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Sabine took a deep breath, amazing him with her ability to appear so calm. “You have every right to be angry. But yelling won’t change anything. And I won’t have you raising your voice around my son.”
“Our son,” Gavin corrected.
“No,” she said with a sharp point of her finger. “He’s my son. According to his birth certificate, he’s an immaculate conception. Right now, you have no legal claim to him and no right to tell me how to do anything where he’s concerned. You got that?”
That situation would be remedied and soon. “For now. But don’t think your selfish monopoly on our son will last for much longer.”
A crimson flush rushed to her cheeks, bringing color to her flawless, porcelain skin. She had gotten far too comfortable calling the shots. He could tell she didn’t like him making demands. Too bad for her. He had a vote now and it was long overdue.
She swallowed and brushed her purple-highlighted ponytail over her shoulder but didn’t back down. “It’s after seven-thirty on a Wednesday night, so you can safely bet that’s how it’s going to stay for the immediate future.”
Gavin laughed at her bold naïveté. “Do you honestly think my lawyers don’t answer the phone at 2:00 a.m. when I call? For what I pay them, they do what I want, when I want.” He slipped his hand into his suit coat and pulled his phone out of his inner breast pocket. “Shall we call Edmund and see if he’s available?”
Her eyes widened slightly at his challenge. “Go ahead, Gavin. Any lawyer worth his salt is going to insist on a DNA test. It takes no less than three days to get the results of a paternity test back from a lab. If you push me, I’ll see to it that you don’t set eyes on him until the results come back. If we test first thing in the morning, that would mean Monday by my estimation.”
Gavin’s hands curled into tight fists at his sides. She’d had years to prepare for this moment and she’d done her homework. He knew she was right. The labs probably wouldn’t process the results over the weekend, so it would be Monday at the earliest before he could get his lawyer involved and start making parental demands. But once he could lay claim to his son, she had better watch out.
“I want to see my son,” he said. This time his tone was less heated and demanding.
“Then calm down and take your thumb off your lawyer’s speed dial.”
Gavin slipped his cell phone back into his pocket. “Happy?”
Sabine didn’t seem happy, but she nodded anyway. “Now, before I let you in, we need to discuss some ground rules.”
He took a deep breath to choke back his rude retort. Few people had the audacity to tell him what to do, but if anyone would, it was Sabine. He would stick to her requirements for now, but before long, Gavin would be making the rules. “Yes?”
“Number one, you are not to yell when you are in my apartment or anywhere Jared might be. I don’t want you upsetting him.”
Jared. His son’s name was Jared. This outrageous scenario was getting more and more real. “What’s his middle name?” Gavin couldn’t stop himself from asking. He suddenly wanted to know everything he could about his son. There was no way to gain back the time he’d lost, but he would do everything in his power to catch up on what he missed.
“Thomas. Jared Thomas Hayes.”
Thomas was his middle name. Was that a coincidence? He couldn’t remember if Sabine knew it or not. “Why Thomas?”
“For my art teacher in high school, Mr. Thomas. He’s the only one that ever encouraged my painting. Since that was also your middle name, it seemed fitting. Number two,” she continued. “Do not tell him you’re his father. Not until it is legally confirmed and we are both comfortable with the timing. I don’t want him confused and worried about what’s going on.”
“Who does he think his father is?”
Sabine shook her head dismissively. “He’s not even two. He hasn’t started asking questions about things like that yet.”
“Fine,” he agreed, relieved that if nothing else, his son hadn’t noticed the absence of a father in his life. He knew how painful that could be. “Enough rules. I want to see Jared.” His son’s name felt alien on his tongue. He wanted a face to put with the name and know his son at last.
“Okay.” Sabine shifted her weight against the door, slowly slinking into the apartment.
Gavin moved forward, stepping over the threshold. He’d been to her apartment before, a long time ago. He remembered a fairly sparse but eclectic space with mismatched thrift store furniture. Her paintings had dotted the walls, her portfolio and bag of supplies usually sitting near the door.
When he barely missed stepping on a chubby blue crayon instead of a paintbrush, he knew things were truly different. Looking around, he noticed a lot had changed. The furniture was newer but still a mishmash of pieces. Interspersed with it were brightly colored plastic toys like a tiny basketball hoop and a tricycle with superheroes on it. A television in the corner loudly played a children’s show.
And when Sabine stepped aside, he saw the small, dark-haired boy sitting on the floor in front of it. The child didn’t turn to look at him. He was immersed in bobbing his head and singing along to the song playing on the show, a toy truck clutched in his hand.
Gavin swallowed hard and took another step into the apartment so Sabine could close the door behind him. He watched her walk over to the child and crouch down.
“Jared, we have a visitor. Let’s say hello.”
The little boy set down his truck and crawled to his feet. When he turned to look at Gavin, he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. The tiny boy looked exactly like he had as a child. It was as though a picture had been snatched from his baby album and brought to life. From his pink cheeks smeared with tomato sauce, to the wide, dark eyes that looked at him with curiosity, he was very much Gavin’s son.
The little boy smiled, revealing tiny baby teeth. “Hi.”
Gavin struggled to respond at first. His chest was tight with emotions he never expected in this moment. This morning, he woke up worried about his latest business acquisition and now he was meeting his child for the first time. “Hi, Jared,” he choked out.
“Jared, this is Mommy’s friend Gavin.”
Gavin took a hesitant step forward and knelt down to bring himself to the child’s level. “How are you doing, big guy?”
Jared responded with a flow of gibberish he couldn’t understand. Gavin hadn’t been around many small children, and he wasn’t equipped to translate. He could pick out a few words—school, train and something close to spaghetti. The rest was lost on him, but Jared didn’t seem to mind. Pausing in his tale, he picked up his favorite truck and held it out to Gavin. “My truck!” he declared.
He took the small toy from his son. “It’s very nice. Thank you.”
A soft knock sounded at the front door. Sabine frowned and stood up. “That’s the babysitter. I’ve got to go.”
Gavin swallowed his irritation. He’d had a whole two minutes with his son and she was trying to push him out the door. They hadn’t even gotten around to discussing her actions and what they were going to do about this situation. He watched her walk to the door and let in a middle-aged woman in a sweater with cats on it.
“Hey, Tina. Come on in. He’s had his dinner and he’s just watching television.”
“I’ll get him in the bath and in bed by eight-thirty.”
“Thanks, Tina. I should be home around the usual time.”
Gavin handed the truck back to Jared and reluctantly stood. He wasn’t going to hang around while the neighbor lady was here. He turned in time to see Sabine slip into a hoodie and tug a sling with a rolled-up exercise mat over her shoulder.
“Gavin, I’ve got to go. I’m teaching a class tonight.”
He nodded and gave a quick look back at Jared. He’d returned to watching his show, doing a little monkey dance along with the other children and totally unaware of what was really going on around him. Gavin wanted to reach out to him again, to say goodbye or hug him, but he refrained. There would be time for all that later. For the first time in his life, he had someone who would be legally bound to him for the next sixteen years and wouldn’t breeze in and out of his life like so many others. They would have more time together.
Right now, he needed to deal with the mother of his child.
Two
“I don’t need you to drive me to class.”
Gavin stood holding open the passenger door of his Aston Martin with a frown lining his face. Sabine knew she didn’t want to get in the car with him. Getting in would mean a private tongue-lashing she wasn’t ready for yet. She’d happily take the bus to avoid this.
“Just get in the car, Sabine. The longer we argue, the later you’ll be.”
Sabine watched the bus blow by the stop up the street and swore under her breath. She’d never make it to class in time unless she gave in and let him drive her there. Sighing in defeat, she climbed inside. Gavin closed the door and got in on his side. “Go up the block and turn right at the light,” she instructed. If she could focus on directions, perhaps they’d have less time to talk about what she’d done.
She already had a miserably guilty conscience. It wasn’t like she could look at Jared without thinking of Gavin. Lying to him was never something she intended to do, but the moment she found out she was pregnant, she was overcome with a fierce territorial and protective urge. She and Gavin were from different planets. He never really cared for her the way she did for him. The same would hold true for their son. Jared would be acquired just like any other asset of the Brooks Empire. He deserved better than that. Better than what Gavin had been given.
She did what she thought she had to do to protect her child, and she wouldn’t apologize for it. “At the second light, turn left.”
Gavin remained silent as they drove, unnerving her more with every minute that ticked by. She was keenly aware of the way his hands tightly gripped the leather steering wheel. The tension was evident in every muscle of his body, straining the threads of his designer suit. His smooth, square jaw was flexed as though it took everything he had to keep his emotions in check and his eyes on the road.
It was a practiced skill of Gavin’s. When they were together, he always kept his feelings tamped down. The night she told him they were over, there had barely been a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Not anger. Not sadness. Not even a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Just a solemnly resigned nod and she was dismissed from his life. He obviously never really cared for Sabine. But this might be the situation that caused him to finally blow.
When his car pulled to a stop outside the community center where she taught, he shifted into Neutral, pulled the parking brake and killed the engine. He glanced down at his Rolex. “You’re early.”
She was. She didn’t have to be inside for another fifteen minutes. He’d driven a great deal faster than the bus and hadn’t stopped every block to pick up people. It was pointless to get out of the car and stand in front of the building to wait for the previous class to end. That meant time in the car alone with Gavin. Just perfect.
After an extended silence, he spoke. “So, was I horrible to you? Did I treat you badly?” His low voice was quiet, his eyes focused not on her but on something through the windshield ahead of them.
Sabine silently groaned. Somehow she preferred the yelling to this. “Of course not.”
He turned to look at her then, pinning her with his dark eyes. “Did I say or do anything while we were together to make you think I would be a bad father?”
A bad father? No. Perhaps a distracted one. A distant one. An absent one. Or worse, a reluctant one. But not a bad father. “No. Gavin, I—”
“Then why, Sabine? Why would you keep something so important from me? Why would you keep me from being in Jared’s life? He’s young now, but eventually he’d notice he didn’t have a daddy like other kids. What if he thought I didn’t want him? Christ, Sabine. He may not have been planned, but he’s still my son.”
When he said it like that, every excuse in her mind sounded ridiculous. How could she explain that she didn’t want Jared to grow up spoiled, rich but unloved? That she wanted him with her, not at some expensive boarding school? That she didn’t want him to become a successful, miserable shell of a man like his father? All those excuses resulted from her primary fear that she couldn’t shake. “I was afraid I would lose him.”
Gavin’s jaw still flexed with pent-up emotions. “You thought I would take him from you?”
“Wouldn’t you?” Her gaze fixed on him, a challenge in her eyes. “Wouldn’t you have swooped in the minute he was born and claimed him as your own? I’m sure your fancy friends and family would be horrified that a person like me was raising the future Brooks Express Shipping heir. It wouldn’t be hard to deem me an unfit mother and have some judge from your father’s social club grant you full custody.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m sure you only would’ve done what you thought was best for your son, but how was I to know what that would entail? What would happen if you decided he would be better off with you and I was just a complication? I wouldn’t have enough money or connections to fight you. I couldn’t risk it.” Sabine felt the tears prickling her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of Gavin.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of you handing him off to nannies and tutors. Buying his affection with expensive gifts because you were too busy building the family company to spend time with him. Shipping him off to some boarding school as soon as he was old enough, under the guise of getting him the best education when you really just want him out of your hair. Jared wasn’t planned. He wasn’t the golden child of your socially acceptable marriage. You might want him on principle, but I couldn’t be certain you would love him.”
Gavin sat silent for a moment, listening to her tirade. The anger seemed to have run its course. Now he just looked emotionally spent, his dark eyes tired. He looked just like Jared after a long day without a nap.
Sabine wanted to brush the dark strands of hair from his weary eyes and press her palm against the rough stubble of his cheek. She knew exactly how it would feel. Exactly how his skin would smell...an intoxicating mixture of soap, leather and male. But she wouldn’t. Her attraction to Gavin was a hurdle she had to overcome to leave him the first time. The years hadn’t dulled her reaction to him. Now, it would be an even larger complication she didn’t need.
“I don’t understand why you would think that,” he said at last, his words quieter now.
“Because that’s what happened to you, Gavin.” She lowered her voice to a soft, conversational tone. “And it’s the only way you know how to raise a child. Nannies and boarding schools are normal to you. You told me yourself how your parents were always too busy for you and your siblings. How your house cycled through nannies like some people went through tissue paper. Do you remember telling me about how miserable and lonely you were when they sent you away to school? Why would I want that for Jared? Even if it came with all the money and luxury in the world? I wasn’t about to hand him over to you so he could live the same hollow life you had. I didn’t want him to be groomed to be the next CEO of Brooks Express Shipping.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Gavin challenged with a light of anger returning to the chocolate depths of his eyes. “There are worse things than growing up wealthy and becoming the head of a Fortune 500 company founded by your great-great-grandfather. Like growing up poor. Living in a small apartment with secondhand clothes.”
“His clothes aren’t secondhand!” she declared, her blood rushing furiously through her veins. “They’re not from Bloomingdale’s, but they aren’t rags, either. I know that to you we look like we live in squalor, but we don’t. It’s a small apartment, but it’s in a quiet neighborhood near the park where he can play. He has food and toys and most importantly, all the love, stability and attention I can possibly give him. He’s a happy, healthy child.”
Sabine didn’t want to get defensive, but she couldn’t help it. She recognized the tone from back when they were dating. The people in his social circles were always quick to note her shabby-chic fashion sense and lack of experience with an overabundance of flatware. They declared it charming, but Sabine could see the mockery in their eyes. They never thought she was good enough for one of the Brooks men. She wasn’t about to let Gavin tell her that the way she raised her child wasn’t good enough, either.
“I have no doubt that you’re doing a great job with Jared. But why would you make it so hard on yourself? You could have a nice place in Manhattan. You could send him to one of the best private preschools in the city. I could get you a nice car and someone to help you cook and clean and take care of all the little things. I would’ve made sure you both had everything you needed—and without taking him from you. There was no reason to sacrifice those comforts.”
“I didn’t sacrifice anything,” Sabine insisted. She knew those creature comforts came with strings. She’d rather do without. “I never had those things to begin with.”
“No sacrifices?” Gavin shifted in the car to face her directly. “What about your painting? I’ve kept an eye out over the years and haven’t noticed any showings of your work. I didn’t see any supplies or canvases lying around the apartment, either. I assume your studio space gave way to Jared’s things, so where did all that go?”
Sabine swallowed hard. He had her there. She’d moved to New York to follow her dream of becoming a painter. She had lived and breathed her art every moment of the day she could. Her work had even met with some moderate success. She’d had a gallery showing and sold a few pieces, but it wasn’t enough to live on. And it certainly wasn’t enough to raise a child on. So her priorities shifted. Children took time. And energy. And money. At the end of the day, the painting had fallen to the bottom of her list. Some days she missed the creative release of her work, but she didn’t regret setting it aside.
“It’s in the closet,” she admitted with a frown.
“And when was the last time you painted?”
“Saturday,” she replied a touch too quickly.
Gavin narrowed his gaze at her.
“Okay, it was finger paints,” Sabine confessed. She turned away from Gavin’s heavy stare and focused on the yoga mat in her lap. He saw more than she wanted him to. He always had. “But,” she continued, “Jared and I had a great time doing it, even if it wasn’t gallery-quality work. He’s the most important thing in the world to me, now. More important than painting.”
“You shouldn’t have to give up one thing you love for another.”
“Life is about compromises, Gavin. Certainly you know what it’s like to set aside what you love to do for what you’re obligated to do.”
He stiffened in the seat beside her. It seemed they were both guilty of putting their dreams on the back burner, although for very different reasons. Sabine had a child to raise. Gavin had family expectations to uphold and a shipping empire to run. The tight collar of his obligations had chafed back when they were dating. It had certainly rubbed him bloody and raw by now.
When he didn’t respond, Sabine looked up. He was looking out the window, his thoughts as distant as his eyes.
It was surreal to be in the same car with Gavin after all this time. She could feel his gravitational pull on her when they were this close. Walking away from him the first time had been hard. They dated for about a month and a half, but every moment they spent together had been fiercely passionate. Not just sexual, either. They enjoyed everything to the fullest, from spicy ethnic foods to political debates, museum strolls to making love under the stars. They could talk for hours.
Their connection was almost enough to make her forget they wanted different things from life. And as much as he seemed enticed by the exoticness of their differences, she knew it wouldn’t last long. The novelty would wear off and they would either break up, or he would expect her to change for him. That was one thing she simply wouldn’t do. She wouldn’t conform for her parents and the small-minded Nebraska town she grew up in, and she wouldn’t do it for him. She came to New York so she could be herself, not to lose her identity and become one of the Brooks Wives. They were like Stepfords with penthouse apartments.
She had briefly met some of Gavin’s family, and it had scared the hell out of her. They hadn’t been dating very long when they ran into his parents at a restaurant. It was an awkward encounter that came too early in the relationship, but the impact on Sabine had been huge. His mother was a flawless, polished accessory of his father’s arm. Sabine was fairly certain that even if she wanted to be, she would be neither flawless nor polished. She didn’t want to fade into the background of her own life.
It didn’t matter how much she loved Gavin. And she did. But she loved herself more. And she loved Jared more.
But breathing the same air as Gavin again made her resolve weaken. She had neglected her physical needs for too long and made herself vulnerable. “So what do we do now?” Sabine asked at last.
As if he’d read her thoughts, Gavin reached over to her and took her hand in his. The warmth of him enveloped her, a tingle of awareness prickling at the nape of her neck. It traveled like a gentle waterfall down her back, lighting every nerve. Her whole body seemed to be awakening from a long sleep like a princess in a fairy tale. And all it had taken was his touch. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if the dashing prince actually kissed her.
Kissed her? Was she insane? He was no dashing prince, and she had run from this relationship for a good reason. He may have tracked her down and she might be obligated to allow him to have a place in Jared’s life, but that didn’t mean they had to pick up where they left off. Quite the contrary. She needed to keep her distance from Gavin if she knew what was good for her. He’d let her go once, proving just how much she didn’t matter to him. Anything he said or did now to the contrary was because of Jared. Not her.
His thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. Her body remembered that touch and everything it could lead to. Everything she’d denied herself since she became a mother...
He looked up at her, an expression of grave seriousness on his face. “We get married.”
* * *
Gavin had never proposed to a woman before. Well, it wasn’t really even a proposal since he hadn’t technically asked. And even though it wasn’t candlelight and diamonds, he certainly never imagined a response like this.
Sabine laughed at him. Loudly. Heartily. For an unnecessarily long period of time. She obviously had no idea how hard it had been for him to do this. How many doubts he had to set aside to ask anyone to be a permanent part of his life, much less someone with a track record of walking away from him.
He’d thought they were having a moment. Her glossy lips had parted softly and her pale eyes darkened when he’d touched her. It should’ve been the right time, the perfect moment. But he’d miscalculated. Her response to his proposal had proved as much.
“I’m serious!” he shouted over her peals of laughter, but it only made her giggle harder. Gavin sat back in his seat and waited for her to stop. It took a few minutes longer than his pride would’ve liked. Eventually, she quieted and wiped her damp eyes with her fingertips.
