Australian Dreams

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Claire had barely gotten her boots on before it was all over, but she didn’t mind at all. She didn’t have the energy and patience for a battle of wills, which invariably occurred when it was the last thing one could cope with.

Horses always knew the best time – or worst, depending on how you wanted to look at it – to put up a fight. Often you only had to show you had all day and were prepared to win at all costs and their bravado would crumple like a haystack piled too high. Most people just didn’t take the time to understand what made them tick.

The girls were silent, enjoying their wine. Claire was too exhausted for chit-chat, Bernadette too deep in thought.

‘Claire?’ Bernadette asked after a few minutes.

‘Yeah,’ Claire said wearily.

‘What now?’

‘What do you mean, what now? Oh. I’ve outstayed my welcome, haven’t I?’

‘Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous – you’ve only been here twenty-four hours. No, I mean, what now for Paycheque?’

‘Tomorrow I’ll turn him out into the paddock and he’ll stay there until Dad’s well enough to deal with him.’

‘But that could be weeks, maybe months. Meanwhile you’ll have to check on him at least every second day. How are you going to do that from the city?’

‘So I have worn out my welcome.’

‘No, but you probably will have in a few weeks. Anyway, you’re a city chick now, remember? You hate being up here in the sticks for too long. Ringing a bell?’

‘Bloody hell, Bernie. You’re the one always saying, “feel it inside, listen to your unconscious, follow your heart, blah blah blah.” And what do I do? Take a step in that direction and instantly I’ve done the wrong thing…’

‘I’m not saying you’ve done the wrong thing at all. Paycheque needed saving – Jack needed him saved. But you know there’s a lot more to it than that. What the hell are you going to do with him?’

‘I don’t know. I need a few days to think things through.’

‘If only you’d done that the first time around,’ she muttered. Claire’s face fell. ‘Sorry, that wasn’t fair.’

‘No, it wasn’t. Bernie I feel guilty enough about getting rid of Dad’s horses so quickly without you rubbing it in, thank you very much. Anyway, this time it’s only Paycheque – it’s a totally different situation.’

‘So why were you in such a rush to get rid of them?’

‘Dad wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be burdened with looking after them.’

‘You could have done it, you’re his daughter. I think that’s a little different.’

‘How was I going to do it while working and living in the city?’

‘You could have used some of that leave you never took and moved into the farm for a while.’

‘Yeah, and what would I have done all day? I would have been bored out of my brain.’

‘I don’t know – maybe chilled out, enjoyed the fresh country air and contemplated life? You could have kept Jack’s horses fit. It would have been good for you. Instead you had to bulldoze your way into his life and take charge.’

‘I had to. Jack wouldn’t want to be a burden.’

‘So you keep saying – you’re starting to sound like a broken record. Anyway he was in a coma, he wouldn’t have known. It’s time you stopped with the bullshit and admitted the truth.’

‘What do you mean?’ Claire sat up.

‘Claire, just bloody admit it – the reason you were so quick to sell his horses was to force him into retirement, regardless of what happened with his health…’

‘That’s not…’

‘So why not just send them out for agistment?’

‘Because agistment costs a fortune and I needed the money to pay his bills.’

‘Get real, Claire. You know nothing about his finances – you haven’t shown an interest in years.’

‘Why are you being so horrible all of a sudden?’

‘I’m not. I’m your friend, Claire, and I love you. I’m just trying to get you to be honest with yourself so you can start dealing with all the pain you’re bottling up inside. It’s not healthy.’

‘I have dealt with it. I’ve got Paycheque back, haven’t I?’

‘So you’re going to track the others down and have them back in the paddock when Jack returns – pretend nothing’s changed?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous – I have no idea where the others are. Anyway, we don’t even know if he’ll be up to training again.’

‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’

‘Bernie, that’s a horrible thing to say. He’d be miserable without his horses.’

‘Why didn’t you think about that two months ago? Just admit it, Claire. You’ve tried to control him, just like you try to control everything else in your life.’

‘I did what I thought was best.’

‘Yes, but for you, Claire, not for Jack. Can’t you see that?’

Claire sighed deeply. Bernie was right, just like she always was. She had tried to control Jack, taken the first opportunity to try and change his life to better match her ideals. She sat in silent contemplation for a few minutes.

‘Maybe you’re right. Oh Bernie, what have I done? What am I going to do?’

‘Well, for a start you need to stop trying to control everything. Things tend to work themselves out okay if you let them.’

‘You really do believe that, don’t you, no matter how bad things get?’

‘Yes, I do – and one day you will, too. You just need to learn to trust your intuition.’

‘Which is what you can help with, right?’ Claire smiled, despite being hurt and annoyed.

‘Exactly! Have I ever let you down before?’

‘No.’ Claire grinned. She could never stay annoyed at Bernadette for long – her friend’s wisdom always managed to penetrate her darkest, most negative moods.

‘But first we need food – I’ll heat up the leftovers. And get another bottle of wine. No reasonable plan was ever laid without copious amounts of wine. Don’t you move,’ Bernadette ordered.