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He set his jaw to clamp down the emotions roiling through him. “I’m all Caden’s got.”
“You’ve got your family to support you.”
“Yes, but—” Panic reared and bucked in his chest like a wild stallion. “Luke and Tracy left me the Hollister ranch, as well. It’s been in the family for generations. It’s Caden’s legacy. But I’m not a rancher, Rachel. I hardly even know how to ride a horse, and I don’t know the first thing about running a cattle business. I can’t do this.”
Rachel was silent for a moment.
“Of course you can,” she said at last.
“No. I...I had plans. I wasn’t going to stick around Serendipity. I’ve already got college lined up, although obviously now there’s no way I’m going to go.”
His panic was rising steadily in his chest. “I can’t be Caden’s daddy. I don’t know how.”
She chuckled mildly. It wasn’t a happy sound, but her expression radiated empathy. “Not to quote clichés at you, but you know what they say about the best-laid plans. You’ll find a way—a way to take care of Caden and to get your education if you want.”
“But a baby.”
She nodded. “I understand. That’s why you’ve come to me seeking advice. I can empathize with you because I’ve been there myself. It’s mighty intimidating thinking about raising a child on your own. An unplanned pregnancy really threw my life into turmoil, and I was just a kid myself.”
Yes.
He’d come here thinking he needed to ask Rachel’s help in caring for Caden.
Of course, he needed to get Caden set up in day care so he could spend his days trying to figure out what he was going to do about the ranch. But now he realized it was more than that.
Because she really did know what he was going through, the outrageous cyclone of emotions that swirled through him, threatening to blow him away.
He looked her right in the eye. Her gaze was shiny, too, as he expected his own was.
“I am not responsible enough to raise a child,” he told her. “I’m only twenty-six myself.”
She reached out and touched his arm. The contact somehow grounded him.
Human-to-human.
“I was ten years younger than that when I had Zooey. And I really was all alone. You have your family—and me, if you need me, to help you get your bearings. God brought Caden into your life. He will see you through. It’ll take a while, but you’ll work this out. For Caden’s sake, you have to.”
He jerked his chin in a brief nod. He was glad she was straightforward with him instead of couching everything she said in softer language. He desperately needed to be told exactly what to do.
“How?” he asked gravely.
“By taking it one day at a time.”
“Sage advice.”
But not nearly enough.
“For starters,” she continued, “where is Caden sleeping tonight?”
“My place, I guess. I’m staying in one of my mom and dad’s cabins. I suppose I’ll have to move into the ranch house eventually, but right now, I just can’t be there. The memories are too fresh. They hurt too much.” He picked off his cowboy hat and threaded his fingers through his hair. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I can’t seem to think beyond minute to minute, much less one day at a time. How am I going to do this?”
“Stand up,” Rachel said, moving to his side. Her voice was strong and determined, as if she were giving him an order. “Now take the baby in your arms.”
Seth swallowed hard but did as Rachel bid, tucking a once-again-sleeping Caden against his shoulder. The boy was all toddler, with chubby cheeks and with thick arms and legs, and yet he was so light he seemed to curve right into Seth as he shifted his weight side to side in a rocking motion. The gentle rhythm of the child’s breath against his neck soothed Seth as much as the rocking did Caden.
“What are you feeling?” Rachel asked gently.
Seth closed his eyes and breathed in Caden’s little-boy scent.
How did he feel?
Nervous. Overwhelmed. Panicked. Devastated. And yet there was something more, something indefinable, hovering just below the surface.
He was responsible for this little human being. And even though it meant his entire life had just been turned upside down and backward, there was something somehow...right...about holding Caden in his arms. He couldn’t name the emotions, but they were there, cresting in his chest.
“See?” Rachel murmured, even though Seth hadn’t answered her question aloud. “Pretty special, isn’t it?”
“Mmm,” Seth agreed softly, afraid to put his emotions into words.
“I have a mobile playpen that you can use until you have time to outfit yourself better. Caden will be able to eat finger food and finely cut meats, fruits and vegetables. I don’t even have to ask if you’re a healthy eater, so I imagine you’ll have everything you need already stocked in your refrigerator. Do you know how to change a diaper?”
“Caden is in those pull-up ones. My mom showed me how to work them. Although those dirty diapers are going to take some getting used to.” He wrinkled his nose at the thought.
“Since you’ve got the Hollister ranch to worry about, you’re probably going to need someone to watch him during the day. Or is your family on that?”
“That’s actually why I originally came over. It wasn’t to break down on you, I promise.”
She laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “I know. It just so happens that I have an opening in my day care, so you can bring Caden over in the morning while you take care of whatever needs doing at the ranch. No charge for the first week while you get on your feet and find the lay of the land. No pun intended.”
Her joke drew a slight smile from him. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered. Honestly, things are going to work out. You may not be able to see it now, but God’s got it all in His capable hands. Start walking the path, step-by-step, even if you can’t see a single thing in front of you. Trust Him to show you the way.”
“Mmm,” Seth said again. He wasn’t sure he believed what Rachel was saying, or even understood all of it, but she did, and he didn’t want to contradict her when she was doing so much for him.
“You’ll have to baby-proof your house right away. Toddlers have the tendency to get into everything and climb on everything. Caden will bump his head and fall to the floor more times than you’ll be able to count. But we can at least make the bumps less bumpy and the falls less painful.”
We?
Had he really come over only to find day care for Caden, or had God led him over here for more than that? He knew what Rachel would say if he voiced the question aloud. He appreciated her so much for offering her advice and assistance, but again he had trouble forming the words to express his gratitude.
“I know a little bit about baby-proofing. My sister gave me some extra hardware they had left over after putting their own house in order for the twins, but I’m not sure where everything goes or how it works. Samantha or Will can probably help me, but they’re busy with the store, so it may be a few days.”
“I’m sure they have their hands full with the grocery and their own kids. I’m free after work tomorrow. I could come over and help you set everything up,” she offered.
Caden started hiccuping in his sleep, and Seth and Rachel chuckled softly together.
“I guess this will be an adventure,” he admitted. He’d always been one to chase adventure...though he’d never expected to face one quite this huge. There was a big, wide ocean in front of him and he didn’t even know how to trim the sails.
But he could learn. And whether it was God or circumstance or whatever, he was grateful for all the support he was receiving. From his family...and from Rachel. What if she hadn’t been the one to win him at the auction, telling him her story and putting her in his head as someone he could turn to in this situation? He didn’t even want to think about that.
“Adventure is a good way to look at it,” she said. “You and Caden are a team.”
He looked down at the still-hiccuping but soundly sleeping little boy in his arms and his heart welled.
He wouldn’t let Caden down, no matter what.
He was Caden’s permanent legal guardian and would be the only parent the boy would ever know.
It was what Luke and Tracy would have wanted. It was what Caden needed. And it was what Seth was determined to be.
A father.
Chapter Three (#uba9374b8-94e6-5059-8c00-e6647e1611b8)
One day at a time.
Rachel was great at doling out counsel but not so much at putting it to use in her own life.
Seth was trying to figure out how to parent Caden—and he was looking to her for advice?
She felt as if someone had stamped a giant fail sign on her forehead. What use was she going to be to Seth—or Caden—when she didn’t have her own house in order?
Actually, helping Seth was a good way to get out of her own head for a while, to forget the constant bickering that had taken over her relationship with Zooey. At least she knew what to do with Caden.
She had to admit she was looking forward to Seth bringing sweet Caden over for day care. Rachel loved children of all ages, but there was something about a pudgy toddler, just learning to strike out on his own and explore the world, that really captured Rachel’s heart.
And Caden would need all the extra love and attention she could give him. He was fortunate to have such a dedicated guardian in Seth, and he had Seth’s extended family to offer strength and support. He was going to be okay, but Rachel still grieved over the circumstances that had left this boy without his mother and father.
And yet she saw something in Seth—his dedication and determination—that made her think he would turn out to be a fine father for Caden in the long run.
Seth had entrusted her with Caden’s day care, and she was resolved to do everything she could to make Seth’s transition from footloose and fancy-free to father and rancher as streamlined and painless as possible.
In some ways it would be easier for Caden than for Seth. Caden would adapt quickly. Poor Seth knew next to nothing about child care and had admitted he understood little about ranching, either.
And now, in the space of one day, he had a child and owned a ranch.
Talk about a learning curve.
Rachel poured herself a cup of coffee and went out to sit on the front porch and enjoy the early morning. Seth would be coming a bit earlier than the other parents so he and Caden would have more time to adjust to their first day.
Most of the time it was harder on the parents than it was on the children to let go that first day. Given Seth’s peculiar situation, she suspected it might be even more difficult for him. His life had undergone so many changes so quickly he probably didn’t know which way was up anymore.
Putting everything else aside, she felt sure he was mourning the loss of a sweet, lovely woman who had died far too soon. It was clear Seth had considered Tracy a friend, and her death would have been a shock to him even if Caden hadn’t been in the picture, especially on top of the grief he still experienced over Luke’s death. Caden was all Seth had left of his friends to hold on to. Rachel wondered if it would be difficult for him to let the boy go, even for just a few hours.
As for Caden, he might be too young to understand the whole truth of what had happened, but in his own way, he had to be wondering where his mama had gone and why she wasn’t coming back to get him. Rachel was certain he must be missing her terribly.
She fought back the tears that sprang to her eyes. She needed to be strong for both Caden and Seth.
Her cat, Myst, diverted her attention when he appeared and flopped by her side, his purr like the deep revving of an engine as he groomed himself. Myst would make himself scarce for the rest of the day, having learned the hard way to avoid overexcited toddlers with grabby hands. He was a typical feline, antisocial to most humans except when he wanted to be snuggled and petted on his own terms, and even then he graced only Rachel and Zooey with that honor.
Mr. Picky was his nickname.
Rachel had just finished her coffee when Seth pulled his car into her driveway. She stepped forward to help him release Caden from his car seat. She laughed, her heart welling, when the little boy wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed tightly.
“This ridiculous thing is more complicated than it looks,” Seth said of the five-point buckle. “It took me forever to figure it out the first time.”
“Car seats are one of my many areas of expertise,” she teased, but Seth nodded solemnly.
“I imagine so.”
A lump burned hot in her throat. It didn’t take a genius to realize he was thinking about all the things he didn’t know about raising a child, and Rachel mentally kicked herself for her insensitivity.
She was relieved when he changed the subject.
“If you have a moment, would it be okay for me to take a look at your backyard and the play equipment you currently have?” he asked, leaning down to scoop Myst into his arms. He stroked the cat, who in turn nuzzled under his chin, demanding his complete devotion and attention. “We can discuss your needs and then I will draw up some preliminary suggestions on how best to make this work.”
“How did you do that?” she asked, so stunned she forgot to answer his question.
“Do what?”
“Myst doesn’t like anybody, especially men.”
He scratched the cat’s ears and chuckled. “Cats like me. I don’t know why. I’ve never had one of my own. Hopefully, I have the same effect on horses and cows.”
Seth was such a charmer that Rachel suspected he might have that effect on every living creature he came in contact with, including every pretty young lady who crossed his path, and most of the older ones, too. Cats were especially intuitive, and Myst obviously thought highly of Seth.
But as far as the play yard went—
“Don’t worry about building anything for me. I’m officially absolving you of any obligation. You have way too much going for you to be concerned about my needs.”
She was worried about what she’d be able to do, with the recertification coming up so rapidly, but it wasn’t fair to bring Seth in on it. He’d just landed himself a baby. That took precedence over any problems she was experiencing.
She’d just have to figure out how to handle this herself. The most logical thing to do would be to break down the old play equipment on her own and rent a trash bin one weekend to get rid of all the pieces. She could clean up the backyard well enough to pass the inspection. New equipment would have to wait.
“No, Rachel. Let me do this for you. You’re helping me out so much by caring for Caden and with all the instructions you’ve given me.”
He made it sound as if she were a how-to manual. The thought made her smile.
“You’ll be paying me for the day care, remember? Although like I said earlier, don’t forget that the first week is on the house.”
“And you paid for me at the auction,” he shot back. He gestured toward the door. “I mean it. I don’t mind building you a new play yard. I know you said you have someone coming to assess the day care soon for recertification. This is important to you—and honestly, I think it will be good for me. Building a project like a playhouse that I know I’ll excel in will take my mind off all the stuff I don’t know how to do. So you see, you’re doing me a favor.”
She didn’t see how he could possibly smile after all he’d been through in the past twenty-four hours, but the toothy grin he flashed her worked its charm.
She was not immune.
How could she say no?
