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The first time Keith had accompanied her he’d been blown away by the opulence, finally admitting through a mouthful of lobster that he could see why she spent a whole year waiting for this day.
Rather than being insecure, he’d enjoyed being her handbag for the day – especially being free to ogle all the beautiful tanned, touched-up and terrific women strutting about like the fillies out on the track. Later that night, when they were tucked up in their hotel’s five-star sheets, Claire had teased him that it was lucky he wasn’t expected to make intelligent conversation and represent a business.
Claire smiled sadly at the memory – this would be her first Cup without him in eight years. This time, when the horses thundered past the mirrored finish line and the nation finally let its breath go, the tears that escaped her eyes would be different. Nothing was the same any more. That was what she was having so much trouble with – the little things. She even missed his habit of leaving his shoes in the lounge room, having kicked them off while settling into the couch.
But Keith would want her to go, wouldn’t he?
She felt guilty even thinking about leaving Jack – even if he was recovering at home by then. But what if he was still in hospital? How could she get all dressed up, sip free champagne, be merry? What would he want her to do? That was an easy one. Jack McIntyre was one of the most humble, gracious men on the planet. Not only would he urge her to go, he’d drive her to the airport himself if he could, and offer tips the whole way.
Claire was still lost in her thoughts when Derek Anderson – her boss – appeared beside her.
‘Morning Claire. I like the new haircut – it suits you.’
‘Hi Derek. Thanks,’ she said, blushing slightly and putting a hand to her head. She’d completely forgotten that no one had seen her new look. Now she felt self-conscious. He looked like he’d had a recent haircut as well, but she wasn’t about to say anything. His full head of thick, mid-brown hair, dusted with grey, was shorter on the sides and standing up a little more on top than usual.
‘Good weekend?’
‘Yes, thank you, and you?’
‘Good, thanks. My young colt had his first run at Morphettville. Thought we might have to cull him there for a while, difficult sod. My trainer thinks he’s not worth the trouble, but something tells me he might do all right once we iron out the kinks. He’d better – he’s cost me an arm and a leg.’
‘Hmm.’ Claire was a little unsettled by the warmth in his blue-grey eyes.
‘Owning racehorses outright is an expensive hobby, but a man’s gotta have one, right? Maybe I should sell some shares, set up a syndicate to spread the load. What do you think?’
‘Sounds good, Derek.’ The last thing Claire wanted to hear about was racing, especially Derek’s success – he was, after all, a rival to Jack. ‘Was there something you wanted?’
‘How’s your dad doing?’
‘Same, but thanks for asking.’
Derek seemed uneasy perched on the corner of her desk. He hadn’t casually picked up any of her items and wasn’t swinging his leg like he usually did.
‘Was there something else, Derek? I have a heap of calls to make and a report due at twelve.’
‘Well, um, I…’ Derek fumbled with the thick knot of his red and gold striped tie.
‘Yes?’
‘I was thinking it might be a good time to take some of that leave you’re sitting on, since all those campaigns have been wrapped up. You know, spend a bit more time with Jack. Get your head around everything.’
‘Thanks, but I’m fine, Derek.’
‘Just thought a month or so would be good for you.’
Claire’s hackles rose. She eyed Derek coldly, wondering if it was her imagination, or if he really was having trouble looking her in the eye.
‘Are you implying my work is not up to scratch? If so, don’t be so gutless as to come in here suggesting time off…’
Derek held up his hands in surrender. ‘Your work’s fine, Claire, as always. I just don’t want you regretting your choices later. Family is important; don’t use work as an excuse not to face certain things.’
Claire was almost touched by his words, but couldn’t shake the feeling there was something else going on. He was definitely avoiding looking at her.
‘I appreciate your concern, Derek, but I’ve got everything under control.’
‘All right, I can’t force you to do anything. Just remember, Claire, no one is indispensable. If any one of us got hit by a bus, this place would maybe skip a beat, but the powers that be wouldn’t waste any time filling the role and getting things back on track.’
‘Jeez, thanks, Derek. Nice to know how valued we are. Now if there is nothing else…’
‘Well, there was just one other thing – sort of more of a personal nature.’
Claire’s breath caught.
‘That colt, the one Jack registered as Paycheque…’
‘Yes?’ Her ears pricked up. She straightened in her chair.
‘Well, I’m not sure how to tell you this…’
‘Don’t tell me you’ve got him,’ Claire groaned.
‘No. Personally I don’t think much of him – too small. But that doesn’t excuse what I saw.’
‘What? What did you see?’
‘I probably shouldn’t say anything.’
‘So why are you?’
‘I honestly don’t know – it’s really none of my business.’
‘Derek, just tell me. I don’t have time for games.’
‘Al Jacobs had him at the…’
‘What? Bill Parsons took him. Dad hates how Al treats his horses. Was he all right? Not that there’s anything I can do.’
‘Skinny, scared shitless.’
‘He wasn’t racing, was he?’
‘Afraid so. Well, they tried.’
‘But he’s not ready – Dad said he needed another six months at least.’ Claire didn’t want to ask the obvious, but had gone too far not to. ‘So I guess he didn’t do so well?’
‘No, wouldn’t have a bar of the barriers, poor little thing.’
‘Oh God. After all the work Dad put in.’
‘I know, sorry to have to tell you.’ Derek shrugged. ‘Just thought you should know. I must be going soft.’
‘Anything else I should know?’
‘Al did mention getting rid of him, but I’m sure it was just his temper talking. You know how hot under the collar he gets.’
‘Well, it’s a pity, but there’s nothing I can do about it.’
‘You could take that time off – get him back. I’ve heard you could have been a half-decent trainer if you’d stuck to it.’
‘Jeez Derek, you are going soft. But seriously, I don’t think Dad would want me interfering.’ Claire’s desk phone started ringing.
‘Well if you change your mind,’ Derek said, and left with a wave of his hand.
Claire stared after him for a second before picking up the phone.
Thoughts of Paycheque niggled at Claire all day. She saw his face in her mind every time she picked up the phone, every time she put it down, while she checked her emails, dealt with her in-tray, and added or scrubbed something from her to do list.
She’d sold all four of Jack’s horses. So why was only Paycheque plaguing her? Storm had much more going for him than Paycheque did – he was the right size for a start. God, she really shouldn’t have sold them. How would Jack react? He’d be angry, sad and disappointed. Of course he would. She’d known that and gone ahead anyway. Why? Because I didn’t have a choice, she told herself forcefully and got up to make a cup of tea. It was three o’clock and she was sick of the distraction.
But Paycheque was there again while she filled the kettle, turned it on, and put a tea bag in her mug. The small bay colt with the unusual enquiring tilt to his head, large expressive eyes, and level-headed willingness beyond his age. She thought about what Derek had said. Horses refusing to go into barriers was just part of racing. If they cracked under the pressure, their career was over. Just like any other elite athlete. Only the best horses were worth investing in. And the others… She hated to think about it. But it really was a part of life.
Paycheque was still on her mind when she got back to her desk. Jack had said over and over that he wasn’t ready to race. He shouldn’t even have been there, shouldn’t have been given the chance to fail. But Jack had also said he’d showed the most promise of any of his horses over the years. They were just words, weren’t they? Jack had always thought big – bigger than he should, if Claire was being honest. But now that she thought about it, Claire didn’t remember him being so vehement about a horse’s potential, or so attached to one. Paycheque hadn’t been just one of many, he’d held a really special place in Jack’s heart. Shit, what had she done? She rubbed a hand across her face.
Maybe it was part of some sick plan of Derek’s, some sort of reverse psychology. It could be anything with Derek, you just never knew. Or maybe it was even worse than he’d let on – he hadn’t wanted to completely lose his tough guy, racehorses-are-just-a-means-for-making-money attitude and was really concerned. If that was true, after what he’d seen in his time at the track and behind the scenes, it meant things were looking really bad for the little horse. But there was nothing she could do now, was there?
No, she’d kept things together through losing Keith and Jack’s illness; now was definitely not the time to go all soft. She had to keep focussed. It was certainly not the time to go gallivanting off on some ridiculous crusade to rescue a racehorse who, for all she knew, had spat the dummy, turned dangerous and was no longer any good. Hell, he’d probably be a dud anyway – Jack had had enough of them over the years. She really had to put Paycheque out of her mind.
Chapter Three
Four days later, Bernadette and Claire were curled up on Bernadette’s three-seater lounge with glasses of wine and an uncorked bottle on the coffee table in front of them.
‘So,’ Bernie said. ‘Anything in particular you want to do this weekend?’
‘Well I do have a bit of work I need to get done.’
‘All work and no play – you know what they say.’
‘You’ll be at the shop all morning tomorrow.’
‘Ah yes, but that’s hardly work – I love it.’
‘Well I could say the same, I…’
‘Really?’ Bernadette demanded, staring hard at her.
‘Actually, no.’ Claire sighed wearily. ‘But it’s something I need to get done.’
‘I rest my case.’ Bernadette downed the rest of her wine and reached for the bottle.
‘So that’s tomorrow morning covered. What about afterwards?’
‘Well…’ Claire fidgeted with the stem of her glass.
‘Yes?’
‘I think it’s time I faced going out to the farm.’
‘If you’re sure you’re ready.’
‘I don’t even understand what I’m so afraid of.’
‘That’s the thing about fear – it isn’t always rational. So what’s the latest with Jack?’
‘No change. Stubborn old bugger.’ Claire smiled weakly.
‘Well I think he’ll be happy you’re going out to the farm.’
‘Bernadette?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Do you think people in a coma can hear what’s going on around them?’
‘Yes, I do. Why?’
‘I’d hate him feeling he’s a burden.’
‘Well I don’t think he’d want you beating yourself up on his account.’
‘I just feel so helpless. There’s nothing I can do to help him.’
‘Except get on with life – make the best of things.’
‘I am getting on with life.’
‘You think so, huh?’
‘What? I’ve got a good job, roof over my head – I’m not exactly a burden on society.’
‘But Claire, are you happy all alone in that big house?’
‘Uh-oh, I can feel a lecture coming on. Or worse – a blind date.’
‘Damn, why didn’t I think of that? Seriously though, Claire, you do need to get out more. What about that guy Derek – from the office?’
‘Derek? Bernie, he’s my boss!’
‘I thought he was nice at that party you invited me to.’
