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‘Nick, drink your tea,’ she said, slamming the brakes on that thought, and he sat down beside her again and picked up the mug and took a mouthful, toying with the biscuits, crushing them to dust between his fingers, crumbling them all over the table.
‘Josh O’Hara’s a friend of Jack’s from London,’ he said out of the blue. ‘I gather he’s red hot. Ben used to work with him as well. That’s why he sounded him out about the vacancy. And Ben won’t let anything happen to Jeremiah—’
The door opened and Ben came in, and she dropped her mug onto the table with a clatter, fear suddenly closing her throat.
‘How is he?’ she asked, barely able to find the words. ‘Is he—?’
‘He’s stable, his blood pressure’s low but holding, so Josh and the anaesthetist have taken him to CT now to rule out any other injuries, then he’ll be going straight up to Theatre. And we need to check you over. Come on.’
She tried to stand, and suddenly realised how weak she felt, how uncooperative her legs were, how very long she’d been holding her breath. She wasn’t really listening any longer. All she’d heard was ‘He’s stable’, and her mind had gone blank, unable to take in any more than this one, most important, fact.
Relief was crashing through her, scattering the last shreds of her control; she sucked in some air, but it wouldn’t come, not smoothly, not sensibly, just in little jerky sobs, faster and faster, until at last the dam burst and she felt Nick’s arms close around her, holding her firmly against a broad, solid chest that felt so good, so safe that she wanted to stay there for ever, because if she leant on him, if she stayed there, then surely it would be all right…
Nick stood there for a second—scarcely that, but it felt like an age before he came to life again and his hands gentled, cradling her head against his shoulder, holding her against his heart as he rocked and shushed her.
She must be going through hell, he thought, and then it hit him that this wasn’t just her son, but his, too. Emotions slammed through him one after the other, but he crushed them down. There’d be time for them later. For now, he just had to be here for Kate, for as long as she needed him.
‘Why don’t you go and let them take the blood?’ Ben suggested, once Kate had stopped crying and been mopped up and taken through to X-Ray. ‘I’ll keep an eye on her.’
‘Isn’t Lucy expecting you home?’
He smiled again. ‘She was—two hours ago. Don’t worry, I’ve told her what’s going on.’
‘All of it?’ he asked, his heart jerking against his ribs, but Ben shook his head.
‘No. I thought I’d let you or Jack do that.’
‘She’ll be disappointed in me.’
‘I don’t know,’ Ben said thoughtfully. ‘Maybe a little, at first, but she’s said before how well you and Kate get on, and she knows you went out with her before you met Annabel, so I don’t think she’ll be exactly surprised to know you had an affair. In fact, she said only the other week that you ought to get together, now you were both free.’
His laugh sounded hollow to his ears. ‘I hope she’s not holding her breath for that. Kate’s going. She’s handed in her notice—she’s leaving Penhally.’
‘Wow.’ Ben frowned. ‘That’s a big step.’
He shrugged. ‘She told me today—well, she left a letter for me.’
She hadn’t even told him to his face. That hurt, but he put it on one side, like all the other feelings that were swamping him.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ben said, and Nick blinked in surprise and met his eyes.
‘Why should you be sorry?’
‘You tell me,’ Ben said softly, and Nick looked away from eyes that saw too much.
‘She’s blaming herself. She said she didn’t see any lights, and she pulled out.’
Ben accepted the change of subject without a murmur. ‘Visibility was awful, apparently, and I gather the other guy not only didn’t have his lights on but he was speeding significantly, according to witnesses. He wasn’t wearing a seat belt, either, and the car wasn’t taxed. He’s in overnight for observation, and the police have been in to talk to him already. It definitely wasn’t Kate’s fault. I need to check her out. You go down to Haematology and I’ll see you when you come back.’
He nodded, and walked quickly down to Haematology to give the blood they would process and give to Jeremiah later, after his surgery, after he was stable. God willing. Jack was standing at the reception desk waiting, and turned to him, his eyes raking over Nick’s face.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, and Nick nodded.
‘Yes. Ben’s taking a look at Kate.’
‘Have you eaten recently?’
Nick nearly laughed. For a moment there, he’d thought his son was enquiring after his emotional well-being, but, no, he was checking that he was OK to donate.
‘Lunch,’ he said, trying to remember and recalling a sandwich of some sort. He’d left half of it, and it seemed a long time ago. It had been a long time ago. He should have eaten Hazel’s fairings instead of leaving them for Mr Pengelly. ‘They gave us tea and biscuits in A and E, but I didn’t have them.’
‘Here.’ Jack handed him a small packet of biscuits from his pocket. ‘Eat those, and get a drink from that water cooler, otherwise you’ll pass out when they take the blood from you.’
And without another word Jack turned back to the desk and spoke to the haematology technician who’d just come to find him. Nick followed them, grabbing a cup of water on the way, and then lay in the next cubicle to his son, the curtain between them firmly closed, while the technician set up the intravenous line and started collecting his blood.
‘Can you be quick? I need to get back,’ he said, and she smiled.
‘It’s a good job you’re a regular donor, Dr Tremayne,’ she said tolerantly. ‘Saves all the screening. I take it nothing’s changed since the last time?’
‘No, nothing.’ Nothing except his youngest son nearly dying and Kate deciding to leave the county. ‘Take two units,’ he insisted.
She tried to argue, but Jack’s voice cut across them both.
‘Just do it. It might keep him quiet. You can take two from me as well.’
‘Are you sure? I don’t like to, but our B-neg donors in the hospital have all been called on recently and there isn’t any available until tomorrow. Stocks are really low at the moment; we’ve got O-neg but obviously this is better. You’re not still working this evening, Mr Tremayne?’
‘No. I’ve finished for the day and I’ve got a light day tomorrow. My registrar can cover me if necessary,’ Jack answered.
‘And you, Dr Tremayne?’
‘I’m not leaving the hospital until I know Jem’s all right.’ Nick replied.
If he was all right. Hell, he had to be all right. There was so much to say to him, so much lost time to make up for. It would be the bitterest irony if now, when he was finally beginning to accept that Jem really was his son and realise what he meant to him, he lost him before he could tell him.
Nick rested his head back, closed his eyes and prayed as he hadn’t prayed since the night Annabel had died.
He couldn’t lose another member of his family, and neither could Kate. It just wasn’t an option. He pumped his hand to speed up the flow, so he could get back to her side as quickly as possible…
‘She hasn’t got any fractures, but she’s sore,’ Ben said softly, taking Nick to one side when he returned to A and E. ‘Her right ankle’s got a nasty bruise, and she’s whiplashed her neck slightly, and her chest is a bit tender where the seat belt cut in. The skin’s still a bit fragile anyway, after the surgery and radiotherapy last year.’
He realised he didn’t even know if it had been the left or right breast, and asked—not that it made any difference, or was anything to do with him, but he just wanted everything straight in his head, trying to make order of the chaos of the day, and this was another brick in the wall he could straighten.
‘Left,’ Ben said, not even questioning his need to know that stupidly irrelevant fact. ‘I wanted to keep her here for a bit, let her rest, but she won’t hear of it. She’s very shocked, though. I’ve given her some pain relief, but she wouldn’t let me give her a sedative.’
‘No. She wouldn’t. Stubborn woman.’
Ben smiled tolerantly, and Nick gave a short, ironic laugh.
‘Pot and kettle?’ he said, and Ben chuckled.
‘Go in and see her, she’s waiting for you. And give me your car keys, I’ll get it moved. It’s obstructing the entrance and the ambos are getting cross.’
He handed over the keys, thanked Ben and went to see Kate.
How long could he be?
Ben had insisted she should lie there for a while and wait for Nick, and frankly she didn’t have the strength to argue. Anyway, there was nothing she could do for Jem now except will him to be alive, and she could do that lying down in A and E as well as she could hovering outside the scanner room in Radiology.
Once Nick was back, she’d get up and go and sit there, waiting for news, but for now, she was lying wide-eyed, alert, her adrenaline running flat out, her pulse rapid, her throat dry.
‘You’re a mess, Kate Althorp,’ she told herself, and closed her eyes. She wouldn’t sleep. No way. But she could shut out the light.
She’d dozed off.
Or so he thought, but as Nick stepped into the cubicle, her eyes flew open.
‘Is there any news?’ she asked, her face worried, and he shook his head.
‘No. I’ve just spoken to Ben, but they haven’t heard anything. Josh is with him in CT. Are you OK to go down there now?’
She gave a humourless little laugh that cut him to the bone, and tried to smile. ‘Sure. My right ankle hurts, but I’ve got some arnica gel in my bag, I’ll put it on later. Let’s go.’
‘Want me to do it now?’ he asked, wondering how he’d cope with touching her, smoothing his hand over her skin, feeling her warmth beneath his fingers and knowing she wasn’t his to touch, to hold—to love?
Would never be.
‘Not now. Later, maybe. I need to be with Jem.’
‘I’ll get a wheelchair,’ he told her. ‘Stay there.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Nick,’ she said, swinging her legs down and wriggling her feet into her damp shoes with a grimace. ‘I’m perfectly capable of walking. I’m fine.’
She wasn’t. She wasn’t fine at all, but she had guts. He tried to smile, but his own guts were strung tight. He tucked her hand in his arm so she could lean on him, and walked with her to Radiology, glad they were moving fairly slowly. He was feeling a little light-headed and wondering if his stubborn insistence on giving two units had been such a good idea after all. It was a quarter of his circulating blood volume—enough to crash his blood pressure into his boots. He ought to get something to eat and drink, but now wasn’t the time.
‘He’ll be out in a minute, he’s nearly done,’ the receptionist told them, and they sat and waited, Kate suddenly even more nervous because of what the CT might show up.
She thought her stomach was going to turn inside out it was churning so hard, and the painkillers Ben had given her didn’t seem to be helping. Well, they were helping, but not enough. She rolled her neck slightly to ease it, but it didn’t work. It was because she was tense, coiled like a spring, poised for bad news.
‘I can’t sit here, I’m going to have to walk around,’ she told Nick, pushing herself to her feet just as the doors opened and Jem was wheeled out by Josh and the anaesthetist. The radiologist came over to them, nodded to Nick and then turned to her.
‘Mrs Althorp?’
‘Yes,’ Kate said, trying not to fall down and feeling Nick’s firm hand on her waist holding her in place. She dragged her eyes from Jem and the gap in the blankets showing the frame holding his pelvis rigid, and leaned against Nick, grateful for the support, both physical and emotional, wondering what was coming, hardly daring to ask. ‘How is he?’ she managed, her throat tight.
‘Stable. No damage apart from the fracture—he’s been lucky, and there’s no sign of a bleed from the head injury, so they’re taking him straight up to Theatre now. You’ll need to go up with him and sign the consent forms, if you haven’t already done it, and I imagine you’ll want to wait up there for news?’
She nodded and looked at Jem. She wanted to talk to him—touch him, just touch him so she could reassure herself he was still alive, but he was unconscious, still under anaesthetic. She leant over the trolley anyway, and rested her hand on his cheek briefly, reassured by his warmth but frowning at the bruises as they walked towards the lift.
‘Jem? It’s Mum,’ she said softly. ‘You’re all right, my darling. You’re going to be OK, can you hear me? I’ll be waiting for you, OK? I’ll be here, all the time. I love you—’
She cracked, and Nick hugged her to his side as they followed the trolley to the lift and went up with him. They watched him go through into Theatre, and then Nick guided her to the chair-lined recess, and the long wait began…
‘So that’s your father-in-law?’
Ben grunted in confirmation, and Josh watched him. ‘Interesting undercurrents between him and the woman. I thought he was the kid’s father at first. It took me a minute to work it out. He seems OK—bit distant, but supportive. I take it they’re friends?’
Ben sighed and put down his pen, and Josh propped his hips on the back of the other chair and raised an eyebrow.
‘She’s a colleague as well. He’s known her for years.’
Josh nodded. ‘I know you didn’t always get on with him. Jack mentioned that he could be…’
‘Difficult?’ Ben supplied, his smile wry, and Josh grinned.
‘He probably wasn’t quite as polite as that.’
Ben gave a grunt of grudging laughter. ‘Yeah. But that’s all behind us now.’
‘Is it? I passed Jack on the way into Resus, and he was steaming down the corridor with a face like the Grim Reaper. I take it they’d had words?’ Josh waited, but Ben obviously wasn’t being drawn. He capped his pen and pushed his chair back, changing the subject.
‘Nice job, Josh,’ he said. ‘The ex-fix. Very neat. You’re going to be an asset to the department.’
He took the hint. ‘Thanks. Let’s hope I can convince them all.’
‘Giving you a hard time?’
He shrugged. ‘Some of them. Not all. I’m the new boy. They’re suspicious.’
‘Well, they don’t need to be. I’ll have a word.’
‘No, leave it. I’ll win them round—I’ll bring in doughnuts and smile a lot, work a bit late, you know the routine. A little of the blarney thrown in for good measure…’
‘Well, don’t expect it to impress me, I know you better than that, and they won’t be fooled by it. Stick to what you’re good at. Save a few lives—that’ll win them round.’
‘I’ll do that for an encore,’ Josh said with a lazy grin, happy that Ben, at least, seemed pleased to have him there. Shrugging away from the desk and putting the Tremayne family out of his mind, he went off to conquer some of the sceptics.
How could the time pass so slowly?
Kate watched the hands crawl round the clock face—a minute, two. She shifted yet again on one of the padded plastic armchairs, resting her head back against the wall with a fractured sigh.
‘He’ll be all right, Kate,’ Nick said, for the hundredth time, and she just nodded slightly and flexed her ankle.
It was enough to make her wince, and she felt him shift beside her.
‘Give me the arnica gel’
She handed it to him and pulled up her trouser leg a little, kicking off her shoe, and he squeezed a blob onto his fingers and crouched in front of her, so she could rest her foot against his lean, hard-muscled thigh. That was all the running and walking he did, mile after mile over the moors, trying to outrun his demons. She could feel the muscles flex beneath her sole as he shifted his position slightly, and the open neck of his shirt gaped so she could see the pulse beating in the hollow of his throat, hard and fast, driven by the adrenaline that must be coursing through his body as it was through hers.
