Jonathan Cainer.

Cosmic Ordering: How to make your dreams come true

Cosmic Ordering
How To Make Your Dreams Come True
Jonathan Cainer

Be careful what you wish for


Once upon a time, and be sure twas a long time ago, there lived a poor woodman in a great forest, and every day of his life he went out to fell timber.

So one day he started out, and the good wife filled his wallet and slung his bottle on his back, that he might have meat and drink in the forest. He had marked out a huge old oak, which, thought he, would furnish many and many a good plank.

And when he was come to it, he took his axe in his hand and swung it round his head as though he were minded to fell the tree at one stroke. But he hadnt given one blow, when what should he hear but the most pitiful entreating, and there stood before him a fairy who prayed and beseeched him to spare the tree.

He was dazed, as you may fancy, with wonderment and affright, and he couldnt open his mouth to utter a word. But he found his tongue at last, and, Well, said he, Ill een do as thou wishest.

Youve done better for yourself than you know, answered the fairy, and to show Im not ungrateful, Ill grant you your next three wishes, be they what they may.

And therewith the fairy was no more to be seen, and the woodman slung his wallet over his shoulder and his bottle at his side, and off he started home.

But the way was long, and the poor man was regularly dazed with the wonderful thing that had befallen him, and when he got home there was nothing in his noddle but the wish to sit down and rest. Maybe, too, twas a trick of the fairys. Who can tell?

Anyhow, down he sat by the blazing fire, and as he sat he waxed hungry, though it was a long way off suppertime yet.

Hasnt thou naught for supper, dame? said he to his wife.

Nay, not for a couple of hours yet, said she.

Ah! groaned the woodman, I wish Id a good link of black pudding here before me.

No sooner had he said the word, when clatter, clatter, rustle, rustle, what should come down the chimney but a link of the finest black pudding the heart of man could wish for.

If the woodman stared, the good wife stared three times as much. Whats all this? says she.

Then all the mornings work came back to the woodman, and he told his tale right out, from beginning to end, and as he told it the good wife glowered and glowered, and when he had made an end of it she burst out, Thou beest but a fool, Jan, thou beest but a fool; and I wish the pudding were at thy nose, I do indeed.

And before you could say Jack Robinson, there the good man sat and his nose was the longer for a noble link of black pudding.

He gave a pull, but it stuck, and she gave a pull, but it stuck, and they both pulled till they had nigh pulled the nose off, but it stuck and stuck.

Whats to be done now? said he.

Tisnt so very unsightly, said she, looking hard at him.

Then the woodman saw that if he wished, he must need wish in a hurry; and wish he did, that the black pudding might come off his nose.

Well! There it lay in a dish on the table, and if the good man and good wife didnt ride in a golden coach, or dress in silk and satin, why, they had at least as fine a black pudding for their supper as the heart of man could desire.

Joseph Jacobs, More English Fairy Tales (New York and London: G. P. Putnams Sons, n.d.), pp. 107-9. First published 1894.

Variations on this tale can be found in the folklore of many lands. In some, its the wife who gets granted the wishes; in others, the husband requests (and is granted) a rather different kind of sausage. However, almost invariably, they all end with everyone going back to square one.

Despite this, our cultural heritage is rife with wish-granting witches, generous genies and lavish little people. Our cosmology involves a sky full of gods and goddesses, all bestowing various gifts and favours. Our religious traditions are similarly rich with the promise of a god who listens to our prayers and who may sometimes grant our requests. And what would Christmas mean to anyone if it didnt contain a Santa Claus? Its the same all over the world. No child is born, in any country on this planet, who isnt brought up to believe in entities, deities, fairies and angels. In our neck of the woods, its supposed to be a sign of sophistication to say you no longer accept the existence of such invisible protectors. The truth, however, is that deep down within us all, theres a part of us that still has great, childlike faith in some of those mythical spirits.

This book is dedicated to all who are brave enough to admit thisand who actually call for the help of these spirits. It is a book about wishing, a book about askingand a book about making the impossible possible. Above all else, though, it is a book about learning to be careful what you wish for

But not so careful as to make no wish at all!

Table of Contents

Cover Page

Title Page




CHAPTER 1 Meet your angel

CHAPTER 2 What can I do for you?

CHAPTER 3 How should you talk to me?

CHAPTER 4 Signs and signals

CHAPTER 5 The glory of doubt

CHAPTER 6 Positive thoughts, positive gestures

CHAPTER 7 Perspectives and priorities

CHAPTER 8 On human guardian angels

CHAPTER 9 Good ways to get help

CHAPTER 10 Requesting angelic intervention




About the Publisher


I nearly couldnt write this book.

I wanted to. I felt I needed to. But when I actually sat down to do it, nothing came out. I spent several days staring at a computer screen, feeling ever less able to express myself. Every so often, Id get up, go for a long walk and come back. Or Id disappear into a quiet space and attempt a deep meditation. Nothing, though, seemed to help.

I knew I had plenty to say, but something was blocking it and I just couldnt work out what it was. It certainly wasnt a lack of personal experience. I have done quite a lot of cosmic ordering in my time.

Ive successfully requested contracts, coincidences, offers, opportunities, insights and invitations. Ive wished into my life some wonderful peopleand some great solutions to seemingly hopeless problems. I have (or at least I seem to have) summoned traffic jams to delay meetings that I did not want to hold and, when running late for meetings that I really did want to make, I have asked for (and apparently been granted) clear roads in the middle of rush hour. As for parking spaces? Why, Ive called up cloaks of invisibility to cover cars left in tow-away zones. Once, I even manifested a houseThe need was great, the situation was urgent and, whilst I tried to remain open to the idea of another solution, it seemed that what was sorely needed was a new home for a family in crisis. I cared, and I wanted to helpand, for various reasons to do with availability and suitability, the only possible solution involved a purchase, not a rental. Rentals can sometimes happen very quickly. Purchases happen at the speed of a stoned snail. Usually. This one, however, was all accomplished from finding the property, to negotiating the loan, to helping the existing occupants move out, to completing all the legal red tape, to moving in the new residents over four straight days. It took every last ounce of my willpower and my wishpower. I was mentally and physically exhausted for a long time afterwards. I now realise that I put more into it than I needed to. I could (and should) have let the universe take more of the strain. But it worked. Nearly six years later, the crisis is long past and the family are still living there.

And it showed me exactly what is possible when you ask the universe for help and then offer to do all that you possibly can from your side, to help the universe help you.

At that time, I had no idea that I was making what some people now call a cosmic order. I was just doing what I have been instinctively doing all my life. I was trying to reach outside my limited, physical self and make myself more in tune with the energy that keeps this whole world turning. I was attempting to surf the sea of serendipity; to put myself in a place where a wave of opportunity was most likely to breakand then wait patiently whilst remaining ready with my board, so that when the chance came I could seize it, or follow in its wake.

I didnt have a short, catchy name for this. I just used to say I was trusting that the world is, by and large, a benign and generous placeand that I was hoping to make it as easy as possible for the world to be that way towards me!

By then, I knew from experience that I could ask, within reason, for almost anythingand be in with some chance of getting it. And I had long learned, from much the same sort of experience, that it wasnt always so smart to do this.

I was definitely getting more enjoyable results by being open-minded and adaptable about what ought to be happening. My more specific requests to the universe were often granted, but it seemed to me, they often had a tendency to backfire.

I had, some decades previously, become so keenly aware of this phenomenon that I became inspired to seek out an explanation for it. How does it all work? I had wanted to know. What are these goals and objectives that people set themselves so determinedly? Why does the universe sometimes offer us such spookily apposite and immediate assistance and sometimes show us such apparently callous indifference? And why, even when they have what they claim to want more than anything else in the world, do so many people still feel that their lives are empty or as if something is somehow missing?

My quest for a half-convincing answer led me down many roads, literally and figuratively. I hitchhiked across America. I journeyed to the East. I studied psychology and (of course) astrology. In the process, I began to develop a lifelong fascination with eccentric philosophies. In much the same way as some people hoard books, records or china statuettes, I collected cosmic curiosities. Odd ideas. Unusual beliefs. Wacky, zany, offbeat and downright peculiar points of view.

Naturally enough, I explored magical practices and mystical insights. I researched Buddhist, Jewish, Christian, Pagan, Moslem, Hindu and Sikh beliefs. I also tried to find out as much as I could about New Age cults and traditional sects. Although I couldnt help developing my favourites, I tried to be eclectic. I still do.

I also tried to avoid being judgemental, although I was not and still am not wholly successful. I get along fine with any creed or culture that effectively accepts intrinsic merit in other creeds and cultures. But despite many years of consciously cultivating a wider world-view, Im afraid I still cant tolerate intolerance!

Whats more, I am still very much a traveller and not a man who has reached his destination. After over thirty years of seeking the answers to the questions I outlined above, I can happily put my hand on my heart and say, I still dont know.

I am, however, enjoying the search for those answers as much as ever. And as that search has taken me up and down a lot of streets, and round in several circles, too, I have learned at least a little bit about what some people might call spiritual territory. Thus, when a philosophy called cosmic ordering recently caught the attention of the British media, I immediately knew what was going on. The name was new, but the process was the same one that I had been exploring in all those ways, for all those years.

Clearly, others recognised this, too for I suddenly found myself being invited on to prestigious TV and radio programmes to talk about this new phenomenon. Somehow, even the more sceptical, casual observers of my daily newspaper column could tell that this was something I knew about, too.

In this regard, they were quite right. Whatevers going on in the heavens, regardless of what else needs to be communicated, I am forever encouraging my readers to have faith in themselvesand to ask the universe for help.

Nonetheless, I had a problem with that phrase cosmic ordering. It is a clumsy, inelegant name for a deeply graceful process, and has the unfortunate effect of implying that our entire, amazing universe is just some kind of giant department store that does home deliveries.

I also had a problem with the way in which it was being thrust into the limelight. Hey, folks. Heres a great new way to get what you want. Just tell the cosmos what you are after! Place your order, following these simple stepsand all you have ever wanted can be yours.

I felt in honour bound to point out that, while it is that simple in principle, it really isnt so simple in practice. Driving a car is pretty simple, toobut theres a very good reason why we train and test people before we let them loose on the road alone.

Technically, to make cosmic ordering work, all you need do is desire something. But if you apply this without also employing some serious discrimination, youve got a recipe for big trouble.

I happen to know that some deeply spiritual people on this planet have similar concerns. A few years back, the head of one of the oldest, most respected religions in the world banned a traditional practice involving a wish-fulfilling jewel.

We live in a world where many people are so shortsighted and materialistic that they cannot see beyond their own immediate needs and wants. Under such circumstances and until things change techniques and methods for getting the universe to give you what you want are like sharp knives in the hands of toddlers.

It is deeply irresponsible to put such things in the hands of people without also telling them something about the potential consequences of their powers.

Fearing that such information was about to make its way into mainstream society, without the appropriate checks and balances to accompany it, I felt obliged to write something.

Yet when I sat down to tackle the topic, I found I could not say a word. Something inside me was resisting.

I tried the obvious. I asked the universe for help. I placed my cosmic order with great sincerity. But no reply was forthcoming. I just kept becoming ever more keenly aware of the many reasons why the real power of cosmic ordering may be better self-discovered than taught. I kept thinking, too, about the unrealistic expectations that a book on cosmic ordering might raise.

If youre dying of cancer, you cant expect a miracle cure just because you have placed a cosmic order. If youre in a part of the world thats ravaged by famine, you cant stop yourself from starving just by imploring the universe to bring you food. And if you think you can cosmicically order your way to a lottery winforget it!

So, if cosmic ordering works, which it does, and if it produces miracles, which it can, why cant it help in all those ways?

Well, of course, it can sometimes. Some cancers do go into spontaneous remission for no obvious reason. Some starving people do end up getting fed just when it seems all hope is lost. Some pains do suddenly stop. Some people win big money on the lottery. Usually the beneficiaries of these rare blessings will have asked the universe in some way. So in their eyes, at least, theres no end to what cosmic ordering can do.

But for the rest of uswell, its tricky. Not everyone can win the lottery. On the one hand, to place a cosmic order, we must have faith in the boundless munificence of the universe. On the otherwe must not get our hopes up too high.

Religious authorities, of course, face exactly the same problem when it comes to explaining the erratic results of prayer. Sometimes, it seems, whichever god you pray to, he (or she) gives you exactly what you ask for. Sometimes, you get something different. And sometimes, it just seems as if your pleas have been rudely ignored. Were told that a fulfilled request is proof positive of the Deity and the religion. Non-delivery is simply Gods will. This must be accepted in the trust that the Higher Power has a bigger plan that we mere mortals cannot even begin to imagine. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, or Everything that happens is the will of Allah, or God has his reasons. Such statements are, generally, rather lacking in intellectual complexity. If they came from any other authority, theyd soon be questioned and rejected. They certainly dont come close to answering the questions:

Why do some people win the lottery while others dont?

Why do some people seemingly get all the luck while others, apparently, enjoy none?

In the supposedly more conscious, New Age fraternity, however, similar philosophies of passive acceptance hold sway. Its just not meant to be, people say when they have tried their best and failed to get something they feel they badly need. Or, It wasnt in my destiny, or It must be my Karma.

This may be fine or it may not be. All I know is that Ive never heard an explanation that makes total sense to me and I dont have one that I can pass on to you. Frankly, if I did, Id be telling you what you ought, or ought not, to believe about the universe, under the pretext of telling you how to do cosmic ordering. Likewise, if I told you how you should or shouldnt place a cosmic order, effectively Id be telling you how to speak to the universe. How to address it. What language it likes to hear. What gestures it prefers you to make. To all intents and purposes, Id be telling you how to pray!

Now thats very tempting. I havent been an astrologer for nearly thirty years without developing some pretty strong theories about how the universe works. And Ive had a lifelong interest in all kinds of esoteric spiritual practices. Ive read lots of book with very long words and complicated ideas in them. Ive attended all sorts of lectures from all kinds of teachers, gurus and alleged experts. Ivewell, you get the idea. So I could easily have filled this book with a mixture of what I think, what I have been taught to think, what has worked for me, and what I think will probably work for you.

If this book was about car maintenance, for example, or cookery, that might be fine. But cosmic ordering is about each persons individual relationship with the universe. And the moment I start interfering with your own relationship to the cosmos, the higher power, the universe, or God, Im behaving just as arrogantly and presumptively as every priest, preacher, cult leader or self-appointed religious megalomaniac who has ever walked the earth.

Our planet is full to bursting point with ecclesiastical estate agents. Theological middlemen. Spiritual power brokers. People who purport to stand between you and the Supreme Being. Worship this way, they say. Its the only way that works. This is the true way. This is what youre supposed to be doing. This is what you should believe. This is what God wants from you. I dont want to add my voice to a debate thats already full of a billion voices, shouting as loud as they can.

After a week or so of this kind of struggle, I realised that for the sake of my sanity I had to let it go. I rang the publishers and told them we had to call off the whole plan. The very next morning, I woke up thinking, I did the right thing. I absolutely cant write a book about cosmic ordering.

But then, I realised, I cant write it but I know someone who can!

CHAPTER 1 Meet your angel

Allow me to introduce myself. I am your spirit guide, your psychic servant, your invisible valet. I am your connection to the cosmos, your personal intermediary in all transactions that involve the universe. I exist only to serve one purpose: to carry out your wishes. I am here to answer your prayers and fulfil your cosmic orders.

Now, before we say another single word, I need to clear something up. I did not create you and you are not answerable to me. I have my own very deep and private relationship with the supreme Creator as do you. Whatever you believe, you believe. Whatever you dont believe, you dont believe. It is very important that, throughout this book, I do not influence or alter, in any way, your existing view of what some people call the Divine. I can carry on speaking to you only if you understand this. Are we clear? Good. Then, lets get straight to business.

You want to know how you can fill your life with more of what you want and less of what you dont want. I am here to tell you that this is gloriously possible. And, whats more, its easy.

What? No hidden drawback? No impossible price to pay? Absolutely none. I guarantee it. We are not talking here about some strange, archaic magic or some pact with a dark and dangerous power. We are simply talking about a natural facility. A process that is happening automatically, the whole time you are alive. A relationship that already exists, albeit unconsciously.

I am here to help you become just a little more aware of this natural phenomenon so that you can take full advantage of all it has to offer. You dont question your breath. You dont ask why it comes in and out of your body, nor do you wonder on what terms it is being granted to you. You dont wonder about how your heart beats. You dont ask, Why have I got a brain? You just accept these gifts without a second thought. You use your intuition, too, whether you know it or not. Sometimes you ignore it. Sometimes you heed it. And, sometimes, you doubt its very existence.

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