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‘It would be really nice to see you again some time, Nadia,’ Polly called after them.
With an uncomfortable ache in her heart Nadia kept walking to his car and pretended she hadn’t heard. She couldn’t face another forty minutes of silence on the drive back so she went for light, safe conversation.
‘So tell me about your work. All those billable hours, huh? Are you prosecution or defence?’
Ethan gripped the steering wheel even tighter. Oh, hell, he really hadn’t told her anything—and he grimaced about telling her now. He didn’t do the save-the-innocent barrister act, and if she really was all about ‘making a difference’ then she was going to be disappointed. Still, he was used to that—right? His dad had never got over his decision to go corporate rather than chasing after the Queen’s Counsel dream, despite the fact Ethan earned more now than he’d ever have done in chambers. But for his father it was all about public prestige. For Nadia it was that higher purpose thing—which meant she was going to be even more sceptical than his dad.
‘I’m not a barrister,’ he said heavily. ‘I don’t go to court and present arguments to a judge.’
‘Oh? What do you do, then?’
‘Corporate.’ His discomfort was stupid, because his job was unbelievably competitive. ‘I’m an aviation specialist.’
She frowned. ‘Aviation?’
Yeah, there wasn’t that much adulation in that. ‘As in big deals between big airlines and aircraft manufacturers. Leasing and financing and stuff.’
‘And that’s law?’
‘They need legal advice to do the deals—so, yes.’
‘Oh.’
‘It’s very interesting.’ Hell, did he sound desperate for approval or what? But he loved it. Wouldn’t work crazy hours if he didn’t.
‘I’m sure.’
‘It’s more interesting than HR.’ Totally defensive now.
‘Well, that wouldn’t be hard.’ She laughed suddenly. ‘So, does that mean you get to go for rides in flash private planes?’
‘The question everyone asks.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I expected more from you. Sometimes—not often.’
‘But you like planes?’
‘Always have. I like flying.’
‘Can you?’
‘I have my pilot’s licence.’ And he skydived. He liked the rush of that.
‘Oh, that’s cool. So you really love it?’
‘Yeah, I do.’ Finally the grin broke out of him. ‘Going to work is fun. But it’s not what people think of when you tell them you’re a lawyer.’
‘Who cares?’ she said. ‘You work in a field you love. You’re lucky. Your parents must be proud.’
Ethan sent her a sideways look, but she was smiling ahead at the road, all innocence. Yeah, right. She was fishing, but he wasn’t biting. Because, no, his father wasn’t proud. ‘You mean you don’t love HR? But you get to make people miserable, right?’ He teased his way out of answering.
‘Very funny.’
‘So why did you get into it if it’s not floating your boat?’
‘I wanted a job in a big firm. All big firms need HR people.’
‘Why big?’
‘The usual reasons—money, security.’
‘Yeah, but bigger isn’t always better.’
‘You’re wrong.’ She shook her head. ‘It was nice meeting your family.’
Nice—great. That awful word again. And she couldn’t possibly think it had been nice. She was back to fishing. Apprehension slithered down his spine. Inviting her into his life this way had been crazy. How was she going to report back to her web-witches? He figured he’d be in for a caning. But had she seen his family’s vulnerability? Did she even care? What about Bella? Those moments by the piano that had filled him with pleasure before now made him wince. Did Nadia think he was superficial enough to have orchestrated that? She was so untrusting she probably did. He wanted to skip this as the third date. They should do something else. But that would mean seeing her again—and that seemed like a really dumb idea. This wasn’t the game it had been, and it sure as hell wasn’t uncomplicated.
As he pulled up outside her flat he knew he had to address it. ‘Please don’t write about today in your blog.’ Annoyed at how husky he sounded, he spoke faster, more harshly. ‘I don’t want all that out there. Not Dad. And I didn’t set that up with Bella to prove anything to you. Can’t—?’
‘Do you think I don’t know that?’ she interrupted, her voice shrill. ‘Do you really think I’d mention any of that?’
He was silent.
In the confines of his car her anger reverberated. Her outrage. Her hurt.
‘What kind of a person do you think I am?’ she asked, totally wounded. ‘You haven’t gotten to know me at all, have you? You haven’t listened to anything I’ve told you.’ She leapt out of the car and ran up her path.
Ethan stared after her—hating himself even more than he had that moment almost two hours ago. He’d felt sick when he’d seen his father talking to Nadia. He’d seen the look. It was how he looked at her—as if she was some delicate morsel to be devoured. Nadia had been wrong. Or maybe she’d been right and it was just that Ethan was so paranoid about his father he couldn’t see straight.
Either way it didn’t matter, because the revelation was still clear and still true. He’d always said he was nothing like his father, but Nadia had said differently. And he was the same—every bit the same selfish, insensitive jerk. He’d just proved it.
He swore and leaped out of the car.
‘Nadia!’ He grabbed the front door handle so she couldn’t open it and get away from him. But she didn’t turn around. A slender, silver fairy-woman stood in front of him—one he wanted to pull back against him and keep her there. He ached for the hot, sweet relief to be found with her.
He bent his head, lightly brushing his lips in her hair, hoping she couldn’t feel it as he breathed in her scent. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It does.’ He felt her trembling.
‘I don’t blame you for thinking I’d do that,’ she said softly.
But he should have known she wouldn’t. Deep down he had. Nadia, with her big green eyes and her sweetheart-shaped face, wasn’t in this world to hurt people. Now Nadia herself was hurt—and it was his fault.
‘I wish you’d talk to me,’ she whispered.
‘And tell you what?’ His blood chilled. There wasn’t anything to say. ‘Don’t think you know anything more about me just because you’ve met my messed-up family.’
‘But wasn’t that the point?’
He clenched his teeth. The original point had been to make her uncomfortable. Only it had backfired completely, and he was the one feeling tortured and embarrassed and angry.
‘How you act around them tells me a lot.’ Her voice wobbled.
He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t.’ She knew nothing—because he’d only realised a couple of things himself this very moment. He gripped the door handle even harder, physically fighting the urge to take her into his arms.
‘You’re not the carefree guy you make yourself out to be. You’re more sensitive than that. You care about them.’
It was so ironic that now she thought she was seeing some good in him, when he was realising just how little there actually was. ‘You don’t know anything, Nadia.’
She’d been right. He did hide what was beneath his surface—because underneath lurked the same kind of indifference that his father had. Indifference to relationships, commitment, marriage. Sure, he had passion for his career, but none for the burden of family and responsibility—and certainly not a woman’s happiness. So he wasn’t going to get into a relationship and hurt someone over and over, like his father had his mother. And Nadia was a relationship girl through and through—romantic, idealistic, a little bruised and misguided, but soft-hearted still for all that. And, for whatever warped reason, those qualities were endearing her all the more to him. But it was dangerous for her, because he would never be the right guy. Which meant he had to walk now.
He breathed deep to try and push out the pain cutting into his heart, but it was a mistake. Her scent curled tighter around him. Her proximity was tantalising—her soft, warm limbs and passion were so close. She didn’t move. Her head was bent as she waited in silence—for what? The inevitable? He had to rebel against that.
He released the handle and pushed the door so it swung open. She stepped inside. Not following her was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.
It was so unfair that doing something right felt so wrong.
CHAPTER TEN (#ulink_4853d434-e4b5-591d-8bc9-3841404fdf4d)
NADIA stared at the blank form on her screen. For a long time. Then she clicked in the corner to close it. Three days later and she still hadn’t posted anything online. That was for ever. Her hit rate would start to slide. Already people were commenting and asking questions. Questions she didn’t want to answer.
Her mobile rang. She picked it up and checked the screen; the number was withheld which meant it wasn’t him. Her heart accelerated anyway. ‘Hello?’
‘You haven’t updated your blog.’
Okay—it was him. ‘Neither have you.’ She managed a light answer. There’d been no posts—no comments, e-mails, texts or phone calls either in the last three days. That was for ever and ever. The only thing stopping her from going insane was the thought that he hadn’t sent her the flick-off flowers yet, like the women on the original 3 Dates and You’re Out thread said he did. Then again, he probably didn’t feel the need to keep her sweet. They’d done the three dates. It was all over and out.
‘A gentleman always lets the lady go first.’
‘I’m not ready to write it yet.’ Nadia turned away from her screen, screwed her eyes shut as she boldly went down the road she’d been fantasising about for the last three eternally long days and nights. ‘There’s a problem.’
‘What kind of problem?’
She pressed her hand on her chest to stop her heart beating out of it, and blurted the words she’d rehearsed too many times to be natural. ‘I can’t say those claims are wrong when one major aspect is completely right.’
‘What aspect’s that?’
‘That it’s three dates and you’re out. You’re totally doing that to me.’
She heard the whistle of indrawn breath from his end of the phone. ‘You want a fourth? You want us to go out again?’
Oh, she wanted way more than that. But right now she’d take what she could get. ‘I just can’t see how I can refute what those women say when we’ve only gone for three.’
‘But you’re planning to refute some other things?’
He didn’t sound as pleased about that as she’d thought he would. Truthfully, she didn’t want to write another word on it.
‘Nadia, you know what’ll happen if we meet up again.’
She waited, nibbling her lip so hard it hurt.
He cleared his throat. ‘Is that something you’re willing to risk?’
‘Life’s no fun without a little risk.’ She bit harder, waiting for his reply, her nerves teetering on a cliff-edge.
‘Well, there’s risky and there’s reckless. I told myself not to see you again.’
‘Well, you don’t have to.’ She held her breath, held back the hurt. And waited.
For ever.
‘But I think I do,’ he said on a groan. ‘Let’s go out for dinner. We’ve not done the traditional date, have we? Only I’m out of town for a few days. Can you do Friday?’
‘Sure.’ Friday was months away. ‘Where are you?’
‘In Germany, trying not to think about you.’
‘Are you succeeding?’
‘Well, I’m calling you now, so I guess not.’
Her whole body curled into a smile. Noise broke up the line—talking in the background got louder.
‘I have to go.’ His voice came and went.
‘You’d better put something on the blog. You’ll lose people.’
‘So had you.’
‘I don’t have time. I’ll see you Friday.’
Nadia hung up and turned to her computer, determined to get some work done now.
The next morning she went back onto his blog to see if he’d put anything up. Nothing. But she noticed some of the worst comments had been taken down, and there was a note from Ethan to say that he’d be approving the comments before they got posted from now on. It seemed he’d suffered an attack of gallantry. Or was it just that he was worried about what his work colleagues would say? No, she guessed he didn’t really give a damn about what other people thought of him, considering what he’d put out there. Which made her wonder more about why he’d hunted her down as the creator of WomanBWarned—what was it that had bothered him so much?
Underneath that arrogant playboy attitude Ethan really was a nice guy. He liked women, and he treated them well when he was with them. He just didn’t want true intimacy or a relationship. The smoking remains of his parents’ relationship had to be the cause of his reluctance. Whatever had happened had put him off committing, and he and his father were clearly at war. Which meant all she’d ever be was another one of those women he’d had a fling with. Except she had just got to date four—the final frontier. And, yes, deep inside that very stupid part of her wanted so much more. He was so easy to fall for.
The days didn’t pass fast enough. She went shopping. She went for a manicure. She went indoor speed-skating to burn energy and make her tired enough to sleep. It didn’t work. So by the time Friday night rolled around she was ready too early and beside herself with anticipation. She practised yogic breathing and waited. Waited some more. Tried not to look at her watch every ten seconds. Only made it to fifteen once and got so mad with herself she took her watch off. She had her fab new dress, matching fingernails and toenails—the bits in between buffed and polished too.
But time ticked on and on and there was no knock at the door. The summer sun set and Nadia sat frozen in her chair.
Finally her phone beeped. A text message. She knew what it was before she even looked at it. He didn’t even have the decency to talk to her. Tears tumbled and she was so glad Megan was still away and not there to see her humiliation. She couldn’t bear to admit what a fool she was. According to the text he’d been delayed at work and missed his flight. He was on a later one and wouldn’t get in until it was too late for dinner.
She totally didn’t believe him. He just didn’t want to do dinner at all. He never had. She’d just pushed him into something he didn’t want to do and he was trying to get out of it lightly—like always.
Ethan had been trying to forget her. They’d done the three dates, so he could think about something else for five minutes now. He could find some other woman attractive. He could do nothing but work for fifty-six hours straight.
He’d only managed the last one.
