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Judy grinned. “Put that way, I have to agree with you. But this isn’t about the money. You know that. It’s about taking a chance, putting yourself out there and possibly being rejected. No one wants to go through that.”
“My point exactly. So give me one good reason why I should do it?”
“I’ll do better than that,” she replied soberly. “I’ll give you three.” Holding up her hand, she counted them off on her fingers. “A husband. Children. Happily ever after. You’ll never have any of those things if you’re not willing to take a chance on love.”
Just that easily, she brought the sting of tears to Abby’s eyes. She did want all those things—she always had. She just didn’t know how to get them.
Sinking back into her chair, she was horrified to feel the tears spill over her lashes. “I’m sorry to be such a baby. This is just so hard.”
An understanding smile curled the corners of Judy’s mouth. Reaching for the box of tissues on the corner of her desk, she held it out to her. “I’ve been where you are. I felt the same way, then I joined the Right One, and my life changed almost overnight.”
Wiping her eyes, Abby arched a brow in surprise. “It was that easy?”
“No,” she admitted honestly. “It took time and effort, but it was worth it. If you sign up with us, you’ll get a printout on all the men we match you up with. I’ll warn you up front that they all look good on paper. Unfortunately, even jerks and chauvinists and bores join dating services. But so do some really great men. It’s your job to figure out which is which and find Mr. Right.”
“Do you do any type of screening or background checks? I’d just as soon avoid the jerks and chauvinists, but it’s the perverts and druggies and con men I’m worried about.”
Judy didn’t, thankfully, discount her concerns. “You have a right to be worried about that. Unlike some other dating services, we do a criminal background check on our prospective clients. Our dating counselors are very astute. If we have any doubts about a prospective client, even if we don’t find anything on them, we don’t sign them up. And everyone has to fill out a psychological profile. That tells us a lot about a person. If we’re not comfortable with their answers, we suggest they go to another dating service.
“It’s not a foolproof method,” she acknowledged, “but we haven’t had any complaints so far, and we’ve been in business ten years. So what do you say?” she challenged. “Are you game? I promise you you’ll meet some wonderful men.”
In the past, Abby would have thanked her for the information, then gone home and thought about it. In the end, though, she wouldn’t have done anything…because she was afraid to take a chance. God, she hated being so timid! She’d been playing it safe all her life, and what had it gotten her? Guys like Dennis! She was tired of hiding in the shadows and settling for obnoxious men because she thought she wasn’t good enough to attract someone better. She was a good person and she was going to do this for herself. If it turned out to be a mistake, then she’d do like the rest of the world and live with the consequences of her actions. At least she’d be taking charge of her life and really living instead of just existing!
Straightening her shoulders, she said, “I’m game. What do we do first?”
“The psychological test,” Judy replied with a pleased smile. “It takes about two hours— the first two hours of the rest of your life. Let’s get started.”
Already wondering if she’d lost her mind, Abby didn’t even consider backing out. Reaching for the questionnaire the other woman held out to her, she quickly began to fill it out.
Logan St. John looked at his brother and sister as if they had lost their minds. “You did what?!”
“Now, don’t get mad,” his sister, Patty, said hurriedly. “We just wanted to help you.”
His blue eyes dark with concern, his younger brother, Carter, agreed. “We’re worried about you. Ever since Faith died, you’ve become a recluse. You go to work, then come home and just stare at her picture. I know you loved her, but dammit, Logan, it’s been a year! You have to go on with your life.”
“I’m not going to a dating service,” he said flatly. “So you can just call whoever talked you into this and tell them you want your money back.”
His sister and brother exchanged a look. “We can’t,” Patty finally admitted. “They don’t give refunds.”
“This didn’t come cheap,” Carter added.
When he named an outrageous sum, Logan swore roundly. “You’ve lost your minds! Did either one of you ever stop to think that if I wanted to date, I would?”
“We were just trying to help,” Patty replied. “Okay, so we should have asked you. But we knew you would say no.”
“Because I don’t want to date!”
“No one does when they’re still mourning the death of a relationship,” Carter retorted. “We know you loved Faith. You two were perfect for each other. But she’s gone, Logan, and you’re miserable.”
“I’m coping.”
“No, you’re not,” he argued. “Look at yourself. You haven’t had a haircut in months, you need a shave, you don’t laugh anymore.”
“My wife died in a car wreck,” he growled. “I fell in love with her when I was in ninth grade and never looked at another woman. She was all I ever wanted. Do you really think I care what I look like?”
“That’s just it,” Patty stated quietly. “You don’t care about anything. You’ve cut yourself off from your friends and family, you bite people’s heads off. I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile, let alone laugh. And that makes me sad. You’re not the brother I grew up with. You’re not the man who loved Faith.”
“Faith wouldn’t be happy with you if she could see you,” Carter added. “In fact, she’d probably tell you off.”
Logan started to argue, only to shut his mouth with a snap. They were right. Faith had loved life, loved to laugh, loved to make him laugh. The last thing she would want was for him to hole up in the house, mourning her.
But he still loved her! He always would. How could he even think about going out with another woman when the only one he wanted to be with was Faith?
“You can’t expect me to act as if she never existed,” he said hoarsely. “I didn’t stop loving her just because she died.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Patty said, horrified that he thought they were asking such a thing of him. “You loved her since you were a freshman in high school. She will always own a piece of your heart. But you have to go on with your life, Logan. You have to get out, meet people. We thought this might be the best way.”
He should say no. A dating service? What were they thinking? Did they even realize what they were asking of him? He was thirty-five years old, and he’d only kissed one woman in his life, only made love to one woman. Faith. The love of his life. How could he even consider taking out another woman? He’d feel as if he were committing adultery.
But Carter and Patty had paid a ridiculous amount of money to the dating service to pull him out of his grief. How could he throw that back in their faces?
“I should shoot you both,” he growled. “You should have never spent so much money without discussing it with me first. Now I’m stuck with this.”
“So you’ll go?” Carter asked in surprise.
“What choice do I have?” he retorted. “I’m not going to let you guys waste that kind of money. But it’s not going to do any good, you know,” he added grimly. “I’ll never love anyone but Faith.”
Relieved, Patty stepped close to give him a fierce hug. “All we ask is that you give it a chance. Who knows? You might meet someone who’ll make life worth living again.”
Logan sincerely doubted that, but she was so pleased, he hated to burst her bubble. “What do I have to do?”
“Go to the dating service office and take a psychological test,” Carter said, handing him the prepaid contract. “A counselor’s already been assigned to you—she’s just waiting for your call.”
Rolling his eyes, Logan held the contract out in front of him as if it were going to bite him. “Just what I need—a psychological test. Maybe I’ll flunk it.”
Carter laughed. “Fat chance. You’re saner than anyone I know.”
Logan wasn’t so sure of that. If he’d had an ounce of sanity, he would never agree to go to a dating service!
Still, he kept his word and headed for the place. When he arrived twenty minutes later, however, he couldn’t bring himself to go in. This was crazy! Why hadn’t he thought to offer Patty and Carter their money back? It would cost him a tidy sum, but it would be worth it if it meant he didn’t have to pretend to be looking for a date.
“It’s safe to go inside,” a quiet feminine voice said. “They’re really quite nice.”
Looking up, Logan blinked at the sight of the woman holding the door for him. Slim and petite, with curly, dark auburn hair arranged in a thick braid down her back, she had a shy smile and understanding brown eyes that, for some reason, reminded him of Faith.
Taken aback by the thought, he frowned. What the devil was wrong with him? She looked nothing like his wife! His subconscious was just playing tricks on him and making him feel guilty for even thinking about dating another woman.
“Nothing personal,” he said dryly, “but I can think of a thousand other places I’d rather be.”
“Oh, I agree,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “Like the dentist.”
“Actually, I was thinking the opera, but the dentist will do.” Wishing he could stand there and chat just to keep from having to go inside, he forced a smile that held little humor. “I guess there’s no point in putting it off.”
“It’s better to get it over with,” she agreed. “Good luck.”
“My luck ran out a year ago,” he said flatly, “but thanks, anyway.”
With that cryptic comment, he turned and walked into the dating service. He’d hardly given his name to the receptionist when he was shown into the office of Nancy Hartfield, the counselor who’d been assigned to help him find Miss Right.
“So you’re Logan,” she said with a friendly smile, rising from her desk to shake hands with him. “It’s a pleasure meeting you. Your sister was afraid you wouldn’t come anywhere near the place when you found out what she and your brother had done.”
“I almost didn’t,” he retorted. “I’m not looking for a date, let alone a wife.”
“Well, that’s blunt enough,” she said wryly. “Obviously, Patty was right to be worried.”
“There’s a reason she and Carter didn’t tell me what they were up to until it was too late,” he said dryly. “They knew I’d never go for it.”
“But you’re here,” she pointed out. “Obviously you intend to participate.”
“Under protest. As much as I’d like to walk away, I can’t. This cost my brother and sister too much money.”
“I’m sure they appreciate that. And who knows? You may find a way to make the best of the situation. Just because you’re not looking for a date doesn’t mean you won’t make friends with some of the women we set you up with.”
Placing the psychological test in front of him, she explained how his answers would be fed into a computer, then matched with women whose test results were compatible with his. “So it’s very important that you answer the questions as honestly as possible. Even though you’re not looking for a date, we don’t want this to be a complete waste of time for you. Shall we begin?”
Resigned, he had little choice but to agree. Over the course of the next two hours, he answered questions about his likes and dislikes, politics, religious beliefs, ethics, even his plans for retirement. By the time he finished, he felt as if the dating service knew him better than his own family did.
Nancy immediately entered the results into the company database, and the computer spat out names of five candidates who might become the woman of his dreams. As far as Logan was concerned, that position had already been filled and a replacement wasn’t possible, but he obliging took the list, folded it and put it in his pocket.
Watching him, the counselor smiled. “At this point, I normally tell clients they can request another list of possible dates whenever they like, if they feel they’re not compatible with any of the previous matches made by the computer. But you’re different. I have an idea you’re not going to even look at the list, let alone call any of the women on it.”
“No, I’ll make some calls,” Logan assured her. “I gave Carter and Patty my word. I never said anything about being enthusiastic about the process. This wasn’t my idea, remember?”
To her credit, Nancy didn’t try to convince him to give the service more of a chance. Smiling slightly, she said, “Well, I guess that’s it, then. Good Luck.”
Surprised, he lifted a brow at her. “What? No pictures? Don’t most dating services take a picture to show the prospective dates?”
“We’re old-fashioned,” she replied simply. “We prefer to match people according to personality, not looks. That’s why we’re more successful than the others.”
He didn’t care how successful they were, they were going to strike out with him, Logan thought as he walked out of the building with a sigh of relief. Thank God that was over! He hadn’t lied to Nancy Hartfield. He would call some of the women on the list…in his own good time. Maybe he’d get around to it next week, when he had nothing better to do.
But twenty minutes later, when he unlocked the front door to the home he and Faith had shared for fifteen years, silence hit him like a slap in the face, just as it had every day since his wife had died. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t so bad—he was getting used to it.
But the quiet made the house seem empty and cold, and loneliness tugged at his heart. Without thinking, he headed for the kitchen to grab a beer from the refrigerator. He’d just popped the lid on the can and started to lift it to his mouth when his gaze fell on the trash can next to the stove. It was nearly overflowing with empty beer cans.
Startled, he froze, scowling. Had he drunk that much beer over the last few days? He couldn’t have. Sure, he had a couple when he came home at night because he was lonely and he missed Faith so much, but there was nothing wrong with that. It wasn’t as if he was a drunk. He could control himself.
Oh, really? a voice in his head drawled. Then why didn’t you? What would Faith think if she could see you now?
The answer to that was a no-brainer. She’d be thoroughly disgusted with him.
Logan couldn’t say he’d have blamed her. He was pretty disgusted himself. This wasn’t who he was. At least, he never had been in the past. He wasn’t a teetotaler, but he’d never made it a practice to drink regularly, either. Or at least he hadn’t until Faith died.
God, he missed her! He missed the smell of her, the taste of her, the sound of her voice. Given the chance, he would have done just about anything to feel her in his arms again. But he wouldn’t become a drunk just because he didn’t want to go through life without her. Stepping to the kitchen sink, he poured out the beer he’d just opened, then collected the rest of the cans from the refrigerator and tossed them in the trash. Not giving himself time to think about what he was about to do, he pulled out the list of women Nancy Hartfield had given him, then reached for the phone.
“Hello?”
Logan flinched at the eager female voice that shrilled in his ears seconds after he finished punching in the first number on the list. Was the woman sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring? he wondered. “Hi,” he said gruffly. “This is Logan St. John. Is this Missy Trainer?”
“Yes! Did you get my name from the Right One Dating Service? I didn’t know if I should call or wait for someone to call me first. Have you called anyone else? This is just so exciting!”
In her too high voice, she rushed on to tell him how she’d never had a serious relationship, but this time she just knew she was going to meet Mr. Right. Logan hoped she did, though he knew it wasn’t going to be him. Not that she gave him a chance to tell her that. Wound up like a battery-operated bunny, she just kept talking and talking and didn’t give him a chance to get a word in edgewise.
“I’m sorry,” he cut in abruptly. “But there’s someone at the door. We’ll have to talk another time.”
“What? Oh…well, okay.”
He hung up before she could say another word, then almost threw the dating list in the trash. This was nuts! What was he doing? He loved Faith. He wasn’t going to forget her by talking to someone like Missy Trainer!
So call someone else.
He almost didn’t. But Patty and Carter knew he’d gone to the dating service today, and before the night was over, one of them would call to see if he’d set up any dates yet. Muttering a curse, Logan reached for the phone and punched in the second number on the list. He hoped they appreciated this, he thought. There weren’t many people he would do this for.
Praying that the second woman on the list wouldn’t be as bad as the first, he braced himself for God knows what as an answering machine clicked on and a mechanical voice said, “I can’t come to the phone at the moment. Leave a number at the beep.”
Disgusted, he sighed. Apparently, this wasn’t his night. “Hello,” he said, leaving a message. “This is Logan St. John. I’m looking for Abby Saunders. I got her number from the Right One Dating Service…”
Chapter 2
In the process of changing out of her work clothes into jeans and a T-shirt, Abby froze at the sound of the deep male voice rumbling from her answering machine. She’d left the dating service only two and a half hours ago and she was already getting a call? She wasn’t ready!
Her heart pounding wildly, she stared at the phone as if it were a snake about to strike. She shouldn’t have listened to Lily and Rachel and Natalie. They might think they could go after happiness and find the American dream, but Abby should have known she couldn’t pull this off. There were some women who were just destined to go through life alone, and she was obviously one of them.
Her stomach in knots, her insecurities choking her, she almost let the answering machine finish taking the call. But she couldn’t forget her high-school reunion, couldn’t forget the expressions of her classmates on the dance floor. They’d been so happy, so in love with their partners. Watching them, she’d never felt lonelier…or more envious.
So talk to Logan St. John. This could be your chance…your only chance to have what you want! All you have to do is pick up the phone.
Still she hesitated. Men wanted someone who was pretty and flirtatious, who’d hang on their every word as if they’d just hung the moon. How could she do that? She wasn’t pretty, and she was too insecure to flirt. Why hadn’t she realized that sooner and spared herself this misery?
“If you want to talk, I’ll be in the rest of the evening. Give me a call at…”
When he started to rattle off his home phone number, she panicked. He was going to hang up! Furious with herself for being such a coward, she reached for the phone and snatched it up. “Hello?”
Her tone was almost defiant. Taken aback, Logan wondered if he had the wrong number. “Is this Abby Saunders?”
“Yes, it is.”
So the dating service had picked a defiant one for him, Logan thought with a groan. That was just great. First an air-head and now a woman full of anger. He was batting a thousand. Wait until he told Carter and Patty. Talk about a waste of money!
