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Joanna rose from her chair, hugging her arms close as a chill swept over her. “Money, Jake?” she asked sadly. “Is that what this comes down to? You’re wealthy so you can come in here and take her away?” Her words were filled with pain. It glistened in the murky depths of her eyes.
“It’s more than that.” Jake’s dark brows drew into a troubled frown. “It’s true I can provide better care, but I’m only trying to do what I promised I would do. Help me with this, Jo, while there’s still time. Don’t hate me for doing what needs to be done.”
“Hate you?” She almost wished she could. Then life would be simple again. Black and white. No more gray areas to wander around in. Alone.
“And I wouldn’t be taking her away from you,” Jake added before delivering what he knew would be the final blow to her shaken emotions. “She wants you to come, too.”
“What?” she asked, too stunned to say more.
Jake squeezed Mae’s hand gently before moving from her bedside. “She loves you…she needs you. She wants you with her.” He glanced back into Joanna’s bewildered gaze. “You’ll need to think it over, I know, but we don’t have much time,” he said. “I’ll leave you alone for a while.” Then he walked away, disappearing through the door, leaving Joanna standing there, her mouth open in surprise.
For a moment, she couldn’t move, couldn’t even think clearly. Had Jake really said that she should go with him? To Indiana? Had he lost his mind? Or just his memory of why that would never work? She turned on her heels to follow him out into the hallway where she found him speaking with Dr. Eden.
“Jake,” she interrupted. “I can’t go away like that. Just pack up and leave? Are you serious?”
“Very,” Jake answered, directing his attention toward Joanna. He excused them from the other physician’s presence and cupped Joanna’s elbow with a hand, steering her toward the privacy of an empty lobby. “I know you weren’t expecting any of this, but Mae asked me to promise that you’d go, too. And I did.” He glanced down at the discharge papers Dr. Eden had handed him and then back into Joanna’s panic-filled eyes. “It’s what she wants, Jo.” He paused, never so uncertain of anything in his life as he was of this. He wanted Joanna to go with him more than he dared to admit but, at the same time, he couldn’t calculate the magnitude of mistake they would be making. Still, he’d made the promise. “There’s a flight at seven—”
“Seven o’clock? Tonight?” Joanna asked.
“Yes,” Jake replied. “You won’t need to pack much. We’re having a rough winter back home. You can buy warmer clothes when you get there.”
With what? she wondered. Joanna didn’t have extra money for winter clothing. She hadn’t even had enough in her checking account to pay her school bill last semester.
Money. Joanna nearly cringed at the thought. The power of it, the need of it, the control it wielded. And all it had cost her. It was the private plane of a rich corporate executive that had crashed and taken the lives of her parents long ago. They’d been flying in inclement weather to meet the demanding schedule of a client they deemed important enough to take necessary risks for. The “necessary risk” that day took their lives when the plane went nose down into a lake.
Now, Jake and his money would be able to take Aunt Mae away to die in some strange house, in a state the woman hadn’t visited since childhood. It wasn’t fair.
“Joanna, is seven o’clock okay? I could send a cab for you—”
“No, it’s not okay,” she replied. “I need to get out of here. I want some fresh air,” she said suddenly and bolted for the nearby exit. The cool, damp weather felt good on her warm cheeks. She took a deep breath just as the doors opened behind her.
“Joanna, I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“No, it’s not.” She turned to face him, her fists clenched at her sides. “I can’t go to Indiana with you, Jake. I can’t stay with you and you know it, so why ask? Just to embarrass me?”
An honest look of surprise flashed in his eyes. “I would never try to embarrass you. What are you talking about?”
She flung her hands out in despair. “We’re not a good match. Not in any way. You’ve made that clear enough. You feel it, I feel it. I think even God feels that way about us. Putting us in the same house together for any amount of time will only lead to…to…arguments. Or worse.” A sinking feeling weighted the pit of her stomach.
Raking a hand through his dark hair, Jake turned away from her. She was right. He couldn’t dispute the truth. But, somehow, they had to get beyond it temporarily to help Mae. To keep a promise. He placed both hands on the metal railing that surrounded the veranda. “Joanna, I’m sorry. Sorry we went out alone together on your birthday, sorry about everything that happened.” He hesitated. “I shouldn’t have touched you.”
“I don’t want your apology,” she said quickly. What she wanted now, and a hundred times since that night, was to be in his arms again. And she was angry at herself for wanting this man who didn’t want her, not even when she’d foolishly been there for the taking. She watched Jake turn his head to glance at her. His wistful look tugged at the sweet ache in her heart.
“I can’t force you to come home with me, Jo. You’re twenty-two years old, old enough to make your own decisions.” He paused for a moment. “But it’s what Mae wants. It’s what she needs.”
“She shouldn’t expect such a thing of me. She doesn’t have any idea how awkward it would be.”
“You didn’t tell her that things…had changed between us?” Jake studied her restless movements as she inched a little farther from him.
“No, I didn’t,” she acknowledged. Joanna folded her arms together. “It didn’t seem right. She would have blamed you.”
“She should have blamed me,” he responded, his voice filled with regret. “I was thirty-two years old. You were barely twenty.”
Joanna shivered at the thought of that night’s misery. “When you left me at my door in tears, I felt like I was about eight.”
“I wish you had been,” he said with a sad smile, then averted his gaze to the darkening skies. “Then I could have been trusted to take you to dinner and return you home safely, with your heart in one piece.”
“I was safe with you, Jake,” she responded. Incredibly, agonizingly safe, Joanna remembered. “Only my pride was hurt.” She rubbed the chill away from her arms when their eyes met again. The tenderness in his gaze only deepened her sense of loneliness.
“I’m sorry, Jo,” he offered gently. Sorry most of all that he had unwittingly let this lovely young woman find a way into the heart he’d kept cold and silent all those years. His father’s sorrows had taught him well. How not to trust. Not to love. But with Joanna… Nothing made sense anymore.
Biting her lip, Joanna looked away. “It wasn’t something I couldn’t get over,” she lied as her pulse pounded with guilt. She wasn’t going to let him know how badly it had hurt, how badly it still hurt—even now. Maybe God would forgive her this little lie, this one indiscretion.
“There’s no need to be afraid that—”
“I’m not afraid,” Joanna stated. Indiscretion number two. She was afraid. Of them. Of all they would never be together.
Jake studied her thoughtfully before transferring his gaze to the setting sun in the distance. If she didn’t agree to go, then this would be the end of it. He couldn’t go through this again. Seeing her sad. Lovely. And so alone.
A silence fell between them momentarily that hung heavy like a cloud. When Jake spoke again, his words were gentle. “Come home with me, Jo.”
Joanna swallowed hard, feeling as if her heart had jumped into her throat. What should she do? What was the right choice? What would the Lord expect of her? Only one thing was certain. If she didn’t go with him, she might never see Aunt Mae again. Never.
“Are you sure about this, Jake? Absolutely sure it’s…the right thing…to do?” She was stalling, she knew. Waiting, wanting something more from him than she’d seen.
“Yes,” he responded with a confidence he didn’t feel. “It’s what Mae wants, and it’s what I want.” But the thin, straight line of his mouth offered no hint of the emotions storming inside him.
Joanna shivered, although the damp air was not cool enough to justify it. If she was going to make this journey, she’d need God’s guidance every step of the way. Otherwise, it would be a huge mistake. A journey she’d get lost in. One she’d regret. There’d be no relying on herself this time. She took a quiet breath as her mind raced with a crazy blend of hope and fear.
“All right,” she told him. She’d go. A risk taker wasn’t something Joanna had considered herself to be, but people could change. Especially in the face of great loss. Couldn’t they?
Jake nodded. A mixture of feelings surged through him, none of which he could voice. Everything from the satisfaction of winning an argument to the uneasiness of facing the truth of what he’d just lost. A chance to walk away from this woman who haunted his dreams. Was that what he’d wanted?
“Let’s go inside,” Jake said. They stepped off the veranda and walked back through the double doors of the hospital. “I’ll be leaving with Mae at seven.”
“But, Jake, I can’t be ready by then. There are things I need to do, people I need to call. I’ll have to notify the day care center where I work.” Excuses poured from Joanna.
“I understand,” Jake conceded. “I guess that would be a lot to ask. I’ll see about getting you a flight on another day.”
“All right,” she agreed. “I’ll get everything taken care of as quickly as I can.”
“I’ll ask my housekeeper to call you later with your flight information. That is, unless you don’t want to fly,” Jake began and then hesitated, searching Joanna’s face for the truth he expected. “I know that your parents died in a plane crash. If you’d rather not fly, I’ll make other arrangements.”
“No,” Joanna replied. “I don’t mind. I flew several times with my adoptive parents when I was a child.”
“You’re sure?” he asked.
She nodded her head.
“Okay, then, I’ll make the necessary arrangements to move Mae tonight.”
“And you’ll go with her? I mean, be right there, with her? The whole time?”
“Yes. She’ll be comfortable,” Jake explained. “Don’t worry, Jo. I’ll be right beside her bed the entire trip. You’ll see her again soon.”
“You’ll take good care of her?”
“I will,” he promised as they continued walking down the corridor. “Trust me.”
Joanna turned her head to glance into eyes she used to trust. Did she have reason to trust them no longer?
They were nearing Mae’s hospital room when Dr. Eden appeared in the hallway again, needing Dr. Barnes’s opinion on some matter. Something crucial, Joanna thought unkindly, like whether he would be staying to have dinner with her tonight, maybe? If Dr. Eden didn’t want to marry Jake Barnes when she had the opportunity, why was she now so obviously delighted to see him? A change of heart, probably, just as Joanna had always expected. The only surprise was that it had been so long in coming.
Joanna slipped into the silent hospital room to say good-night to her aunt before heading home. There was so much to do in preparation for leaving, she barely knew where to begin. But she had to start somewhere, so upon her arrival at the small house she shared with Mae, Joanna hauled her suitcases out of a bedroom closet. What a place to start, she thought as she sat down on the edge of her bed.
“Lord, what am I doing?” She sat staring at the suitcases Jake had given her when she’d been practically a stranger to him. Was she really going to fill them with clothes and get on that plane? To meet Jake in some strange city in a state she’d never seen? To move into his house? Had she lost all rational thinking?
“Probably,” she whispered. Reason seemed to have disappeared somewhere behind the shadows of her heart.
Chapter Two
“J oanna? Joanna Meccord, is that you?”
Joanna turned from the baggage claim area toward the direction of the voice and found the question coming from a plump, silver-haired lady.
“I’m Joanna Meccord,” she confirmed.
“I thought so. Dr. Barnes gave a very good description.”
Joanna smiled. Jake describing her to someone. Now, there was something she’d have been interested in hearing. “So, you must be Jake’s housekeeper?” she asked.
“Yes, I’m Ina Marsh. Second generation housekeeper as a matter of fact. I worked for Dr. Barnes, Sr., for several years until he passed away. And now I work for Jake. He’d planned to meet you here himself, but an emergency came up at the hospital and he couldn’t get away. So I offered to pick you up,” the woman with the friendly smile and kind hazel eyes explained. She reached to take one of Joanna’s suitcases.
“No, you don’t. I’ll carry these, Ina, you just lead the way out of this airport.”
“Right over there, dear,” Ina said, and they started through the lobby. After a few long minutes, they found their way to a sea of cars in the parking lot. Ina stopped behind a small blue sedan.
“How is Aunt Mae?” Joanna asked. “Is someone with her?”
“Oh, my, yes. Someone is always with her. Dr. Barnes wouldn’t allow it to be any other way. There’s a nurse there right now. Occasionally, it’s just me, but usually there’s an RN or LPN on duty. Didn’t you bring more than this, dear?” Ina asked as Joanna lifted the two suitcases into the trunk.
“No, this is it. Is Aunt Mae feeling any better?”
“Yes, I think she is. She was talking this morning. She said she’s glad to be home. She was born and raised around here, she told me. Looking out her bedroom window and seeing acres of farmland does her good—even though there isn’t any corn growing in late February! ‘The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places….’ That’s a verse she asked me to write down inside the cover of her Bible. I guess rural Indiana must be her idea of ‘pleasant places.’”
Joanna got into the car just as Ina was sliding into the driver’s seat. “I’ve always liked that verse.”
“It seems to be one of her favorites,” Ina commented. “Dr. Barnes told me you’re a religious person, too. I assumed he meant you’re a Christian.”
“Yes,” Joanna answered. “Although some days I don’t feel like much of one. Between Aunt Mae’s illness and everything else I’ve been trying to keep up with, I haven’t been to church regularly in weeks.”
“Well, don’t be too hard on yourself. God understands what you’re going through. And everyone makes mistakes.”
Was that what she was doing now? Making a huge mistake? Joanna’s teeth sank gently into her lower lip. Living with Jake could be the biggest error she’d ever made. Yet, here she was with a conscience that had a guilty edge to it. She knew she wasn’t doing this just for Mae. It was for herself, too. Her feelings for Jake needed to be resolved. Completely. Because, despite her prayers to the contrary, Jake did not seem to be the man the Lord had in mind for her. Now, if she could just convince her heart of that fact.
“I’ve been instructed that our first stop is the nearest shopping mall to buy a winter coat and whatever other clothes you need. Today is an exceptionally mild day for February, but let me warn you—it gets cold around here!” Ina explained.
Joanna knew exactly how much money she had brought with her, and it wasn’t enough to allow for the purchase of any new clothing. “Ina, I don’t think that—”
“Now, listen, Dr. Barnes told me you wouldn’t want to accept this, but my instructions were to talk you into it. So, please make it easy on me, okay, dear? He wants you to buy a coat, hat, boots, whatever else you need. He gave me these credit cards.”
Joanna immediately protested. “Ina, I can’t accept—”
“My job is to give them to you. Now, if you don’t want to keep them, you’ll have to argue with the doctor about that.”
And argue, she knew she would.
They were soon leaving the city behind, traveling down narrow country roads with their necessary purchases completed. Joanna spent the time wondering about things to come. Hopefully, Aunt Mae would recuperate enough to return to South Carolina soon. If not, then what? Joanna liked plans, lists—knowing what came next—and she certainly wasn’t in that position now.
Before long they made one last turn and pulled into the winding, tree-lined driveway in full view of the farmhouse.
The large white house was nestled among several wooded acres of gently rolling farmland. A two-story barn, garage and a couple of other small buildings were set off to the rear and the west side of the home, and a white board fence neatly edged the property line.
“I had no idea it would be so lovely,” Joanna said.
“It is, isn’t it,” Ina replied. She pulled the car up close to the garage, and both of them got out of the vehicle.
Joanna looked toward the woods, now stark and barren from the harshness of winter.
“Just wait until you see it in the summer, Joanna. The trees will be beautiful then.”
“I can almost imagine it,” she said, hugging her new coat to her in the hush of the late-winter afternoon. “But I won’t be here this summer,” she added before pulling her suitcases from the trunk of the car and walking with Ina toward the front porch.
“You never know what the good Lord might have in mind for you, my dear. We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”
Joanna was ready to respond that, whatever the Lord had in mind for her, it certainly wouldn’t include a future with a man who loved neither her nor God, when Ina began describing the house.
“Upstairs there are four bedrooms and four bathrooms.”
“Four baths? Are you kidding?”
“Not at all,” Ina assured her. “I heard Jake’s mother entertained a lot years ago. She wanted each bedroom to have a private bath. And, this, as you can see, is the main entrance.” They stepped inside the home. “The living room is to your right.”
They walked into the large room with warm, inviting tones of gold, rust and shades of brown throughout.
Ina continued, “That door to the left at the foot of the staircase is Dr. Barnes’s study. Lately, he’s been spending too many of his evenings in there, if you ask me.”
Joanna smiled. The fact that she hadn’t asked Ina’s opinion obviously didn’t stop the woman from giving it. “Jake probably wants to be alone,” Joanna replied. She wondered if he regretted this mission of mercy he’d set into motion to help Aunt Mae. It was costing him much more than money.
