest and went on, ‘And what did you do in return? Threaten to shoot him! I don’t know what maggot got into that head of yours, Lexi Rawdon, but I hope you’re satisfied. You may not have managed to kill Richard, but you’ve certainly ruined his life—’ She stopped short, then went on, ‘To think that just two days ago we were all at his wedding, all so happy for him—safely home from the army, about to settle at last with his wife at Channings…’ She made a gesture of impatience. ‘Richard has asked me not to be unkind to you, but even if he’s a saint, I’m not! I can’t stay here—if I do, I’ll only say even more than I should…’
Lexi’s eyes were huge pools of darkness. ‘I’m sorry you’re so angry,’ she said, ‘but I didn’t want Richard’s pity. He’d have done better to save it for my father. You don’t understand.’
‘No, and I don’t suppose I ever will. Why this should happen to Richard of all people… How could you? How could you, Lexi?’ She stared at the girl in the bed for a moment, then shook her head and said, ‘It’s no use. Murdie will have to sit with you. I can’t.’
She went out and the door shut behind her. Lexi closed her eyes. She was trembling again. The feelings of panic and loss, which had plagued her ever since her world had turned upside down, returned in full force. Why had Richard asked her to marry him? At the time she had thought that he loved her as deeply as she had loved him….
She remembered the occasion with painful clarity. How foolish she had been! When Richard had come into the library at Rawdon, she was standing at the desk where she had found her father the day before, slumped over his papers. The papers still lay there in an untidy heap. She had been making an effort to gather them together, to put them into some sort of order, but tears had made her progress slow…
‘My poor girl! You shouldn’t be here alone.’
At the sound of Richard’s voice Lexi turned to him blindly, and he took her into his arms, holding her close, her head pressed against his chest. She felt safe, as if she had reached some kind of refuge. In the confusion and distress of the day before she had been aware of Richard’s presence, taking charge, issuing orders. He had made sure she was being looked after, but there had been no opportunity for them to talk.
He held her now, giving her time to recover a little, then led her to the fire. ‘You’re cold. When did you last have anything to eat?’
‘I don’t know. Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters! Let me send for something.’
Richard waited till she had eaten a little of the food he ordered and drunk some wine. ‘Isn’t that better?’ he said. She nodded and he smiled, the special smile he seemed to keep for her alone, warm and affectionate. It worked its usual magic, and for a moment she forgot her heartache in its glow. He took her hands in his and held them in his own, gently warming them.
‘What were you doing when I came in?’ he asked after a moment.
‘I was…I was trying to sort out some of Papa’s papers.’
‘That was foolish,’ he said. ‘They would be better dealt with by your father’s lawyers. I’ll put them in some sort of order for you, and then you can leave everything to them. You need to rest.’
‘I can’t!’ she said. ‘If I don’t do something with them, Mark will think he has to. He was here this morning when I came in. I don’t blame him—he is the next in line, after all. But he is still a comparative stranger. And those papers were the last things…the last things Papa was reading when he…he died. I want to be the one to deal with them.’
‘Would you let me do it for you?’
She stared at him. ‘I would,’ she said slowly. ‘You were as close to Papa as anyone. But you’ve already done so much. And I have no real claim on you or your time. How could we explain it to Mark?’
‘Easily,’ he said, his grey eyes serious. ‘Because you’re wrong, Alexandra. You have every claim on my time and on everything else of mine.’
She looked at him, wide-eyed, uncertain of his meaning.
He went on, ‘I always wanted to marry you—your father knew that. And now I want us to marry as soon as it can be arranged. Will you? And will you trust me?’
Lexi did not hesitate. A flood of joy drowned her heartache and she threw herself into his arms again. ‘Richard! Oh, Richard! Of course I will! You know I will! I’ll marry you as soon as you like. But won’t we have to wait? The neighbours will be shocked… Papa’s death…’
‘They’ll get over it. Your father would have wanted you to be safe. If things had been different, you would have been my wife long ago—we both know that. And now you need someone to look after you, to keep you happy and secure. We could marry in a few weeks, if you agreed. The wedding would be a quiet one, of course. Do you mind that?’
‘Mind? Oh, no!’
‘Then say you agree. I swear you won’t regret it.’
‘Regret it? How could I possibly regret being married to you, Richard? I’ve wanted it all my life, I think!’
And after he had gone, taking the papers with him, she had been so happy even in the midst of all her grief. Richard had at last asked her to marry him. He loved her as she loved him…
Now, just a few weeks later, Lexi groaned and hid her face in the bedclothes. How foolish of her to have been so gullible! Of course Richard hadn’t loved her in the way she had loved him! He might have married her out of pity as his aunt thought, or perhaps it had been out of guilt, a last flicker of conscience. But one thing was quite certain. He couldn’t possibly have loved her.
She was surprised by the sharp pang this thought gave her—the final traces of illusion gone. How curious that it should hurt so much, after all the other things that had happened.
She turned restlessly in the bed. What did it matter what Richard had felt? She was living in a nightmare, married to a stranger. The Richard she had known and loved no longer existed…
It was too much. She closed her eyes again and escaped from the unbearable present into the past, a world where she had known the old Richard, the one who had meant so much to her.
Richard Deverell had been Johnny Rawdon’s friend before Alexandra was born, and, though they were very different in character—Johnny so extrovert and Richard always so quiet—they had remained friends ever since. Lexi’s earliest memories were of golden days of sunshine as she watched the two boys catching tadpoles or fishing in the lake at Rawdon, and her own cries of, ‘Wait for me! Wait for me!’ She fell into streams and out of trees, sank up to her knees in mud, and tripped over rocks, but she never complained except when they tried to go off on their own.
Over the years they got used to her copper head popping up wherever they went, and gradually took it on themselves to protect her from the worst of the tumbles and scrapes. In return she gave them her unstinted loyalty and devotion. The three children had been practically inseparable whenever they were free from tutors and governesses. They rode together, climbed trees together, fought and laughed together, spending long days out by the lake, or in the woods round Rawdon.
Everything had been so simple in their childhood. It had seemed to her then that this idyllic existence would last forever. But it couldn’t, of course. Things were changing all the time, and the greatest change came after Richard and Johnny had spent the Season of 1810 in London. When they came back to Somerset that summer they were dashing young blades, with no time for their old pursuits or Johnny’s unsophisticated little sister. The six years’ difference in age between them had become a chasm not to be bridged by persuasion, or tantrums, or anything else. Lexi was forced to watch from a distance as Richard and her brother flirted with the young ladies of the neighbourhood, took them riding or on the river, escorted them to the many picnics and dances arranged by their hopeful mamas. For a short time Lexi, bereft and isolated, thought her world had come to an end.
But, after a while, she started to derive a certain amount of malicious amusement from watching the efforts made by the young ladies to capture the two most eligible young men in the county. They met with little success. Johnny laughed and teased, and treated no one seriously. And though Richard was courteous to all, though he danced with one, appeared to be amused by another, listened attentively to a third, he remained throughout his cool, level-headed self, singling no one out for any particular attention. But strangely, as Lexi watched, her own perception of her childhood companion slowly changed. She gradually became just as intrigued as the rest by the slightly aloof manner he adopted in company, was just as fascinated as they all seemed to be with the charm of his slow smile, his lithe grace, the restrained power in his movements. The familiar image of the quiet boy of her childhood gradually faded, to be replaced with that of a very attractive man—attractive, and, underneath his quiet manner, very assured. Her feelings towards him changed in a way she found difficult to define, but they remained very possessive. With surprise, she realised that, whatever he was, boy or man, friend or eligible prize, Richard Deverell was hers. Had always been hers. Would always be hers. She was even sorry for the silly females who pursued him. Didn’t they know that Richard Deverell belonged to her? Lexi was so certain of this that one afternoon in August she told him so.
Lexi and Richard had left the horses tethered to a fence while they went down to the river to look at the otters who lived in its banks. For a while it was like old times, as they shared uncomplicated delight in the antics of the otter cub and talked of anything and everything that occurred to them.
‘Are you home for good now, Richard?’ Lexi asked.
‘I’m not sure. I might go into the Army for a while.’
‘The Army!’
‘It’s a way of seeing the world, and there’s plenty of adventure to be had, especially in Spain. Johnny is talking of it, too.’
