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‘Then you’re mad!’ Ellie said. ‘He’s gorgeous, he’s nice and from the way he’s always looking at you or, oh, so casually asks “Who’s on a late today?” or “Who’s on in the morning?” and loses interest after it gets to your name, I think we can all safely assume he likes you. Lucky thing.’
‘Hardly—he’s only here for a few weeks.’
‘So?’ Ellie gave her an odd look.
‘There’s just no point.’
‘Well, I suppose there’s no point if you’re looking for a husband.’ Ellie let out a laugh. ‘I don’t get you, Alison. He’s gorgeous. You were saying the other week you wanted some fun and adventure, and now it’s handed to you on a plate.’
She wished, how she wished she could be more like Ellie, could see only the positives, but all Alison could see was a sure-fire recipe for hurt and she told Ellie so.
‘I like him,’ she admitted. ‘I could see myself really liking him.’
‘So go for it.’
‘You know what Mum’s like,’ Alison said. ‘Once I’ve got my own place.’
Ellie just laughed. ‘How did you survive your teens? I mean, before…’ Yes, Ellie laughed at most things, but her voice did trail off then. She genuinely liked Rose and knew all Alison had been through.
‘Tim was the one who was always in trouble.’ Alison could smile at the memory now. ‘I used to just say I was staying at a friend’s if I wanted to go out.’
‘Do that, then.’ Ellie shrugged. ‘Till you get your own place, say you’re staying at mine. Anyway, by then you might find out that he’s the most crushing bore, or walk in to find him dressed in your underwear and stilettos. Go out and have some fun, for God’s sake.he doesn’t have to be “the one” to enjoy him.’
Ellie was right.
Alison stepped off the bus and instead of heading for home she walked on the beach, sensible shoes in hand. She felt the sand between her toes, and the sun warming her back, tasted the salt on her lips and felt the wind in her hair, and for the first time in years she tasted adventure, for the first time in so long Alison felt just a little bit free.
She’d yearned for adventure, escape, and Nick was just that.
Nick didn’t need to know all of her—Nick didn’t need to know that the nights out and kisses on the beach were rarities.
She could do this, Alison told herself, walking past the very spot where they had lain. She could throw caution to the wind, could be the woman her body was begging her to be, could close her mind to the pitfalls and problems and for once just enjoy.
But how? the sensible part of her mind asked. When even staying out after midnight required the stealth and ability to lie like a teenager to her mum. Surely the last thing Nick needed from a holiday romance was the crush of her problems landing in his lap.
Why should she put herself through it?
Because you want to.
Nick’s voice seemed to carry on the wind, echoing her own thoughts, and she did want to.
And surely she could handle it?
She was far too serious about things, Alison conceded. It didn’t have to be for ever to be worthwhile.
Around 10:30 if you can still make it.
She held her breath and sent the text and then held it again till he replied: Great.
And Ellie was right again.
She didn’t want to lie to her mum, she didn’t want to have to lie to her mum, but she did enjoy having him in her life.
And he could never be boring. As for Ellie’s other suggestion, well, the thought made her laugh.
Right there at the barbecue that evening, as she cut herself a slice of pavlova, she let out a little laugh so, yes, she did enjoy having him in her life, even when he wasn’t there.
As she stood, chatting to her uncles and aunts, there was an inner glow in knowing that she would see him tomorrow, just this extra smile as she described the flat to her uncle Ken, because she’d seen it with Nick.
‘I’m going to look at furniture tomorrow,’ Alison said as her mum came over. ‘I want to look at desks.’
‘I might come along,’ Rose replied. ‘I was thinking of getting some bar stools for the kitchen bench. Are you taking Tim’s car?’
It was one of the reasons she rarely drove; the car would always be Tim’s. Her mother wouldn’t part with it, insisted Alison use it, then got teary when she did.
‘Actually, Nick’s taking me.’
‘Nick?’ Ken smiled, pleased to see his favourite niece not just with a sparkle in her eyes but gently standing up to his sister-in-law.
‘A friend from work,’ Alison said, smiling back at her uncle.
And friends dropped around and friends were asked in.
‘Mum, this is Nick.’
Alison tried very hard to treat him as if it were Ellie or Moira or just any friend coming in on Saturday morning before they headed out for a shopping expedition. Rose did the same as Alison finished getting ready, offering him a cup of tea, which Nick accepted, and chatting to him about the hospital and about England and how she and her late husband had wanted to take a trip around Europe when they retired.
‘So you’re just here for a couple of months, then?’ Alison heard her mum saying as she walked into the kitchen.
‘That’s the plan.’ Nick nodded. ‘I’ve got a cousin in New Zealand who’s getting married.’ Nick was pleasant and polite, and from the way he chatted he was in no rush to head out—in fact, he even accepted Rose’s offer of some toast and ginger marmalade.
‘Alison can’t stand it,’ Rose said as Alison rolled her eyes. ‘It was Tim’s favourite.’
‘Tim?’ Nick said as the air in Alison’s chest stopped moving.
‘My son,’ Rose said, and thankfully Nick didn’t push. But his eyes swept past her a couple of times to the endless photos on the mantelpiece and when Alison went to her bedroom to find a missing shoe, it came as no surprise when Rose followed her.
‘What time will you be back from the shops?’
‘Actually…’ Alison swallowed. ‘There’s a party on tonight. Vicky, one of the A and E nurses, is getting engaged.’ She saw her mother’s rapid blink. ‘I told you last week.’ Which she had, and it was true, except Vicky was actually Ellie’s friend and Alison’s was more a casual invitation than an expected guest, and she could have sworn she felt her nose grow a touch as she continued. ‘She’s down the road from Ellie—Ellie said I could stay at hers.’ She gave her mum a hurried kiss on the cheek. ‘I’ll text and let you know what’s happening.’
And then finally, finally, they were in the car and heading off, and following blue lines to a parking spot.
‘You’d rather this than a bike ride in the mountains?’ Alison commented as she grabbed a pencil and tape measure.
‘We can do that another time,’ Nick replied, and Alison walked on in silence. ‘I’ve missed this.’ He nudged her as they walked through. ‘I’m not joking. I want to do something normal.’
He was actually very helpful. The fact he had seen the flat, combined with a male brain, meant he could remember strange details like there was a window where she wanted that large bookshelf, and that there was no way on earth that desk was going to fit where Alison intended.
‘It’s the same the world over.’ Nick grinned as they sat in the canteen with their meatballs and chips and red berry jam amidst frazzled couples, yet maybe because they weren’t a couple and it wasn’t their bed or their sofa they were buying, they could just sit there and enjoy. Nick even bought her a little bottle of wine with a glass that screwed to the bottle.
‘I’m going to keep this.’ Alison was delighted.
‘Emergency supplies for your bedroom!’ Nick said, and went up to get one for himself too. It was just a tiny reference that he’d picked up on the tension at home, though he said nothing else about it.
Not until later, much later when they were sitting on the balcony, having eaten a mountain of prawns. Nick had cooked and Alison had tossed a salad—a ten-minute meal that would stay in her memory for ever. They were looking out at the ocean and the view was somehow nicer than the one from the bus and from the one walking on the beach. The sun was setting behind them, the colours reflecting on the water, and the waves were very active that evening. She had pinched one of his jumpers and it was worrying how nice his company was, how thrilling it felt to just be with him—for normal things to be so invigorating. He made no suggestion that they go out, or head off to Vicky’s party, gave no indication the day had been less exciting than what he was used to.
In fact, for Nick, silence, mutual silence, was lovely.
For months now he’d been a guest—in another country, or at a friend’s, or a hotel or hostel, or a hospital—with strangers who were about to become friends. Yes, it was fun and exhilarating, but it was also exhausting—perpetual new faces at breakfast, having to dress for bed in case you needed to get up in the night to go to the loo. It had been a welcome relief to have, after all this time, a flat to himself and a glimmer of a routine, but he shared that precious space with surprising ease now.
And looking over at Alison, who was staring out to the ocean she loved, there was no need to regale, just a deeper need to know, to go that bit further, to find out a little more, and so he asked her.
‘What happened to Tim?’
She’d sort of known that the question would come all day, and in some way she’d been waiting for it.
‘He was with my dad,’ Alison said. ‘They were fishing.’ He didn’t say anything and she was glad of that. ‘The weather wasn’t that bad, probably a day like this. They got into trouble, ended up too close to the rocks.’
‘When?’
‘Two, nearly three years ago. I’d finished my training—I was doing some shifts in emergency before I headed off overseas.’
‘They weren’t, I mean, you weren’t there when they…?’ She could hear the dread in his voice and immediately she shook her head.
‘No. I wasn’t at work or anything. I was sharing a flat with friends. I got a call from Mum to come straight home and the police were at the house when I got there. It was all over by then.’
‘Doesn’t it kill you,’ Nick said, after a very long silence, ‘working in Emergency? ‘
Again Alison shook her head.
‘I like it. Dad and Tim never even got to Emergency—at least the people who get there have some chance. It’s nice to see that there are some happy endings, despite the most terrible odds.’
‘It’s not just the kids that upset you, is it?’ He remembered that morning how he had learnt something, he just wasn’t sure what.
‘It’s the family.’ Alison nodded. ‘All that’s taken away, and the chaos that they’re thrown into…not just the ones who are killed. Like with David. That interview was so important to him—and it all just fell apart. I know in the greater scheme of things his wife and daughter were far more important, but I can remember when Tim and Dad had their accident—I was supposed to be flying out at the weekend and I knew it didn’t matter, but it did.’ She closed her eyes as she tried to explain it. ‘I felt selfish even thinking about me, but I did and I wanted someone to step in, to cancel the tickets, to deal with the airline, to deal with the details, to help look after Mum.’
‘How’s your mum now?’
Alison shrugged. ‘Stuck in a time warp, really. I moved home when it happened, but…’ She looked over into his kind green eyes and even though she’d sworn not to land it on him, somehow, under his gaze, she could. ‘She’s petrified of anything happening to me. I’m petrified of it too,’ Alison admitted. ‘Not for me, though, but for her. I mean, how would she cope if something happened to me?’
‘You can’t live like that.’
‘I know,’ Alison said. ‘Which is why in a few weeks’ time I’ll have my own place, and won’t have to account for my every move.’ She gave him a smile, tried to move the conversation away, because he didn’t belong in that space. ‘It’s complicated.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Except it did.
It did matter, because when they were lying on his sofa and revisiting that kiss on the beach, only this time without Alison having her top on, when she should be able to close her eyes and just sink into him, she was all too aware that she was five minutes away from a call that needed to be made—a lie that she was willing to tell.
His back was against the sofa, his long legs holding her from falling, and there was a film coming to end of which they’d only seen the opening credits, and there was the bliss of privacy for them both. His mouth was on her ear and his hand was stroking her breast. Her hands, which had traced his chest, were stealing downwards now. They had left the balcony door open but neither the roar of the ocean nor his kiss in her ear could dull the call of duty. She wriggled back just a little, breathless and moist from his kiss. Yes, hell yes, she would lie for him.
‘I’ve just got to make a phone call.’ His mouth was in her neck and her body was in his arms and it was almost torture to pull just a little further away. She didn’t know whether to pull on her top and hamper an easy return to his arms, but neither did she want to shiver half-naked in his bathroom.
‘And tell her what?’ His question came as a surprise, not to Alison but to Nick. He shouldn’t ask, he told himself, because it was no business of his, and he shouldn’t really care.
He just did.
‘Nick?’ She shook her head, would not elaborate—was a little cross even as he thwarted her attempts to stop reality invading. ‘I won’t be a moment.’
‘Alison.’ He caught her wrist and even though she’d been half-naked in his arms, she felt stupid standing there with her top half exposed, could feel the blush creeping down over her chest as he asked questions a man like Nick shouldn’t have to. ‘You don’t have to lie for me.’
‘Who said I’m lying?’
‘They did.’ He pointed to her rosy breasts and somehow she almost managed a smile.
‘My mum’s…’ Alison swallowed, she truly didn’t want to land him with all of it; even Ellie, who had seen it all, struggled to fathom how rigid her mother could be. ‘She’s difficult.’
‘They often are,’ Nick said, and he handed her her top. ‘And with all she’s been through.’
‘She was the same before,’ Alison admitted, ‘though when Dad and Tim were there…’ She couldn’t really explain, but without further explanation Nick seemed to understand.
‘You weren’t in the full spotlight?’ When she nodded he continued, ‘So where are you tonight?’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ She tried blasé, tried casual, but Nick could tell otherwise and she knew it. ‘You really picked the wrong girl to have your torrid Sydney fling with.’
And he looked up at her and was silent for a moment because, yes, he had. He could see stains of hurt in her serious brown eyes and he didn’t want to add to them, except inevitably he already had. Already this was turning into something else, something bigger, something he hadn’t come to Australia for.
‘It doesn’t feel like a fling,’ Nick admitted.
‘It’s all it can be.’ Alison was practical, even if she was shaking inside.
‘Come on.’ He stood and looked around for his keys. ‘I’ll walk you home.’
‘It’s five minutes away.’
And he should say goodnight here, Nick knew.
End it here.
But Nick never went for the easy option, so he reached for his keys.
‘You’re not walking on your own.’
They walked back to Alison’s home in pensive silence, and he didn’t kiss her on the doorstep, because he knew she didn’t want him to, but as she let herself in her mouth still tingled from his and her body held the scent and memory of him. Her eyes must have glittered with stirred passion because Rose’s face screamed of martyrdom as she offered Alison a cup of tea. Even though she didn’t want tea, even though she wanted to go to bed and think of Nick and read the text he’d just sent because she could feel the vibration of her phone in her bag, that this time made her feel giddy with wanting to read it, she said, ‘That would be nice,’ and curled up on the sofa and took the mug from her mum.
‘I thought you were at a party.’
And instead of saying she had been, or offering the usual half-truth, Alison was honest.
