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“Come on, Grady. The statute of limitations has long expired on breakup hard feelings.”
“Says who?” He shoved an extra pillow behind his head. “From where I’m sitting, I’m still mad as hell.” He downed his second longneck and went in for a third.
She had the gall to cross her arms and roll her eyes.
“You think I shouldn’t still be pissed? I asked you to marry me. You accepted.”
“Almost a decade ago!” She smacked the dresser top. “Get over it. That’s ancient history.”
“The hell it is.” He sprang from the bed, planting his hands on either side of her, pinning her in, but not touching her—not giving her the satisfaction of him touching her. “Give me an honest reason, and I’ll let it go. More than anything, I want to let this—you—go, but you’re stuck in my head.”
“Sorry.”
“I need a reason, Jess.”
She raised her chin. “You know the reason.”
“Oh, right—you don’t love me.”
“Of course not. It’s been forever since I’ve even seen you. You’re a stranger. I’m happy without you.”
“Which is why your eyes are dilated and you can’t stop licking your lips?”
“I need ChapStick.”
“What was up with the leg crossing? You must’ve flashed me those pretty yellow panties a half-dozen times.”
“Oh, my God, since when did you become such a perv?”
“What’s perverted about me being a trained observer?” His gaze zeroed in on the erratic pulse in her throat. He tipped his beer to her. “Consider it a sign that your tax dollars are hard at work.”
“You know what I mean...” Her eyes pooled with tears as she pulled in a deep breath.
“Damn straight, I do. But tell me, Jess, if you’re so happy, why aren’t you married with four kids, so no one has to ride alone on roller coasters? Isn’t that what you always wanted? What we wanted?”
Her expression hardened. “Don’t go there.”
“Why not?”
“You’re an ass.”
He shrugged.
Yes, he was. But she’d hurt him so damned bad. Up until joining the Navy, all he’d ever wanted was to buy his own ranch, marry Jessie and start their family. He’d never sought wealth or glory—she was all he’d ever wanted. And that fact killed him. Hell, he’d been back in town less than twenty-four hours and already he felt crazy. It was downright embarrassing.
“What do you want from me?” she asked.
Everything. But mostly, the truth. “All I want is for you to finally be straight with me. Why did you break things off? I get it if you thought we were too young, or you fell for someone else, or I just didn’t do it for you in the sack, but this is a small town. Folks talk. My own mother has told me you’ve never been serious with another guy.”
“Just like you’ve never been serious with another girl?”
“Exactly. I’m the logical sort. Every day I deal with black-and-white facts. Look at us—we have jobs, all our teeth. Why haven’t we moved on? Haven’t you ever asked yourself that question?”
She looked away. “No.”
Sighing, he took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender. “Fine. If that’s how you want to play it.”
“Grady...”
“What?”
“You know how much I care for you. You were my best friend. Why can’t we just go back to that?”
“No, thanks.” The friend card had long been off the table. Didn’t she remember all those lazy summer days down by the creek? He’d kissed every inch of her, and it wasn’t just his ego telling him she’d liked it. “For the sake of our parents, I’ll be polite, but you can’t go back in time and erase what we shared. I’ve been with other women since, and it wasn’t the same.”
She paled. “Gee, thanks. Good to know you’ve slept around.”
“Can you honestly tell me you haven’t?”
Again, she avoided his gaze. “You don’t have to make it sound so dirty, but yes. I—I’ve had a few other committed relationships that turned physical—if that’s what you mean.”
“And...” He urged her to get to the heart of the matter. Had she shared a fraction of the chemistry with those other guys as she had with him? Obviously not, or she’d be with one of them now. “True love?”
“I’m not even dignifying that with an answer.”
“In other words, business as usual?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Eyes narrowed, she drew in her lower lip. “You never used to be this cruel.”
“I’m not cruel, Jess, but direct. There’s a difference.”
“Semantics...”
“So, in summary, you want me to buck up and play nice?”
“Would that be so hard?”
More like impossible.
He rubbed his jaw, searching for the right thing to say when all he wanted was for her to tell him the truth. That day in the Dairy Barn that no longer existed, there’d been so much more to their story. There still was. Only, for whatever reason, she’d refused to end it. Oh—she’d verbally ended it. But in his heart—where it mattered—he couldn’t help but feel as though they still had a long way to go before he, at least, found closure.
Chapter Three (#ulink_91e167bd-1858-565a-a07e-0cae451b2abe)
“I know this is tough, everyone.” The next morning, Jessie’s school principal looked strangely out of character in his plaid shorts, Rock Bluff Elementary T-shirt, ball cap and sneakers. “But again, I need you to sift through this rubble for anything salvageable. Our budget is nil, so every pencil and pair of scissors counts. I fear most textbooks will be water damaged, but maybe a few made it out all right. Questions?”
When no one seemed unclear as to their mission, they got to work.
For safety reasons, no students were invited to help, but many faculty members and parents who lived out of the storm’s path and whose homes were unaffected had come out to lend a hand.
Though the work was hot and messy and mostly unproductive, it did get Jessie away from her depressing apartment wreckage and her parents’ house—or, more to the point, away from Grady.
Some of the things he’d said had been horrible. The only reason she hadn’t lashed out at him had been the knowledge that her lies had created his animosity. Meaning she essentially had no one to blame for his derision but herself.
She remembered every second of their time together. Above all, she cherished the moments after they’d made love, when he’d held her warm and secure in his arms. They’d talked for hours about their shared future. Neither had had college aspirations. They’d both wanted to lead simple, happy country lives like those of their parents.
She knelt to pick up the tin-can pencil holder one of her favorite students had made for her. Paul was now in fifth grade. It made her heart ache to think the only children she’d ever have were her students, but that was okay. At least she was lucky enough to have a career she loved, where every day other people shared their smart, cute and funny kids with her.
“Your mom said I’d find you here.” Grady stood near what used to be her students’ cozy reading nook. He wore desert-camo cargo pants, heavy work boots and a blue Navy T-shirt that made his chest look broad enough to need its own zip code. She instantly yearned to touch him, which only made her resent his presence more.
“This is where I work,” she snapped, “or at least it used to be. I can’t argue with you.”
“Who said I wanted to argue?”
“Then, why are you here?”
He shrugged, then shoved one hand into his pocket and took a sip from a jumbo drink from Ron’s Hamburgers. It was strange how the storm had played God—selecting who got to keep their lives and who had to start over. Maude Clayborn—the owner of the burger joint—had drawn the lucky straw. Knowing Grady like she did, Jessie suspected he was drinking sweet tea. “Partially, I’m here because my mom made me. Mostly, because I owe you an apology for last night.”
No, no, no, her heart cried. Don’t you dare be nice to me. Hating you is much easier than the alternative.
“You’re right, I was an ass, but you have to admit to leaving me in the lurch. You even kept my damned ring. That thing cost three summers’ lawn-mowing money. Do you even still have it? Or did you pawn it?”
The very idea incensed her. “Of course I have it—somewhere.” I wear it on a chain every day to remind me to never settle for anything less than real love. It was on now, dangling between her breasts.
“Great. Then, I want it back.”
“You can’t be serious. And anyway, the ring might be lost.”
He laughed—only the sound struck her as more dangerous than jovial. “Oh—I’m as serious as getting an STD on your birthday.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “Did you? You know, get one of those...on your—”
“Good Lord, Jess, it’s just an expression.”
She nodded. Of course. But with him being a Navy SEAL and better looking than any man had a right to be, she didn’t doubt him having a girl in every port.
“And don’t try changing the topic. If my ring’s lost—find it. Since you don’t want me, maybe I’ll give it to some other woman.”
Over my dead body. “Okay, but obviously I don’t have it with me now.”
“Fine. Just don’t forget.” He surveyed the mess, then sipped from his drink. “What do you need me to do?”
Leave! Unfortunately, if she wanted to finish this task by Christmas, she needed his help. “There’s a pile of plastic sacks over there on my file cabinet. Grab one and start picking up anything of value.”
* * *
GRADY WOULD BE damned if he’d let anyone at that school work harder than him. By the end of the day, he’d filled dozens of sacks with pencils and crayons and heartbreaking little school pics with scribbled notes on the backs.
The work was hot and dirty and he felt as though dust had settled into every pore.
Jessie’s shoulders sagged, and the ponytail that had earlier that day shone in the sun now hung limp and coated in the same gray dust covering their bodies and clothes.
If she were still his girl, once they got home he’d have carried her to their shower, then scrubbed her down till her skin shone pink. Then he’d run her a bath, squirting in a healthy amount of the strawberry bubbles she’d always loved. Next, he’d have settled in alongside her, kissing her till the sun went down and the water turned cold. He’d fix her a simple dinner. Maybe steaks on the grill. He’d rub her aching feet and make love to her before they spooned into sleep.
They’d have the best night, every night.
But all of that was just a dream. And even though he could have kept on working for another twelve hours, he knew she couldn’t, so he said, “How about we head back to your folks’? See what our moms cooked for dinner?”
She arched her head back, in the process showing him the mesmerizing curve of her neck. “Sounds like a plan.”
On their way to drop off the last of their day’s finds in the principal’s truck bed, she said, “Thank you.”
“You bet.”
“Considering we’re sharing the hall bathroom now, how about you shower first since you filled the most bags?”
“No way. I appreciate the offer, but ladies first. You look like hell.”
“You’re such a charmer.”
“I try.”
She cast him a go-to-hell glare. “Not hard enough.”
* * *
BACK AT HER parents’ house, standing beneath the shower’s warm stream, Jessie closed her eyes, wishing it wasn’t Grady’s gorgeous profile her mind’s eye chose to see.
While sudsing her arms and legs and breasts, it was his hands she imagined stroking her. His ring dangled, teasing her with thoughts of what might’ve been.
Because thinking about him hurt, she hurried to finish scrubbing the last of the day’s grime from her hair, already dreading the task of doing the same thing all over again tomorrow.
Finished, she wrapped her hair turban-style with a towel, cinched her robe tight at the waist, then knocked on Grady’s bedroom door to tell him it was his turn in the bathroom.
His door wasn’t all the way latched, and it creaked open.
Nothing could’ve prepared her for the sight of him lying flat on the bed—naked, dirt smudged, but 100 percent glorious manly muscle. Though the proper thing to do would be to close his door, then dress herself for dinner; instead, she indulged in a long visual feast. He wasn’t body-builder bulked up, but his broad shoulders had definition. His biceps looked far too big for her to fit her hand around, and his six-pack abs and lower, well...
She closed his door, granting him privacy while she ducked into her own room.
Stretched across her bed, cheeks superheated, she remembered all too clearly the times they’d skinny-dipped in the creek, when he’d held her on hot summer days in the cool, clear water. She’d wrapped her legs around him and together, they’d discovered just how well their bodies fit together.
The first couple times had been awkward—lots of giggling and fumbling with condoms. After they’d gotten the hang of it, she’d tired of having anything between them. Unknown to him or her mom, she’d made an appointment with a Norman doctor to get on the pill. It was there she’d described how painful her monthly cycles had always been. When the medicine the doctor prescribed didn’t even dull her cramps, Dr. Laramie suggested Jessie undergo a laparoscopic exploratory procedure to check for potential causes of the pain. When Jessie’s mom wanted to know why she hadn’t told her about seeing a doctor, Jessie hadn’t exactly lied—she just hadn’t told the entire truth. When the doctor prescribed birth control pills as a way to regulate her periods and control pain, her mother hadn’t given it a second thought—or, if she had, she hadn’t mentioned it to her daughter.
When the diagnosis of endometriosis had finally come, and along with it, a speech on how she would most likely never conceive considering the severity of her condition, at first, Jessie hadn’t believed it. Then, when her mom had broached the topic one day at lunch, sharing her concerns, encouraging her to go on with her life and talking about how many alternatives there were to natural pregnancies, only then did it start to sink in that the doctor’s words had consequences.
In hindsight, she probably should’ve told Grady, but honestly? She couldn’t have handled his rejection had he said the wrong thing. She hadn’t been mature enough. She wasn’t sure she was now—not that it mattered, since she still had no intention of ever telling him the true reason she’d broken their engagement.
She couldn’t speak for his parents, but her own had been relieved when what they’d called her high school fling had cooled down. They’d dreamed of her completing college—not her dream, theirs. She’d been the dutiful daughter, and in the end had never regretted earning her degree. What had she regretted? Not being able to share her graduation with Grady. Or the high of getting her first job. Her first apartment. Her first legal beer. So many, many firsts that had been happy enough, but not nearly complete without him.
