скачать книгу бесплатно
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Adam sniffed and returned his attention to the road, his jaw clenched. Lucy didn’t like this side of Adam. He reminded her of a gerbil she once had. Most of the time he had been the most gentle of creatures, but if he didn’t want to go back into his cage and she had to corner him, he wasn’t averse to the odd nip.
‘Are you suggesting I don’t have a mind of my own?’ she asked.
‘Have you ever gone against your mum?’
‘It’s not about going against her. We talk things through and we reach a decision together.’
Adam continued to stare straight ahead but after a minute of tense silence, his shoulders sagged and he released his anger with a sigh. ‘Is it too much for you to recognize how controlling she can be sometimes? She even picks your friends for you.’
‘She didn’t pick you,’ Lucy said, attempting to make light of the comment now that their argument was on the wane. ‘If this is about Hannah, it was only a suggestion.’
‘Yeah, for you to get parental advice from someone who’s had more kids than she can cope with. You do remember saying that, don’t you?’
Lucy pressed her hands to her burning cheeks. She could hear someone saying the words as they drove home after their last trip, but since she couldn’t even remember who had been driving, why did she think she could remember who said what? ‘I suppose,’ she said, ready to accept that Adam’s memory of that particular event was more reliable than her own.
‘And you can’t deny you told your mum how chaotic Hannah is.’
‘Because I thought that was how you felt. She didn’t mean to laugh when you spilt your drink, that’s just Hannah. I’m used to how she is. She’s one of my oldest friends.’
‘Are you saying it’s because of me that you stopped seeing her?’ Adam asked with more hurt than annoyance.
‘I don’t know, I suppose,’ Lucy admitted, falling short of suggesting how he had used the spilt drink as an excuse to leave. ‘You never exactly enjoyed her company.’
Adam slumped back in his seat. ‘I honestly don’t know where this idea came from that I don’t like her. I’ll admit I’m worried that you might not be able to cope with all that extra stimulus when you’re around her, but if you want to see her, go right ahead. I’d hate people to think that I’m the one keeping you from your friends.’
‘I choose who I see. No one’s blaming you.’
‘Give them time,’ he muttered. ‘I’ll tell you what I think’s going on. You’re feeling guilty because it’s you who’s been distancing yourself from Hannah, and you’re using me as the excuse to make you feel better. Am I right?’
‘Can we stop talking about Hannah?’ Lucy asked, not liking the way she was losing her train of thought as she tried to unravel the reasons why she had lost touch with her friend. ‘I’ll go and see her if it makes you feel better, but right now I’m more concerned about you and your mum. I don’t want to see you falling out with her, Adam, and I don’t think you want that either.’
‘I know how this must look but you have to trust me on this,’ he said softly.
‘I do.’
‘Even though you said I was the one in the wrong?’
‘If I said that, I’m sorry.’
‘If?’
The question hung in the air and when Adam stopped at another set of lights, he dug out a tissue from the glove compartment and handed it to Lucy as if he expected her to burst into tears at any moment.
‘You don’t know what Scott’s like,’ Adam told her gently. ‘He couldn’t have planned this better, and if there’s one thing I know about my brother, it’s that he did plan this. He wants to drive a wedge between me and Mum.’
‘So prove him wrong.’
‘Mum knows I won’t stay mad at her for long.’
Sensing that she was winning him over, the pressure against Lucy’s chest began to ease. ‘That might be true, but does she have to work it out for herself? Please, let’s sort this.’
‘Fine,’ he said, releasing a sigh. ‘If it makes you happy.’
As they drove along a country lane some five minutes from home, Lucy looked for somewhere to turn the car around, but when she spotted a lay-by, Adam drove past. ‘Aren’t you going back?’ she asked.
‘I will,’ he said, ‘but it would be better if I went on my own. You’ve been upset enough for one day. It’s not good for you.’
‘I’m stronger than you think.’
Adam glanced down at the crumpled tissue in Lucy’s hand. ‘It’s not what I think that worries me.’
6 (#ulink_6cf0f36e-cd50-558e-922a-904c72b1378f)
It had been a while since Lucy had been left to her own devices on a Saturday afternoon. She and Adam spent their weekends as a couple and rarely deviated from their routine of pleasing themselves on Saturday and their mothers on Sunday. Living life to a timetable was something Lucy was still getting used to but she had to admit it provided a sense of stability that she needed more than ever, hence her reasons for pushing Adam out the door after lunch. It had been a week since the argument with his mum and Adam had avoided her for long enough.
Lucy was happy to sacrifice a Saturday with her husband for the sake of family unity, but once Adam had gone, she was left to ponder what she should do with herself. The subject of her friendship with Hannah had been put on hold, but it seemed the perfect opportunity to resolve the matter once and for all. When Lucy had picked up the phone, she had told herself that if Hannah were too busy to meet up, at least she could say she had tried. There had been the sound a child’s tantrum playing out in the background and Hannah had jumped at the chance to escape.
Lucy left the house wrapped in extra layers that made her look twice as big as she felt. She hoped the concealed hood in her padded jacket wouldn’t be needed but as the wind tugged a loose curl from her hairband, she regretted not wearing a beanie hat. There wasn’t time to go back but she retraced her steps anyway. Yes, she had locked the front door.
‘Sorry, I’m late,’ Lucy said as she rushed along the promenade to give Hannah a hug. No sooner had they embraced than her friend’s chocolate-brown Labrador yanked them apart. He had sniffed out the scent of another dog a hundred yards away and was eager for introductions.
‘That’s all right,’ Hannah said as she was dragged off in what was thankfully the direction they intended.
In front of them was Marine Lake, a manmade coastal lake edged by the River Dee on three sides. Around its perimeter was a walkway wide enough for two friends and a dog.
‘I’m just glad you rang,’ Hannah continued. ‘It’s been too long, Lucy. You used to be our social secretary and I miss our nights out.’
‘Don’t get too excited. This bottle of water does actually contain water,’ Lucy said, recalling how they had smuggled vodka into bars and proceeded to chat up the barmen so they didn’t question why they were getting drunk on diet Cokes.
Hannah looked Lucy up and down as only close friends might. ‘That’s not all that’s changed. Where’s all the make-up gone?’
‘I’m wearing some,’ Lucy said, not surprised that it would be the first thing to be noticed. There had been a time when Lucy would spend more money on mascaras and eyeliners than she would ever admit to her mum, but it had been liberating to discover that Adam preferred a more natural look.
Hannah hadn’t changed at all and was as stunning as ever. Her dark silken hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her complexion had a natural glow that emphasized the vitality sparkling in her dark brown eyes. The thick eyeliner flicks might be bordering on what Adam would call gaudy, but it was a look that her friend had owned since their teenage years.
‘It really is good to see you, and such perfect timing,’ said Hannah. ‘It’s chaos back at home.’
‘I can imagine,’ Lucy said, smiling that Hannah would use the same term that sprung to mind whenever she pictured her friend’s house bursting at the seams.
‘You don’t fancy running off somewhere, do you, Luce? We never did manage to backpack around Europe.’
Yes, please, Lucy thought and was surprised how close she came to uttering the words aloud. She had been telling herself that her only reason for seeing Hannah was to prove how they had grown apart. She hadn’t expected to feel such a strong pull back to the life she had left behind. Or perhaps she had.
‘Things are different now,’ Lucy said, stroking a hand over her bump, although Hannah was too busy wrestling the dog to notice. ‘You have three kids to look after, in case you’ve forgotten. And a dog.’
‘And the cat’s had kittens.’
‘You have a cat too?’ gasped Lucy, taking a closer look at her friend and wondering how she managed to look so serene.
‘It sort of adopted us, though goodness knows why. I blame Samson,’ she said in a tone that made her dog’s ears prick. ‘I thought dogs and cats were meant to be sworn enemies, but I’m telling you, they’re in love. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the kittens had come out chocolate brown.’
As they veered off the promenade to begin their circuit of the lake, the tide was high and water lapped against the shale and rock marking the edges of the path. They faced the misty Welsh mountains on the opposite side of the river but Lucy’s gaze was drawn seawards. The leaden sky had sunk low enough to make grey ghosts of the wind turbines, while Hilbre Island and its smaller companions of Little Eye and Middle Eye remained dark outlines at the mouth of the river.
‘They are bloody cute kittens though,’ Hannah continued as Samson lost interest in the dog he had been stalking and began splashing in the puddles that pockmarked the path. ‘You don’t want one, do you?’
‘We did talk about getting a pet when I first moved in with Adam. I fancied a dog but I know they’re a big responsibility,’ she said as Samson shook his coat and sprayed the two women with salty seawater. ‘Adam liked the idea of a cat but I think we’re going to have our hands full with a baby.’
The subtle refusal was lost on Hannah who didn’t know the meaning of restraint – she had been the one responsible for the vomit stain on the sun lounger festering in Lucy’s mum’s garage. Pulling out her phone, she began flicking through reams of photos of fluffy kittens. ‘I thought you might like this ginger one,’ she said with a devilish smile.
Lucy peered at the screen being thrust under her nose. ‘Oh, it is adorable.’
‘They won’t be ready for another month, but it’s yours if you want it.’
‘Is it a girl or a boy?’ Lucy asked as if she were interested, which of course she wasn’t.
‘Haven’t the foggiest, but someone did tell me that ginger cats are usually boys.’
‘Don’t they spray everywhere though?’ Lucy said. Her previous experience of pets was limited to one nervous gerbil and a rabbit that had escaped after six months.
‘My advice is that you get him, or her, neutered as soon as you can,’ Hannah said. Seeing the sidelong glance Lucy gave her, she added, ‘Yeah, I know. I should take my own advice, but in my defence, Nutella was a fully grown cat when she rocked up. I was sort of hoping she’d already been done.’
‘Nutella?’
‘The kids named her, probably because I kept saying we’d be nuts to keep her.’
By Lucy’s calculation, Hannah’s three boys were aged one, four and six and from the brief glimpses of them in the background of the kitten photos, they were all thriving. ‘How do you cope with three kids?’ she asked.
‘Who said I was coping?’
‘You’re managing it better than I could. I don’t ever want to be pregnant again.’
‘Never say never,’ Hannah said. ‘Who would have guessed two years ago that you’d be married with a baby on the way? Your head must still be spinning.’
‘Actually, that’s not a bad description.’
‘You’re not having regrets, are you? I did worry that you might have rushed into things. It seemed like you were single one minute and the next thing I knew, you were married,’ Hannah said, her tone edging the last comment towards an accusation.
‘I’m sorry we didn’t invite you. We didn’t want anyone feeling obliged to pay for an expensive trip abroad, and neither of us were up for a big party when we got back,’ she added, hoping that Hannah hadn’t heard about the wedding reception Ranjit had thrown on their return – which had been attended mostly by Adam’s work colleagues anyway.
Resisting the pull of Samson’s leash, Hannah paused to give her friend a closer look. ‘You really have changed, haven’t you?’
Lucy chewed her lip. ‘I suppose I have, but for the record, I couldn’t be happier.’
‘You don’t have any regrets?’ asked Hannah, her tone suggesting she had something in mind.
‘Such as?’ Lucy dared to ask.
‘Such as marrying someone who doesn’t care too much for your friends.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Oh, so it’s just me he doesn’t like then. You can’t tell me he didn’t deliberately spill his drink over himself that last time you were at ours.’
‘Is that what you think?’ Lucy asked, glossing over the fact that it had crossed her mind at the time. ‘For the record, Adam does like you, in fact he said as much the other day.’
Hannah pulled a face that was a half-hearted plea for forgiveness. ‘Maybe I don’t know him well enough. All I can say is he must have hidden depths to have you so besotted.’
‘He does,’ Lucy said, thinking back to how Adam had sneaked into her heart simply by asking the questions that no one else had ever seemed interested in finding out the answers to, mostly about her past, but also how it had shaped who she was. He knew her like no one else, faults and all, and that was what worried her now. ‘And if anyone should be regretting getting married, it’s Adam.’ Her hand swept across her bump again, wiping off splatters of seawater from Samson’s boisterous attacks on the puddles. ‘He’s had a lot to put up with lately. I may not be as tired as I was when I first fell pregnant, but I’m getting more hopeless.’
‘I don’t believe that, and even if it’s time, it’s only to be expected.’
‘Is it? I never seem to get anything finished. We both do our fair share of the housework but all I seem to do is make extra work for Adam. He had to wash a whole load of washing again the other day after I’d accidentally left it in the machine. I couldn’t even remember putting it in, but it must have been there a while to come out all wet and stinking. And that’s only one of a long list of stupid things I’ve done lately. Mum says it’s baby brain.’
Hannah’s laugh was whipped away by the sea breeze and caught by a gull’s cry. ‘I still use that excuse.’
‘But it’s not an excuse,’ Lucy said. ‘Not with me.’
‘You’re actually serious, aren’t you?’ Hannah asked, catching sight of Lucy’s stricken face and slowing her pace to give her friend her full attention. ‘You’re due mid-June, aren’t you?’
Lucy nodded solemnly. ‘And I’m counting down the days.’
‘My emotions were all over the place with Isaac too,’ Hannah reassured her. ‘But that goes with the territory when it’s your first. With Josh, I felt sick from the minute I conceived until the day I delivered, while my little Sammy was a walk in the park and I couldn’t have asked for a better pregnancy. The one thing they all had in common was that it was worth it in the end. If I’d known you were going to hate it so much, I’d have offered to rent out my womb.’
Lucy looked out across the choppy waters of the estuary. At low tide, the exposed riverbed could be crossed on foot to reach Hilbre, but you had to aim first for Little Eye or else risk becoming trapped by sinking sand. Despite her boots clicking against solid ground, Lucy had the distinct feeling that she had taken the wrong path somewhere.
‘I don’t hate being pregnant,’ she said. ‘But it’s not exactly how I imagined it would be. It annoys me how slow-witted I’ve become. I’ve got this habit of zoning out, as if my mind can’t cope with growing a baby and listening to Adam at the same time.’
Hannah caught her next laugh at the back of her throat before it could escape. ‘It’s perfectly normal not to listen to your husband, Lucy.’
‘Is it?’ she asked. ‘I was late today because I couldn’t find my boots, or to be precise, I couldn’t find one of my boots. Who in their right mind loses one under the sofa and puts the other away in the closet?’
‘If we were meant to be in our right minds, no woman would willingly grow something inside her that was way too big for the opening God gave her.’
Lucy groaned. ‘Don’t remind me. I made the mistake of mentioning how worried I was to the midwife and she’s signed me up for an introductory antenatal class next month for nervous first-timers. Part of me would rather not know what’s coming,’ she said, taking the final corner and turning her back on the receding tide that would gradually expose the hidden dangers beneath.
‘If you’re anything like me, everything they tell you in those classes will go straight out of your head when the time comes, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m always at the end of the phone,’ Hannah promised. She tipped her head forward and lowered her voice when she added, ‘Now that you’ve remembered my number.’
‘I know, I’m sorry! We left it way too long. It’s finding the time that’s the problem,’ Lucy said, which felt like a poor excuse when Hannah had managed to hold on to her social life after she married. It was different for Lucy. She and Adam had their routines and it wasn’t that he didn’t like her having friends – not at all. They simply liked each other’s company more, and when Adam had given up his rock-climbing club so they could spend their weekends together, it felt right that she should make sacrifices too. She missed her friends, but of all Lucy’s relationships, Adam was the most important.
‘I get it, you only have eyes for Adam,’ Hannah said, ‘but I’m here if you need me.’
‘It will get better, won’t it?’ Lucy asked as they left the path and stepped back on to the promenade.
‘I promise. You’ll have this baby and wonder what all the fuss was about. Give it a year and you’ll be planning the next,’ Hannah said. She checked her watch. ‘Look, I’m really sorry, I know I said I’m here for you, but I should head home. There’s a limit to how long I can trust Jamie to look after the kids without putting his sanity or theirs at risk.’
‘I’m so glad you came. I’ve been cooped up in my studio all week and it’s been nice getting out of the house.’
